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RE: Evaluating a Sub's Previous Experiences - 4/12/2008 2:03:19 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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Short answer:

In someone wanting to be my sub I don't care whether or not or how much or when they are dominant to others so long as they are submissive to me.

"Masculine" traits are not the opposite of submissive/eager-to-please.

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

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RE: Evaluating a Sub's Previous Experiences - 4/13/2008 6:00:56 AM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: athleticman

Is it a universal experience that if a man has topped in his past (tied up a girlfriend, dommed a sub woman), even if he claims to be a true submissive on the deepest level, when push comes to shove the self-proclaimed sub will only be interested in trying to top from the bottom?

That hasn't been my experience. I have a dear friend who is dominant in his other relationships but is wonderfully and sincerely submissive to me. The only men with dominant pasts whom I reject immediately are those who say that they want to be submissive because they want an escape from the responsibility and demands of being the dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: athleticman

Ultimately, do dominant women strongly prefer a total submissive man who could never act out a dominant role, or do some enjoy the challenge of breaking-in an obedient sub who is eager to please but has many "masculine" traits as well?

"Totally submissive" and "masculine" aren't mutually exclusive. My hubby is the most totally submissive man I've ever met and also one of the most masculine men I've known. He exudes manliness. He's rather imposing physically - big and bald and burly. He's smart and confident and outgoing. Folks who don't know him often assume that he's dominant, and are surprised (and sometimes disappointed) to discover that hasn't got a toppy or domly bone in his body.

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RE: Evaluating a Sub's Previous Experiences - 4/13/2008 6:41:57 AM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
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I don't particularly care about someone's experience--since I'm after a relationship its more about personality for me.

That said, just because a man has never had a desire to be dominant in the Ds sense doesn't mean he's a doormat or passive and weak in other areas or even in the submissive arena. My pet is intelligent, assertive and, given he support he's given me when my life fell apart, emotionally strong. Yet, he has never been dom.

But, no, I don't really want to have to break a sub. If a man wants to be with me, then he wants to be with me. If not....well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea that I don't have to work to catch and get use keep my nets for play.

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RE: Evaluating a Sub's Previous Experiences - 4/13/2008 6:51:19 AM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

[clip]
"Masculine" traits are not the opposite of submissive/eager-to-please.

Amen.

Even in the femme domme scene, way too much masculine = dominant, feminine = submissive.

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RE: Evaluating a Sub's Previous Experiences - 4/13/2008 1:40:40 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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Bill,

I don't find that to be the case at all. If a gentleman has dominant experience sexually or in his personal life, that doesn't really impact how he will relate "to me." If he comes into the relationship with intent and desire to yield to my control, THAT is what matters. My perspective may differ from the masses in that I appreciate a masculine, alpha male that gives himself over to me *and* I do everything in my power not to break or supress his natural masculinity. I like to see a respectful yielding to me in certain areas and being a handsome, unarrogant, classy, passionate gentleman.

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"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: Evaluating a Sub's Previous Experiences - 4/13/2008 3:56:35 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Bill,

I won't take on men who currently identify as dominants or switches. I've had too much trouble with the "topping from the bottom" problem, and whilst I know full well how to handle it, I see no reason why I should waste my precious time and energy trying to correct someone else's bad behaviour. I also don't allow my subs to play with others without my permission, which I generally won't give. So, he needs to be well over any "D" tendencies he has, in case he thinks he's going to find that outlet with someone else. That doesn't mean he shouldn't be assertive with other people on a day-to-day basis, just not with me.

Several times, I've written back to those who identify as dominant men but want to explore their submissive side and told them what they must do to please me and get my attention, and have had no response. Obviously, this leads me to believe that they're just looking for kinky sex.

So, unfortunately, you are likely to find prejudice because others have "messed it up" for you. If someone hadn't identified as a dominant or switch in years, I would definitely reconsider. As far as the label goes, you're the only one who can decide what you feel fits you best.

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RE: Evaluating a Sub's Previous Experiences - 4/15/2008 1:28:34 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greeting to all

this was a very interesting post from each person. Lasrha i found your to be really interesting and what a bold move to take on a gorean master. your letter was so loving and strong on his part as well as yours. i am gulity of turning down former doms. i just did not trust them. now i do have a slave he is strong and as he says my pit bull when we are outside . but inside he is gentle sweet and open to many things. i will rethink my eyes on this new thing of doms who are now submissive. but i will say i had a domme tell me that some of the master or dom will trick a domme to hurt them i was foolish to listen to that one. i now know a person comes as they are open and scare.

mons ( tired sorry spelling )

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Post #: 27