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RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 11:22:24 AM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I've had a couple who suffered from flashbacks to childhood abuse. A lot of times niether of us knew until I inadvertently triggered one. At which time,all you can really do is back off from what triggered it,and run damage control. Talk it out,and try to avoid it in the future. Therapy would have helped,but none of us were in a postition to afford fifty to 100 bucks an hour-so we just did what we could not to make it any worse.

(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 11:28:17 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

most things dealing with the mind do not fall into this category.

I am constantly amused by how many people insist that one see a "professional" about these things when not all professionals are any good, agree on the issues or topics and / or even agree with the lifestyle. There is definitely a booming "authority figure" cult in the US.


I need to respectfully disagree with you. First, I don't believe that mental health professionals are "authority figures". Secondly, I don't think that anyone here said that they are all "good" or in agreement. There are good and bad in every field and different and opposing viewpoints in every walk of life.

What I will say is that toying with the mind of an abuse or assault victim is akin to mountain climbing with a frayed rope. You might just make it all the way to the top and overtake the summit.....then again you might just hopelessly crash and burn. If you are not qualified as to make the determination of just how much more that rope can take...well then it's a damn risky undertaking.

Would you be so willing to risk all if it was YOUR mind on the line instead of your sub's? Would you let your auto mechanic perform brain surgery on you? Would you take your car to a brain surgeon for a brake job? I think more likely is that you would take your car to an auto mechanic, you would take yourself to a surgeon.....because they are qualified to deal with the problem you present with.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 4:37:20 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline


I was refering it to the subject matter with soulhuntre where its done for fun, not to help her recover.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 4:58:36 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I was refering it to the subject matter with soulhuntre where its done for fun, not to help her recover.


Done for fun can be covered in one word...CRIMINAL

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 6:10:13 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

I was refering it to the subject matter with soulhuntre where its done for fun, not to help her recover.


Done for fun can be covered in one word...CRIMINAL


I'll agree with the thought criminal and start looking for a drum of tar and a supply of feathers if it were done on my turf....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 6:52:19 PM   
sub4mistressnsir


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		WOW I didn't think it would go this far!!

(in reply to JustaTop)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 8:48:33 PM   
o2bbd


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		I started experiencing flashbacks about a year and a half ago. I know what the original trigger (non sexual) was, but that moment led to flashbacks of an experience I wish never happened & that I never had to remember. I had suffered a head injury two weeks before my high school graduation and was violently and repeatedly gang raped after that injury. I have puzzle pieces for memories. I do my best to put the pieces together, but there are complete days, weeks and months that are missing & probably will be missing forever. I remember some of the things that were done to me and some of the things I did to get out alive. I hope some of the things I did mean that no one will EVER have to go through what I went through.
Having said that, I have had flashbacks while with my boyfriend. I told him of the situation before we were ever together physically. I felt it was only fair to let him in on what he may have to face. He knows the basics of what happened to me. When I have a flashback, I am very fortunate that he is so intune with me and my reactions. He is very loving and supportive with the situation. He has helped me more than he will ever know. We have grown closer because of my flashbacks, as compared to being disappointed or angry because a scene was ruined or delayed. It has enhanced the experience for me due to the closeness we feel. I feel I have the ability to safely and sanely experience with him and that has allowed me to open up tremendously. I also know that if I want him to stop, he does. I am very fortunate.
Lisa

(in reply to sub4mistressnsir)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 9:15:32 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		From a flip side (as usual ... I always manage to come up with something new). I sometimes have flashbacks to my multiple assaults/rapes. Like someone else mentioned, as a rape survivor, I CANNOT do a mock-rape/play-rape scene. It just doesn't work. However, I tend to be attracted to submissives who are more agressive, and 2 of them have pinned me down during sex during a non-bondage playtime. One of them realized that something was wrong almost instantly and stopped, got off of me, and made sure that I was ok. The other didn't get it and I finally shut down entirely. I don't know how long he stayed on top of me before realizing that I had blacked out ... but it was way too long. All of our playmates have known in advance about my history - it is something that, overall, I have dealt with very well, but that is a part of my past that is always there and sometimes causes problems.

(in reply to o2bbd)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: flash backs - 10/8/2005 9:28:03 PM   
sub4mistressnsir


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		again.. WOW.. Thank You all for sharing!!!!

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: flash backs - 10/9/2005 3:57:01 PM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
While I understand the point that you're TRYING to make here I must disagree.


I am not at all surprised :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
In the case of hypnosis CREATING mental trauma/ flashbacks etc. To me is past the point of barbaric & dangerous. Anyone that has experienced flashbacks from any source can attest that they are frightening & sometimes dangerous experiences. To play with something so damaging that it can alter the entire coarse of someone's life takes edgeplay past the edge...


Lot's of things can and do alter the course of someones life. It happens all the time, and it certainly does happen in training and conditioning environments. There is nothing particularly special about the concept.

The level of danger involved is specific to a whole range of factors - anyone that can say unequivicollay what the danger is for all possible pople and situations is either confused or being deliberately over broad. Of course as with so many things in the BDSM discussion universe broad pronouncements are made, absolutely judgements thrown and a fallback to cries of "danger Will Robinson" and "Abuse!" become the tactic of choice.

Nothing new, nothing special.

My point is simply to express my personal experience for those who may be reading who, like me, are apparently treading in a different set of waters. It is possible to use hypnotic and NLP techniques to bring someone back fully to a previous event in their lives - one either real, imagined or embellished. If you are careful and working with the correct people and have some skill it can be done in a way that is useful, amusing and not overly dangerous in my opinion.

Is it true for everyone? no.
Is it true for most people? I doubt it.
But it is true for some people.

Listen to opinions, but in the final analysis trust your own judgement on what is good and bad, abusive, criminal or ethics. As always.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I need to respectfully disagree with you. First, I don't believe that mental health professionals are "authority figures".


Ah, but to many people in this pop psychiatry, Oprah and Dr. Phil universe they most definitely are. They define themselves not by their own criteria but by whether the latest "feel good" fad mental health theory book tells them they are healthy or not.

We live in a victim culture, one that sustains a fairly substantial weight of media on it's back... all full of people hoping they can be told their failings aren't their fault but that of the (parents|government|media|mental health industry) so they can go back into semi-professional therapy or pick up some dead religon and prey to the great "muskrat" god.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Secondly, I don't think that anyone here said that they are all "good" or in agreement. There are good and bad in every field and different and opposing viewpoints in every walk of life.


I am a odd guy this way, I tend to take people at their words. If someone says "don't do that unless you are a professional" without adding any other qualifier I assume the only qualification they care about is whether someone is a professional.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
What I will say is that toying with the mind of an abuse or assault victim is akin to mountain climbing with a frayed rope. You might just make it all the way to the top and overtake the summit.....then again you might just hopelessly crash and burn. If you are not qualified as to make the determination of just how much more that rope can take...well then it's a damn risky undertaking.


The issue is this - no one is unquestionably qualified. The mental health profession is not a science. It has fads, it has deep internal schisms, it has untestable theories and it has not generally produced significantly better results than doing nothing for most people involved. Look at how many people who are in "therapy" under the care of a professional for 10, 15, 20 years with no real improvement in a problem that by some theories within the field itself might not even exist!

Are there good people in the field? You bet.
Is there good work being done? You bet.
Should people evaluate seriously whether they woudl be better off under GOOD professional care? Sure.

But thats where it stops - most of the people in that industry are more like Chiropractors than surgeons.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Would you be so willing to risk all if it was YOUR mind on the line instead of your sub's?


Well honestly, her mind isn't "on the line". I know my girls, I have delved in and around their minds for more than a decade in one case and swvwn years in another. The are not going to go into catatonia by reliving the trauma in question. Obviously something unexpected could happen... and she could also get hit by a meteor. Even so, the result of such an episode would be upset, tears, confusion and so on .. but she is not going to suffer a total catatonic breakdown. She is not "on the line". This is clearly edgy play, but no more or less so than 5 or 6 other forms of play.

Would I do it to a total stranger? Would I do it to someone I didn't know and work with for years? Of course not, not on this level anyway (extremely minor NLP party tricks can be fun to play with pretty much right off).

However, the answer to your question is yes... I would trust the people I know who do this (there are 2) to do it to me. They have known me long enough, they know me well enough and they are good enough at it. I can't imagine why I would - nothing about the experience would serve a purpose - but I certainly could trust them to do it well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Would you let your auto mechanic perform brain surgery on you?


No. Brain surgery is a task so far outside of normal human experience, and so completely incapable of being learned or practiced without millions of dollars in equiptment and talented support staff that there is no possible way he could aquired any skill in that area at all. There can for all intents and purposes never be any self taught brain surgeons.

None of those things are true about hypnosis and / or NLP.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Would you take your car to a brain surgeon for a brake job?


I know at least 3 people I could trust to do a brake job on my car and one of them I have. None of them are professional mechanics. If one of those three was a brain surgeon by trade it wouldn't change that at all.

Unlike brain surgery basic automobile repair (and brake jobs are fairly basic) >IS< something a normal human can learn withour a huge investment in tools or a trained support staff. You don't need an entire hospital with a operating surgical theater to apprentice in, for example.

Working with people on this level is not brain surgery. It >IS< something you can learn over time, without millions of dollars in specialized equiptment.

It may seem like I am being picky with your point to evade it - I assure you I am not. Your examle perfectly expresses my point indeed - that not all "professions" are created equal, and not all things are impossible to learn on ones own.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: flash backs - 10/10/2005 6:32:33 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

We live in a victim culture, one that sustains a fairly substantial weight of media on it's back... all full of people hoping they can be told their failings aren't their fault but that of the (parents|government|media|mental health industry) so they can go back into semi-professional therapy or pick up some dead religon and prey to the great "muskrat" god.


Personally, I am not a follower of that particular line of thought(if you will notice my tag line) but rather am a strong proponent of personal responsibility and accountability.

quote:

The issue is this - no one is unquestionably qualified.


I agree...but there are people who are unquestionably unqualified.

quote:

Well honestly, her mind isn't "on the line". I know my girls, I have delved in and around their minds for more than a decade in one case and swvwn years in another. The are not going to go into catatonia by reliving the trauma in question. Obviously something unexpected could happen... and she could also get hit by a meteor. Even so, the result of such an episode would be upset, tears, confusion and so on .. but she is not going to suffer a total catatonic breakdown. She is not "on the line". This is clearly edgy play, but no more or less so than 5 or 6 other forms of play.


Having repeated an activity numerous times with no ill consequences is not 100% assurance that there will never be a circumstance that arises that is not the expected outcome. I hope that at best, you never have to find that out the hard way....and at worst....I hope you are fully prepared to deal with the fallout.

I am not telling you what to do or not do. You publicized your activities when you hit that OK button. In doing so, you opened up the avenue for critiquing and opinion. I am giving you mine. As someone who has seen firsthand, both from an onlookers perspective and from a personal one, the damage that can be done by the well meaning, the self educated and the clueless, I stand by my views. I believe this is a risky activity to engage in and unfortunately, when something does go wrong, it can't be fixed by a hug or even a band aid, a stitch or some burn ointment.

As you pointed out, we live in a society that has adopted a victim mentality. As I said, I believe in personal accountability and responsibility. I just hope that in the event that you undertake such an activity in the future and the outcome is not so perfect.....that you will then be willing and ready to step up to the plate and accept yours.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: flash backs - 10/10/2005 10:06:20 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I agree...but there are people who are unquestionably unqualified.


Of course. My point is that int he field of mental health their status as a "professional" doesn't really tell you where they land on that scale :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Having repeated an activity numerous times with no ill consequences is not 100% assurance that there will never be a circumstance that arises that is not the expected outcome.


I mentioned that specifically, so obviously I agree. It is also true that having driven a car for 20 years or so I could suddenly pass out and swerve into traffic. I could, in theory, suddenly fuck up during a Judo throw and snap someones neck.

All sorts of things are theoretically possible - the issue is managing risk.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I hope that at best, you never have to find that out the hard way....and at worst....I hope you are fully prepared to deal with the fallout.


This isn't a nucleur device we are dealing with here nor a biohazard level 4 contagion. The "fallout" would in almost all cases be limited to a little emotional trauma and upset. Life will go on. If some insanely improbable situation were to occur and against all odds something really bad were to happen I would handle it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I am not telling you what to do or not do. You publicized your activities when you hit that OK button. In doing so, you opened up the avenue for critiquing and opinion. I am giving you mine.


Of course, that is what discussion forums are all about. You don't see me complaining right? :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
I believe this is a risky activity to engage in and unfortunately, when something does go wrong, it can't be fixed by a hug or even a band aid, a stitch or some burn ointment.


All sorts of things in life are "risky" from walking on the sidewalk to getting on a airplane or participating in "extreme" sports. Ther eis nothign especially risky about this type of play IMHO. I know it is currently fashionable to consider humans as fragile little glass bottles that will shatter irrepairably at the first real trauma and it seems like we as a society are well on our way to raising a generation or two that are. However for 99.999999% of human history there weren't professional "therapists" and all the rest of it and humans survived trauma and stress that we don't even come close to today.

It's just possible we, as a species, are a little more resilient than we currently give ourselves credit for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
activity in the future and the outcome is not so perfect.....that you will then be willing and ready to step up to the plate and accept yours.


It sounds so ominous when you say it like that. I think I'll add that to the work next time...

"Now listen girl, we've done this before but I want you to know that if anything goes wrong and you wind up catatonic and strapped to a bed in some little room I'll be right there. I'll take real, real good care of you're body for you... I promise."

With the right tone of voice that will be a blast.

edited to correct (some) spelling errors
edited again to correct a spelling error in the line above. I kid you not.

< Message edited by Soulhuntre -- 10/12/2005 11:05:30 AM >

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: flash backs - 10/10/2005 11:29:05 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre

This isn't a nucleur device we are dealing with here nor a biohazard level 4 contagion. The "fallout" woudl in almost all cases be limited to a little emotional trauma and upset. Life will go on. If some insanely improbably situation were to occur and against all odds somehting really bad were to happen I would handle it.



"a little emotional trauma"???????? Oh please.

Keep in mind that you are talking about and to people who have been through similar things (or at least comparable in terms of the emotional damage caused) as the people who's minds you are playing with. Yeah, life will go on, but the life of whoever you are playing with could be shattered beyond repair - mostly because they have trusted you to do this and to know when to stop, and you have continually pushed things until it finally goes too far. When I shut down, we aren't talking about "a little emotional trauma and upset" ... we're talking I was devistated. It took days before I was even comfortable being in the house alone with him again, much less the same room ... or sleeping in the same bed as him. And this was with 3 people doing damage control - with only one doing damage control, and that one person being the one who caused the damage ... it would have taken far far far longer (trust me, been there and done that too).

You claim to have thought of these things, and to be prepared in case something goes wrong, but your attitude tells an entirely different story. Your attitude says to me that you think that you are infallible, that you can't make a mistake, that even if you do make a mistake that you know in advace EXACTLY how much damage will be done and how to take care of it ... and with that attitude, I can assure you that you are wrong. Maybe you will continue being lucky - I hope and pray for the sake of those you play with that you do - but if not, I hope that you can set aside your current projected attitude and deal with it.

(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: flash backs - 10/10/2005 9:07:24 PM   
sub4mistressnsir


Posts: 89
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think I have ever seen a 'lil emotional trauma'
I really wish that is what I went through.. a lil is better than alot
Everybody deals with emotional trauma different, in a variety of ways.. but would I want someone to purposely trigger them... HELL NO!! Every day life gives me enough to deal with that I dont need anyone.. whom ever they may be causing me to flash back again and again....
If you have ever truely been through a flashback then you know what I am talking about. It's a 'been there, done that, don't want to do it again' kinda thing.
Personally I think it is beyond cruel, it is just plain WRONG to trigger them. I am glad that my Sir n Mistress would never do that.. I now know how truely special (beyond some) that they are.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: flash backs - 10/12/2005 11:40:19 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulhuntre
This isn't a nucleur device we are dealing with here nor a biohazard level 4 contagion. The "fallout" woudl in almost all cases be limited to a little emotional trauma and upset. Life will go on. If some insanely improbably situation were to occur and against all odds somehting really bad were to happen I would handle it.


"a little emotional trauma"???????? Oh please.


it is a matter of faith in the current world that to not believe humans are fragile makes one either a bad person or ignorant. Your comments are in line with this faith :: shrugs :: thats OK but it doesn't lend them any extra weight.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Keep in mind that you are talking about and to people who have been through similar things (or at least comparable in terms of the emotional damage caused) as the people who's minds you are playing with.


How, exactly, is this supposed to matter to me? Is this trauma or victimhood supposed to lend any special authority to their words? It doesn't.

I don't have any urge to play "my trauma is bigger than your trauma" or "you have no idea how hurt I was". In reality it simply isn't relevant how much trauma you have been through or how well or badly you can handle it. The reason is you arent the person I am working with and people deal with this stuff differently.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Yeah, life will go on, but the life of whoever you are playing with could be shattered beyond repair - mostly because they have trusted you to do this and to know when to stop, and you have continually pushed things until it finally goes too far.


She can also be killed when I drive in the rain. She might be the victim of a tragic brain hemmorage during a too vigorous orgasm. She might die of food poisening if I buy a bad peice of meat at the market.

Lots of things >could< happen in this life. The issue is simply that you and I disagree on how much risk is involved in a general sense and you have absolutely no information or ability to evaluate the risk in this specific case.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
When I shut down, we aren't talking about "a little emotional trauma and upset" ... we're talking I was devistated.


Heres the thing - I wasn't talking about you.

Thats the problem with these sorts of discussions. Someone says that doing "X" is bad, Someone says that in their particular circumstance I disagree and then we are off to the races with people discussing how bad "X" would be >for them< and that that means anyone who does it is bad / evil / dangerous or misinformed.

Your trauma could be so deep that the mere sight of a hampster could send you into catatonic spasms for days and it wouldn't have a single bit of relevance to my comments. Those comments by the way are summed up in a few areas...


  • I don't think that "prefessional" qualifications in mental health matter as much as they do in other proffessions
  • I don't think people are as fragile as conventional wisdom dictates
  • With the right people, and the right skills induced flashbacks can be fun and useful with minimal risk


Your personal trauma doesn't really factor into any of those. Whether you handle it well or badly, whether this activity would be dangerous for you or not simply doesn't change my points :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
You claim to have thought of these things, and to be prepared in case something goes wrong, but your attitude tells an entirely different story. Your attitude says to me that you think that you are infallible, that you can't make a mistake, that even if you do make a mistake that you know in advace EXACTLY how much damage will be done and how to take care of it ... and with that attitude, I can assure you that you are wrong.


:: shrugs :: Your certainly welcome to your opinion and the point of a message forums is to give voice to opinions. However you keep speaking about things as if they are universal truths when they simply aren't.

Look, there are lots of well meaning vanilla people with rape or abuse trauma who use the same logic you are to decide that anyone doing BDSM is a dangerous freak who is playing fast and loose with the mental health of their partners. They are wrong because they are projecting from their own trauma to infer a universal danger level. I believe you are similarly wrong to do so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
Maybe you will continue being lucky - I hope and pray for the sake of those you play with that you do - but if not, I hope that you can set aside your current projected attitude and deal with it.


You know at TES last night we just had a panel discussion on "protection" in the BDSM community and this topic came up ... how amusing it is when people outside a relationship "pray" for those inside it or make similar comments :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4mistressnsir
I am glad that my Sir n Mistress would never do that.. I now know how truely special (beyond some) that they are.


See how nicely that works out? People get to be in the relationships they desire / need.


< Message edited by Soulhuntre -- 10/12/2005 11:42:17 AM >

(in reply to sub4mistressnsir)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: flash backs - 10/12/2005 11:58:06 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Greetings

Like many others here Ihave experienced flashbacks. I never now what will set them off or how extreme my reaction will be. Granted there are some things that I just avoid because they do put me in that place in my head and example would be caning.

Its strange though, being bound or doing rape scenes doesnt bother me.Granted I am very picking about who I scene with. For me I think it has given me back some of that power that was stolen from me when I was raped.

I think that with communication and patience on parts of both people it can be worked through. I consider myself blessed when I start to have a flash back my Master will without question stop what ever we are doing and simply try and comfort me and remind me that I am safe.

Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to Soulhuntre)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: flash backs - 10/15/2005 1:55:06 PM   
o2bbd


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline
Nika,
I completely agree. It is exactly the same for me. I wish I could expalin the feeling, but for anyone who has never been through it, words do not do the feeling justice. Many years and lots of communications have worked wonders. Also, I know for a fact that I stopped a lot of bad people from getting away with a lot of bad things. Because of me, they will never hurt anyone ever again. That knowledge alone gets me through flashbacks. If I can handle them & their bad deeds, I can handle flashbacks.
Lisa

< Message edited by o2bbd -- 10/15/2005 1:59:33 PM >

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: flash backs - 10/17/2005 1:34:25 AM   
Morgaine289


Posts: 57
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline 		I had flashbacks concerning the things, that happened to me as i was a child. In the beginning i had problems to differentiate between the past and the present and that is the core of it. I coped similar to what Lady Zephyr wrote, telling myself constantly, this is the past, now i am an adult, i have a choice, i can end this situation, this is a person i love or at least like (if it is with such a person)! Basically: I am no longer a child, I am in control.

If you use sentences like this as a mantra, it will help. Some people go looking for professional help, others not. I had some support, but lived through nearly all the very hard stuff alone first, some things i shared later, but this is me.

Some very important things are, accepting that whatever happened happened, that you maybe never renember all of what happened to you, but that it is not important to know everything and like Soulhuntre wrote, some remains like bad dreams will stay with you. I went from nearly every night awakening shouting to from time to bad dreams, but it took around 20 years.

What is very, very important with past trauma, when you are noticing that reality is shifting, try to stay attached with the person, the persons you are with and under all circumstances try not to mix the person/s with the past persons, who did this to you. If you are alone and it happens, do not hesitate to call somebody you trust. A voice of somebody you trust, can stop the process. And very important, do not tell people in the middle of such a trauma reenactment, what is going through your mind, it will shock most people and in the worst situation freeze them, because they will try to do nothing wrong. Most people who deal not professionally or on a regular basis with PSTD will simply not be equipped to help you. But talking about anything else, keeping the mind away can be good idea in a situaition like that. A nice phone conversation in the middle of the night about wallpaper helped me once tremendously.

Although i am quite sure, that this old friend of mine still wonders why i called around 2 am and wanted to converse about it.

Finally, hello Soulhuntre, i read your view of life since some years on the dom_sub mailing list. And although i am not on the same page with you in some areas, i like that you're postions are firstly well thought out and that you're secondly always up for a long and good decision. What i never read in all this years is that soulhuntre gave up or let another opinion change his beliefs or his attitude. I tend to be the same, i am not talking about learning something new or a a clear error, but if i write something down concerning the fundaments i live my life on, i will seldom change them, if ever.

And Soulhuntre is always presenting his way of life, with some smart arrogance, but i am quite sure, that he cares about his girls (no, no do not get me wrong, not in an overly romantic sense:-)).

Morgaine289

Edited to delete the second copy *g

< Message edited by Morgaine289 -- 10/17/2005 1:36:48 AM >

(in reply to sub4mistressnsir)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: flash backs - 10/17/2005 3:25:40 AM   
Cindersslipper1


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/15/2005
Status: offline 		It hasnt happened to me but someone i played with, W/we were doing a really light sceen and she wanted to join in so we slowly brought her into play. He was fooling around with her, everything was going really well. i was playing with her hair and asking if she was okay asked her if she remembered the safe words, was reassuring her about how well she was doing next minute she basically kicked Him off of her and freaked out big time. after the shock wore off W/we both talked to her found out she had been raped and that at point of climax she recalls the rape. Not an easy situation to be in i faced a friend with a serious problem and a Dom who was feeling like a rapist. When W/we got her calmed down she relaxed a little bit, she went home and then i felt the fall out of said Dom's anger at not having all the facts (any excuse for a little punishment hehehe.) we did talk it through afterwards and while the situation wasnt the best for a few weeks eventually everything was okay. my girlfriend still refuses to face the situation and as i have observed her sexual behaviour much closer since, still can not cum without the same thing happening just on a lesser scale with vanilla sex.

My advice Yes head it face on and live through it dont repress it

J

(in reply to sub4mistressnsir)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: flash backs - 10/17/2005 11:35:09 AM   
Soulhuntre


Posts: 223
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Morgaine289
Finally, hello Soulhuntre, i read your view of life since some years on the dom_sub mailing list.


Hello there! It's always good to run into people again :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morgaine289
And although i am not on the same page with you in some areas, i like that you're postions are firstly well thought out and that you're secondly always up for a long and good decision. What i never read in all this years is that soulhuntre gave up or let another opinion change his beliefs or his attitude. I tend to be the same, i am not talking about learning something new or a a clear error, but if i write something down concerning the fundaments i live my life on, i will seldom change them, if ever.


Generally I have given such things a lot of thought and usually experimentation before I write about them. It would take a lot of counter evidence to change them. Ont he other hand, things do evolve. About 4 years ago I had a fairly large alteration in how wide I think the gulf between service and ownership are, for instance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morgaine289
And Soulhuntre is always presenting his way of life, with some smart arrogance, but i am quite sure, that he cares about his girls (no, no do not get me wrong, not in an overly romantic sense:-)).


Sometimes people are surprised when I mention that I love and care for my girls. Probably because I don't speak of love or caring often in BDSM contexts - because those emotions don't influence how I deal with my girls in a service or ownership context. As a result, I don't really see the relevance to what I write here and places like here.

Thanks for the hello!

(in reply to Morgaine289)
Profile   Post #: 60
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