RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset

RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

TreasureKY -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 9:11:53 AM)
I'm not sure who you've been talking to, but from what I've seen of the similar conversations here, most people from both sides of the D/s prefer the submissive/slave to be a strong and responsible individual. Compliant, yes... but assertive.

OsideGirl -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 9:34:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: p0rnioke Is being passive a part of the definition of sub/slave? My personal view is that to be in a power exchange relationship....you initially have to have some power to exchange.

mzbehavin -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 9:46:00 AM)
Sometimes it depends on the Dominant also. If he prefers a passive girl, he will probably cultivate those tendancies within their relationship. Some submissives can easily slip into passive. Some cannot. It varies.

kiwisub12 -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 10:36:29 AM)
I am in my relationship with my Sir somewhat passive in that i feel it is my place to receive instructions from my Sir. He regularly checks in with me to determine my state of mind, and wheither anything is urking me. I would find it hard to bring it up myself, but given permission to talk makes it much easier. I have my duties and broad discretion about how and when to perform them. I also work full time - sometimes fuller than i would wish!, and my Sir bears this in mind when looking at how I perform my duties. In our relationship my Sir directs my activities, and sits back and lets me determine when to perform them. I feel like I am rambling , but the point is, is that we are both strong people,. able to be self directing, and self motivating. Where is the challenge and thrill in being submissive to someone who isn't strong, and attentive? His attention is so important - which is why I don't understand how cyber- and longdistance relationships work.

DesFIP -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 10:37:04 AM)
I'm pretty passive with him because I know my needs and wants will be met. With someone who doesn't meet my needs, I am not assertive, I'm damn well trenchant in tone. But I had to know what I was looking for before I could find it.

softness -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 10:45:31 AM)
Every person on here will have a different view on what makes a "true" sub or slave .. what the difference is .. all that blah ... about 17 threads day get started on the difference and definition of a variety of forms of submission. Essentially it is each to their own and what makes you happy makes you happy .. why should you defend/promote it to anyone else? I am a confident assertive, proactive and forthcoming person. Its how I behave in life, its how I behave on here, its how I behave period. Now there are many things about myself that I dislike and I would like to change, but that is not one of them. I am proud of how I go out and interact with the world in general and wouldn't want that to change, be more focussed, be more pleasing yes .. but not changed. I will not compromise that for a relationship, if a Dominant doesn't want that in a submissive, then fine, he doesn't want me as a submissive. I am very very clear about what I want from my relationship, and therefore what I need from my Dominant. If those wants desires and needs are not being met by my relationship, then I will leave it. Its pretty simple really. The threat comes when people see that as me being "toppy" .. or "topping from the bottom" .. or being a "princess" about things. and thats fine because I stay well clear of such people, so they dont have to worry about being "topped" by me. People dont like to admit that we ALL walk into these dynamics looking for something to be given to us ... love, acceptance, pain, abuse, devotion, confirmation of our self abhorance, realisation finally of some self worth .. whatever. We seek it .. we want it .. we selfishly search it out. People who feel uncomfortable with admitting that these dynamics are just a variation on the standard model of a mutually beneficial human relationship, are the people who see it as a problem that a submissive needs their desires meeting. People who deny that, submissives as well as Dominants, deny the core of the relationship - that both people are gaining what they need and both people are becoming what they want.

lronitulstahp -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 11:14:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: p0rnioke Is being passive a part of the definition of sub/slave? My personal view is that to be in a power exchange relationship....you initially have to have some power to exchange. hey...i LIKE that....[sm=yourock.gif]

metalmiss -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 12:16:20 PM)
I have found the typical view of what a slave "should be" is very misleading. In being owned by my Master i have given up my choices but NOT my opinions. i don't believe being assertive in communicating them to my Master is contrary to my being His slave. It takes a very strong person to be a slave and submit to that level, being a slave is not about weakness. He encourages me every day to share ALL of my thoughts and feelings in all areas of life.. He isn't a mind reader & even if my opinion doesn't match His, it's either a great opening for a conversation or at the least He knows where i stand. Relationships which aren't founded on a good level of communication do not work in any lifestyle.

BitaTruble -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 12:18:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: p0rnioke Dear community of bent over people, ::winks:: Not to worry - lots of folks leave a word out here and there. quote: I present a question: Is it contrary to being a sub/slave, if she is assertive about what she wants from a relationship? If it were, then we would all be fungible and any dominant would be good for any submissive or slave. quote: Is being passive a part of the definition of sub/slave? Not in my dictionary but my dictionary isn't universal. It only applies to the personal intimate relationships in which I engage. quote: I ask because although a dom, honest communication about desires of my partner is very important - and yet in some conversations that I've had, i've gotten the impression that my 'ideal' of my sub/little girl, is scary to some- in that I will not allow my partner to abandon all self determination. Hmm. Seems rather odd to me that someone else would be afraid of you filling your needs as you see fit. I wouldn't worry about it too much. quote: Indeed I wish to mentor my partners success in all aspect of her life, such as I can. Admirable. You sound like you'll make a good partner for the right person. btw: Welcome to the forums. Celeste

AquaticSub -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 12:51:30 PM)
I don't find it contrary at all. If I'm not firm about what I want from the relationship and just take whatever is given to me, what is point for looking for the right owner?

colouredin -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/5/2008 1:51:02 PM)
Hmm from a personal perspective im not the best at asking for things that I think I want from people, thats just me, I am assertive about other things but not always that if I am concerned about something that way I tend to be a bit subtle but if things continue I will become more assertive until eventually I will give up. Is it contrary to what? submissive/slave isnt really a set of rules or regulations just a label the label changes meaning for every person that uses it, there isnt one way for them to be. I genuinely feel that the s-types that I admire the most are the ones who are more likely to be open about what they want from relationships, on these boards for example. However wants vary from person to person, people can be assertive about what they want but what they want may be contrary to what you may think they should be assertive about. For example an s-type my be assertive about the fact that their primary motivation is to please their Dominant, thats what they need, that may not be what you expect them to need, often you read replies to questions about our needs that are met with well our needs are what our Dominats need. Self determination doesnt have to manifest itself in assertiveness, you can be shy and still full of self-determination, people (all types of people) have very differant abmitions and goals, basically you need to find that submissive/slave that fits most with what you want and need. .

Sundowner -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/6/2008 8:47:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: p0rnioke ... ... although a dom, honest communication about desires of my partner is very important ... ... ... I will not allow my partner to abandon all self determination. p0rnioke ORIGINAL: TreasureKY I'm not sure who you've been talking to, but from what I've seen of the similar conversations here, most people from both sides of the D/s prefer the submissive/slave to be a strong and responsible individual. Compliant, yes... but assertive. I want what he wants, TKY, and what you say you see. But I find in practice it's not always that easy. I want - actually I need - a sub/slave to enjoy our relationship, or our playing, and so I want to know what presses her buttons - I need to know she's fulfilled. So I get pleasure in whipping her senseless only if I know that is what she wants; if she's happier being spanked mildly, then mild spanking does it for me. So, like p0rnioke, the "honest communication about desires" is important to me. But so often what I find is a girl who says "I get fulfilment from knowing I'm pleasing you". Well hey - wonderful; so you mean you're a submissive then? Great. But I'd rather taken that for granted - what I want is a steer on what, given the freedom to express your wishes, it is that would give you most pleasure or fulfilment. "Anything you want" doesn't help me. So it sounds as if I'm not alone in this and so please, all you submissives, if you get the chance do tell your dom - as clearly and explicitly as you feel you can - just what turns you on. It's not topping from the bottom, it's not giving up being weal and twue, it's quite simply helpful.

SovereignSlave -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/6/2008 4:02:41 PM)
Here's my personal perspective on the sub/slave debate. I'm still new to the BDSM world, admittedly, but I've put a lot of thought into where I'd like to end up. I have a very strong personality normally, and I have a lot going on in my own life that I'm not willing to give up. Especially since I'm new, I'm not yet comfortable with the idea of becoming a slave. But would I like to eventually? I think so. To be honest, the idea does greatly appeal to me. However, just because of who I am, it would have to be under the following sorts of conditions: First, I would have to know my Master very well beforehand, and have a very solid base with Him from which to start. Giving up that much control requires a great deal of trust that things will have the right balance. I would analogize my ideal M/s situation as being seen as a General by an Emperor. I would want to be valued as a strong and capable slave under a confident and capable leader - a strong left hand to my Master. My loyalties and service would go unto Him, and He should be confident that I would put every effort into pleasing him in whatever he asked, in a proper way under my own judgement. In other words, He should know he doesn't have to micro-manage me, even with the most complex of tasks in life. I would also want His goals to include my own personal success - for his orders to include things I need to do for myself - because a stronger and happier me means that His world is also strengthened. I don't know how much sense this makes outside of my own head... but it's been a process to try and blend the strong personality I built up over the years, and the submissive core that I finally decided to give into. I don't wish to stop being strong, and my ideal Master would never desire that of me. I've talked to a lot of other strong-minded female subs on this site, and they've helped me feel a lot more comfortable with that dichotomy. I've also talked to a lot of Doms who want a strong and capable sub or slave. I'd say that it is possible to be a sub, or even a slave, and still be strong. It's all in how it balances once the Dom is included in the situation.

TreasureKY -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/7/2008 5:07:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sundowner ... I want - actually I need - a sub/slave to enjoy our relationship, or our playing, and so I want to know what presses her buttons - I need to know she's fulfilled. So I get pleasure in whipping her senseless only if I know that is what she wants; if she's happier being spanked mildly, then mild spanking does it for me. So, like p0rnioke, the "honest communication about desires" is important to me. But so often what I find is a girl who says "I get fulfilment from knowing I'm pleasing you". Well hey - wonderful; so you mean you're a submissive then? Great. But I'd rather taken that for granted - what I want is a steer on what, given the freedom to express your wishes, it is that would give you most pleasure or fulfilment. "Anything you want" doesn't help me. So it sounds as if I'm not alone in this and so please, all you submissives, if you get the chance do tell your dom - as clearly and explicitly as you feel you can - just what turns you on. It's not topping from the bottom, it's not giving up being weal and twue, it's quite simply helpful. Ahhh... Sundowner... that is another story altogether. You might think that an independent, strong, assertive submissive would have no problems expressing her desires, especially when encouraged to do so by her dom, but I suspect that is easier said than done. Okay, first the disclaimer. These are my opinions based on my own past experience and from conversations I've had with other women. It does not, however, apply to all women nor even most women. The same applies to my comments regarding men. From my own experience, too often men who've wished whole-heartedly for me to share my desires with them... give them feedback and some guidance... well, when I finally did open up and share, they didn't take it very well. Usually because what they'd been doing and thought they were skilled at, wasn't even close to what I wanted or needed. I don't really blame them... I would be hurt, too, if I thought I had been inept and he'd merely gone along not saying anything. I do take the utmost care in expressing my desires, too; I'm very conscientious of the male ego... and the dominant one, as well. Nonetheless, I've rarely seen good results. You might say I've become a little gun shy in that respect. I also hate to say it this way, but when it comes to sexual contact, men appear to have a tendency to be a little single-minded. They might have the best of intentions and be armed with explicit directions and an understanding of what to do, but it seems that once they are aroused that knowledge gets lost in the moment. Anything said to remind them... even in the most gentle of ways... seems to be taken as criticism. Look... a lot of women have a hard time reaching orgasm and I know how some men can feel that their partner having an orgasm is a reflection of their sexual prowess and virility. I suspect many women feel an inordinate amount of pressure that their partner not be let down in this area. I think, in a way, the idea that a dominant may neither require or particularly desire that kind of feedback from a submissive, might be one of the things she finds attractive. You know... kind of a relief thinking, "whew... he'll only be concerned with his pleasure and won't worry too much about mine." Not to say that those women don't desire sexual satisfaction. It's just that sometimes it's more heartache than it's worth. lol... Why do you think so many women fake orgasm? It's easy enough to get off on your own and not have to pussy foot around male egos and hurt feelings. It's one of the reasons that I posted my original "holiday gift" in 2006... and my follow-up in 2007. (From the comments alone, you'll see many women agreeing as well as disagreeing, so you'll understand that this does not apply to all women.) However, as a dominant you are in a unique position to get the information that she might be reluctant to give. It just might take a little more patience, observation and fortitude than simply expecting her to say "I like x, y, and z, please." Of course, you could just demand the information, but I somehow think it won't be that easy. [;)]

girlygurl -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/7/2008 6:43:52 PM)
quote: Is it contrary to being a sub/slave, if she is assertive about what she wants from a relationship? Nope. Healthy relationships consist of communicating wants and needs by both/all parties. IMO quote: Is being passive a part of the definition of sub/slave? I'm passive when I should be and want to be, but not all the time. girly

MasterFireMaam -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/7/2008 8:06:41 PM)
Why is a sub/slave having a dominant personality seem to be such a foreign concept? sub/slave, Dom/Master, we are still PEOPLE. Master Fire

Luciferica -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/7/2008 8:09:08 PM)
I prefer for my subbie to be able to think for himself and tell me what he needs!

Daddyslilpookie -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/7/2008 8:27:23 PM)
I am Daddy's slave and lil girl that doesn't mean I'm his doormat. I can speak freely and express my opinions, thoughts and feelings and or ideas just like anyone else because after all I am human not a robot[;)]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The nature of the submissive/slave mindset (4/7/2008 9:15:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Why is a sub/slave having a dominant personality seem to be such a foreign concept? sub/slave, Dom/Master, we are still PEOPLE. Master Fire Because most people equate personality to orientation and prefer easy simply finite boxes to keep people in- once you start having X personality with Y orientation, it forces them to actually consider options and choices- rather than just accepting what they are told as right and good by someone else.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875