Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

I can do as I please!


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> I can do as I please! Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:12:06 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
You know, I see that written, I hear it and I see it exhibited so much and I just don't agree with it---the whole, " I am the Dominant and I can do as I please" mentality--nope, I just disagree with that as a general statement---I believe that if commitments, agreements, understandings are made--D's have an obligation to honor those and if they need to change--they should be held to the same standards as submissives---communication and renegotiation--
 
Now in the confines of agreements and an understanding, well then yes I suppose a D is allowed to do as they please--or are they? 
 
 

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:18:09 AM   
JoanieHoney2001


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
I agree, within the set agreements, limits a Dom should be able to do as s/he pleases. For me that's the way it should be, if I wanted a someone to ask my opinion on what to do every time they turned around I wouldn't be in this lifestyle.

Just my two cents,
Jo

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:19:52 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
Well, can't any of us do what ever we want at any time?

We just have to be willing to deal with the consequences of our choices.

In my contract (both training and ownership) I have a clause that says that I can change anything in this contract but that I must give the sub/slave 24 hours notice and that he/she has the right to ask for a negotiation session, to walk away, or to accept the changes.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:26:12 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
I agree with TammyJo ...

its about consequences, including the consequences of harming a relationship... or a person for that matter...

balance... life is about balance...

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:31:48 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
Well, I would tend to get in trouble if I took a girl to the mall wearing only a diaper and a leash.

Everyone has limits.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:34:05 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

In my contract (both training and ownership) I have a clause that says that I can change anything in this contract but that I must give the sub/slave 24 hours notice and that he/she has the right to ask for a negotiation session, to walk away, or to accept the changes.


I LIKE THIS !!!!

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:36:40 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline
I agree that we can all do as we please.... IF WE ARE WILLING TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES..... I think that realistically it has to be within the boundaries of the relationships we are in ... be that with a submissive/slave ... Dominant .... relative ..employer .... co worker.... or just the general public.......

and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives.

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:48:32 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
Ahhhhhhhhhh… I agree with you two, too. 
 
This is perfect timing.  I have a friend, online, who is somewhat submissive but really more into kinky sex than anything else.  He likes to be forced, apparently; face slapped to suck a strap-on, or facefucked so hard he begs for it in his ass…yada yada.
 
This one, and others I’ve met, just don’t seem to ‘get’ the concept of ‘loss of control’.  The more scripted scenarios a guy sends me the less inclined I am to go anywhere near the action described.  I met an otherwise perfectly interesting guy a few years ago, quite near me, who insisted on sending me note after note of men getting spanked.  Over-the-knee cartoons with small men and large women…his idea of heaven.  But it was over-the-top, in my book.  I still can hardly stomach the idea of lying a man over my knee for a spanking…because of this big lumox’s insistence.  I can easily flog or paddle a guy and enjoy the hell out of it…but spanking just brings that guy who topped so hard from the bottom.  He never learned to let go of control…he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it.
 
Of course, I believe in win/win…and I actually like to see my guy happy and make sure I do things that he’d enjoy, just because I like him.  But, I also like control…so sometimes I’m going to do things MY way…sometimes I’m going to do things he is not so interested in JUST BECAUSE I like it.  I like how doing that sort of stuff to a guy makes him feel humiliated or powerless or even a bit surprised… because by his actually doing it, he feels again what lack of control is.  He also ‘gets’ who is in charge and how wonderful it feels to do things for me SOLEY because that’s what I want at the time.
 
These guys who want to be forced to suck a dildo when they like to suck a dildo are not being forced to do a damn thing.  When they draw a line at ‘being submissive’ when it involves more than making my breakfast occasionally, or beg to get face-slapped when they like it, they are missing out on how lovely things can be when ya push the envelope a bit and really let go.
 
Sure, this particular guy tells me regularly he is not into BDSM, only kink; but I find it somewhat sad.  He’s missing so much…perhaps missing the point, as well.  How can a guy seemingly enjoy ‘forced’…but only to do stuff he actually enjoys? 
 
He insists sex is fun and if he’s getting what he likes his partner has a better time too… but it’s odd to me he dances all around submission and is just too …what;...scared?  Selfish?  Timid?  I dunno.  But this attitude sure does take all the steam outta my engine.  Yanno?
 
Beverly

_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 8:56:12 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

I agree that we can all do as we please.... IF WE ARE WILLING TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES..... I think that realistically it has to be within the boundaries of the relationships we are in ... be that with a submissive/slave ... Dominant .... relative ..employer .... co worker.... or just the general public.......

and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives.  


I couldn’t agree more with this either! 
 
I like physical torture and stuff; my friend apparently does not.  He apparently has no idea such torture does not have to leave bruises and bloody welts; he just insists BDSM is not his kink and doesn’t wanna go there.  Period.
 
Well, any guy of mine is gonna get tied up and flogged from time to time.  Period.  It is MY kink and in a win/win deal that’s what’s gonna happen; we BOTH get needs met and sometimes each does things that are not so high on their list.  Just because.
 
Having said that, I know some guys who LOVE welts and bruises; I love to deliver them (it makes me wet).  However, part of dealing with consequences is NOT doing that to a guy who doesn’t like it.  Look, in a win/win relationship both get their needs met; over time both should be very, very happy with how things are going.  Were I to constantly mark up a guys back, who found such play appalling…he’d WALK!
 
This is were knowing a partner and trusting that partner come into play.  Being scared, doing things ya don’t like, pleasing the kinks of the one in control…all this stuff is exciting!   For BOTH sides, I might add; such a shame to try to keep a pendulum only singing one way.
 
Nice thread; thanks to all!
 
B


< Message edited by MsBearlee -- 4/10/2008 8:58:01 AM >


_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 9:05:31 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
I suppose my Owner could do as she pleases quite easily.  However, while she does have the final say...  She does keep me in the loop, so to speak.  I'm allowed to voice my opinion and even help with decisions that affect the both of us.  I may be property, but I'm useful property.

In terms of playtime, she dictates what we do entirely.  She's the one firmly in control.  If she wants to make me squirm, she'll make me squirm.  If she wants to hear me squeal, then she'll hear me squeal.  If she decides she wants to have sex with me, then she'll pick me up and take me to the nearest workable surface.  If I decide to struggle a bit(She likes for me to do so every so often and so do I), she can hold me down very easily...even when I'm really trying my hardest to get free.   If she's torn between what she wants to do, then she'll ask me what I'd prefer.  Even if it's very hard for me to say anything while I'm in subspace.

So,  I suppose my Owner could very well do as she pleases.  I couldn't physically stop her.  She just chooses not too out of respect to me...

And, well, she's not a monster.

DV's Fox

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 4/10/2008 9:11:45 AM >

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 9:10:42 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
you can not do as you please.  you are not god.  you break the law you will go to jail...without passing go.  i'd make damn sure of that.

if i say no...you STOP IMMEDIATELY.  or you will go to jail.

you can not do as you please because it MUST BE CONSENSUAL it also must be SAFE and SANE.  my body is precious.  it is not to be damaged. 

so no...you can not do as you please.  you can only do what is talked about before we start what it is that WE are doing.  it is NOT about YOU.  it is about US.



_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 10:10:09 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

I agree that we can all do as we please.... IF WE ARE WILLING TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES..... I think that realistically it has to be within the boundaries of the relationships we are in ... be that with a submissive/slave ... Dominant .... relative ..employer .... co worker.... or just the general public.......

and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives.


BINGO!
 
and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives. And IMHO, we better damn well set some---this whole idea of --well they do as they please, or better  yet the D who does and does not accept the consequences IMHO should be drawn and quartered. 
 
We often see it written, who is real versus who is a wannabe---to Me is defined by what Miss Harlet and others have said---boundaries and responsibility for the consequences.


_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 10:31:02 AM   
JoanieHoney2001


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
I guess I wasn't clear, I didn't intend for it to sound like he's an ass and just does whatever he pleases willy-nilly. What I meant was with in our set boundaries he does what he wants to. This doesn't mean he takes me out with collar and leash in public or anything, just that between the two of us it's agreed that within our limits in our own home, he's in charge and what he says goes.

Hope this makes sense
Jo

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 10:37:01 AM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline
quote:

faerytattoodgirl:
if i say no... you STOP IMMEDIATELY.  or you will go to jail.

you can not do as you please because it MUST BE CONSENSUAL it also must be SAFE and SANE.  my body is precious.  it is not to be damaged.

so no... you can not do as you please.  you can only do what is talked about before we start what it is that WE are doing.  it is NOT about YOU.  it is about US.


When a BDSM relationship has matured, it is more common that a Dominant may do something without consulting their submissive because each knows their partner's needs, limits, and signals well.  Of course, as in all loving relationships, it is necessary to communicate to your partner so that they understand your motivations (even if the motivation is "I'm having fun doing an activity simply because I enjoy it and you do not").  There is an interesting juxtaposition of consent here because many submissives enjoy doing things that please their Dominants even if they don't like the particular activity itself.

All of this said, I think it's important to underline that consent may be withdrawn at any time.  Yes, I realize there is the whole submissive versus slave debate (wherein there is an ideology that once given, submissives may withdraw consent whereas slaves may not).  Let's belay that for the moment with the understanding that in the vanilla world in which we all live, real slavery is illegal.  Thus, even a slave may withdraw consent at any time.

Earlier in the week, there was a thread about a scene where it was clear that a participant withdrew consent to an activity they had previously consented to.  While things did go wrong during the scene, fortunately, in the end, it seems everyone forgave and made up.  This underlines my point though.  You may well have negotiated and agreed to activities in a BDSM contract (or verbally before play), but dynamics and feelings change as life and play proceed.  In my opinion, a person may withdraw their consent at any time.  A partner who knowingly receives this withdrawal and ignores it is acting abusively and is someone who I would have trouble trusting again (baring miscommunication and accidents, which sometimes happen).

Given that this is BDSM and we kinky folks like to blur lines, I'll make an exception for the case where partners mutually agree that the Dominant will push/force the submissive to experience something that may be frightening for the submissive.  I've experienced this myself as a submissive and it can be a very powerful, positive experience.  Still, this is extremely edgy play and the potential for it to go seriously wrong is reasonably high.  Thus, I think it very important that the Dominant and submissive understand signals that mean "I'm withdrawing *playful, in-role consent* and want you to force me through anyway" versus "I'm withdrawing *real, actual consent*, please stop immediately and help me".

Elan.

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 10:55:51 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor
<snipped>
I believe that if commitments, agreements, understandings are made--D's have an obligation to honor those and if they need to change--they should be held to the same standards as submissives---communication and renegotiation--
 
Now in the confines of agreements and an understanding, well then yes I suppose a D is allowed to do as they please--or are they?  
 
 We do have an unspoken agreement that he can do as he pleases, he can change the rules midstream if he wishes.If I am unhappy with it then I may speak up about it, but only if unhappy over it and so far that has not happened. I know that he will not harm me or let me be harmed, sometimes the rules are changed by him to push me further. I'm very comfortable with it being this way. Many times I am reluctant to change or push myself. I get into a comfort zone and can be reluctant to leave it, so he makes me leave it. Since becoming his I have grown more than I had ever imagined I could. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
you can not do as you please.  you are not god.  you break the law you will go to jail...without passing go.  i'd make damn sure of that.
if i say no...you STOP IMMEDIATELY.  or you will go to jail.
you can not do as you please because it MUST BE CONSENSUAL it also must be SAFE and SANE.  my body is precious.  it is not to be damaged. 
so no...you can not do as you please.  you can only do what is talked about before we start what it is that WE are doing.  it is NOT about YOU.  it is about US.
 
I prefer him doing as he pleases because of what he has caused me to achieve through his efforts. Yes it is consensual but he doesn't need my permission nor input. Actually that would be totally counter-productive for me, being allowed or encouraged to tell him 'no' on things. I don't want that control at all. If I say 'no' to him, he may or may not stop. If it is something physical we are doing he will stop to see that I am unhurt but if it is emotional he will push me through it. I leave the call of safety and sanity up to him. If we only did what we had discussed at the beginning then for me there would be little growth or change, that is the whole point of him owning me. He not only displays ownership, he takes it and runs with it. It is about us but he has the lead and total command of our relationship unless it is unhealthy for me.I trust him implicitly to know when/if that happens.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 11:08:55 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
well..my whole point is simply that when i hear "i can do as i please" it means its all about that person and nobody else.  which is not the case.  its about anyone who is involved in that relationship. 

boundaries and rules are set in place...and yes they get broken...but if its to the point of harming the person physically or mentally..then it must be stopped at all costs.  to me if that happens trust is immediately thrown out the window unless it happened by accident... eg: being wrapped by a whip/flogger (QUITE PAINFUL and leaves a mark for a while)
a very minor issue usually done accidental but you see the point im making.



_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 11:41:12 AM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
Hello Everyone,

I agree with the comments being made about limits and boundaries, to choose or not choose changes being made by the dominate, and to be ready to pay the piper if those limits are crossed.

My question is this, what if the submissive/slave is the one saying, "You're my Mistress, you can do as you please."  Do you go all out and help him/her discover their true limits or do you accept, "Your limits are my limits, Mistress"?

Faye





_____________________________

You can put away your masquerade
You won't ever have to be afraid of Me
Open up your eyes and see what is in store
I must the One that you are searching for.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 12:03:06 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
I believe that there are some Dominants who think that they can do whatever they want to/with their sub/slave. However these D types are usually the ones I call the "spoiled brat" bunch, meaning they aren't D types at all they are controlling, demanding adult children who always want their way or its the highway for the sub/slave.

These types don't care if they endanger their sub/slave as long as they the spoiled brat gets their rocks off. The sad thing is that some subs don't know the difference between Dominance and controlling bratty behavior.

Personally I keep my sub in the loop, we have a contract outlining boundaries, limits, expectations, training and a statement that reads that this contract can be modified with the consent of both parties. I also once a year sit down with my sub and we have a chat about our relationship, how we feel things are going, what needs improvement and what exceeds our expectations. It really is helpful to both of us and keeps us on the same page.

~Lashra



_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 12:12:00 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline
I can do as I please however there are boundaries that I won't cross,permant damage ,broken bones etc..... I don't change the rules in midstream,once in place they remain....Mine come to me knowing that I am a SOB, a demanding sadistic owner,so in speaking what you see is what you get...bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I can do as I please! - 4/10/2008 12:20:38 PM   
ToyOfValue


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

You know, I see that written, I hear it and I see it exhibited so much and I just don't agree with it---the whole, " I am the Dominant and I can do as I please" mentality--nope, I just disagree with that as a general statement---I believe that if commitments, agreements, understandings are made--D's have an obligation to honor those and if they need to change--they should be held to the same standards as submissives---communication and renegotiation--
 
Now in the confines of agreements and an understanding, well then yes I suppose a D is allowed to do as they please--or are they? 
 
 


When I was in school my teacher taught me that in the sentence "Stop!" the word "You" was implied. You rarely hear "You stop!"

I believe that anyone that tells slaves that she "can do as she pleases" is implying within set boundaries.

How utterly lacking in eroticism for her to say "Within the boundaries and limits that we have previously set down in our contract and/or discussed, I can do as I please, provided you don't use your safeword."

Personally, I am looking for a mistress that will do as she pleases.


(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> I can do as I please! Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094