Ashamed of your sub??

Ashamed of your sub?? (Full Version)

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littlesui -> Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 11:50:15 AM)
How many of you Doms are ashamed of your subs...or if not ashamed, keep your sub / BDSM activities under wraps?

cruel2bkind69 -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 11:51:38 AM)
If One is ashamed of Your sub- then why bother?

jenara -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 11:56:09 AM)
ashamed, or like to keep things private? there's a big difference.

littlesui -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 12:17:11 PM)
Sorry - potentially misleading there - I meant ashamed /embarrassed/ potentially threatened by your interest / involvement in BDSM to the extent you want to keep all associations 'under wraps'

DesFIP -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 12:18:23 PM)
We're private, not ashamed. We have lives outside the bedroom or dungeon. Family, friends, business contacts. Why would he drag me along to the lumberyard in 6" heels and a corset to discuss the merits of Sikkens Cetol stain on ACQ as opposed to the use of the modern manufactured woods? What purpose would that serve other than to embarrass the manager of the lumberyard who is a very nice and knowledgable person? Or go visit my 81 year old father in such an outfit? His heart's in good shape but I doubt he could be anything other than very confused and upset. Or watch my son's baseball game? Highly inappropriate.

softpjOS -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 12:21:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesui How many of you Doms are ashamed of your subs...or if not ashamed, keep your sub / BDSM activities under wraps? keeping BDSM activities under wraps in no way indicates shame. Just because Mistress doesn't walk me through the mall on a leash doesn't mean She's ashamed of me, it simply means we acknowledge proper/respectful public behavior (for US - put the torches and leashes away). Now, if Mistress were to take me to a munch and tell me that i'm to act like "we aren't together" umm yea, thats a different thing all together and i'd wonder what was up. Or if She didn't want to be seen in public with me at all, again...red flag! If you are finding yourself with someone that wants NO ONE to see/know you are together, i'd be asking some serious questions and fast. good luck pj edited to add comment to your second post: if their concern is public events/munches and being "outed" to family/friends/coworkers... is simple really. If you run into someone at an event umm..they're there too?? Doh!!! lol. Just as happened at the munch last night, as Mistress sat across the table from Her Uncle's wife... umm helloooo Aunt ___________, roflol. Yea, true, happened. Both looked at each other and said, "I didn't see you here" and laughed.

Daddysredhead -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 12:27:23 PM)
I agree with softpjOS. Respecting that not everyone wants to know about WIITWD and putting a bag over your sub's head (and I'm not talking about a kink, here) when you're together are two separate things.

IronBear -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 12:41:45 PM)
Admittidly I only deal with slaves, but the question could apply woith them too. If I collar a girl, I will be proud of her for what she is in herself. End of story. regarding hiding things to do with my lifestyle, BDSM and a girl should I have one, burnrd my bridges a long time ago with that. However, there are a couple of Neet's family with whom we don't rub their noses in oit. In their own worfds, "What we don't see we don't officially know." They visit and a girl is simply a close friend. .They just don't want to know and I respect their wishes. 'Tis nothing but good manners and respect. Iron Bear Master of Bruin Cottage (A Victorian Lifestyle poly home) "I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

CelticPrince -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 1:22:15 PM)
quote: Sorry - potentially misleading there - I meant ashamed /embarrassed/ potentially threatened by your interest / involvement in BDSM to the extent you want to keep all associations 'under wraps' littlesui untill such time as D/s becomes the societal norm, most os us simply must remain out of the normal viewing eye. My pic appears in a leading business magazine about 4 time a year. There would be alot of client cancellations if they knew!!!!!!!!!!!! CP

RedAnhedonia -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 2:14:20 PM)
I'm sorry ... I have used the search menu ... but I don't know what WIITWD means ... can anyone help me out ?

TreasureKY -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 2:48:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedAnhedonia I'm sorry ... I have used the search menu ... but I don't know what WIITWD means ... can anyone help me out ? WIITWD = What It Is That We Do

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 2:50:20 PM)
If I was ashamed of them why in the hell would I have them? Mike

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 2:57:23 PM)
The reality is- lots of them. Especially the ones who are cheating.

Chrissys2127 -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 3:09:25 PM)
I read your profile and it looks like you're the sub in question. There's no reason why you and your partner couldn't present a vanilla exterior relationship to the rest of the world. Nobody needs to know your personal business. If he's keeping all associations under wraps then you have to ask why he's excluding you from other aspects of his life and wonder what it is that he has to hide. If this is more a BDSM community issue, simply put, not everyone is comfortable with that. But being overly discreet and meeting you only in secret is a red flag to me.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 3:17:32 PM)
Daddy isn't ashamed of me - why should He be? He's proud of my success in career that i love and enjoy. we tend to keep our relationship and activities to ourselves. with my pet, our relationship is the same way - private and behind closed doors.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 3:31:37 PM)
With Angel, our association is pretty well known, but everyone vanilla assumes I am simply an extremely close friend. There is no indication that there is an involvement BEYOND friendship, so out D/s is very tightly under wraps becasue there is no benefit to his bieng outted with the real life associations he has and had before he met me. With Fox, everyone knows us as Boyfriend/ girlfriend. Most of the people I work with acknowledge out relationship as "backwards" where Fox is the housewife and I am the Man in the relationship. Its accepted, and no one realy cares. Several coworkers even know about our D/s involvement, but again, its to each their own. Because D/s is private, we dont clunt it. Its like going around advertising your sexual proclivities... unnecessary. However, I coudl not imagine not wanting to be involved in my boy's lives beyond the playtime. If that is all they are good for then why bother keeping them? DV

KnightofMists -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 5:21:45 PM)
I was ashamed of a girl I had once upon a time..... I suppose that is why it is "had" and not "have".

Lynnxz -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 5:25:12 PM)
I'm not ashamed of my relationship, but I'm not going to go stick it in peoples eye either. If I was in a "normal" relationship (Does anyone have a normal relationship??) I wouldn't go around announcing to everyone that I had a boyfriend... and I've never been much for public affection... holding hands is about as far as it goes for me. I do have a little bit of an exhibitionist streak in me, but I reserve that specically for when it's appropriate, like at a dungeon or a play party or something. I'm the happiest naked person ever, but you aren't going to see me streaking through walmart with just a collar on. ^_^ If people don't want to see something, I don't want to force it on them, you have to respect the people around you. Now, if he's ashamed to be around you when you are at munches and things like that, I'd reconsider your relationship. I could be wrong, but it doesn't sound quite right to me. [sm=2cents.gif]

OsideGirl -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 5:29:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlesui Sorry - potentially misleading there - I meant ashamed /embarrassed/ potentially threatened by your interest / involvement in BDSM to the extent you want to keep all associations 'under wraps' I have found that a large majority of people that wants to keep "all associtions under wraps" even within the BDSM community are doing so because they have something to hide. It's usually cheating, lying or a bad reputation. There's one guy locally, that gives his potential subs the song and dance that he hates the local group. The reason why he hates the local group is because he made a jackass of himself towards me.....in public. It's still talked about and any new submissive of his in the community would hear about it. So, he hides from the community.

littlesui -> RE: Ashamed of your sub?? (4/6/2008 5:31:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chrissys2127 I read your profile and it looks like you're the sub in question. Sorry - i'm not clear why my profile suggests i'm referring to myself? I'm not - it was a general question. The very fact 'we' enjoy WIITWD doesn't render 'us' the type of girl / bloke many would want to take home to meet mum. I'm referring to the 'BDSM for fun / vanilla for my mum' scenario. Though i'm guessing anyone with the latter mindset probably wouldn't own up to this - well not where their sub / slut / slave is likely to read it so the answers are probably going to reflect that...

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