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what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 11:57:53 AM

curiousub88

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/10/2007
Status: offline

Thought i'd ask this question and see how people answer. Just about a half hour ago i got called a fake. I had exchanged emails with a dom for the past few days, she starting the conversation and saying how much fun she'd have with me, followed by me trying to be nice and asking if there was anything i could do and she replied a webcam or phone chat, which would cost me. Of course not knowing her, i said i would prefer to learn more about her before we do these sessions, to gain trust, which followed by her calling me a fake. Is it wrong for a sub to want to learn about a dom before they do an online session? I didn't mean to sound like a tease, by inquiring about the session and then saying i'd like to wait on it. I haven't had any experience in BDSM, so i am nervous, but wanting to give myself to someone. I am a virgin as well, and do have a fear of people just wanting me to take that from me rather than enjoying myself for who i am. I know that isn't really applicable to online stuff, but just something to mention about my slowness of dipping into this lifestyle. It seems some doms think you should trust them right away and do whatever they say while some will be friendly in the beginning to gain trust and then turning into a D/S relationship. That is how it was with my master (only online master though, he just stopped logging online and haven't talked to him for 3 months; that would sound more like a fake to me). So i know i said a lot, but i'll recap my main questions. Do i sound like a fake? Is it possible to be a fake without knowing it? What do fakes do that makes them so?

< Message edited by curiousub88 -- 4/6/2008 11:58:35 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 12:11:13 PM

jenara

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/8/2008
Status: offline

i think anyone that says you're a fake because you're not ready for something is the fake themselves.... and good on your for saying you weren't ready. Forget the online stuff, go find a local munch and meet real people :)

Real people know that it takes time to get to know someone and time before you feel comfortable enough to submit.

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 2

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 12:11:15 PM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

oy, well you have several questions rolled into a single post--so here is My humble $.02

Someone who refuses to pay for an online session is not a fake but a customer---customers have the right to refuse to pay for the goods, that does not make them less the person they are--you have every right to ask, online or live--and online more so should you investigate so someone does not end up owning your bank account and well you dont want your puppy food eating webcam to end up on youtube--so caution is always warranted.

Yes and those kneel bitch dom/dominas, pffttt use your common sense, life or not--if some stranger walked up to you in a mall and said I want a kiss and a grope--would you acquiesce? I doubt it--common sense has only one name---common sense. Be true to yourself.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 3

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 12:13:18 PM

softpjOS

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Well, as a general rule of thumb i'd say, anyone that calls you "fake" because you wish to take things at a different pace then them are most likely not for you anyway so who cares what they think?

Now, if you make it a habit to talk to Dommes about what YOU want, what YOU like, when YOU are willing to do X, Y or Z.... well, ya know.... that's another story. That would come across as you are looking for nothing more then "wanking material" and yea, some would scream "fake".

Just as there is no hard and fast "twue" way, there's no set "fake" way either. lol. One persons "fake" is anothers "dream come true". When you come across people like that, just smile and move along.

I don't understand why webcam would "cost you money", unless you don't own one and in that case umm yea, i'd want to know someone better before going out and buying one. On the other hand, if i was strictly intersted in online, i do believe a webcam would have been at the top of my wish list and something i would already own or be well on my way to owning as they are not that expensive.

Do you "sound like a fake"? Well, again to each their own. Only you know your intentions/expectations of a relationship. As long as you are honest and upfront with people, how can you be seen as fake?

pj

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 4

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 12:19:54 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jenara

Forget the online stuff, go find a local munch and meet real people :)

Real people know that it takes time to get to know someone and time before you feel comfortable enough to submit.

I agree 100%.

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to jenara)

Post #: 5

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 12:21:17 PM

subofyourwill

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

No idea how to approach this one... You should try to meet real people casually at a club or a Munch. I mean you can chat with people online, like this site is great for it, but seriously any site that charges you for webcam or phone chat is pretty much a porn site. lol Not exactly a situation you'd like to give yourself 100% over too. Plus your a virgin... Really don't know how to respond to that. Although for cockolding you might be perfect. LOL. When I first started I was a virgin and was owned for 2 years in a cockholding position. Really if you don't know what you’re missing it's heavenly. As my ex-mistress would say, "I made a great lap dog." After that I had a Mistress that "fixed" the virgin issue, never was the same again, but it is still a lot of fun. :)

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 6

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 12:22:21 PM

SL4V3M4YB3

Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

No kite mark = fake sub.

_____________________________

Memory Lane...been there done that.

(in reply to subofyourwill)

Post #: 7

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 12:23:05 PM

curiousub88

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/10/2007
Status: offline

When i had inquired about doing anything for her online, since she is in west virginia and i'm in vermont nothing offline is possible, she said an online session, but would cost a gift ($40).

I do try my best and not talk about what i want. If i do mention my interests, i try to fit in the general phrase that they are things i would love to do if YOU are interested in them.

I do have an interest in offline stuff. It just isn't the easiest thing. I'm up in Vermont for college and if you look at the number of female doms up there, you'll find 3-4 active ones. I am looking for future things though, be it a live-in or just a relationship. Online only isn't my thing for i can't do a whole lot online to please. It just seems like a nice place to learn about a person, gain their trust and then visiting them in real-life.

I'm not a whole lot familiar with munches, is there a way to find out where they are being held and such? I'm such a different person offline though, possibly more submissive sounding, i'm kind of the real shy and quiet person, online usually lets me explain who i am on the inside, and offline shows my submissiveness i suppose :).
I have wondered if i'm a fake. I don't think i'm one. I do enjoy giving others pleasure, i mean i'm going to college for psychology and thinking of transfering to massage therapy, both of which have potentional to relieve stress. I love seeing people smile because of things i do for them. I have dream of being under someone for a long time.

< Message edited by curiousub88 -- 4/6/2008 12:26:23 PM >

(in reply to softpjOS)

Post #: 8

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 1:02:27 PM

metalmiss

Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline

In my opinion the only kinds of fakes out there are the bogus profiles put up by people just to get some kind of kick (which i have never understood) from messing the real people about.

If this person can't accept your need to take it slow and won't give you the time to build your trust then they are the fake, not you.. And quite honestly i would think you're better off without them. Hell.. Is trust not THE biggest building block any relationship, especially the kind we seek, built on? Any "Dom/me" who doesn't respect a need for trust is no "Dom/me" at all.

_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 9

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 1:10:33 PM

lalbobbilynn

Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

Define Yourself by Your vernacular; being that You are new(on several different levels), set your pace slow and steady, and stay focused on Your schooling above all else. Simply because You are Your everyday life differs from what You seek in the realm of BDSM does not mean You should entertain the idea You are fake.

Has been my experience when i ask questions until i have reached a comfort level that sets my being at ease, can result in me being labeled as a "fake" ........ and when i do NOT ask questions, i usually have been fake to myself.

i have meet some excellent folks from Cm, and even though i am presently not owned, all i have met in person from here have taught me something positive ..... about BDSM, and or myself. Even folks i have never met from here, yet have bantered with from the time i joined have been across the board with one tried and true piece of advice (is also something i see over and over in my readings of the boards) .......... Be True To You, Darlin!!!!

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 10

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 1:32:00 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Personally, it sounds more like someone trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.

As for whether you fit into my definition of what a submissive is, I don't know near enough about you and frankly, my opinion should matter very little if at all.

If you read the boards for a bit, one thing you will come to realize is that there are almost as many definitions of what a submissive is as there are people posting. To some people I may be a fake since I do not get pleasure simply from his pleasure. For others, I fit their idea of a submissive because I am very obedience oriented; I will obey and do what I am told even if I hate doing it.

So, yep, I could be a fake in someone's opinion and not know it. The only opinion that matters though is whether he thinks I am submissive to him.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 11

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 1:33:10 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

A munch in your area http://www.roseandthorn.org/

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to lalbobbilynn)

Post #: 12

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 1:40:15 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it wrong for a sub to want to learn about a dom before they do an online session? I didn't mean to sound like a tease, by inquiring about the session and then saying i'd like to wait on it. I haven't ha

curious,

she is called a Domme not a dom. Then your correct, you do have a right to get to know any Dominant prior to raising the bar.

CP

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 13

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 1:44:34 PM

curiousub88

Posts: 16
Joined: 11/10/2007
Status: offline

thanks maya. happen to know some for MA too? Hometown is in MA, going up to college in vermont, so back and forth a bit. And thanks everyone else for your replies, it makes me feel better about my way of going about as a sub.

Thank you for the correction CelticPrince. I just think dom = dominant, which is male or female. Still not perfect at it all

Edit: oh, that munch is for only people over 21 *sadface*, i'm only 19.

< Message edited by curiousub88 -- 4/6/2008 1:48:07 PM >

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 14

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 1:56:56 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiousub88
Thank you for the correction CelticPrince. I just think dom = dominant, which is male or female. Still not perfect at it all

curious,

For as many people who use the word "domme", there will be just as many who do not use it. The only person's protocols or standards that you have to meet are your own, the person you eventually decide to submit to and the moderators of this board while you are posting here.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 15

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 2:04:51 PM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

In my opinion a fake would be someone who willfully deceives another in order to manipulate that person into doing what they want under the guise of BDSM.

Do you want to know how many times I've been called a fake?
I don't submit online. Fake!
I am very selective in who I submit to. Fake!
I have a brain and know how to use it. Fake!
I don't immediately answer every IM I get from a Dominate. Fake!
I don't send nude pictures of myself to a complete stranger. Fake!
I'm not bi or poly. Oh big-time fake!

I could go on and on but you get the picture. Only you know how sincere your intentions are. If you are honest in your intentions, state your case as honestly as you can right up front and stick to your own boundaries then you have nothing to fear from being called a fake.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 16

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 2:14:20 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

Inside my head (yes it is a dark scary place that echoes echoes echoes) the only thing a 'fake sub' could be is someone professing interest in BDSM to get laid, while having absolutely no real interest at all. Otherwise?We all do things differently and thats cool by me....unless you lead someone on as in the above example.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to curiousub88)

Post #: 17

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 2:30:19 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

In my mind the only real fake is a robot who has learned how to use the internet,

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 18

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 2:36:59 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

One with no meat!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 19

RE: what do you consider a 'fake' sub? - 4/6/2008 2:51:33 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

She's trying to belittle you into feeling guilty/ashamed/stupid/whatever so you send her the money. She's a professional, after all

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 20

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