Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (Full Version)

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sexyuksub -> Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/6/2005 3:14:21 PM)

Newbie



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/6/2005 3:36:00 PM)

I'm sure your mailbox will be flooded with helpful men just panting at the opportunity to get in your draw...I mean help you gain your footing.

Read the boards, find a local scene and get offline.



pastplayingames -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/6/2005 3:51:49 PM)

sexyuksub,

Welcome to collarme.

My best advice: Learn what this is all about for yourself.
Find out why you feel you are drawn to this and what it is you seek out of it. And, as you meet people, see if they fit....not the other way around.

Don't look to someone else to tell you what it is all about...from a book, online, potential partner, as these are only the opinions and beliefs of those who present them. NO ONE can tell you who you are.

Trust your gut. (Revised to say: <<that means truly listen to yourself, not just your craving.)

~Christine



fastlane -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 11:46:56 AM)

I would suggest that you read the forum and learn many of the answers to the questions that you don't even know how to asks....if that makes sense?

Too bad there's not a book "submissive for dummy's" like the computer books I see around, which could help.

Trust your gut and your instincts and if your solicited, but it feels wrong to you, it probably is.

Good luck, Kevin



RainGod -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 12:53:47 PM)

EmeraldSlave writes:

quote:

I'm sure your mailbox will be flooded with helpful men just panting at the opportunity to get in your draw...I mean help you gain your footing.


uh-huh.... but with a one-word shameless self promotion like that, I assure you I shant be one of Them... lol

Em offers good advice though... find a local group or meet someone locally and don't get muddled down too much with the online stuff.



Sub03 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 5:13:01 PM)

I disagree with EmeraldSlave, stay online. Jumping into a scene or meeting people especially Doms when your new and dont know anything can turn out horribly.

My advice, read the forums and gain answers to some of your questions. Though knowing what is good and bad advice can be hard.

Look at online web pages that explain BDSM and what it is, I even know a few sites that were helpful to me:

http://www.soulshaven.f2s.com/introduction.php3

http://www.submissiveloving.com/

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/page1.html

http://www.castlerealm.com/tours.shtml

And one last thing, dont believe just because a person calls themseves a Dom/me dosent mean they are what you are looking for. Learn before you agree to be anyones sub.




fastlane -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 5:16:41 PM)

I always disagree with E.S., but she has lots of paddles...so she must be right...NOT!



topcat -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 5:28:39 PM)

M. Kevin-

I'd side with E.S. on this one-

It's been my experiance that most of the people I have met that have come to this stuff from online would have been better served by spending some time out in the world, making the scene, rather than being misinformed by (or just misunderstanding from lack of content) the mishmash of information on the internet.

That said, these boards continue to impress me with their broad spectrum of voices and experiences in and about this stuff. One could do worse that to lurk around here and ask any ole silly question that pops up...

Stay warm,
Lawrence



Sub03 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 5:30:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

I always disagree with E.S., but she has lots of paddles...so she must be right...NOT!


LOL......i agree



Evanesce -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 5:51:00 PM)

quote:

I disagree with EmeraldSlave, stay online. Jumping into a scene or meeting people especially Doms when your new and dont know anything can turn out horribly.


And getting caught up in the flowery, overly romanticized crap on castlerealm and other sites is equally horrendous, and can have far more devastating results once that person actually leaves cyberland and steps into the real world.

Sexyuksub, my advice to you is to find your local/regional lifestyle group, find someone within that group that the others seem to respect, and befriend them. Then ask that friend to help you wade through the jungle creatures who are sure to be flocking around you by now, and pay attention to your own instincts.

And avoid anyone who, within a minute of meeting, offers to be your "mentor" or "trainer." More often than not, they're just looking to get laid. Find someone of your same gender and lifestyle orientation to show you the ropes.



Sub03 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 6:41:39 PM)




And getting caught up in the flowery, overly romanticized crap on castlerealm and other sites is equally horrendous, and can have far more devastating results once that person actually leaves cyberland and steps into the real world.

Sexyuksub, my advice to you is to find your local/regional lifestyle group, find someone within that group that the others seem to respect, and befriend them. Then ask that friend to help you wade through the jungle creatures who are sure to be flocking around you by now, and pay attention to your own instincts.

And avoid anyone who, within a minute of meeting, offers to be your "mentor" or "trainer." More often than not, they're just looking to get laid. Find someone of your same gender and lifestyle orientation to show you the ropes.
[/quote]


I have went to all those sites and read what they have to offer. They are not over romanticized at all. There is nothing wrong with looking online for imformation....thats where all the info is, I look online, and i am fully in the real world. I have been a sub for over a year and serve a Master. I can read those sites with an educated head and there is nothing wrong with them.

Telling her to go out and find someone to teach her can lead to someone taking advantage of her or shaping her the way they want her to be.

Once she has a lil bit of information and knows a lil about the lifestyle then go out into the scene. You dont send someone out to fight a war without boot camp to train them first....so dont send a sub out until she has a lil knowledge.




KatyLied -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 7:02:03 PM)

I'm going to sit here and wait for E.S. to defend her paddles.

[;)]



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 7:06:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03
Once she has a lil bit of information and knows a lil about the lifestyle then go out into the scene. You dont send someone out to fight a war without boot camp to train them first....so dont send a sub out until she has a lil knowledge.

She's a mature responsible adult. That's all the information she needs to start making friends and take care of herself.

I really dislike the notion that adult women somehow don't have the skills to go out in public and that the scene is some big horrible scary thing.



Sub03 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 7:13:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


She's a mature responsible adult. That's all the information she needs to start making friends and take care of herself.

I really dislike the notion that adult women somehow don't have the skills to go out in public and that the scene is some big horrible scary thing.


Well im sorry you dislike something but that dosent change it from being there. Sending a sub to a play party where she can easily be taken advantage of by a wanna be Dom is asking for trouble.

Considering I know of a EXPERIENCED sub that went to a hotel to meet a Dom and had drinks and talked and then went to a room with Him and didnt come back out because the "Dom" had beat her to death I think sending out a newbie that dosent know any of the dangers that ARE out there whether you like it or not is asking for something to happen.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 7:21:36 PM)


quote:


Well im sorry you dislike something but that dosent change it from being there. Sending a sub to a play party where she can easily be taken advantage of by a wanna be Dom is asking for trouble.

There goes the theory that submissives are strong independent women...
quote:


Considering I know of a EXPERIENCED sub that went to a hotel to meet a Dom and had drinks and talked and then went to a room with Him and didnt come back out because the "Dom" had beat her to death I think sending out a newbie that dosent know any of the dangers that ARE out there whether you like it or not is asking for something to happen.

Yes we've all got or heard of our share of horror stories.

But the risks in the scene are no different than they are in the vanilla world when it comes to making friends and getting to know people.

No one here has told her to start scening, dating, or fucking. We've said to find her real life local scene, go to parties and make friends.

If a submissive doesn't feel comfortable doing that, they aren't ready to be in the scene at all. They need to learn how to be an adult first.



Sub03 -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 7:30:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2


Yes we've all got or heard of our share of horror stories.

But the risks in the scene are no different than they are in the vanilla world when it comes to making friends and getting to know people.

No one here has told her to start scening, dating, or fucking. We've said to find her real life local scene, go to parties and make friends.

If a submissive doesn't feel comfortable doing that, they aren't ready to be in the scene at all. They need to learn how to be an adult first.



There are no whips, chains and cuffs in the vanilla world. And why is it so wrong to tell a sub to gain a lil knowledge before she goes out into the scene world. But honestly I really dont care what your opinion is....im trying to give a lil bit of advice to the newbie and she can decide what advice she likes and what she dosent. Whether you like my advice or not isnt going to keep me up at night.



Soulhuntre -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 11:32:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
Yes we've all got or heard of our share of horror stories.

But the risks in the scene are no different than they are in the vanilla world when it comes to making friends and getting to know people.


Sure, make sense :)

Don't you know? The "scene" is more real/intenst/deep/intimate/comitted/honest/honorable/big bad & scary than the 'nilla world? We're special dammit! We get to be both better AND worse. And don't you dare take that awa with your common sense!



Evanesce -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/7/2005 11:43:12 PM)

quote:

I have went to all those sites and read what they have to offer.


Your point is??? That you read all those sites doesn't mean they're worth reading. Crap is crap, regardless of the package it comes in.

quote:

There is nothing wrong with looking online for imformation....thats where all the info is,


Oh, Lord, I certainly hope not! If this is true, then there are an awful lot of us who've been doing this thing all wrong for decades! We got our knowledge from living the lifestyle and talking to people and networking and attending seminars (once they became popular enough that they were actually promoted and we knew where to find them) and doing what we do in the real world with real people.

quote:

I look online, and i am fully in the real world. I have been a sub for over a year and serve a Master. I can read those sites with an educated head and there is nothing wrong with them.


There's not much right with them, either. They cause an awful lot of confusion for an awful lot of newbie subs who read this crap and go out searching for a Master with unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a slave in the real world. Most of them can't handle the realization that their Master is just a guy... like a lot of other guys... with flaws and habits and idiosyncracies, and that being a slave is actually WORK.

I would also advise you to try not to be too proud of that year of "experience" you've got there. When you've been around a few more years, you'll realize you don't know nearly as much as you thought you did. I've been doing the play thing for 28 years, been a 24/7 slave for eight years, and I'm STILL learning new things. But one thing I learned a long time ago... people are people, and they are no better or worse in this lifestyle than they are in any other.

quote:

Telling her to go out and find someone to teach her can lead to someone taking advantage of her or shaping her the way they want her to be.


Since you clearly did not comprehend what I actually said, let me repeat it. I said, "Sexyuksub, my advice to you is to find your local/regional lifestyle group, find someone within that group that the others seem to respect, and befriend them. Then ask that friend to help you wade through the jungle creatures who are sure to be flocking around you by now, and pay attention to your own instincts." Where does it say I told her to go find someone to teach her?

I also said, "And avoid anyone who, within a minute of meeting, offers to be your "mentor" or "trainer." More often than not, they're just looking to get laid. Find someone of your same gender and lifestyle orientation to show you the ropes." This is sound, logical, solid advice for any rational adult entering this lifestyle.

quote:

Once she has a lil bit of information and knows a lil about the lifestyle then go out into the scene. You dont send someone out to fight a war without boot camp to train them first....so dont send a sub out until she has a lil knowledge.


If I were her, I'd be offended. Clearly, you seem to think newbie equals moron. I prefer to give people credit for having a little common sense and being capable of making adult choices all on their own.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/8/2005 4:32:53 AM)

Maybe...radical suggestion coming...she can read online AND go out into the real world? Like do BOTH?

BRILLIANT!

Now I gotta start working on my next idea...



mistoferin -> RE: Novice Sub..wantign to learn more please? (10/8/2005 6:09:18 AM)

quote:

Maybe...radical suggestion coming...she can read online AND go out into the real world? Like do BOTH?


Hey....someone give that man a beer!!!! (or a non-alcoholic drink of your choice if you so prefer). I believe there is a good deal of information on the web for people to get some kind of an idea what this is about....FOR THOSE WHO HAVE THE COGNITIVE ABILITY TO SORT THROUGH IT. Sites such as this are fairly decent as you get opposing views that lead you to make choices that are right for you. I also agree that sites like Castlerealm ARE way too flowery and over romantacized. Those who rely heavily upon online information will find themselves unprepared for the reality of this existence when they cross that threshold from online fantasy to real time. Sometimes submission in the real world is HARD.....and pain HURTS. Those are the kinds of things you will never be able to understand on a personal level until you are there.

There is no replacement for real life, real time experience though and I think that any internet knowledge is mere fantasy unless it is balanced with real time experience. I am one of those who as evanesce has said "has been doing this for decades" and I can see where having the internet could have been positive on some fronts back when I began....I can also see where it could have been detrimental and I am glad that when I began, I began real time.


quote:

Considering I know of a EXPERIENCED sub that went to a hotel to meet a Dom and had drinks and talked and then went to a room with Him and didnt come back out because the "Dom" had beat her to death I think sending out a newbie that dosent know any of the dangers that ARE out there whether you like it or not is asking for something to happen.


quote:

There are no whips, chains and cuffs in the vanilla world.


I beg to differ....there are all of these things in the vanilla world....and there are Jeffrey Dahmers and Ted Bundys and BTKs and Green River Killers too. Abused is abused, raped is raped, dead is dead and maimed is maimed....and once it happens it is not going to make a hill of beans difference if it happens in the vanilla world or the lifestyle world. There are predators in all walks of life.

We have to learn to take responsibility for ourselves and make good decisions, trust our instincts....and most importantly we have to look at the situations we put ourselves in, inform ourselves of the risks involved, weigh out those risks.....and then decide if it is a risk we are willing or not to take.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a proponent of throwing caution to the wind. I speak out on these boards and in real time lifestyle circles all the time in regards to personal safety. But notice my tag line....There are no victims, only volunteers. You have to take the responsibility of your own choices in life, educate yourself and make informed decision.....and DON'T volunteer to be someone's victim. Believe it or not you do have control. Exercising it will make the difference between being an informed and consenting volunteer......or being someone's victim.

Now please don't misunderstand, I am not blaming your friend for her own demise....but when you engage in a behavior such as meeting someone for drinks and then following them to their motel room....you have to be able to do so FULLY UNDERSTANDING the RISKS you are taking....and decide for yourself if you are willing to take that risk. That is not a risk that I would personally be willing to assume. Bad things can, will and do happen. But I have to agree with Emerald here (something that I do not do very often) and say that if you are not mature enough to make informed decisions regarding your own personal safety, go out, meet people and make friends.....then you don't belong swimming in this pool. Go back to the kiddie pool until you're ready.



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