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Poet needed! - 10/6/2005 10:09:32 PM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
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I know this sounds completely silly but could you suggest a better end for this poem? It is to be a funny epitaph for a friend, who is a MORTICIAN going as a headstone (grave/tombstone) for Halloween. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, lol.

Here lies Sally Fischer
Better off she’d wondered which’re?
The ones left behind
Who still have their mind,
Or to join the dead
Her promotion instead.

Now, the humour is of course, she jokes that she'll work herself to death, the ultimate promotion for an undertaker.
I feel this epitaph lacks something (probably taste) and really needs your help!
Thanx in advance and Happy Halloween.

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RE: Poet needed! - 10/7/2005 7:15:35 PM

sanita

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
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i understand that you have changed the name... is the last name at least going to rhyme with "Fischer"

It has a limerick beginning, so instead of the last two lines, i would go with a single 7 or 8 syllable line rhyming with the first two.

if "Fischer" is really the rhyme. *s* then we have a little time to come up with a last line, right?

how about: "Or the working stiffs getting stiff'r?"

ok, it is a first shot, but hey. it is a funny idea for a costume!

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Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

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RE: Poet needed! - 10/7/2005 9:24:51 PM

Manndalin

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/30/2005
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Here lies Sally Fischer,
Better off she'd wondered which're?
The ones left behind
who still have their mind,
Or to bask in great slumber
with the dead 8 feet under.

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RE: Poet needed! - 10/8/2005 5:24:59 AM

target

Posts: 46
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Here lies a girl named Sally Fischer
A worse fate nobody would wish her
She toiled to the bone
Till she earned her this stone
Now a working stiff just getting stiffer.

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RE: Poet needed! - 10/8/2005 8:54:07 AM

SadistDave

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Joined: 3/11/2005
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Here lies the body of Sally Fischer
Better off she’d wondered which’re?
Those above who toil and play
Or those below who rot away.
Now she knows which one is richer!

-OR-

Dear, departed Sally Fischer
Better off she’d wondered which’re?
The living with their joy and strife
Or those who have an afterlife.
Her life among the dead relied
Upon her death; formaldehyde.

-OR-

Sally Fischer lived and died.
Here her body now resides.
She lived her life among the dead.
Now she joins them here instead.

-SD-

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RE: Poet needed! - 10/9/2005 1:30:18 PM

subversiveone

Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
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thanx everybody!!! awesome replies ;)

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