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AAkasha -> RE: What does a Mistress see in it all? (4/9/2008 11:22:40 PM)
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I have a "lust" for it that is always there, but at times, it becomes so distracting I lose focus a bit. If I had to put a name on what it is I actually seek, at the core, the words that come to mind are "authentic vulnerability." When I see a man helpless (for me) or suffering (willingly, for me), it makes me tingle all over. It also makes me very wet. Sexual arousal is a big part of it, but not all-emcompassing; I was tying up and playfully torturing my boyfriends long before my first orgasm or my first sexual intercourse.
My main "kink" is bondage. I do enjoy humiliation and pain also, though. What I enjoy, though, is using these things to make a man feel helpless - and I thrive on his reactions to it. A look in the eyes, the way his body reacts to the bonds, the way his breath changes to a whimper. I find helplessness to be extremely sensual and exciting.
I'm also incredibly shallow. It does nothing for me to see a man endure this unless the man turns me on. What "turns me on" about a man can vary greatly though. I also can be turned on by a man I have never seen or met, if I like his voice. Or accent. Of course, I just imagine him to be whatever I want in my head.
I don't get off on "having power" or being in control. I don't enjoy the process of giving commands just for the sake of doing it. I also don't arbitrarily love commands - the surrender has to be there. For example, if I said to Eddie, "Kneel and crawl over to me," and he said, "YES MISTRESS!" and flopped to the ground and hurriedly scurried over, head down, and buried his face into my feet and slobbered all over them, I'd be unimpressed. If I said to Teddy, on the other hand, "Kneel and crawl to me," and he looked at me for a second, looked at the floor, pondered his fate, took a breath, then slowly lowered himself to the floor, one knee first, then two...then slowly placed his body forward so his palms were to the floor, and took a deep breath of consideration before beginning to slowly, carefully, almost poetically moving his body toward me, eyes up and fixed on me looking for a reaction, shoulders lowered every so slightly, perhaps biting his bottom lip in nervous anticipation....well, I'd be quite aroused and entertained.
It's all about what he shows in his surrender. I don't like groveling, I don't like "pathetic" (unless I put him there, deliberately, and he hung onto that last shred of pride with desperation) and I don't like weak.
Akasha
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