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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/9/2008 8:29:20 PM

ophelialocke

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Basically agree with everything metalmiss said, and my experience has been pretty much identical.

There are Dominants out there who will cherish you. Keep looking/keep screening/do NOT settle.

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 12:06:40 AM

ReynardM

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I would agree that it is going to be hard if not impossible to "convert" a vanilla guy to D/s. However, it's still possible that someone you MEET through vanilla channels may be interested in D/s, and in such a case it's a matter of both of you finding a way to communicate that to each other. Hints are a possibility; another possibility is that, at the point where you begin to genuinely care about the person, you explicitly tell them what you are looking for.

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 1:55:19 AM

faithfulfemme

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

OP you need to step back and reevaluate the whole sub concept. Sounds like you got what you asked for.

With all due respect, this was a FIRST meet. The first time she set eyes on the guy. And, if he slapped her without consent, which is what it sounded like as she states face slapping is on her hard list, AND if it was in public, i think she would have a good case for assault and battery. And i'm fairly sure this would be considered that.

No one ever "deserves" to be hit, unconsentually, for any behavior, unless it's for self-defense.

Respectfully,
faithfulfemme....

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 2:15:34 AM

lusciouslips19

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Well, first I tend to want my face slapping from someone experienced. Anyone who slapped me on a first meet, better have been had a talking to about my limits first and been gived the go ahead. That being said, I tend to go for people with experience in the lifestyle, so I dont get harmed. Either that or they better be intelligent and into reading up on things.

I did realize that my bad experiences of the past had to do with my selection process. Not taking the time to get to know someone and due to my own sub frenzy. I did learn and have met Doms with integrity since. But thats only becuase of a change in me.

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 5:17:18 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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in my experience, i didn't have to corrupt them however i have met men (online and real) who enjoy using kink buzz words or phrases i.e. dominant, are you submissive in the bedroom, etc to pick up unsuspecting women. the last guy who tried told me i must have low self-esteem and like being abused after mentioning i already have a Dominant. according to him i was the one who needed help to get away from my abuser.

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 5:28:30 AM

boytoy4female

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I think it is possible to convert a vanilla guy. Most people are unwilling to try something they have not been exposed to. Find a guy with an open and curious mind. Make your introduction fun, a game. Perhaps a little tease and denial is a good start. Keep him worked up for a few hours or a day, then reward him with some pleasure. A game of poker where the winner gets a wish granted isnt bad either.

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 6:55:51 AM

GreedyTop

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once again, I say that it is vital to keep in mind that trying to 'convert' someone may have results you don't expect or want....

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 7:08:12 AM

Lynnxz

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Converting a semi vanilla guy can be just as much fun as playing with an "experienced" dominant. If that's what you want, hell yes, go for it. It doesn't make you any less of a submissive, as one person seems to think.

My best friend and current play partner used to be vanillaish. He was vaugely interested in maybe a slap on the ass or something, but nothing else. Two months later and he's tried everything from wax play, to various impact stuff, to knife play, and he really likes it. It has more to do with the chemistry between the two people than anything else.

Do I teach him? Yes, to an extent, but it's more of giving him the idea, then letting him have fun with it, haha.

Good luck. :D

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 7:59:13 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

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Others have mentioned it and I think it's important to distinguish between activities-(BDSM), activity orientations-(top, bottom, switch), personal orientations-(dominant, submissive, switch) and relationship dynamics (M/s, D/s, Top/bottom, Daddy/girl, etc, etc).

Odds are that you could easily find someone interested in exploring kinky activities. In fact, I'd venture a guess that most of the males on these types of sites are really only interested in that aspect. If you are submissive and only bottom, then what are you gonna do if he says, 'okay baby, I did you, now I want to wear your panties and you spank me for being a bad boy'?

Could you find a dominant male who just hasn't met his submissive muse? Absolutely, but then what if he thinks kinky stuff is just twisted and wrong?

I know a local sub/bottom who is trying the 'vanilla' online dating route because she can't find her match in the kinky world. She has her profiles worded in ways that are acceptable to the sites, but is very clear with any guys who express interest about what she is seeking. She's had some nibbles, but no better luck there than anywhere else.

I know it's frustrating, but even 'vanilla' people have terribly difficult times trying to find someone they are compatible with.

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/10/2008 8:16:01 AM

Poetryinpain

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I signed up for a BDSM site - that's what it said it was, right in the site's name (and I can't for the life of me remember what it was). I was contacted by three or four men. None of them was into BDSM at all. When I asked one if he was a Dominant, he said, "What's that?" I explained, and he said he could never do that. I asked what he was doing on that site, and he said he was just signing up on every dating site he could find.

The other men said they were just curious about what kind of women they's find there. Now, each had stated that they were 'dominant,' but I got the impression that none of them knew what it really meant.

I didn't get a nibble from men who knew anything about BDSM.

pip, wouldn't be surprised if the site is gone poof by now

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RE: Corrupting Vanilla - 4/11/2008 5:07:51 AM

liminalRapture

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Beautiful post Madame Marque--thank you!

Yes--the "dumb bitch" (I think it was the combo of those two words more than just the dumb) with the slap was much too much. And it wasn't a hard slap--we were in a restaurant. But it made me realize I've been fundamentally missing something I really, really want, which is someone who would cherish me too. I've tried and tried and tried to figure it out. I got it right with one man I meant here, but we couldn't work on the vanilla things (him planning on moving to another state, etc).

As for the other questions: well the guy I met, we'd been talking for about a week on e-mail, and then a week on the phone, with longish phone conversations every night. He knew I'd been sick. He knew about a job application and what I felt about a family member and what I was reading and all of the little mundane things that matter in life.

Ultimately, he liked the fact I was really smart. But I hadn't explained to him well that the girl who surrenders is different than the woman who handles the world, and she isn't smart and that rejection of the real girl, as opposed to my persona of a woman, also really, really stung me.

I don't want TPE. And I would be fine doing whatever he wants, even it if were feminizing, or whatever. I don't need it to be the only thing, but I do need 'surrender' to be a major, major portion of what is on the menu. And, of course, I don't want to manipulate. But I also think that it isn't manipulating to try and make sure sex is really hot and fun and both people get what they want. I also think in some ways, our society has pathologized some masculine default modes and there are guys out there who would be a lot more dominant if society hadn't kept saying "that's wrong." All I really want is a man to go kill a matador and then drag me by my hair into the cave and have his way with me.

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