RE: flash backs

RE: flash backs (Full Version)

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sub4mistressnsir -> RE: flash backs (10/6/2005 9:42:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: sub4mistressnsir Sir and I talk alot online... cheaper than the phone.. it is not just cyber... Sir is the one I have been with for awhile.. He is not the same person that I had the flashbacks with... For the most part we both work long hours, which is why I am not asking.. when he gets home from work he should rest... Well if you guys are content that's ultiamtely what matters. But your relationship isn't progressing as fast or as deeply as it would offline and hw you get to know eachother NOW will indicate what the relationship is going to be in the long term. Sir and I "talk" online.. we are r/t first and foremost. Every time we talk online or phone, in person or not.. I learn something new about him. Is it wrong to feel for him when he works long hours and not wanting him to have to drive an hour to get here? I am the one not asking him to come. We are not 24/7. I am not collared.. I would hope that we would be called friends first. I do not expect him to do anything but listen to me.. and he has and he has helped me figure somethings out.. other things I have to figure out on my own, like ways to effectively deal with it. He is there and I know he is there and that helps. So to put it bluntly.. I don't cyber... I talk Thanks everyone for your much wanted info

Soulhuntre -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 7:51:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4mistressnsir Has anyone who has been raped, had a flashback while sceneing? If so what did you do to work through it? One of my girls has had some experiences that certainly count as rape in some fashiosn and a few more that werevery traumatic. Fortunately she is a pretty together girl and aside from some nightmares on occasiont here isn't any real lasting negative effects. These events have definitely effected her personality and worldview - but interestingly in many ways that is a good thing for us. I refer to her as "beautifully damaged". The reality is that while these events were negative and unfortunate, they have shaped her into something that is incredibly useful and well suited for the relationship she is in and wants to be in not to mention the tasks I use her for. Without those experiences I doubt she would be as valuable as she is to me. Thats not a "warm and fuzzy" she is perfect for me abstract thing - it is specific and practical. As for flashing back, yes... sometimes she does. It doesn't often happen naturally to her though I occasionally induce it deliberately. She is a fear junkie in some ways - it is useful to bring her back to situations that I know will trigger the emotions I want in her that would be impractical to re-create. A peer of mine who is skilled in NLP / hypnosis techniques can do a cool thing where he can effectively induce a flashback to an event that never happened in the people he works with - and that is awesome :) p.s. I'll see if we can save some time : no I am not a certified therapist, yes I know some people think this is bad and evil, no I don't care :)

imtempting -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 8:03:20 AM)
Your a brave man writing that.. I dont agree with you one bit but your a brave or stupid man.

Soulhuntre -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 10:40:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imtempting Your a brave man writing that.. I dont agree with you one bit but your a brave or stupid man. LOL... yeah, one or the other I guess. On the other hand it isn't anything I have already written in other places for years aout spoken about during presentatiosn at groups so hopefully this won't be the time I get killed by an angry mob :)

thetammyjo -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 10:53:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RiotGirl quote: Yep, know exactly where your comming from John and I agree with the retreat and pulling yourself together.. It is hard but it works for me too.. Well i dont. What if what you THINK you are seeing and you truely believe it so, isnt what you are really seeing? Then even more reason to stop the scene and get some professional help. Even if your top is a therapist, there are ethics against therapists and doctors treating their family for a reason -- you need objectivity to help you cope with abuse. Especially if you think what you see/feel in a flashback isn't real.

theRose4U -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 3:48:27 PM)
quote: A peer of mine who is skilled in NLP / hypnosis techniques can do a cool thing where he can effectively induce a flashback to an event that never happened in the people he works with - and that is awesome :) That someone would find this fun is absolutly frightening to me. Flashbacks are a frightening thing that in my mind should be worked through with professional guidence. the idea that someone would CREATE trauma where there is none to me is the most frightening mind fuck ever.

IronBear -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 7:15:14 PM)
I believe in the use of professional help in these cases. I know the value of some one who is trained in these areas and yes I know the dangers of non-professional (ie self taught therapists) doing their thing. I deal on a regular basis, people who are screwed up by the “help” of amateurs. In my professional experience, the amateurs do more harm than good and makes professional help that much harder to get a positive result for the client/patient.

Soulhuntre -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 10:19:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear who are screwed up by the “help” of amateurs. In my professional experience, the amateurs do more harm than good and makes professional help that much harder to get a positive result for the client/patient. What is your profession? Now I am curious :)

Soulhuntre -> RE: flash backs (10/7/2005 10:22:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U That someone would find this fun is absolutly frightening to me. You are not alone in this :) quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U Flashbacks are a frightening thing that in my mind should be worked through with professional guidence. I would suppose that would depend on whether you are finding them to be a problem or not. Obviously if they are being a problem then professional help is probably a good idea. quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U the idea that someone would CREATE trauma where there is none to me is the most frightening mind fuck ever. Bruising someone with a flogger is "creating trauma". Most mindfucks creat soem trauma... consensual non-consent scenes probably create some small truama. In this case it is simply deliberate and honestly spoken.

IronBear -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 1:50:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear who are screwed up by the “help” of amateurs. In my professional experience, the amateurs do more harm than good and makes professional help that much harder to get a positive result for the client/patient. What is your profession? Now I am curious :) Professionally I'm a qualified Psychologist but I wont register to practice as one (too many restrictions with an annally retrentive systen), certified in Hypno Therapy and a couple of areas on alternative therapies as well as a Certified Counsellor... It gives me the chance to help in the general community especially with alternative prople inc pagans, and Lifestyles where alternative friendly help is as scarce as volo teeth. However in addition to my earlier comments regarding amateurs, I do recognise that there are some good practituioners who for their own reasons dont want to certify but are as good as many "official ones". Basically of one of them has a good track record with help and ethics, why should I jump on a soap box to drive them away? It would be a diservice to people who benifit from them.

mistoferin -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 4:41:20 AM)
quote: I believe in the use of professional help in these cases. I know the value of some one who is trained in these areas and yes I know the dangers of non-professional (ie self taught therapists) doing their thing. I deal on a regular basis, people who are screwed up by the “help” of amateurs. In my professional experience, the amateurs do more harm than good and makes professional help that much harder to get a positive result for the client/patient. Just want to say that I wholeheartedly agree. I too, have seen many instances of someone who is unqualified, regardless of how well meaning they are, simply screw things up to a magnitude that makes it very difficult to undo or overcome. The mind is an extremely strong and resilient thing.....it is also very fragile and should not be "played" with by those who have no understanding of it.

mystictryst -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 6:38:04 AM)
I'm not sure how to put this without being judged but I don't "let go". I refuse to, I guess, give up that control. I am always conscience during a scene or any type of intimate contact. I will not be seduced by my feelings. I do not "space" or relax. I used to dissassociate, but I've learned over the years that isn't very good (for me) either. Reading the posts and with my experience with submissive groups and such, it does make me envious (I, for the reasons mentioned above, can't believe "sub space" is a real thing) that I can't have that seduction/space or whatever you may call it... None the less, I don't think that my method is healthy, but it is how I've gotten here. I would, like the others, suggested unbiased, uninvolved help. I would also suggest seek help specifically for the problem, I've had lots of help, I can be extremely clinical about my background, however I think this post is the first time in my life where I've realized that this is what I am doing (avoidance). Best of luck to all who suffer from flashbacks, may peace be with you.

mistoferin -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 6:47:55 AM)
quote: I'm not sure how to put this without being judged but I don't "let go". No judging....seems to me that you are doing what feels right for you. quote: Reading the posts and with my experience with submissive groups and such, it does make me envious (I, for the reasons mentioned above, can't believe "sub space" is a real thing) that I can't have that seduction/space or whatever you may call it... quote: however I think this post is the first time in my life where I've realized that this is what I am doing (avoidance). First I would just like to say that flashbacks and subspace are two entirely different things. One does not have to "let go" to experience a flashback...that is just something that comes out of nowhere and happens. I believe though that as you have stated, you understand well what you are doing with the avoidance technique. So don't be envious, I believe that you might be able to have that "space" if it was something you desired and felt you were ready for. Maybe in time and with the right person you will feel comfortable enough to let go and enjoy.

BlueDevil -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 7:29:28 AM)
quote: First I would just like to say that flashbacks and subspace are two entirely different things. One does not have to "let go" to experience a flashback...that is just something that comes out of nowhere and happens. I believe though that as you have stated, you understand well what you are doing with the avoidance technique. So don't be envious, I believe that you might be able to have that "space" if it was something you desired and felt you were ready for. Maybe in time and with the right person you will feel comfortable enough to let go and enjoy. Flashbacks are generally a symptom of PTSD and can be treated with a wide range of drugs and therapy. There have been cases of flashbacks causing stroke crisis, heart attack, and even psychotic breaks. Triggering them can be dangerous. It could be argued that the practice is not Safe, Sane, or Consensual. Of course, some people say the same thing about driving a needle through a perfectly good nipple, tongue, or eyebrow, so, have fun.

imtempting -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 7:37:50 AM)
Your body makes you forget for a reason, People in serious car crushs forget what happens because its too much for the mind to take, The fear,the panic,the pain. Remember how it feels to kick your toe on something? Now go and do it and the pain will be 5 times worse. Its dangerous playing around with flashbacks. As for using hyptoism thats is irresponsible. Like I said. The body forgets for a reason....

mystictryst -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 7:42:15 AM)
Made sense when I wrote it... I don't do either, space or flashbacks. I don't let myself go there.. quote: Maybe in time and with the right person lol Nope, just how I am. I've been where I'm at for years and years.. It does bring up another question for me... Perhaps that's another thread tho'...

IronBear -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 7:51:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imtempting Its dangerous playing around with flashbacks. As for using hyptoism thats is irresponsible. Like I said. The body forgets for a reason.... I have to disagree here. Firstly, hypnosis used by a qualified and experienced therapist who has a good track record in the specific area of the flashbacks, is a valuable tool in some circumstances. generally the body tries to forget (well really it supresses the memory but does not eradicate it), so that the conscious mind can get on with the job os healing and grow strong again. however untill the original memory is faced in a suitable environment and dealt with the flash backs are likely to reoccure. Some medication prescribed for such situations is similar to that prescribed for dealing with stress and create its own psychosis (exagerated mood swings are common) which in turns requires dealing with. As with all things involving the mind, it requires care, attention to detail, training and preferably experience.

LadiesBladewing -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 8:05:57 AM)
This is how we handle things, as well. You say it a lot better, in a lot fewer words (ok -- I like words! chuckles) Because we often work with esoterics, as well as physical matters in our Household, we encounter a lot of emotional, spiritual and mental healing situations. We believe strongly in the power of patience and being 'present' for the servant who is struggling with such traumatic memories. And we would -never- consider leaving the servant to struggle alone. We may not touch, or speak -- it depends on the situation. Sometimes touching or talking can do more harm than good, and it is nice to have some empathic skill, some psych training, and some inherent ability to read a situation to know what to do -- but even if, as a Guide, I feel out of my depth with something that has come up through an activity, just letting the servant know that we are here and aren't going anywhere helps a LOT, in our experience. As far as the second part, I've never been to war, but I -have- been raped, a couple of times (I worked in a couple of really rough situations when I was way to young to know any better), and have been in domestic violence situations, on the receiving end. There are a LOT of touch, smell, taste and visual triggers for me. I handle them the same way that you do. I take a breath, step away, and take some time to get a handle on what I'm feeling, what set the trigger off, and remind myself that that was then, and this is now, and that I don't have to live in the past any more, and that I am in control of the choices in today that will shape my future. Then I go back, and learn more about what "tripped my trigger", so that I can minimize the chance of future trips from similar stimuli. Lady Zephyr quote: ORIGINAL: JohnWarren I've had submissives have flashbacks in scenes but they didn't concern rape. I've been able to spot the reaction, stop the scene and spend cuddle time every time it has happened so far. The cuddle time (and not asking) seems to work well. I've done rape role play with people who have been raped but so far we've avoided flashbacks. I've also had flashbacks myself, but that's usually been when I'm observing a scene. Back in 1972 in Cambodia, I was tortured with a hot knife. The first couple of times I observed a branding, there were strong flashbacks from the smell (smell is a particularly strong trigger). I retreated a bit and pulled myself together. It was a willpower test but eventually I took a series of classes on branding and now I'm able to do them myself. For me (I do not hold anyone else to this) the secret is to face the terror and make it back off.

theRose4U -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 10:00:37 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U the idea that someone would CREATE trauma where there is none to me is the most frightening mind fuck ever. Bruising someone with a flogger is "creating trauma". Most mindfucks creat soem trauma... consensual non-consent scenes probably create some small truama. In this case it is simply deliberate and honestly spoken. While I understand the point that you're TRYING to make here I must disagree. If someone doesn't like a flogging or pain has gone past the point of pleasure then in most cases they can safeword out even if the safeword is "hit me with that again & I'll shove it up your ass". In the case of hypnosis CREATING mental trauma/ flashbacks etc. To me is past the point of barbaric & dangerous. Anyone that has experienced flashbacks from any source can attest that they are frightening & sometimes dangerous experiences. To play with something so damaging that it can alter the entire coarse of someone's life takes edgeplay past the edge...just ask anyone that was in nam & 30+ yrs later still has nightmares & flashbacks. I would chalk this one up on the list of just don't so it right next to the post on nailing your labia to a board with household nails.

Soulhuntre -> RE: flash backs (10/8/2005 11:16:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Professionally I'm a qualified Psychologist but I wont register to practice as one (too many restrictions with an annally retrentive systen), certified in Hypno Therapy and a couple of areas on alternative therapies as well as a Certified Counsellor... Cool. quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear However in addition to my earlier comments regarding amateurs, I do recognise that there are some good practituioners who for their own reasons dont want to certify but are as good as many "official ones". Thanks for saying that, because of course it is true. While some of the hard science areas are obviously much harder to get a handle on from the "outside" (I am thinking partical physics and quantuum theory) because of a lack of access to equipment or facilities most things dealing with the mind do not fall into this category. I am constantly amused by how many people insist that one see a "professional" about these things when not all professionals are any good, agree on the issues or topics and / or even agree with the lifestyle. There is definitely a booming "authority figure" cult in the US.

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