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RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 12:50:45 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		And if she really needs help, saying so would be, um, helpful, as well as the city she is in, since she says she's away from home.  Otherwise it's just bitching, which is fine, just say so.

Cali


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(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 12:52:36 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Homeless missions, or the local salvation army.

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(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 12:56:07 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Katylied
Owning?
Maybe instead of childishly calling her actions "silly" she should investigate what brought her to this place and how she can avoid it in the future.

absolutely no argument here. But that is step 2. First is acknowledgement of her own accountability. This has been demonstrated, even if in a twisted, sarcastic manner.
*edited to add quote cuz I type to slow to beat Cali to help*

< Message edited by HerLord -- 4/11/2008 12:58:48 PM >

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(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 1:31:07 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

bear sad to say but this is the only way some people can learn.


I couldn't agree with you any more.


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(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 1:37:37 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		It is very easy to be 'homeless' and to be under a roof.
You could be visiting friends or family and fast wearing out your welcome.
You could be at a public library, where there is internet access.
And, I'd certainly hope that if I were in that situation, whether it was my fault or not, people would help me to think clearly when I'm in need, and discuss my bad decision making skills when I'm actually in a place (figuratively and literally) to listen.
OP; get on the internet and google "emergency homeless shelter" for the zip code or city you are in.
Call churches, Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc. until you can find a safe place.


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(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 2:15:46 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Not only that, most towns and cities have crisis centers where someone who is down and out can go to seek help to get back on their feet. Even if it's shelter for a night or two. 

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Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 2:24:47 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Yah, except most are in crises now. Which is why I suggested contacted churches.

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A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

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(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/11/2008 11:49:50 PM   
LostMyself


Posts: 72
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		And sometimes the dominants make it so the sub is less self-sufficent..  My former mistress smiled so proudly whenever I told her how much I needed her.. but obviously she didn't need me..

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/12/2008 12:35:25 AM   
ThistleDown


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HerLord

quote:

Katylied
Owning?
Maybe instead of childishly calling her actions "silly" she should investigate what brought her to this place and how she can avoid it in the future.

absolutely no argument here. But that is step 2. First is acknowledgement of her own accountability. This has been demonstrated, even if in a twisted, sarcastic manner.
*edited to add quote cuz I type to slow to beat Cali to help*

I don't think silly is necessarily a childish way to describe what she may have done. She's owned up to her responsibility, there's no reason to judge herself and make herself feel worse about it if it won't help the situation. How she decides to talk about the problem or even think about it, doesn't really matter as long as she's working on a solution.

I recently learned the lesson of not judging oneself. There's no reason to bring yourself down if it's not going to help, and I would venture to say that tearing yourself down (through negative self-talk and unreasonably pessimistic reactions as it seems the suggestion goes) is never going to help. -just a thought.
~puppy

edited for lots of little corrections, clarity etc


< Message edited by ThistleDown -- 4/12/2008 12:39:08 AM >

(in reply to HerLord)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/12/2008 2:56:44 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		First, if no one made mistakes they would not continue to manufacture erasers on pencils.  However, if you notice the ratio of pencil to eraser, it may be assumed that people should do what they can to avoid mistakes, and not repeat the same mistake.

It is my personal opinion that in order to yield to the authority of another, a person should have some personal authority to yield.  Not everyone does, not everyone is self-confident or self-reliant.  Doesn't make a person bad or stupid.  In the future, you may want to consider having a Plan B when veturing out into Plan A.  Calling yourself stupid is not helpful to you, being angry will not help, calling upon the inner strength you must know you have will help.

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(in reply to nekoerin)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 9:05:10 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		::UPDATE::

The situation she got herself in was in fact STUPID.

I did have my heart strings tugged on this one and was prepared to help..... even if it was a scam I still ould have felt I did something good. However it was unneeded. I just have a soft spot for Homlessness and a girl like her could have easily ended up Broken or worse Dead in the situation she was in. I know I can't safe the world but at least on this situation I was prepared to help.

I have been talking to her since this started and she calls me daily.

She finally found a place in a Kink Friendly House and I spent some 2 hours talking with The Dom/Domme couple and think she is in a good place and they have her best interest at heart. She does not have Permanent access to the Net but will be back on however she was never interested in the Forums so don't be surprized if you don't hear from her much.

Yes she was in a very BAD spot. The Church Organizations she went too could not help her because she did not have legal ID and for some reason they were requiring she have one. The Salvation Army and St Vincents were full up and the Army wouldn't atke her anyway as she looks young and had no proof of age cause Birth Certs don't count.

Basically she was floundering and even though the situation she ended up in could have been VERY DANGEROUS she assures me that they are safe and after talking to him for quite some time and checking up a few of his references I can say I am confident that things will be okay too.

So if anyone was actually worried...... All will be well.

Steel

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(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 9:44:31 AM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
So if anyone was actually worried...... All will be well.

Steel


I did worry, and I hoped we would hear that something good had happened for her. Thank you for your efforts on her behalf.

pip, soft-hearted

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There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 9:59:56 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thankyou Steel yes I was actually worried.
I couldn't help though as I don't know enough about the USA to even begin to give advice or information.
All I can say to anyone in this situation is that it happens to lots of people in vanilla life to.
When any living together relationship breaks down one person has to leave at some point.
In my life I have given four individuals a roof over their heads while they sorted themselves out. I'm sure lots of people have done the same.
I was always too proud to ask when I needed the same so I stayed in the relationship and kept trying to work it out.
I hope the OP has found safety and in time will stop blaming herself for being stupid.
We are all stupid sometimes. We just have to find the ability to forgive ourselves and move on.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 4:28:04 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		this sort of situation would be a good lesson in why subs/slaves if leaving friends and family for points away, need to have financial arrangements made so they can go home if things don't work out, either by themselves or the people they are going to.   Maybe it should be a condition of moving in, as much a part of discussions as limits and safewords.

its not sexy, but sure would make me feel more secure.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 4:36:11 PM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Steel ...its good to hear that there are still people that care enough to look out for others even taking the chance it could be a scam......and thanks for the update

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to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 5:39:37 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

--(for those of you who are offering help--she does have contact info in her journal entry)


Which is against TOS as she is well aware of by following it with an apology ...


uhm I didnt think putting it in a JOURNAL entry was against TOS

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(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 5:57:22 PM   
abeke


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/15/2008
Status: offline 		   No offense to the OP or anyone else who has made some sort of mistake when they are first starting out because I think everyone is capable to putting themselves in unhealthy situations.   Instead of a subbie hotline---how about people simply putting some serious thought into actions prior to acting.    We often preach SSC, but how safe is it really or sane for that matter to rush into situations with blinders on.    We see horror stories so frequently---someone moves cross country to be with a partner, and there is nothing wrong with that, but what about a back up plan in case things don't work out.   

(in reply to nekoerin)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 7:37:05 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		abeke,

Agreed however there comes a time when we are ALREADY in trouble and the last thing we need is people telling us how stupid we are for ending up in a situation like that in the first place.

Also There are some damn good liars out there, truth be told the situation she got in was Stupid but she was not the ONLY one who made mistakes, the person she went out to be with gave her many false realities so she did not realize how unstable it was going to be and well it was a downward spiral of events.

I Actually felt for her and having been there once myself I do know how easy it is to end up there. One second you are doing fine the next everything has gone horribly wrong.

SSC isn't a Catch all at the end of the day Dom or sub we are all just HUMAN.

Steel

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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
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(in reply to abeke)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 7:43:43 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

Steel ...its good to hear that there are still people that care enough to look out for others even taking the chance it could be a scam......and thanks for the update


In all honesty I was all over the place on this one. I was prepared to send her the money for a bus ticket Western Union because without an ID she could not pick up one at the bus station so I was prepared to just send the money and figure if I got Scammed well then at least I could THINK I had done the right thing, But after she went to all the places I found for her in Kansas and told me what they said and then called her parents and Grandparents in the end she found a situation that did not require me to send any money.

I guess you could say she gave me hope that not all situations like this are scams.

But I did feel that when and if I sent the money (and I was going to) that I would feel like a dumbass for doing it.

She really is a Smart Cookie when it comes to this lifestyle and she really is street smart she just ended up in a corner and she turned to the only people she thought could help and well I am glad that I was able too.

As an FYI The Salvation Army.... They Turn so many away.  St Vincents, Very Nice but because they help always full. and Many Church Organizations are only willing to help if you have a Legal ID. The Catholic, Luthern, and Baptist Social Services all turner her away because she didn't have ID, and NO I didn't just believe her I call up and they all confirmed that they turner her away because she did not have an ID, and each one of them that I called remembered her too cause they felt bad that they couldn't help.

I am Glad that I could

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to MissHarlet)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: there needs to be a subbie hotline - 4/14/2008 7:50:52 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		At one point i wanted to leave the US and meet (visit) someone in the UK. We spoke for over a year (online) before i realized he was unstable. That could have been me, and i'm 38.
Lost, alone and wandering around the UK wondering wtf just happened.
Thankfully, none of that played out.
I would have never gone w/o money of my own though. Emergencies and all that. I'm glad she's ok.

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There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
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(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 40
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