Feeling more in control...from the bottom?

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Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/7/2008 5:33:55 AM

BoiJen

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I had a recent conversation with MsK that turned out to be surprising and then as we continued not so surprising.

She sometimes feels more "in control" from the bottom. I thought about it and then wasn't too surprised. Our standard agreement is that we switch in the ways of top and bottom however our power structure remains intact no matter what. She's ALWAYS in charge. So where does this comre from?

She's also a Pro. So it doesn't surprise me in that way. Often as a top She's somewhat confined based on the nature of the work. Most clients come in in the fashion of "You can do whatever You want when it comes to kink-x, y, and z. But that's it." I thought about it more and most bottoms, whether seeing a Pro or not are the same way.

Anybody else who can relate or add to this?

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/7/2008 10:16:01 AM

Lashra

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I bottom sometimes and my malesub is put into the Top role. There is a certain power to it as I tell him to put the cuffs on me, tie me this way..Now pick up that paddle and rub it across my ass. Well, you get the picture. We never loose our dynamic that is always in place as he is merely doing to me what I am telling him too.

I guess when I think about it having all the implements of phyiscal control in your hands and being unable to use them for your own will because this person you have tied up has this power over you, could be a big "I'm being controlled" rush for a sub and a "I'm in total control of this submissive" for the Dominant.

He enjoys it (though he really prefers me doing it to him) and I enjoy it, thats all that counts.

Hope this helps some,

~Lashra

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/7/2008 1:13:53 PM

ShaktiSama

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I can definitely sympathize with this if I think of "bottoming" as "being the receiver of sensations". I am not a masochist at all, but I have discovered that a lot of things that cause others pain simply feel good or pleasant to me--I nearly slept through my tattoos, for example, while some people find them agonizing. I like strong pressure in massages and...other activities.

I also find that a lot of my deepest pleasures come from activities or sexual positions that some would define as "male-dominant", because the man is the one exerting himself or giving sensations.

*shrug* Dunno. I don't feel submissive under those conditions, just loved-wanted-fulfilled-pleased...

I suppose I like a mingling of qualities in a man. His sensuality, his surrender and the need to serve me are part of the equation. His strength, courage and fire are another part. I like both.

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/7/2008 2:07:30 PM

RumpusParable

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I certainly have to agree with that feeling at times, feeling very or more in control when bottoming.

Whether it's receiving pain or getting a foot massage, dictating to someone how to give me pleasure is a both sides of being in power -I'm controlling the situation *and* have full control of the reactions of the receiver (me).

When topping, I can control the situation and guide or influence the feelings and reactions of the bottom, but ultimately that is within their hands as it's their body and mind.

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/7/2008 2:54:17 PM

atursvcMaam

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    When this topic is brought up, as it often is, i recall a scene from "The Secret War of Harry Frigg" and try to remember the Contessa's name. When Harry(Paul Newman) went to kiss her good night (or was it to kiss her hand?), she corrected him as follows: "It was impertinent, and a waste of time and effort. I didn't enjoy it, and if I didn't enjoy it, you couldn't have."
       It has always reminded me that if it is not pleasurable to both sides, or to top and bottom, then it is probably not pleasurable to either.
       i hope that Y/you all find pleasure wherever Y/you seek it.

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/7/2008 8:16:42 PM

MistressFaye1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I bottom sometimes and my malesub is put into the Top role. There is a certain power to it as I tell him to put the cuffs on me, tie me this way..Now pick up that paddle and rub it across my ass. Well, you get the picture. We never loose our dynamic that is always in place as he is merely doing to me what I am telling him too.

~Lashra

I finally have my cake and get to eat it too! My dear one has the ability to "top" me without causing the delicate balance some submissives tend to have, to topple. I've tried to experience it before and was met with many, "no ma'am I can't do that" or there were half hearted attempts to do so. Meaning they couldn't bring themselves to go beyond what I call love taps even though I was restrained in some way.

I instructed him on how to tie me, was rather resistant when he did certain things and then had the nerve to laugh at some points; in the beginning that is. I told him what I wanted and that no one had been ever to get me there other than the one that mentored me eons ago.

It didn't take long for me to see that he was determined to give me just what I wanted and it also didn't take long for my laughter to stop as he did my bidding and then some.

Since this was the first topping experience for him; I was the one worried about the dynamic and his mindset because I felt he did it a little "too well" (if there's such a thing). I shouldn't have! I asked him why it was so easy for him to go there, he told me in the most humble of tones, "because you told me to Mistress and I am here for your pleasure and your pleasure only."

I don't think I felt more in control but this particular experience had me feeling his willingness to go beyond the norm for him and to do as I asked. It gave me a sense of the totality of his submission. There weren't any doubts prior to this but there was something, I can't explain, that did it for me, enough to say, "he's the one."

I hope this makes sense to someone other than me but you all must have, at some point felt that "this is the one" moment and I bet some of you can even remember the exact event or moment it took place.

Faye

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/8/2008 12:52:25 AM

Araven

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I had made a post abou this a while ago, when I was trying to find labels and definations (which of course don't fit everybody and everyone, as each person is unique and an individual). But I can understand and see from my viewpoint how somebody can feel more in control from the "bottom". But truth be told, it sounds like your dynamic is firmly in place and she is always in control, even if she is directing you on how to "top" her.

A dominant masochist, somebody who likes the sensations that another person can cause, but is in control of how they recieve those sensations. On the flip side, Im sure there are submissive sadists, who like to cause sensations under supervison and direction, who thrive in these kind of relationships. Thats how I view this type of situtation.

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/8/2008 3:10:25 PM

yidproquo

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quote:

On the flip side, Im sure there are submissive sadists, who like to cause sensations under supervison and direction, who thrive in these kind of relationships.

::raises hand:: yup, indeed. i just wish there was some convenient shorthand to make that sound sensible to most people. 'bottoming-from-the-top' just doesn't roll off the tongue so well.

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/8/2008 3:43:05 PM

LadyPact

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(This is the part where I tell jen she's on MsK's account again, and to change over before posting.)

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/8/2008 4:12:38 PM

BoiJen

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Heh...nah..MsK was checking the thread I started. She generally doesn't comment but likes to read the process of thoughts and opinions.

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RE: Feeling more in control...from the bottom? - 4/9/2008 7:17:08 AM

cloudboy

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If one issues control from the bottom, he has great control over the outcome of a scene. If one is simply the top or the domme, its somewhat unpredictable how a sub might react or how a scene might close. Hence, there is what I might call "dominant vulnerability" here.

I am beginning to view D/S as a lot less about "control" and a lot more about "cooperation." Its a situation where each person is allowed to be their natural selves, and if that's the case, then the relationship **efforts** are less about control and obedience and more about simply being.

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