I can do as I please!

I can do as I please! (Full Version)

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MladyHathor -> I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:12:06 AM)
You know, I see that written, I hear it and I see it exhibited so much and I just don't agree with it---the whole, " I am the Dominant and I can do as I please" mentality--nope, I just disagree with that as a general statement---I believe that if commitments, agreements, understandings are made--D's have an obligation to honor those and if they need to change--they should be held to the same standards as submissives---communication and renegotiation-- *Now in the confines of agreements and an understanding, well then yes I suppose a D is allowed to do as they please--or are they?*

JoanieHoney2001 -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:18:09 AM)
I agree, within the set agreements, limits a Dom should be able to do as s/he pleases. For me that's the way it should be, if I wanted a someone to ask my opinion on what to do every time they turned around I wouldn't be in this lifestyle. Just my two cents, Jo

thetammyjo -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:19:52 AM)
Well, can't any of us do what ever we want at any time? We just have to be willing to deal with the consequences of our choices. In my contract (both training and ownership) I have a clause that says that I can change anything in this contract but that I must give the sub/slave 24 hours notice and that he/she has the right to ask for a negotiation session, to walk away, or to accept the changes.

Madame4a -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:26:12 AM)
I agree with TammyJo ... its about consequences, including the consequences of harming a relationship... or a person for that matter... balance... life is about balance...

Leatherist -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:31:48 AM)
Well, I would tend to get in trouble if I took a girl to the mall wearing only a diaper and a leash. Everyone has limits.[;)]

MissHarlet -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:34:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo In my contract (both training and ownership) I have a clause that says that I can change anything in this contract but that I must give the sub/slave 24 hours notice and that he/she has the right to ask for a negotiation session, to walk away, or to accept the changes. I LIKE THIS !!!!

MissHarlet -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:36:40 AM)
I agree that we can all do as we please.... IF WE ARE WILLING TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES..... I think that realistically it has to be within the boundaries of the relationships we are in ... be that with a submissive/slave ... Dominant .... relative ..employer .... co worker.... or just the general public....... and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives.

MsBearlee -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:48:32 AM)
Ahhhhhhhhhh… I agree with you two, too. This is perfect timing. I have a friend, online, who is somewhat submissive but really more into kinky sex than anything else. He likes to be forced, apparently; face slapped to suck a strap-on, or facefucked so hard he begs for it in his ass…yada yada. This one, and others I’ve met, just don’t seem to ‘get’ the concept of ‘loss of control’. The more scripted scenarios a guy sends me the less inclined I am to go anywhere near the action described. I met an otherwise perfectly interesting guy a few years ago, quite near me, who insisted on sending me note after note of men getting spanked. Over-the-knee cartoons with small men and large women…his idea of heaven. But it was over-the-top, in my book. I still can hardly stomach the idea of lying a man over my knee for a spanking…because of this big lumox’s insistence. I can easily flog or paddle a guy and enjoy the hell out of it…but spanking just brings that guy who topped so hard from the bottom. He never learned to let go of control…he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. Of course, I believe in win/win…and I actually like to see my guy happy and make sure I do things that he’d enjoy, just because I like him. But, I also like control…so sometimes I’m going to do things MY way…sometimes I’m going to do things he is not so interested in JUST BECAUSE I like it. I like how doing that sort of stuff to a guy makes him feel humiliated or powerless or even a bit surprised… because by his actually doing it, he feels again what lack of control is. He also ‘gets’ who is in charge and how wonderful it feels to do things for me SOLEY because that’s what I want at the time. These guys who want to be forced to suck a dildo when they like to suck a dildo are not being forced to do a damn thing. When they draw a line at ‘being submissive’ when it involves more than making my breakfast occasionally, or beg to get face-slapped when they like it, they are missing out on how lovely things can be when ya push the envelope a bit and really let go. Sure, this particular guy tells me regularly he is not into BDSM, only kink; but I find it somewhat sad. He’s missing so much…perhaps missing the point, as well. How can a guy seemingly enjoy ‘forced’…but only to do stuff he actually enjoys? He insists sex is fun and if he’s getting what he likes his partner has a better time too… but it’s odd to me he dances all around submission and is just too …what;...scared? Selfish? Timid? I dunno. But this attitude sure does take all the steam outta my engine. Yanno? Beverly

MsBearlee -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 8:56:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissHarlet I agree that we can all do as we please.... IF WE ARE WILLING TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES..... I think that realistically it has to be within the boundaries of the relationships we are in ... be that with a submissive/slave ... Dominant .... relative ..employer .... co worker.... or just the general public....... and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives. I couldn’t agree more with this either! I like physical torture and stuff; my friend apparently does not. He apparently has no idea such torture does not have to leave bruises and bloody welts; he just insists BDSM is not his kink and doesn’t wanna go there. Period. Well, any guy of mine is gonna get tied up and flogged from time to time. Period. It is MY kink and in a win/win deal that’s what’s gonna happen; we BOTH get needs met and sometimes each does things that are not so high on their list. Just because. Having said that, I know some guys who LOVE welts and bruises; I love to deliver them (it makes me wet). However, part of dealing with consequences is NOT doing that to a guy who doesn’t like it. Look, in a win/win relationship both get their needs met; over time both should be very, very happy with how things are going. Were I to constantly mark up a guys back, who found such play appalling…he’d WALK! This is were knowing a partner and trusting that partner come into play. Being scared, doing things ya don’t like, pleasing the kinks of the one in control…all this stuff is exciting! For BOTH sides, I might add; such a shame to try to keep a pendulum only singing one way. Nice thread; thanks to all! B

Shawn1066 -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 9:05:31 AM)
I suppose my Owner could do as she pleases quite easily. However, while she does have the final say... She does keep me in the loop, so to speak. I'm allowed to voice my opinion and even help with decisions that affect the both of us. I may be property, but I'm useful property. In terms of playtime, she dictates what we do entirely. She's the one firmly in control. If she wants to make me squirm, she'll make me squirm. If she wants to hear me squeal, then she'll hear me squeal. If she decides she wants to have sex with me, then she'll pick me up and take me to the nearest workable surface. If I decide to struggle a bit(She likes for me to do so every so often and so do I), she can hold me down very easily...even when I'm really trying my hardest to get free. If she's torn between what she wants to do, then she'll ask me what I'd prefer. Even if it's very hard for me to say anything while I'm in subspace. So, I suppose my Owner could very well do as she pleases. I couldn't physically stop her. She just chooses not too out of respect to me... And, well, she's not a monster. DV's Fox

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 9:10:42 AM)
you can not do as you please. you are not god. you break the law you will go to jail...without passing go. i'd make damn sure of that. if i say no...you STOP IMMEDIATELY. or you will go to jail. you can not do as you please because it MUST BE CONSENSUAL it also must be SAFE and SANE. my body is precious. it is not to be damaged. so no...you can not do as you please. you can only do what is talked about before we start what it is that WE are doing. it is NOT about YOU. it is about US.

MladyHathor -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 10:10:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissHarlet I agree that we can all do as we please.... IF WE ARE WILLING TO SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES..... I think that realistically it has to be within the boundaries of the relationships we are in ... be that with a submissive/slave ... Dominant .... relative ..employer .... co worker.... or just the general public....... and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives. *BINGO!* *and like it or not there are bounderies in every aspect of our lives.* *And IMHO, we better damn well set some---this whole idea of --well they do as they please, or better yet the D who does and does not accept the consequences IMHO should be drawn and quartered.* *We often see it written, who is real versus who is a wannabe---to Me is defined by what Miss Harlet and others have said---boundaries and responsibility for the consequences.*

JoanieHoney2001 -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 10:31:02 AM)
I guess I wasn't clear, I didn't intend for it to sound like he's an ass and just does whatever he pleases willy-nilly. What I meant was with in our set boundaries he does what he wants to. This doesn't mean he takes me out with collar and leash in public or anything, just that between the two of us it's agreed that within our limits in our own home, he's in charge and what he says goes. Hope this makes sense Jo

ElanSubdued -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 10:37:01 AM)
quote: faerytattoodgirl: if i say no... you STOP IMMEDIATELY. or you will go to jail. you can not do as you please because it MUST BE CONSENSUAL it also must be SAFE and SANE. my body is precious. it is not to be damaged. so no... you can not do as you please. you can only do what is talked about before we start what it is that WE are doing. it is NOT about YOU. it is about US. When a BDSM relationship has matured, it is more common that a Dominant may do something without consulting their submissive because each knows their partner's needs, limits, and signals well. Of course, as in all loving relationships, it is necessary to communicate to your partner so that they understand your motivations (even if the motivation is "I'm having fun doing an activity simply because I enjoy it and you do not"). There is an interesting juxtaposition of consent here because many submissives enjoy doing things that please their Dominants even if they don't like the particular activity itself. All of this said, I think it's important to underline that consent may be withdrawn at any time. Yes, I realize there is the whole submissive versus slave debate (wherein there is an ideology that once given, submissives may withdraw consent whereas slaves may not). Let's belay that for the moment with the understanding that in the vanilla world in which we all live, real slavery is illegal. Thus, even a slave may withdraw consent at any time. Earlier in the week, there was a thread about a scene where it was clear that a participant withdrew consent to an activity they had previously consented to. While things did go wrong during the scene, fortunately, in the end, it seems everyone forgave and made up. This underlines my point though. You may well have negotiated and agreed to activities in a BDSM contract (or verbally before play), but dynamics and feelings change as life and play proceed. In my opinion, a person may withdraw their consent at any time. A partner who knowingly receives this withdrawal and ignores it is acting abusively and is someone who I would have trouble trusting again (baring miscommunication and accidents, which sometimes happen). Given that this is BDSM and we kinky folks like to blur lines, I'll make an exception for the case where partners mutually agree that the Dominant will push/force the submissive to experience something that may be frightening for the submissive. I've experienced this myself as a submissive and it can be a very powerful, positive experience. Still, this is extremely edgy play and the potential for it to go seriously wrong is reasonably high. Thus, I think it very important that the Dominant and submissive understand signals that mean "I'm withdrawing playful, in-role consent and want you to force me through anyway" versus "I'm withdrawing real, actual consent, please stop immediately and help me". Elan.

camille65 -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 10:55:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor <snipped> I believe that if commitments, agreements, understandings are made--D's have an obligation to honor those and if they need to change--they should be held to the same standards as submissives---communication and renegotiation-- *Now in the confines of agreements and an understanding, well then yes I suppose a D is allowed to do as they please--or are they?* We do have an unspoken agreement that he can do as he pleases, he can change the rules midstream if he wishes.If I am unhappy with it then I may speak up about it, but only if unhappy over it and so far that has not happened. I know that he will not harm me or let me be harmed, sometimes the rules are changed by him to push me further. I'm very comfortable with it being this way. Many times I am reluctant to change or push myself. I get into a comfort zone and can be reluctant to leave it, so he makes me leave it. Since becoming his I have grown more than I had ever imagined I could. quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl you can not do as you please. you are not god. you break the law you will go to jail...without passing go. i'd make damn sure of that. if i say no...you STOP IMMEDIATELY. or you will go to jail. you can not do as you please because it MUST BE CONSENSUAL it also must be SAFE and SANE. my body is precious. it is not to be damaged. so no...you can not do as you please. you can only do what is talked about before we start what it is that WE are doing. it is NOT about YOU. it is about US. I prefer him doing as he pleases because of what he has caused me to achieve through his efforts. Yes it is consensual but he doesn't need my permission nor input. Actually that would be totally counter-productive for me, being allowed or encouraged to tell him 'no' on things. I don't want that control at all. If I say 'no' to him, he may or may not stop. If it is something physical we are doing he will stop to see that I am unhurt but if it is emotional he will push me through it. I leave the call of safety and sanity up to him. If we only did what we had discussed at the beginning then for me there would be little growth or change, that is the whole point of him owning me. He not only displays ownership, he takes it and runs with it. It is about us but he has the lead and total command of our relationship unless it is unhealthy for me.I trust him implicitly to know when/if that happens.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 11:08:55 AM)
well..my whole point is simply that when i hear "i can do as i please" it means its all about that person and nobody else. which is not the case. its about anyone who is involved in that relationship. boundaries and rules are set in place...and yes they get broken...but if its to the point of harming the person physically or mentally..then it must be stopped at all costs. to me if that happens trust is immediately thrown out the window unless it happened by accident... eg: being wrapped by a whip/flogger (QUITE PAINFUL and leaves a mark for a while) a very minor issue usually done accidental but you see the point im making.

MistressFaye1 -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 11:41:12 AM)
Hello Everyone, I agree with the comments being made about limits and boundaries, to choose or not choose changes being made by the dominate, and to be ready to pay the piper if those limits are crossed. My question is this, what if the *submissive/slave* is the one saying, "You're my Mistress, you can do as you please." Do you go all out and help him/her discover their true limits or do you accept, "Your limits are my limits, Mistress"? Faye

Lashra -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 12:03:06 PM)
I believe that there are some Dominants who think that they can do whatever they want to/with their sub/slave. However these D types are usually the ones I call the "spoiled brat" bunch, meaning they aren't D types at all they are controlling, demanding adult children who always want their way or its the highway for the sub/slave. These types don't care if they endanger their sub/slave as long as they the spoiled brat gets their rocks off. The sad thing is that some subs don't know the difference between Dominance and controlling bratty behavior. Personally I keep my sub in the loop, we have a contract outlining boundaries, limits, expectations, training and a statement that reads that this contract can be modified with the consent of both parties. I also once a year sit down with my sub and we have a chat about our relationship, how we feel things are going, what needs improvement and what exceeds our expectations. It really is helpful to both of us and keeps us on the same page. ~Lashra

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 12:12:00 PM)
I can do as I please however there are boundaries that I won't cross,permant damage ,broken bones etc..... I don't change the rules in midstream,once in place they remain....Mine come to me knowing that I am a SOB, a demanding sadistic owner,so in speaking what you see is what you get...bounty

ToyOfValue -> RE: I can do as I please! (4/10/2008 12:20:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MladyHathor You know, I see that written, I hear it and I see it exhibited so much and I just don't agree with it---the whole, " I am the Dominant and I can do as I please" mentality--nope, I just disagree with that as a general statement---I believe that if commitments, agreements, understandings are made--D's have an obligation to honor those and if they need to change--they should be held to the same standards as submissives---communication and renegotiation-- *Now in the confines of agreements and an understanding, well then yes I suppose a D is allowed to do as they please--or are they?* When I was in school my teacher taught me that in the sentence "Stop!" the word "You" was implied. You rarely hear "You stop!" I believe that anyone that tells slaves that she "can do as she pleases" is implying within set boundaries. How utterly lacking in eroticism for her to say "Within the boundaries and limits that we have previously set down in our contract and/or discussed, I can do as I please, provided you don't use your safeword." Personally, I am looking for a mistress that will do as she pleases.

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