Conformity (Full Version)

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Prinsexx -> Conformity (4/5/2008 3:20:30 AM)

Taken and adapted from Wiki….. ~Conformity is a process by which people's beliefs or behaviors are influenced by others within a group. People can be influenced by unconscious processes, or by direct and overt peer pressure. Conformity can have either good or bad ……. Numerous factors, such as unanimity, cohesion, status, prior commitment and public opinion all help to determine the level of conformity an individual will reflect towards his or her group. Conformity influences the formation and maintenance of social norms.~
Part of my issue (in not being in a dynamic relationship at the moment) is that I am a non conformist. It actually hit me, that realization, both like a ton of bricks, (ouch) and a little moment of enlightenment this morning. AND I am a sub/slave type. So I just wondered how much others here feel that they are both conformists and different (kinked) at the same time. And how needing to conform runs contradictory to their lifestyle or if they conform within the lifestyle.



Fitznicely -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 3:27:43 AM)

I'm non-conformist, my girl is non conformist. It really doesn't have anything specifically to do with kink, though...W/we're just ansty SOB's.

Seriously tho, for U/us it's a question of society at large not reflecting the things that make U/us happy. they don't play a lot of the music that makes U/us dance on the radio, so I put music on, they don't put the kind of programs W/we like on the TV, I rent a movie.

In the same way that the community as a whole doesn't cater for O/our tastes in those areas, it doesn't cater for the way W/we've chosen to work the relationship dynamic. But hey, it works for U/us and doesn't impact anyone else, so conformity bedamned.



IronBear -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 4:36:24 AM)

I think that many of us either conciously or unconsciounsly conform to various patterns with in society (Usually regarding reasonable manners and not breaching to many laws) Again within the kink sub-culture ijnc;luding BDSM and other related dynamics or lifestyles there are patterns which for example a Dominant is probably going to conform in general in order to be a safe and sensible Dominant. All this is subjective but I think there is an underlying core element to which most of us conform. Nonconformity more often seems to occure on the social aspect, for example dress styles an individual may wear and so on. I may be considered to be non conformist regarding main stream religions yet with in my own belief systems, I do conform to those principles which they espouse (because they are flexable). Again conformity and nonconformity is subjective and really can only be considered in the light of gorups of people with which a person interacts with.

.Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)



TysGalilah -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 6:31:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

Taken and adapted from Wiki….. ~Conformity is a process by which people's beliefs or behaviors are influenced by others within a group. People can be influenced by unconscious processes, or by direct and overt peer pressure. Conformity can have either good or bad ……. Numerous factors, such as unanimity, cohesion, status, prior commitment and public opinion all help to determine the level of conformity an individual will reflect towards his or her group. Conformity influences the formation and maintenance of social norms.~
Part of my issue (in not being in a dynamic relationship at the moment) is that I am a non conformist. It actually hit me, that realization, both like a ton of bricks, (ouch) and a little moment of enlightenment this morning. AND I am a sub/slave type. So I just wondered how much others here feel that they are both conformists and different (kinked) at the same time. And how needing to conform runs contradictory to their lifestyle or if they conform within the lifestyle.

 
good morning Prinsexx : )
 
Don't we all have that to deal with ?  some in different levels and degrees than others, but still....
 
Even when I am conforming ( lets say  at work, I work in  child-care and child-development ) I'm still basically a kinky, whacky, color-outside-the-lines kind of  person...I'm wired that way, even if I am not playing that out in a particular situation because of ohhhhh lets say  the law  lol or  work requirements....needing to be in my parental mode....practicalities/responsibilities
...etc.
In my life> I have situations that require me to color inside the lines...that is my reality.  It, for me, doesn't define or re-define who I am inside my skin. 
 
I'm both a perfectionist and a whacky-wild-silly-freakylittlefuntype woman......all in the same brain and body...........so ya, talk to me about dichotomy and juxtapostions..[;)]
 
Prinsexx
You are a mother.
when you are being a sister...or a daughter or a submissive...or a therapist>>> does that mean you are no longer a mother?
no.
So why do you feel that if you are not submitting/serving "the one"  that that means you are not a submissive/slave???
Inside your skin you are. 
 
The conflicts ( or non-comformaties of who you know yourself to be and feel ) in your life do not re-define you.........and if they do>  that seriously needs to be addressed..imo.
 
No one can take the kinky out of my brain...thankfully.
I love that part of me and I will embrace it even if no one else does or is.
 
 ( sorry about the length..its a rainy saturday in Ga  and my brain is in 4-wheeldrive today) grrrrrrrrrrrrr
 
smiles
Cyndi
 
 
 
 



catize -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 6:40:36 AM)

The issue for me is not whether I conform or decline to do so, but why I choose to do it.  Sometime the generally accepted norms make great sense; drive slower in a school zone, don’t beat on someone unless they consent.
If I have given some thought to a subject I can then determine if the conventional beliefs are valid for me. I strive to make my decision on whether or not to conform on logic rather than a reactionary basis.



Justme696 -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 6:41:58 AM)

I don't think non-conformists excist..depending on the scope we talk about.
as soon you have a partner...you change...you interact....your thoughts change...even if it is the slightest bit.
Not saying all changes...if you liek red..you propably still will like red...but perhaps blue gets aceeptable too because your partner likes it.




TysGalilah -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 7:14:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I don't think non-conformists excist..depending on the scope we talk about.
as soon you have a partner...you change...you interact....your thoughts change...even if it is the slightest bit.
Not saying all changes...if you liek red..you propably still will like red...but perhaps blue gets aceeptable too because your partner likes it.




I think I understand where you are going with that.
 
I think I fall somewhere inbetween the 2
I am not a non-conformist, all the time.
nor am I someone who conforms, all the time.
 
If I was in a group and someone began passing out guns and torches and said we were going to go flag burning and shoot deer> I would walk away...not for me...ya I would non-conform and never look back. ( I will also quietly respect their rights to do those things.)
 
I can, now, also appreciate having an open-minded view that my way is not always the only way.  That I can experience more of life by trying new things, some even foreign to me or my upbringing, and open my life up to more experiences and possibilities that others around me might suggest.. Is that conforming or just having an open-mind?
 
 I don't have to give up my likes and preferences , just to experience other peoples likes and tastes..
And I don't give up my basic ethics either, just because others around me expect me to behave as or choose what they do.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



thetammyjo -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 7:15:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I don't think non-conformists excist..depending on the scope we talk about.
as soon you have a partner...you change...you interact....your thoughts change...even if it is the slightest bit.
Not saying all changes...if you liek red..you propably still will like red...but perhaps blue gets aceeptable too because your partner likes it.




That reflects some thoughts I had when I read the OP.

I think a human being MUST conform and adapt to some degree to continue to survive in the world.

The idea of not conforming at all immediately brings to my mind the "goth kids" of the 1980s who claimed to be all rebellious and then you saw them hanging out in groups of other "goth kids" -- similar clothes, similar make-up, similar attitudes, etc.

Once can challenge traditions and societal expectations but on some level one needs to fit in to survive or form a new community into which one conforms. I can't think of a single person I've met in my life who was truly original, one of a kind, and unique but most people I have met had something personal that was theirs alone whether it was thoughts, one piece of clothing, one minor difference. Variation, too, I think is necessary.



Leatherist -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 7:55:55 AM)

Let me put it this way. I don't have anything to do with my local scene because the "ruling clique" pushes a poly pagan lifestyle-while hypocrytically claiming "tolerance" for others.

In other words they are hypocrytes-who do not want to conform to the christian judeo male ruled society. But pretty much encourage ONLY what they are "into" to be accepted.

So they expect one to conform to thier non conformity-how strange is that?




Real_Trouble -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 8:02:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
Let me put it this way. I don't have anything to do with my local scene because the "ruling clique" pushes a poly pagan lifestyle-while hypocrytically claiming "tolerance" for others.

In other words they are hypocrytes-who do not want to conform to the christian judeo male ruled society. But pretty much encourage ONLY what they are "into" to be accepted.

So they expect one to conform to thier non conformity-how strange is that?


Pretty common, sadly.  That's why sub-cultures are so powerful.  It gives people a way to conform without having to conform.

"Be different, like us."

With regard to myself, I think the distinction is pretty much meaningless.  I try to look at most situations and determine what I want to do, then determine what the typical socially acceptable realm of possibilities are.  If they line up, great.  If not, I tend to do what I want anyways.

I make exceptions for certain situations which are context-dependent and where conformity carries a high value (usually in the form of money, because I'm considering work when I say that).  But with that said, on average, I don't care much about societal norms in either a positive or negative direction, though I make a serious effort to understand them.  They are just things.



Leatherist -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 8:08:00 AM)

What really amuses me is that this same clique pushes a "you will never get to play unless you kow tow to us" attitude. As if you have absolutely no chance of hooking up and playing with anyone if you do not have a membership and attend thier "club"

What a total load of horse shit-I meet women off of sites like this one all the time. I don't "need" them at all.



Real_Trouble -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 8:13:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

What really amuses me is that this same clique pushes a "you will never get to play unless you kow tow to us" attitude. As if you have absolutely no chance of hooking up and playing with anyone if you do not have a membership and attend thier "club"

What a total load of horse shit-I meet women off of sites like this one all the time. I don't "need" them at all.


That would be a double disincentive to me.  I'm not about to bow down to anyone, and my primary goal in life is to get people to leave me the fuck alone.  Where's the win there?

But yes, what you describe is all too common in small, cliquish circles.  I mean, fuck, I'm in New York City and I avoid the formal scene here (for any number of reasons, really).  The bottom line is that what you describe is all too common, and that anyone encountering it should try to pick out the dynamic immediately and quickly extricate themselves.

There's no sense in wasting time on mini-fascists.



Leatherist -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 8:21:20 AM)

Or paying thier bills.

The "director" who runs the "non profit" lives off of the proceeds. But not with my cash.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 9:00:08 AM)

The good news that I finally realized is that while I need lots of conforming skills when it comes to relating to the world around me...I don't need any when it comes to creating the personal relationships *I* want for myself.

I still occasionally get told that I choose what I choose for myself just because I want to look "weird" or not be "normal."  That I just want to get attention, that I'm confused, and all sorts of nefarious insecure reasons.

It really is just what happens to work for me- the fact that it's fairly "oddball even for a kinky world" is really not even on the map for me.



Prinsexx -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 9:04:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah


 
Don't we all have that to deal with ?  some in different levels and degrees than others, but still...
 
Prinsexx
You are a mother.
when you are being a sister...or a daughter or a submissive...o
 
No one can take the kinky out of my brain...thankfully.
I love that part of me and I will embrace it even if no one else does or is.

Cyndi
 



Even as a mother I am somewhat non conformist: very expressive, single handed, home from home for all my children's curent in group....it doesn't mix easy with my kink.....
but if I feel guilt or difference then the kids will feel it too.......but yes I know we all have to conform to certain degrees......and actually I really adnire, truly admire those who can conform.....like those in the military who protect my rights to be the non conformist I am allowed to be.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 9:06:07 AM)

It might also be helpful to realize that, in the end, everyone is non conformist. 



Prinsexx -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 9:08:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

 I strive to make my decision on whether or not to conform on logic rather than a reactionary basis.

Yep: was also having an interesting conversation today with my sister on the difference between logically thinking out a plan of action and being empathically 'joined' from the heart. Two ifferent paths, two different set of rules, two different outcomes.



Prinsexx -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 9:11:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It might also be helpful to realize that, in the end, everyone is non conformist. 

Yes it's an interesting concept, but not one I always experience as when I'm with an 'A' type it's like whoooaaa the world really doesn't evolve around having a three minute perfectly boiled egg at the same time every morning for breakfast.
Think outside the box.....and then of course I realise i'm thinking inside my own non conformist box and banging my head hard against its brick walls as well.



SNoB -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 9:16:46 AM)

Im a strong believe in the theory that there aren't many non-conformists in our society.  I do believe there are a lot of contrarian-conformists.  People that dont conform to the mainstream of our society but in some way conform to some group of people.  Just like those goth kids you see, they all scream that they are non-conformists, yet they dress the same, talk the same, and listen to the same music.  That sounds like a conformist to me.

TRUE contrarians, or true non-conformists are people that have never thought about whether or not they conform.  Chances are if you have ever called yourself a non-conformist you are a conformist on some level.



Prinsexx -> RE: Conformity (4/5/2008 9:19:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


That reflects some thoughts I had when I read the OP.



Well, hijacking my own thread 'spose but I realised that as soon as i had opened my mouth about how non-conformist I was, I was conforming to being a non-conformist.
It was just a few threads here had made me think about how 'off' the scene i prefferred to be.....and how there had been a great deal of input on what seemed to amount to me to conformity with regard to expected codes of behaviour: ie in gor and Old Guard.

also it sometimes occurs to me during a scene, when I will want to  smile ironically as i wonder how many others are doing EXACTLY the same thing when i think I am being cutting edge.




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