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pandoravampire -> RE: How do i find a Dom? (10/22/2005 9:15:28 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ZandD
quote:
ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I'm sure you will have more offers than you can handle from doms who can't wait to get into your pant....I mean help you gain your footing.
My advice to all novices is to NOT get into a committed relationship for at least 6 months.
No one ever listens to that, but I think it's good advice.
NJ has a tepid scene, a few munches and a few parties, but NYC has great stuff for ya.
I agree with Emerald Slave and she gives really sound advice. It takes a long time on both ends of the spectrum to not only find but ultimately trust a person in this realm. Love at first sight (or message) is a fun dream to indulge in but in reality it can be frought with disaster.
My advice to you is: Don't settle for meeting your immediate needs. Consider your longterm needs and goals and don't settle for less. It's difficult to wait, but holding out for "The Right One" versus "The Right Now One" can save on emotional turmoil and can help ensure your physical and mental safety.
These are all simply suggestions. In any case, it is always a good idea to err on the side of caution.
Good fortune to you!
Z
I couldnt disagree less here.
Your right, she shouldnt settle for less, but she can experience less to 'top her up' from time to time. A play partner sounds like a excellent toe dip to me.
Go with emerald slaves advice to 'not get into a relationship for 6 months, sorry ES, i didnt take it either. Then any encounters you have are a playground bonus.
You will be inundated with Dom's you want your body. No ties, but they may be honest and call it a play session/training session. And you will learn from these encounters. Whilst being a little (and it is a little, against the charms of some very charismatic people. You will feel alive, like the falling in love feeling. If your hanging with the same person, its easy to transfer your euphoria into love for your Dom/me. Its natural progression.)
But a little protection is gained by commiting to a personal agreement, to not get into a relationship for 6 months. Depends wether your the cautious type. I dont think so.
I dont swallow you distancing yourself from experiencing this journey. You state that its almost a necessary experiment, 'to see once and for all'. How very proper. And sanitised.
You will not be able to play and be distant. You will be swept along. Wether you want to or not. Why else would you bother? Being open and honest to a Dom, so that they may take over control, you must pass it over. That, "ill sit off stage and watch it all very closely", disassociating yourself from the 'now' of some intense moments, seems to me like holding back.
I can bet, that once youve 'experienced it for yourself', you cant then decide. It is decided allready, its just that's the moment your gonna accept it. If it is you, then you'll have no choice but be drawn to this milarky. If its not you, then you'll not be returning again, so sorted!
Listen to the wise words of wisdom (<oh the irony!) from the cautious, or just plain common sense submissive.
Im a reckless person, i like to dive into stuff head first. Its my black flume theory in evidence. If i go to a water world park and there are 3 water flume rides, yellow, blue, and the finale, the black flume. If im only doing it once, then i go for the black flume and the ride of a lifetime. This sort of crap philosophy has gotten me into all sorts of scrapes. I learn, pick myself up, dust off, and dive right back in.
My maturity and life experience protected me from much of the bullshit. Vanilla skills empowered me within bdsm. A good judge of character. Good assessment skills. Assertive, good self esteem. So i had a little extra protection than some i guess. But i tried to enter by being reserved, and it got me jack shit. Once i opened up, then i gained the most.
I wish you well freshmeat666 (though i have to say, that's one of those names that make me squirm just reading it, its so IN YA FACE! so loud? Then there's the 666 stuff. In my naivite, i imagine devil worship and all sorts. Funny how a nic conjours images. Strong reaction to the image of that name. But thats me)
be well
pandoravampire
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