Room for humanity?

Room for humanity? (Full Version)

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LadybugBlue -> Room for humanity? (4/8/2008 8:09:00 PM)
A question for all subs/slaves out there... Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs? Are you generally open to a variety of discipline styles, including merely a look or being ignored as punishment in public? My apologies if this question seems dumb or if it's inappropriate, I'm still rather green in many ways. Thank you!

xxblushesxx -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/8/2008 8:29:52 PM)
Whatever you are, (dom, slave, sub) you are (presumably) not a machine; it would be absurd not to require that imo.

BitaTruble -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/8/2008 8:31:16 PM)
I'm not very open to punishments which don't serve the purpose of teaching a lesson for a specific behavior which needs modifying. As far as allowing for humanity, yes, of course but I must say that I do have this one fantasy about aliens.. but, that's another thread. [sm=abducted.gif]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/8/2008 9:45:20 PM)
It's reasonable for everyone to be true to who they are, to be in exactly the relationship they want with exactly the person they want and not settle for less. Which means everyone gets to say no if you don't fit the bill for them.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/8/2008 11:47:47 PM)
It is reasonable to want to be treated as an equal human being even if you not of equal status. This was written by a Master I highly respect...and I try to follow them, so yeah, people do believe this: Qualities of a Realized Master Master Fire

zuki -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 2:23:47 AM)
We are all human (although i have doubts about some) so there has to be humanity, neither Dom nor sub can be expected to be perfect and not make mistakes, as blushes said we are not machines.

topIrishsubm -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 3:25:35 AM)
We are all people, continuously evolving and changing though our life experience. I know we all have brief periods in life where we have it "figured out" but life teaches us otherwise. Personal growth is practically inevitable, and most welcome. For me D/s is a journey and where we all will hopefully grow, become more self aware and be very happy [:)]

DesFIP -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 4:40:51 AM)
It isn't reasonable for me to be with someone who assumes that I am not an adult, that I will do something so inappropriate in public that his only response would be to walk away and pretend he doesn't know me. It also isn't reasonable for me to get into a relationship with someone who has a list of rules so long and detailed that it is impossible for me to not break one while obeying another and at the same time act in a manner appropriate to my surroundings so that they then can ignore me while ogling others as 'punishment'. I don't accept being set up for failure even or perhaps especially if it makes him hard.

Dnomyar -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 6:19:32 AM)
Define status. At the base we are all equal. Circumstances put some of us in a different life style but that does not make us any more superiour.

WalterRego -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 6:31:11 AM)
You should only choose or having chosen too soon, keep, a sub who is not only willing to accept and allow for your humanity and growth, but who wants to help and aid you in achieving and living it. Both your desires as a Domme and as a person. Why else have a sub? That doesn't mean it will be easy for you to find such a match, or easy to wean a sub away from the discipline styles he is used to or has come to know and expect. But the process is what makes him your sub.

littlelostbunny -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 7:00:49 AM)
Yes, it's reasonable for a Dominant to request/require room or time for themselves. It's when they don't say a word and then disappear for weeks and months at a time that's unreasonable. Being ignored for long term or without a set ending time is a very hard limit for me. I can't deal with it. I'm open to discussing any other forms of discipline.

metalmiss -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 1:40:39 PM)
In my opinion it would be completely unrealistic for anyone not to allow for personal space with a partner. Growing and changing are constant facts of life with any person. Dom, sub, whatever.. We all do it. My Master has been living the TPE lifestyle for 26 years but things with Him are always moving towards one thing or another. A gradual change in tastes, styles, wants, needs.. Some interests left to lie for a while.. Others taken up more enthusiastically for a time.. Constantly adapting Himself according to what takes His fancy at that moment.. Both inside and out of what would be considered play. Growing and changing is a wonderful thing.

MladyHathor -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 1:58:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadybugBlue A question for all subs/slaves out there... Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs? My apologies if this question seems dumb or if it's inappropriate, I'm still rather green in many ways. Thank you! You know LadybugBlue asks a good question---the majority of the responses have been--well yeah you can request whatever you want---however, she makes a good point---IS there room allowed for Dominas or Dominants to be human---and I have to say that in a lot of cases--NO---sure when the relationship has developed, two people become two people and the give and take and the adjustment for human issues is there---but in the newness or the getting to know stage---I think this is a valid question and My response would be, ---One could only hope--but I have found more than not--that I am held to a higher standard and at times in the past when I have been human, they have bolted like steers from the branding iron--I bet too that Doms are allowed more room than Dominas are in many cases--- *One should not have to request or require it, it should be expected, IMHO*

phoenixinchains -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 2:08:38 PM)
my Master wants me to be myself, so human is up for debate...

Daddyslilpookie -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 5:46:18 PM)
My Master wants me to be myself aswell, and continue doing the things I enjoy doing like reading novels and writing poetry and doing things that make me who I am. The world doesn't stop because I am his slave, it goes on.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/9/2008 5:57:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadybugBlue A question for all subs/slaves out there... Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs? Yes, keeping in mind that human errors do come with consequences. I am open to someone being human, but I believe all parties must own the consequences of their decisions.

slavemaia -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/10/2008 9:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadybugBlue A question for all subs/slaves out there... Is it reasonable for a Dom/me to require/request that their pets/slaves/subs allow for room for their humanity, their growth as a Dom/me, and their own personal stressors/styles/needs? Are you generally open to a variety of discipline styles, including merely a look or being ignored as punishment in public? My apologies if this question seems dumb or if it's inappropriate, I'm still rather green in many ways. Thank you! Personally i like this quote by M. Tagneri "A dominant basically has one single responsibility toward his slave: to provide her with the wherewithal to serve and obey to the best of her ability. Any other responsibilities that exist within such a relationship are invariably hers." But of course, that is a basic foundation for our relationship and in no way meant as a rule for everyone. But based on this, Master has the perrogative to be and do and have exactly as He wishes. If not, then where is His control, where is His authority? But again we may find ourselves returning to that same stale debate - what is the difference, if any, between a sub and a slave. In my world the difference is i don't entertain the option of deciding again and again and again and again if i am going to obey Master, accept His will etc. i don't practice the idea that He is here to be as i wish Him to be or act as i wish Him to act or think, say or feel how i would have it be. i think it's very interesting that the word submission is used frequently but not the word surrender. i tend to believe there's a reason for that - to submit does leave the door open to renegotiation. i will submit to this, but not that etc. But to surrender - well that requires the relinquishment of negotiation, conditions, stipulations etc. by the one surrendering. But of course, on here, from what i can see - everything is okay, nothing is neurotic or sick or whacked out, no matter how out there it is. So of course if a Dominant has the absolute audacity to be (gulp) human - OMG. lol [:D]

LadybugBlue -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/12/2008 3:39:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor but I have found more than not--that I am held to a higher standard and at times in the past when I have been human, they have bolted like steers from the branding iron--I bet too that Doms are allowed more room than Dominas are in many cases--- *One should not have to request or require it, it should be expected, IMHO* I was at a very interesting workshop the other night and it was led by a submissive on local Dungeon etiquette, etc. She said something very interesting that still resonates. She joked that many 24/7's subs out there are always trying to "safeword out of doing the dishes" (in other words, find a way to not be subs for a bit when they are not in that mindset). She also noted that for some reason, subs also always expect the Dom/me in his/her life, or even Dom/mes in general to ALWAYS be on and ALWAYS be a dream Dom/me. In her own way, I think she was summing up what I've been thinking about here, which is that on both sides of the exchange, we are real human beings in a real world. We will all make mistakes and apologize, and we will ALL have days/moments where we just do not or cannot be in role, and that the other(s) in the relationship need to acknowledge and accept this. Not sure where I was going with that, but....

littlesarbonn -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/12/2008 3:44:44 PM)
As I've stated many times before, I want the woman I'm with to be happy and comfortable. Not to be a punishment dispensing robot. For that, I'll use my punishment dispensing robot. [:)]

erebus -> RE: Room for humanity? (4/13/2008 1:15:18 PM)
A good point OP has raised. If there is a real relationship (i.e. not a Domme for hire situation) then both parties (or more in poly relationships) are human and do need to grow, learn, experience, teach and everything else that humans do. I learned a long time ago to keep humor in D/s or bdsm relationships, when appropriate, not to take yourself or others too seriously, and so on. If I top a sub/slave, I still put my pants on one leg at a time, and I still have to answer that IRS letter.

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