RE: Contacting your sub...

RE: Contacting your sub... (Full Version)

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/9/2008 6:37:44 PM)
In general, requests are not unreasonable- if your request is not ridiculous in contrast to what his behavior has been thus far, that should be fine. Expecting him to automatically say yes to your request is unreasonable. If you can't accept a no with grace, then you aren't in a solid authority dynamic at all (which should not be translated to "you suck as a sub and shouldn't ask stupid questions"). Perhaps a better question is, how long has his contact pattern been like this? If it hasn't changed, why do you suddenly want more? If he isn't prepared to give it, will you be able to accept it? The amount of time/calls is irrelevant.

Lumus -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/9/2008 7:03:52 PM)
Once a day is the minimum for me; more often, it's more than that. It may involve email, phone, or VOIP [ie Skype]. It's rarely less than an hour per day. When you want to, you make time.

BitaTruble -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/9/2008 9:06:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode Why would I want to contact my sub? Unless you move in with someone the day you meet them, don't you think contacting one another is fairly normal? I suppose if you don't care about your sub, that would be a reason not to contact them but it would probably make one wonder why you would have that sub in the first place. quote: We talking cyber nonsense here? Well, since Internet communications are here to stay and in many cases the only means of contact for some people, that very well may be cyber nonsense to you but for the men and women in military service in a different country, it probably means something much different to them. Just something to think about. Celeste

SailingBum -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/9/2008 11:30:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissfifi Hi Dom/Masters/Sirs, I was thinking of something today, and wondered if you lovely people could give me some insight into the dominant mind. How often do you contact your sub? once a day? or more/or less? And if you were going to be away on holiday or you were ill..would you let your sub know this? I understand that times can be busy, but it can only take a few seconds to say that your going away-if its a holiday its got to be planned out so surely there is time before leaving to say, but when your ill its a bit harder...but then theres text messages or a phone call if you can't get to the pc to email etc.and that can be done when your over the inital illness and just needing to recover..I'm just wondering if I'm being unreasonable in this request? Because keeping in contact to me, lets me know where you as a dom are at, if your ill, busy etc...I can understand, and even help.. Many thanks, submissfifi x Not sure what your expections are... Suffice to say whatever works for the both of you. Been with my girl for years sometimes once twice a day... sometimes I won't hear from her for a couple days. BadOne

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/10/2008 12:35:20 AM)
It's in my contract that THEY are to contact ME on a daily basis, unless they are physically unable to do so. Contact includes phone, IM and email. This doesn't mean that I don't ever initiate contact, but that it's their responsibility to make sure it happens on a daily basis. Master Fire

eyesopened -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/10/2008 2:33:37 AM)
Master and i live apart for now, a long-distant relationship. During the time we are not physically together we IM with webcam every morning, talk on the phone during my long commute to work and again on the phone during my long commute home. i call Him every evening before i go to sleep. Basically we want to maintain a first voice i hear each morning and the last voice i hear each night. When Master or i have had social or family obligations that would make that impossible, we let each other know as far in advance as possible.

slavekahlan -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/10/2008 2:21:23 PM)
How often you contact your sub or slave affects the relationship as well as the content of the discussion. It can make a sub or slave feel value or not important enough, make them know they are desired, pleasing and worthy or as a means to an end. Both have a responsibility that even a short call, message, text can offer so much more than realized. Accessibility is key as well.

SingleRarity -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/10/2008 3:06:37 PM)
I think your question could be answered more accurately if you better explained your relationship. Are the two you simply Master/slave only? Not that it isn't a significant bond in itself, but I ask because how you define your relationship will dictate the amount of time, how, and when you can or should expect contact. Daddy is my Sir, my lover, and my best friend. We talk everyday.

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 5:02:40 AM)
MasterK and I speak on the phone usually 3-4 times daily, as time allows. Sometimes it's less, but almost always at least 2 times daily. I call him, he calls me depending on our lunch breaks, etc. We are never out of contact for more than a few hours.

GreedyTop -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 5:10:51 AM)
I talk with Riff every day, mostly through IM (damned overseas calls can get pricey!!), sometimes Skype. At night, before he goes to bed, we talk on the phone (yay for phone cards!). Oddly, while I was in the UK, in the days before I went up to him, we only spoke twice, no internet contact other than an email with the info on my arrival at his end...LOL He knows my schedule and plans, as I know his. Being separated by an ocean, the contact is doubly important to us both. I can't imagine not having frequent contact with a partner.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 5:14:12 AM)
How often I contact the boys depends greatly on how often they are going to be available. Angel's schedule is not terribly forgiving. I speak to him several times a week on IMs, see him about once a week and we rarely call one anotehr aside from to leave voicemails. I consider it a step up if we actually catch one another on the phone during the weekend at some point. I talk to Fox several times a day. He is far more contact dependant than Angel is. At the moment, we talk less becasue his cell phone was lost in the car wreck and he has to wait until he is infont of his computer in order to be able to message me. When I was ill, I told the boys I was not well and that was that. They knew how to reach me if they needed me, and knew not to expect to hear from me until I was feeling better. I am not a social person when I am ill, and they were advised to keep their distance unless I invited them down. They both listened well, although they hated the idea. And no, Antipode, this has nothing to do with cyber-nonsense. Both my boys are realtime. Neither live WITH me, nor will they for quite some time. Angel has his own apartment, closer to where he works than I live, and is also a parttime studet until the end of this semester. It will be even trickier to contact him whe he gets his army commission and is at basic, and then eventually deployed somewhere. I will not be giving him up, we will just have to rethink contact methods for a while. Fox is a full time student a city away and lives on campus when he is at school lives with his family when he is not. I contact them because that is how we keep our relationship up, sine without contact via phone or messenger, I cannot make plans for contact face to face. The boys havent quite learned mind reading yet. DV

GreedyTop -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 5:23:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire How often I contact the boys depends greatly on how often they are going to be available. Angel's schedule is not terribly forgiving. I speak to him several times a week on IMs, see him about once a week and we rarely call one anotehr aside from to leave voicemails. I consider it a step up if we actually catch one another on the phone during the weekend at some point. I talk to Fox several times a day. He is far more contact dependant than Angel is. At the moment, we talk less becasue his cell phone was lost in the car wreck and he has to wait until he is infont of his computer in order to be able to message me. When I was ill, I told the boys I was not well and that was that. They knew how to reach me if they needed me, and knew not to expect to hear from me until I was feeling better. I am not a social person when I am ill, and they were advised to keep their distance unless I invited them down. They both listened well, although they hated the idea. And no, Antipode, this has nothing to do with cyber-nonsense. Both my boys are realtime. Neither live WITH me, nor will they for quite some time. Angel has his own apartment, closer to where he works than I live, and is also a parttime studet until the end of this semester. It will be even trickier to contact him whe he gets his army commission and is at basic, and then eventually deployed somewhere. I will not be giving him up, we will just have to rethink contact methods for a while. Fox is a full time student a city away and lives on campus when he is at school lives with his family when he is not. I contact them because that is how we keep our relationship up, sine without contact via phone or messenger, I cannot make plans for contact face to face. The boys havent quite learned mind reading yet. DV Jeez, DV... yer slackin'!! snicker

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 5:26:36 AM)
Yeah, I know. I guess the implants havent taken yet. But, with Fox here so much, I barely have time to make him learn to read them anyway!

GreedyTop -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 5:30:35 AM)
[:D]

DesFIP -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 6:32:48 PM)
Back when we were LDR, we emailed mornings and nights unless somebody had a very early AM appointment at which point we mentioned it the night before. We chatted most nights right before bedtime, and we attempted to talk during the day. I say attempted because the cell phones then were analog and neither of us got decent reception. If we weren't going to be available, we told each other that before hand and sent an email when we got home. But we discussed contact, how much we needed, just like we discussed everything else. I need a lot of contact. To someone who only wants a quick phone call on Thursday afternoon to clarify plans for the weekend, I would seem to be 'needy' or 'codependent' and in return I might consider such a person as cold or emotionally unavailable. Where the truth lies I don't know, I only know that I'm not compatible with someone who needs a lot less contact than I do. Not bothering to mention he's going away? Sorry, unless there's an emergency I consider that unbearably rude not to mention. And if it is an emergency I still would expect a phone call telling me what's happening within the first 24 hours.

awakenednj -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/11/2008 6:46:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse Always make the promise well within the capability you KNOW you can manage then anything else is a bonus.... if you do it the other way around and fall short then all you are doing is building insecuritys. :::swoons::: So there is someone out there who believes this :::swoons again:::

RavenMuse -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/12/2008 4:27:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: awakenednj quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse Always make the promise well within the capability you KNOW you can manage then anything else is a bonus.... if you do it the other way around and fall short then all you are doing is building insecuritys. :::swoons::: So there is someone out there who believes this :::swoons again::: It isn't without its own pitfalls.... You can set the promise well within capabilitys and for a time be giving quite a bit more than promised.... however when you get busy and cut back to where you promised, the girl can all to often act like you broke a promise regardless of pointing out that they have simply gotten used to the 'bonus' over and above what was promised. There is no 'perfect' way.

TreasureKY -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/12/2008 5:14:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP But we discussed contact, how much we needed, just like we discussed everything else. I need a lot of contact. To someone who only wants a quick phone call on Thursday afternoon to clarify plans for the weekend, I would seem to be 'needy' or 'codependent' and in return I might consider such a person as cold or emotionally unavailable. Where the truth lies I don't know, I only know that I'm not compatible with someone who needs a lot less contact than I do. Celeste, I think your comments illustrate that we each have our own perceptions and expectations. It seems that the key is either finding someone compatible with your own ideas or finding a way to live with the differences.

DesFIP -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/12/2008 10:21:55 AM)
Treasure, it's hard to find a win/win solution if you don't discuss the problem. However, even an IT on 24/7 call has a minute to send a quick email or voice message if they get called in and can't meet as planned. If I got a phone call saying a family member was ill, I could still find time while traveling to call and clue my partner in on what's happening. If one person doesn't bother taking that time for a quick text or email, what that says to me is they've made me an option while I've made them a priority. And that's a bad thing.

Exquemelin -> RE: Contacting your sub... (4/12/2008 10:38:18 AM)
My sub and I talk practically every day, it's very rare the day when we wouldn't at least talk some, usually over IM. We live far enough away that we only see eachother on weekends in person. Neither of us particularly likes talking on the phone so we prefer IM. Ex

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