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Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 1:34:43 AM

josiedawn

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/12/2008
Status: offline

Should a sub be discredited for submitting to one Dom she respects as a friend, while she is crying over another that she loves?..
Then asks to be released after 9 days?

The Dom i submitted to, knew that i was in training to be with the other Dom. i feel he used my weakness at the moment, and coherced me into submitting to Him, and then turned me into an online sex slave.

The 1rst Dom, training me for Himself, said a few things that made me feel that he had been dishonest with me. Which He didn't. i just never took the time to talk to Him after the weekend was over. Instead, i showed my weakness to someone else, and got caught up in a mess.

i asked to be released after 9 days. i now have the reputation as a troll, a wanna be sub, a fake, using others compassion for my own needs. Which is far from what i done. My weakness was used for ones gain. i feel He should have waited until i gained my strength back, and tried to win me over that way.

Should i be discredited in the lifestyle?

< Message edited by josiedawn -- 4/7/2008 1:52:14 AM >

_____________________________

There is nothing permanent except change

Post #: 1

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 2:12:21 AM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

it certainly isn't something to be applauded, nor is accusing others for what happened. can't just go about blaming others for your own actions, or discrediting the importance of something just because of your state of mind. they were offering, you were willing, you now regret it, you have my sympathy.

but i think if i was a dom i'd see a couple red flags not so much based on what occured, but if for no other reason than because you're on here rather trying to turn things around and trying to discredit those people. people like to stay away from this sort of drama for the most part.

mostly i'm wondering, how did you end up having a reputation as being a troll-wannabe-sub-faker before you came right out and told us you did? those 2 people aren't enough to warrant what your reputation is, especially what your reputation is here. also, i'm not sure asking us submissives are the right people to be asking since we're not the ones you're probably worried about eh? i mean it sounds like you're basically just after some justification in your actions, but you're not worried what the collective subbie association thinks of you, you're worried about your future relations are you not?

anyway, everyone makes mistakes, and there's no one that stamps a checkmark or X on peoples foreheads in this lifestyle with the governing ability to discredit or approve anyone. i'm sure you'll find very little will likely happen from any of this sort of slanderous behavior on either end, and things will be no different from before. i'm sure it's uncomforting to have it happen, but even if what they were saying was true, it still wouldn't make much of a difference or cause any significant impact. if someone wants to get to know you, it's because of what you present, and they know how to say "hello", other than that, who cares what they think. i mean, do you care what i think? who the hell am i? if they aren't important to you then why would their opinions be? but these 2 people who you had bad relations with don't have the resources, power, or time to stop you from finding another better partner. just don't let it get to you, move on, and set your own reputation by your own words and actions.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 4/7/2008 2:28:17 AM >

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 2

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 2:21:31 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

Everyone makes mistakes. The best thing is to put this behind you and look to the future. Treat it as a learning experience. Reputations heal over time

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 3

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 2:24:49 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

People are responsible for their own actions and you need to take responsibility for your own actions in this 'mess' and not point the firnger at or try to excuse yourself by claiming to be weak. Only by accepting your resposibility for your own actions can you possibly learn anything from this situation.

You did the right thing by asking to be released. Now pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and understand that the only way to change your 'reputation' is to change your actions. Since you didn't mention the 2nd Dominant holding a weapon to your head, one can only assume you had some personal responsibility. Own up to it and then don't repeat your mistakes. Learn to live with integrity (that's when words and actions match!) and in time your reputation will change for the better.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 4

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 2:29:20 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

In the end , did you learn and gain knowledge through all this ? from anything learned come s experience and growth ,Growth counts for a lot .

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 5

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 3:10:00 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiedawn
The Dom i submitted to, knew that i was in training to be with the other Dom. i feel he used my weakness at the moment, and coherced me into submitting to Him, and then turned me into an online sex slave.

This is the part I have big problems with, I understand at our weakest we are more impressionable but he coerced you? I mean that seems a little bit far fetched to me just because you are upset doesnt mean that you loose all rational thought, you may be more likely to get into a silly relationship sure but you have to take some of the responsibility for that seriously.

The whole posting seems a bit lacking in self awareness, you really have to start realising that your own actions so affect people it wasnt a case of "oh woe is me everything bad happens to me" it was a case of you making bad decisions.

In regards to your question, no you shouldnt not generally but then why would you? Surely the only people who think that are the ones involved in this little old mess in which case I say move on, a little bit wiser.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 6

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 3:28:56 AM

mastervalentine

Posts: 157
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

If philosphy has taught me any one thing, it is that a rushed action invites disaster.

Learn from it, slow down a little, and know that not everyone here cares to measure someone based off of a reputation, or get involved in drama, current or past.

I wish you well.

_____________________________

"If philosophy has taught me any one thing, it is that a rushed action invites disaster." ~MasterValentine

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 7

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 3:34:14 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiedawn
i feel he used my weakness at the moment, and coherced me into submitting to Him, and then turned me into an online sex slave.

Like others, such as John W have mentioned, everyone is capable of mistakes. One mistake doesn't make a pattern. If you where doing it regularly then it would maybe be a different matter.

In everything you said there is only one part that would raise any warning bells for Me... the bit I quoted. you submitted to Him and He acted on that, playing the victim in such circumstances is rather abdicating your responcibility. Weak or not, you submitted, you had a choise and in hindsight realised you had made a wrong choise. Deal with it, correct it but no need to play victim over it.

Maybe He did consiously push just as you where low and confused... or maybe He was just responding to someone needing help and read the signs wrong... maybe He too made a mistake. Just as you shouldn't be pilloried for one mistake, neither should He. We only have one side of the story here.

quote:

Should i be discredited in the lifestyle?

Why would you be.... for a one off mistake. Show Me someone who claims never to have made a mistake and I'll show you a liar!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 8

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 4:06:14 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiedawn

Should a sub be discredited for submitting to one Dom she respects as a friend, while she is crying over another that she loves?..
Then asks to be released after 9 days?

The Dom i submitted to, knew that i was in training to be with the other Dom. i feel he used my weakness at the moment, and coherced me into submitting to Him, and then turned me into an online sex slave.

The 1rst Dom, training me for Himself, said a few things that made me feel that he had been dishonest with me. Which He didn't. i just never took the time to talk to Him after the weekend was over. Instead, i showed my weakness to someone else, and got caught up in a mess.

i asked to be released after 9 days. i now have the reputation as a troll, a wanna be sub, a fake, using others compassion for my own needs. Which is far from what i done. My weakness was used for ones gain. i feel He should have waited until i gained my strength back, and tried to win me over that way.

Should i be discredited in the lifestyle?

Discredited? Probably not. People have a remarkably short memory for others negative behaviour.....see our celebrities as case in point.

However you should begin taking responsibility for your part in the mess. Accept that you allowed yourself to be used. Regardless of the person's intent........again, YOU ALLOWED IT.

In my life I have no patience for "victims". If someone, anyone, whether they be submissive, slave, friend, or one of my family members, cannot take personal responsibility for the shit in their life they will not last long around me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 9

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 4:42:54 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

How is someone an online sex slave and how were you coerced? Couldn't you have just hit the power button?

_____________________________

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 10

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 5:09:30 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Alieen I know what the op is going thru. You are coerceing the hell out of me. OP sounds like you were burning your candle at both ends.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 11

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 5:09:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You chose not to talk about a problem with one. You chose to climb into bed with another. Spend six months learning about personal responsibilities and acquiring communication and relationship skills. And only then get into another relationship.

Because you're the one common denominator in both these fucked up relationships.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 12

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 5:26:34 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

No one can make you do anything you really don't want to do. So, something inside you wanted to do these things. Looking at WHY you said yes is probably more the issue.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 13

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 5:33:50 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I think I would more wonder where you have that reputation? I mean, I dont know about anyone else, but I dont remember having ever seen your name before. So, obviously on these forums you have no reputation unless you make one yourself.
If either of these former Dominants are speaking poorly of you in their profiles r journals, you can report them for it. Thts agianst the TOS. As for anyone new who might be contacting you, simple, dont give them references. Dont tell them about the prior dominants, and dont open the past. You acted badly, you made some bad decisions. Its over and done with, and now you only have 2 choices. Dwell on them or move along and get into something new.

When you do, pay more attention to yourself. Do not go head on into a new relationship and forget your senses. You are still responsible for the things you do, including allowing yourself to be in a position where you can be coerced. If you are vulnerable again, remove yourself from potentally coercive influences. Learn a bit more about how to handle yourself in less than ideal situations and you will be just fine.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 14

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 6:08:11 AM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiedawn
The Dom i submitted to, knew that i was in training to be with the other Dom. i feel he used my weakness at the moment, and coherced me into submitting to Him, and then turned me into an online sex slave.

Coerced? I would rather say sweet-talked. He didn't threaten you, did he? He probably couldn't have done you any physical harm online, could he?

quote:

The 1rst Dom, training me for Himself, said a few things that made me feel that he had been dishonest with me. Which He didn't. i just never took the time to talk to Him after the weekend was over. Instead, i showed my weakness to someone else, and got caught up in a mess.

Lesson learned, I hope? Keep other people out of your love life!

quote:

i asked to be released after 9 days. i now have the reputation as a troll, a wanna be sub, a fake, using others compassion for my own needs. Which is far from what i done. My weakness was used for ones gain. i feel He should have waited until i gained my strength back, and tried to win me over that way.

Lesson #2 - As a sub, you are not obligated to submit to every Dom who asks, or even tells, you to. You can stand up for yourself and say, "I would rather have you as my friend." I don't know which Dom called you all those things, but take his emotional state into consideration; many people lash out when they feel betrayed or used.

quote:

Should i be discredited in the lifestyle?

Sad to say, but the vast majority of the 'lifestyle' do not even know who you are. So, to look on the bright side of that, you are not discredited with them. You have the opportunity to make a fresh start. Fortunately, I doubt any new Dom you find is going to check your 'previous enslavement' references, and you're pretty safe from anyone else saying nasty things about you on CM (TOS and all), so you have a good chance of redeeming yourself.

This time, however, take your time. If you're new to the BDSM scene, be aware of sub frenzy, submitting yourself all over the place and letting guys collar you online just because it feels so right to be submissive. The collar and submission to the One who is right for you will come in time. Like any relationship, don't try to rush things.

pip, lessons learned

_____________________________

There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 15

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 8:25:40 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I'm wondering about that online sex-slave thing to. How's that work exactly? And I'm also interested where your reputation is that was tarnished. Have you been blacklisted from your local BDSM group?

Cali
(whose reputation is sterling, untarnished, and just as sweet as sugar pie)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Poetryinpain)

Post #: 16

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 9:09:33 AM

josiedawn

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/12/2008
Status: offline

Thank you to all.
i didnt write what i wanted to which would have better explained things but i leave it the way it is.
sometimes hard love is what a person needs. i will put this in my past, as i have survived much worse.

i am new here to the message boards, and i wish i wouldn't have chosen this to be my second post. As it is already done, it is time to move on.

Again, thanks to everyone.

< Message edited by josiedawn -- 4/7/2008 9:21:41 AM >

_____________________________

There is nothing permanent except change

(in reply to hopelesslyInvo)

Post #: 17

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 9:17:16 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Has his slaves "on you"? What does that mean? Should you be discredited? Did you really mean that as a serious question? I took it as a rhetorical question. And what's an online sex slave?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 18

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 9:20:08 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Um..... your a sub right?
So lets say per chance that I were to persue you and you laid out the fact to me and I continue and you submit to me and on and on and on.... well
Me being the Dom I would be the responsible person. Not you. Its your job to fill out the application so to speak and check off the points you like and dont like and to decide a go or no go and after that point your responsibilities prety much end. If you say yes and I say lets go and you do what I tell you to do you get the good girl bad girl thing so to speak... because you have other comitments dosnt really make any difference. If I decided to play with you knowing the fall out that was going to come from it then its my decision so to speak to deal with that fallout when it occurs... you on the other hand are fuck meat. I know this sounds harsh and I in no way actually mean any kind of disrespect or to devalue you in any way its just the role you have chosen is not to deal with the very problem you have asked... its not your problem its, not your concern. If a girl has chosen to submit and has done everything her guy says and things play out in the relationship exacly how it was outlined from the begining than you have done no wrong. He was just plain horny and wanted to play with someone elses chew toy for a while and then got upset when it was taken away... Dont worry your a good girl.

(in reply to josiedawn)

Post #: 19

RE: Discredited or Not - 4/7/2008 10:14:11 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

You made a mistake we are all human we are gonna make them. You asked to be released when you realized your mistake which was a good thing. Now its time to learn from it and move on. Life is too short to harp on your mistakes, and really do you care what these 2 people think anyway?

Matt's littleone

(in reply to FRSguy)

Post #: 20

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