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The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 7:05:20 AM

slaveintraning

Posts: 17
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline

In a profile I have been trying not to use I all the time. (sound I am there for myself )instead of what I seek. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas, or ways to get around that.

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 7:23:05 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
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but the profile is all about you. It's another person's window or snap shot of who you are and if what you seek and can provide are compatible with what they are looking for.

I read your paragraph twice as I automatically put in the "I"s you'd left out. When reading it as you wrote it, I tend to think it's choppy. Perhaps if you wish to present yourself in the 3rd person it might be more asthetically pleasing to you, but you might still turn of others who don't prefer 3rd speak. It's ultimately up to you and the image you want to present (it really is all about I, I, I, me, me, me).

You could also think about adding hobbies and interests that would flesh you out more as a person.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to slaveintraning)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 7:31:09 AM

metamorpha

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

I tried to look at your profile but with your name I found one for a 26 year old. Is that you?

(in reply to OmegaG)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 7:35:45 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

did you spell training or traning?

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to metamorpha)

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Post #: 4

RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 7:36:33 AM

metamorpha

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

Sorry - I misspelled it. Your profile doesn't look too bad - could use a little bit of a grammar touch up and I would be happy to do that with you offline if you email me.

I agree with the other post - your profile is your introduction of yourself to people. You are not yet in a session - this is much less formal. It is perfectly acceptable to make some of your needs known, and you did not present them like a list of demands. It is really pretty well laid out.

(in reply to metamorpha)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 8:14:01 AM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

i have to agree with the post above.. Your profile is information about you as a person & what you seek.. There's no problem saying "I". The other alternative would be to speak in the third person about yourself.. which is an interesting way to write.. But only tend to do that on special occasions personally *smiles* x

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to slaveintraning)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 8:27:51 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

SIT,

Tons of advice on working your profile up here:

Men: Find a Woman here

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to metalmiss)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 10:57:32 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
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I looked at your profile as well, and I think that you present yourself in a good manner, but I did stumble over the "telegram" way of speaking. Did you know that it takes more effort to read something where pronouns or articles (a, an, or the) are missing? The brain has to put those words back into the sentence for it to make sense.

You are in essence advertising yourself in your profile. It doesn't seem too 'forward' to keep the 'product' in the eye of the reader. If the person who decides to collar you requires you to speak in third person, then you will do so, but until then you are your own person, and it's entirely proper to speak in first person.

pip, keeping myself in first place so far

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to Stephann)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 11:06:19 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Your profile is pretty good. There is nothing with using the word I. Unless you are collared and ordered to speak in third person, you don't have to.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 11:17:02 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

In a profile I have been trying not to use I all the time. (sound I am there for myself )instead of what I seek. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas, or ways to get around that.

For now, I would say avoid trying to use 3rd person or leaving out personal pronouns and keep focusing on improving yourself in general areas rather than specifics. Your future dominant may or may not have a desire for you to utilize it so to try at this point might be a waste of time and effort that can be better spent elsewhere. Writing in 3d person or avoiding personal pronouns at the expense of clarity of thought and content is going to defeat the purpose of your profile which is to attract someone, not turn them off because they can't understand what you write.

Learn how to make a nice chicken picata instead. That's always useful. ::grins:: Later on, if your dominant so desires, they can train you in the art of 3rd person speech. Be well-rounded but tweakable, learning the general rather than the specifics and that will take you much further.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to slaveintraning)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 11:56:22 AM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
Status: offline

There may be no I in team, but there's definitely an I in profile!

I take this to mean that telegraphic sentences and awkward third-person constructions are not really necessary.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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Post #: 11

RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 12:44:46 PM

aphrodite5

Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline

Unless you're searching for an M-type for some other slave, your profile is all about you. But, being as that's not what you asked, I'll move on.

One way to avoid the 'I' word is to write your profile all about what you're seeking and not mention yourself at all. (That doesn't really give prospective Ms any idea of why you would be suitable for them, but it does solve the problem.) I agree with the general response that the way it's written now is akward to read. You could also use a list format. If you're going to leave out sentance structure, why not go all the way.

Example (using my own info, not yours):
Me --
creative
caring
helpful

You --
stern
playful
sadistic

(in reply to slaveintraning)

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Post #: 12

RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 2:26:12 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

In a profile I have been trying not to use I all the time. (sound I am there for myself )instead of what I seek. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas, or ways to get around that.

It's easy to "get around" - STOP trying to fix things that aren't broken!

A personal profile is just that - it's meant to be about *you*! It seems to me you're trying to vicariously live a relationship you apparently don't have by pushing yourself into the background of a single entity profile - that's ridiculous to the 'nth' degree!

In trying to take the emphasis off yourself this way, you're potentially revealing "issues". Can't speak for other Dom/mes but I get almost as much info from reading "between the lines", too!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to slaveintraning)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/4/2008 8:44:16 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

In a profile I have been trying not to use I all the time. (sound I am there for myself )instead of what I seek. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas, or ways to get around that.

It's easy to "get around" - STOP trying to fix things that aren't broken!

A personal profile is just that - it's meant to be about *you*! It seems to me you're trying to vicariously live a relationship you apparently don't have by pushing yourself into the background of a single entity profile - that's ridiculous to the 'nth' degree!

In trying to take the emphasis off yourself this way, you're potentially revealing "issues". Can't speak for other Dom/mes but I get almost as much info from reading "between the lines", too!

Focus.

I believe he's simply responding to a fairly frequently mentioned notion that someone using "I" or "me" a lot, even in a profile, is too self-centered, particularly if he's a sub. I've seen dommes complain about this many times, but I agree with many of the respondents here that the idea is silly in reference to a profile. My profile is about me, so the use of the first person pronouns shouldn't be an issue for anyone.

(in reply to Focus50)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/9/2008 9:52:25 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

i agree your profile is your profile it is you in a nut shell. once you have been accepted to a partner or better yet a full collar then eliminate the I and focus on your dominant. till then I AM--- and be honest thats the best

(in reply to hardbodysub)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/10/2008 7:15:10 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

You didn't take the "I" out of your profile, you simply erased wherever you had it already written. A mistress reading this wouldn't be like, "Oh, he doesn't talk about himself," she'll think, "Oh, this guy writes sentences with no subject and has a shaky grasp of grammar." Since, according to the threads, lots of mistresses have a fetish for grammar and spelling, I suggest you just write it normally.

If you really want to leave yourself out of things, you should rewrite it in the second-person, perhaps.

" You're a Mistress or a couple who are seeking an obedient, TPE, live-in slave. You're looking for someone with a little experience, but will shape them to be your ideal slave. You'll write a contract and assume full ownership-the slave will become your property. He will cook, clean, do laundry and yard work. He would work outside the home, if that was your wish He would serve a Mistress, and be very open to serve a Master within a couple to join a poly home...."

The problem with the second person point of view is that it makes assumptions about the reader and is confusing to read. Give it up, put "I's" in there. Just focus the writing on how you would serve instead of what you're looking for, and you won't come off as ...greedy.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

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RE: The I in a profile - 4/10/2008 7:42:03 PM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

Elena speaking.

And I use 'I' because this is a shared account between my Mistress and I. It's needed to differentiate.
But when I don't want to seem too 'self-centered', I consider using the lowercase 'one'.
As in...
This one enjoys watching anime when it pleases Mistress to allow it.
etc.

Respectfully,
Elena

(in reply to katie978)

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Post #: 17