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Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 9:53:44 AM   
beheah606


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		A couple months ago I asked my fiance to make me be her slave, control me, and own me. For a while it was great and she said that she needed it and it turned her on. Then today she says she doesn't want it because it is to much work. The problem is she hasn't been controlling me for a couple weeks besides asking me to do something and me doing it which is what she wanted but now she wants to go back to the way we were before but my question is what should I do because I want to stay her slave and be this way because we haven't faught once since we started being this way. If anyone has suggestions as what to do please let me know
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:00:45 AM   
Foibey


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe it isn't right for her. Owning a slave can be a lot of emotional work, and that's just an unfortunate fact.

(in reply to beheah606)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:01:44 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Stop making it be so much work for her.

Figure out what's tiring her out and make those your biggest priorities- you can serve her by taking care of those things.

It's a nice gig as a sub to just lay back and say "Make me!" only to become increasingly passive and needy for attention/orders. Don't fall into that trap.

And respect what she wants, after the initial frenzy period a normal push back is to be expected. Serve in the ways that you can, allow her to rest and then re-evaluate the relationship, see if there is a style of dominances that can work for you both.

(in reply to beheah606)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:04:35 AM   
beheah606


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		what if she just wants it to be just in the bedroom and I need more

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:05:25 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Like Emerald said, make it less work.

It isn't always as much fun, but it -is- rewarding to get the smile that means you've done something good. my partner doesn't like the work of riding me to get something done. He -does- like having dinner ready, his clothes clean, and an eager bed partner.

While _I_ like lists of behaviors to follow and lots of rules and structure, this isn't what makes him happy, nor what makes his life easier. I get his ownership, I get to belong to him and be -his-. In exchange, I make his life more fun for him to live.

I get my fufillment in belonging to him, and in the fact that he uses me as he wants, when he wants.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:06:06 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beheah606

what if she just wants it to be just in the bedroom and I need more



Then this person probably isn't the one for you. Are you trying to get us to tell you to leave her?

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to beheah606)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:09:42 AM   
beheah606


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		she means the world to me i dont want to leave her but i need to be this way
I try to make her life easier but because of her work and school her she is tired

(in reply to perverseangelic)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:24:28 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beheah606

she means the world to me i dont want to leave her but i need to be this way
I try to make her life easier but because of her work and school her she is tired


I definatly understand. I need someone to belog to, otherwise I am not happy.

It comes down to this--if you are not satisfied with what she wants to give, then it won't work. For me, at least, it isn't rewarding to serve someone if y ou are -pushing- them to do things they don't want ot do. If my partne had to make himself miserable to own me, then it wouldn't do anything for me at all.

Does mundane service please you? Are you fufilled knowing that you are hers to do with as she sees fit, even when she wants you to wash the dishes? Are you content with someone who will activly top you in the bedroom?

If not, my advise is not to marry her, because it doesn't get any better.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to beheah606)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:35:42 AM   
beheah606


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		Originally she wanted it to only to be in the bedroom and then she wanted it all the time and now she wants it in the bedroom only that is whats confusing me

(in reply to perverseangelic)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:37:18 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If anyone has suggestions as what to do please let me know


Sit down and talk to her. If she once said it was worth it and she enjoyed doing it. Ask her why she doesn't enjoy it now. If it truly is too much work then it will continue to be too much work. Having a sub is a lot of work. Unless you are just a top. If you are a dom...it is long never ending work. Emotional wise.
As I am told it is well worth the effort but you have to get to that point.

Perhap's she can make a list of daily chores and you follow them. That way she doesn't have to recite them to you on a daily basis.
Try to make her life easier. That is what a submissive does.
The easier their life is the less stress and the more time they will have with you. Reciting the same thing day after day gets pretty menial. No one would want to do it on a long term basis.
You may need to make some life changing sacrifices as Perverse stated. If this is something you need in your life and she cannot give it to you.
A relationship takes two parties...not one doing all of the work.
She may also feel cheated if the lifestyle was not part of your life when you met...you just sort of sprung it on her.

You have a tough road ahead of you, I wish you the best.

(in reply to beheah606)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:42:57 AM   
beheah606


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks but what if I already am doing everything I can to make her life easier besides being her. I have college to I just dont have a job right now

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:48:18 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beheah606

Originally she wanted it to only to be in the bedroom and then she wanted it all the time and now she wants it in the bedroom only that is whats confusing me


She tried it and found she didn't like it all the time. Happens. It's not just in a kink environment. A woman can be a football fan, hook up with a football fanatic, and discover she really doesn't want to paint her boobies in team colors and wear a helmet to have sex.

I give people credit who are willing to try to push themselves because of a lover, but I don't take away that credit when they learn where they have gotten to isn't comfortable any longer.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to beheah606)
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RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 10:54:17 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		All I'm hearing is rejections of excellent ideas. So, I give. You say you're already doing everything you can. You're saying she's already made up her mind and communicating won't do anything.

I take you at your word that both of those things are true because there's nothing else to go on. And as long as those things remain true, there's nothing else to do.

So, either suck it up and be happy with what you get, or end it so you can both find your bliss.

I'm finding it TIRING just to try and help you out.

(in reply to beheah606)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 11:15:00 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Then today she says she doesn't want it because it is to much work.


Welcome to reality. It happens on both sides of the equation. Better to find out now at 21 rather than live in a marriage that gets less satisfying and more intolerable with each passing day. Finding a compatible partner for a 24/7 M/s relationship is not easy. Being a Master/Mistress is that situation is a full time avocation. If your partner is already defining it as "work" it doesn't have good long term potential.

Your choice is a life of compromise, being a "weekend warrior", or moving on. It will take soul searching on your part to determine if your desire to be a slave is so deep and entrenched that it can't be compromised. If it can't and you still go though with this, and she is just as sure being a Mistress 24/7 is not part of who she is you'll always be less than satisfied and wonder if you are missing out on something.

You should appreciate her honesty. There are many frauds out there representing themselves as something they are not. Others may rationalize, but direct truth is much better than behind the back resentment and lies. Besides, an ex-fiancée is much less expensive emotionally and fiscally than an ex-wife.

Good luck!

(in reply to beheah606)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 11:35:09 AM   
beheah606


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the help I dont know why i bother other people with my problems when i know what i should do

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 12:16:24 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beheah606

Thank you for all the help I dont know why i bother other people with my problems when i know what i should do

Maybe because you dont want to do it and trying to find excuses?
The way you sound here on this board, I would find it tiring to top you all the time too.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to beheah606)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 12:46:57 PM   
beheah606


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/13/2005
Status: offline 		what do you mean by that maam

(in reply to Kasia)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Fiance backing out - 10/7/2005 1:00:19 PM   
Janon


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline 		I can't speak for your parnter, but I can say that being on either side of the power exchange requrires diligence and effort to maintain.

What it seems like you are doing is "yes, butting" yourself to death. Well, I could do x, but... I could do y, but....

Remember, your actions and your situation are of your own choosing, not your parnter's. Take responsibility for your choice to stay or to go. Also, I would think you can contiunue to be submissive outside the bedroom without her participation, if you so desire. Perhaps you are trying to guide her domination of you--but if you do that, who's really in charge? Her domination, her rules. Or you can move on.

My thoughts, only. (edited for typo)

(in reply to beheah606)
Profile   Post #: 18
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