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RE: Class is in Session - 4/12/2008 2:13:35 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

# How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)

I've always been a submissive. Slowly, I realized that I wanted to be a slave. What this means to me is that instead of just being submissive and receiving pleasure from that activity, I needed someone to own me, to control me, to direct me. That, to me, becomes the movement into slavery: When I no longer have a choice, and that I'm serving Her, not myself. This means I do whatever I'm told. I complement her life, not bog it down.

quote:

What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?

It means that there's no question about who owns whom, about who does what the other is told. It means that it's not just a game or a prelude to sex. It's real. It's the way we live our lives. It means that punishments come from her decision to punish, for whatever reason she chooses, whether it be for fun or enforcement of rules.

quote:

How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's?

Even though it may not always be recognized as such, I'm submissive to most women. I don't serve most women, obviously as that's really nonconsentual, but I am naturally submissive and it controls my interactions with a lot of women. This means I help out women who are close to me constantly because I feel it is the right thing to do. It doesn't matter if there's an actual Ds thing going on between us. But I serve one woman in the end, the one who decides to take ownership over me. She decides most other things in that avenue for me, and I've even had dominants in the past who have instructed me to not be as submissive to other women around me, demanding that for themselves only. It's difficult but I always do my best to serve the one to whom I've pledged myself.

quote:

What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?

Instinctively, there's no difference. Service-wise, there is. When I'm owned, I serve that woman only.

quote:

What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "others". I had great respect for pretty much anyone who chooses to be a part of the scene, from whatever dominant or submissive disposition they choose (including switches). Not everyone is defined by how I interact with a dominant, and I understand that. I was once a live-in to a woman whose husband owned a female slave, and she and I got along great. There was never any friction between us, nor should there ever have been.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to MladyHathor)
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RE: Class is in Session - 4/12/2008 2:18:14 PM   
branbran77


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline 		Read my journal

(in reply to metalmiss)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Class is in Session - 4/12/2008 2:59:35 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		perhaps we'd like the abridged version from you posted here with your succinct thoughts.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to branbran77)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Class is in Session - 4/12/2008 7:06:26 PM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Lady Hathor,

        Thank You for Your request, and i hope that all of the answers help You to find what You are seeking.

  • How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)

While in the military i worked doing some interrogation, worked to break down barriers and get to honesty through a variety of measures.  it often included breaking people's wills and verifying the results.  As i was learning i studied as a "victim" and was never broken down.  i was usually part of a group, and worked very hard not to come to the attention of those asking questions.  i wondered if it was possible, and actually became a sub to find if it was.  While it is in my nature to serve, and i do it well, as i take pride in the results, it allows me to manage the outcome.  i have been told that i am hard to be angry at, and harder for someone to stay that way.  i am apparently distracting, even in submission.  i did not try to pursue this through a vanilla marriage, and a long term vanilla relationship, but my interim forays in BDSM have taught me how to handle physical pain, as well as control, and has taught me that my limits are higher than i had expected.
  • What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?

           i have occasionally been accused of topping from the bottom, i had an observing Domme at one point tell me that if i ever tried to pull that (details not remembered, but i had said something that distracted my Domme) with her
that i would be gagged.  i am very at peace with the concept of Ma'am or Sir as a form of address perhaps because some of my prior military victims had been officers.  The title did not add any special skills or protection.  it sometimes worked to ease or soften the process.

  How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's?  
        i am pretty straightforward that if i offer submission it is as a gift.  i tend to bristle if it is demanded without basis.  i am currently in the service industry, and treat customers, and management with respect.  i get a kick when customers ask me if i am owner of the business, which means that i have served them as if my livelihood depended on it.  i have a great deal of respect for displayed intelligence.  i am deferential to titles, but like i have read on someone's profile, tag, or posts, i do not suffer fools well.  i do have the patience to watch and audacity to help someone dig their own pit and will be amused by it.  i will quietly try to guide someone away from pitfalls if i spot them, but will not jump in their way.  sometimes one learns more from mistakes than being told "don't do that." 
  • What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?

    i like the sensuality of this world, i like that things seem to be more openly discussed on more levels.  i do like the delineation of responsibilities and the actual respect in both directions.  it is difficult for me to distinguish as it is all part of my nature,  i have had a vanilla partner who found my desires to be more than she could handle, but she seemed to enjoy some of the talents that i had developed.  on the other hand, i have had a
Poly Domme tell me that i was not what She sought because i seemed to be too vanilla.

  • What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?

i am not quite sure what that means.  My goal and nature is to try to find the best in everyone that i can across the board, and to allow that everyone sees things differently.  i have been told that someone expected me to say "and world peace" after nearly everything i said.  Not as a question of my masculinity, but as a view that everything is positive and can be better. 
 
         i hope that helps some, and that it works out well.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to metalmiss)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Class is in Session - 4/12/2008 7:33:08 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have thought about this a lot over the years.  Life taught me to be submissive when it was important.  I was a quiet kid, and talented, but I was rebellious.  Very soon I learned that sometimes you had to step back so that people would not hold you back.  I chose to be in charge of when I had to let someone else call the shots.  I chose to stifle my own ability so that people would not think me a threat.  It made sense to pace my life, skills, and talents, so that I could keep something which I valued.  I was taught to stay in my place. 

I didn't learn that sometimes it was necessary to lead until I was fully adult.  I learned that only because stepping back was no longer allowing me to be seen.

But when someone is important, it is all I know.  It is almost like a switch goes off inside me that says "comply"

I don't allow many things or people to be important to me.  But when they are I will mostly step back.  Unless I must step forward for the greater good as with my children, or running my groups.
I am submissive only when someone is important to me. 
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Class is in Session - 4/12/2008 9:08:05 PM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)
 
I have always been as I am, from my earliest memories. By the time I was in high school I knew I was submissive and that women were mysterious and fearsome creatures. That women were in control. Women asked for dates and controlled the pace of a romance or relationship and moved it from level to level. Women initiate intimacy. Other men were abrupt and abusive and this appealed to most women, women who found me uninteresting. Other women were intrigued enough by me to pursue me.
 
Submissives are pursued, dominants pursue. Good submissives are useful and desired. Good submissives serve and protect their dominants.
 
What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?
 
In general, subsmissives subvert their will to others that are dominant. My first inclination is to defer and patiently consider other's perspectives. Female dominants are to be especially tolerated. If however, a dominant cannot lead or decide, I will proceed do what is best for both of us.
 
Gross generalization based on my experience: Dominants tend to be compulsive. I am contemplative and methodical.
Gross generalization based on my experience: Dominant men tend to be bullies. I am not cowed or impressed by bullies. As an adult I have stood my ground against a bully 8 inches taller and 100 pounds heavier. On another occasion when a bully brandished a weapon to reinforce his argument I invited him to use that weapon or to have is shoved up his ass.
 
How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's?
 
I only exist in a vanilla world. I have a fear of disappointing others. I can't say no. I stay overscheduled and overcommitted. I am active in my community. I am a frequent and generous contributor. I vacuum and do laundry. I go the extra mile. I always, always, come to the aid of a woman in need.
 
What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?
 
I don't have any experience in "the lifestyle".
 
What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?
 
I have met the others and I am he.

_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to MladyHathor)
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RE: Class is in Session - 4/12/2008 9:24:51 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		{puts hair up in bun and slips on librarian glasses.}
  • How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)

I don't think I decided so much as realized I was a sub.  I have always been more compliant in bed, but hadn't yet found a partner who knew what to do with it.  When My Lord discovered this trait, he had the experience and the know-how to guide me in my own explorations.  I have a tendency to take responsibility for EVERYTHING in my world.  In sex, I don't want to have to.  For me, it means I don't have to do all of the thinking.  My Lord requires me to think, in the challenging that he does to me in our play, but it's the thinking he wants me to do about which he wants me to think.  It's more enjoyable for me to feel, obey, and I seriously get off on it. 
  • What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?

With other dominants, not so much the obedience.  I have a feeling (though I can't say for sure, lacking experience in this area) that the obedience and submissive I give to My Lord is for him, and him alone.  I find it hard to believe that there are that many men in this world who have a)the confidence and b) the know how to inspire my trust enough to hand over my will.  He is a one of a kind, and therefore worthy of my submission.
  • How does that drive your interactions?  In your relationship?

With us, it's mainly a bedroom door thing.  Outside of the bedroom, we are pretty vanilla.  We discuss everything, sometimes we go with his ideas, sometimes mine, but mostly we mix it. 

My Lord tells me that one of the things that drew him to me was the fact that I was strong enough not to break.  My handing my will to him meant something, and wasn't just me being too weak to think for myself.  When he asks me what I want, I can tell him.  He decides whether I get it.  That's some of the arousal in it for me.

With the vanilla world?
You'd be hard pressed to find too many people who know me in the vanilla world who would peg me as a sub.  I am confident, pushy, assertive, and more than willing to state my opinion on almost anything.  As a matter of fact, I have the tendency to draw men who think I am going to be dominating them.  I've had several relationships where the sex became an issue for that very reason. 

I do tend to avoid confrontation, though I am not afraid of it.  I just like to choose my battles carefully.  I don't think that's a sub thing, but it is a me thing.  In fact, it's a learned behavior, cause I use to be ready to fight about anything.  With age comes wisdom, thank god.


 
With other D's or s's? 
I am pretty much courteous and respectful toward everyone, regardless of sexual/lifestyle choices.  I don't think my subliness impacts this.
 
What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?
I think the difference is primarily one of openness.  I can come here and tell someone that I must have permission to cum before I am allowed to, and no one here is so concerned with it.  Hell, I could say that My Lord dressed me up in a monkey suit, and made me play the organ while he beat me with a six foot stick and someone here would inevitably say, "Hmm...monkey suit...where did you get that and where did you find the organ?"  My vanilla friends would say, "You're being abused!  How can you let him treat you that way?!"

The BDSM world seems to be less judgemental of other people's kink, if not their personalities. 
  • What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?

"The Others?"  I'm not sure who you mean, but I'll guess you mean people who have vanilla sex.  I have no issue with people based on sexual/lifestyle preferences.  If there is one thing I have learned since starting this journey, it's not to judge other people's kink before trying it myself.  A year ago, I would never have thought that I would be unhappy that I couldn't get any more bruises before picture night.  Opening my mind has been my biggest benefit, and greatest triumph, since enountering my own subliness.

Hope this helps.

 


_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Class is in Session - 4/13/2008 2:21:48 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If I may share what my girl has said about the topic...

she found, after a sexual BDSM relationship with her husband many years ago, that she needed more. There was something more in her heart than just the SM and sex. For her, that was service...and having someone to serve who would lead, guide, aide and accept her completes her in a way that nothing else does. she's found three such people to serve in her life. she says that I'm her last.

(I just heard her say this on tuesday to a human sexuality class that we talked at, so I know it's accurate and not my conjecture.)

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Class is in Session - 4/13/2008 6:14:33 AM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)

I believe there is a difference between a submissive person and a person who submits.  I’ve always been a submissive person - who chooses to submit in her relationship.  I was married for 18 years to a man who never told me no.  I found myself being the person in charge in our relationship.  It wasn’t always pretty.  One morning I woke up and the sun was shining on my face and I said to myself, “tricia, you deserve a little bit of happiness.”  After speaking to my husband and him reminding me that he could never be the kind of man he knew I craved……we decided to split and I decided to pursue what I knew I needed in order to find this ‘happiness.’
Where I find this happiness is in giving of myself unconditionally to my dominant and allowing that in itself to be the reward.

What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?
 
I’m a kind, polite person by nature.  I have no problem with a random word of kindness to anyone….whether it be the cashier at my local grocery store or a message from a dominant man just being polite.  I don’t find I treat people I know are dominant any differently than their submissive partner.

How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's? 
 
My being in a D/s relationship has altered some of my other vanilla relationships – with my sisters, for instance.  I decided that I didn’t have to answer to anyone but my Master.  I didn’t have to give myself unconditionally to anyone but my Master.  The worlds happiness was not riding on my shoulders.  It was a hard adjustment for them….as I was always the ‘go to girl’.  My ex says I’m milder, more at peace.  He appreciates the changes in me.

What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?
 
I do believe there are different ‘levels’ of submission – none being right or wrong.  I don’t believe submission has anything to do with kinky sex or bdsm activities.  Roleplaying submission is not where I find my personal happiness……..nor is being kept in a cage 24/7.  I don’t aspire to be anything more than what I am at this moment.  The following is a quote from a book I read that I really liked.

".......Same game, different positions.  I don't know how to play any other way.  Someone must be on the top, someone on the bottom. Side by side is a bore.  I tried it once for a few wildly disorienting minutes.  Equality negates progress, prevents action.  But a top and a bottom, well, they can get to the moon and back before equals can negotiate who pays, who gets laid and who gets the blame."
Tony Bentley, "The Surrender"

< Message edited by tricia -- 4/13/2008 6:15:48 AM >

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Class is in Session - 4/13/2008 12:53:40 PM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you?
 
It's nothing i decided, no different then anyone deciding to be gay/lesbian/bisexual.  It's just a part of the whole package that makes me "me". 
 
What it means to me is simply that i understand and embrace what makes me happy.
 

What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?
 
I interact with other Dominants as people.  Just because they identify as Dominant doesn't place them on a pedistool to be awed or feared in any way. 
 
I do use "Sir/Ma'am" when addressing someone that identifies as Dominant.   Beyond that,  i do not interact any differently with them then i do another sub.  I am simply me, at all times, good or bad, regardless of the title any given person may attach to themselves.
 
 
 
How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's? 
 
The fact that i identify as a slave to Mistress, does not change how i interact with my husband, friends, or family.  Again, no different then my identifying as bisexual changes anything.
 
I enjoy making people smile.  That is my primary goal in all relationships.  When i worked in retail, one could say i was extremely subserviant to customers.  I was the one that other clerks sent the "problem" customers to and i saw that as a personal challenge to see them walk out the door with a smile. 
 
However, working as Mistress's personal assistant, people encounter the "pit bull" as She calls me.  My job is to see to Her interests, correct billing errors, and as such, i rather doubt anyone would "confuse me as submissive" in any way lol. 
 
I interact with the world in many different ways.  The way i interact has less to do with the title any given person identifies with, then the circumstances at hand.
 
When Mistress  hosted parties at Her home, i treated all of Her guests the same. 
 
I see the person, not so much the role.  Mistress has some Domiant friends that "expect" subs/slaves to behave in a certain manner.  No different then a vanilla setting that dictates a different protocal.  Out of respect for the people in a given setting, i will adjust my behavior to one acceptable to all parties.  I mean, i wouldn't behave in the same manner at a football game and a formal business dinner.  I behave differently with close lifestyle friends then i do at a Dominants home that requires a higher protocal. 
 
 
 
What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?
 
I behave the same, simply on different levels.  In public, i walk AHEAD of Her.  I know, quite the opposite of how "most do it".  lol .  Her rule, one that makes me blush every time we are walking anywhere.  She prefers it that way because She "likes the view".   With others, i am less aware of where they are when we are walking.  When we have meals together, i serve Her plate/beverage before fixing my own.  Even at Her mothers house lol.  I do such in a manner that no one bats an eye at it.  I don't flaunt my service to Her and as such, i can serve in most any setting.  When dining out, She states Her preference to me and i order for both of us.  Again, it is how She wishes it to be.  



What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?
 
Personally, i love to hear/debate different thoughts/opinions on any given subject.  I try to live life with my mind open to others ideas and frequently find myself rethinking my own views on subjects. 
 
If someone has a different way from ours, wonderful!  It is what works for them, doesn't make our way right no sooner then their way wrong.  It's simply different.  Unless they attempt to force their beliefs/ways on me, i am most accepting of other peoples views.  But i also retain the right to not be exposed to things that i do not agree with or makes me uncomfortable.  
 
For instance, if we were invited to a dinner and the host expected all subs to be nude, i would request permission to not attend.  Nudity around others is a limit Mistress allows me.  That doesn't mean i do not accept their preference, it simply falls outside of something i can do myself.   




(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Class is in Session - 4/13/2008 1:51:23 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Since I was very young I enjoyed being helpful.  As I grew, that became a true craving.  Helpful could range from simply being moral support to doing chores to taking leadership over projects.  I feel a justification for living through being helpful.

I was extremely submissive in my two vanilla marriages.  However, each became a case of 'the more I did, the more I was expected to so'.  Very little appreciation came into play. 

In the lifestyle (and I have played the roles of both top and bottom) I get my truest fulfillment from serving and being appreciated for it.  It is a dream come true for me.  The more I do, the more I am appreciated - just like I believed it was supposed to be in the vanilla world.  If I am given a task that He knows I won't enjoy I get rewarded in the end. 

I am what I always wanted to be.  It just took the lifestyle to make it fulfilling.  In this shadowy world I can live out my dreams  I can please a man fully and become, what He calls, His shining star.  In the vanilla world I have a very prestigious job and travel around the world as an expert in my field.  My heart, though, has found its true delight in knowing that there is One that I please above all others.  I have never felt so whole, nor even dreamed that I could.

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Class is in Session - 4/14/2008 10:57:14 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mumble an essay question. Looks like you have found a way to shut me up.  Good reading tho.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Class is in Session - 4/14/2008 1:13:15 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor
How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)


I didn't 'decide' - it happened.  I simply learnt over time what I was capable of and then eventually met Darcy and authority was transfered.  I identify as submissive on here because that is the first label in the box - reality is I am under Darcy's authority.  I do not see any difference in any of the labels that denote what you are as they all come down to the same thing in the end - submission.
 
quote:

What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?

 
Nothing.  I treat people as people, whatever their orientation.
 
quote:

How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's? 


There is no vanilla vs. BDSM world.  There is life.  I live it.  I am the same with everyone I meet.
 
quote:

What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?

 
Nothing. All relationship contain kink - something that specifically turns them on, some form of authority transfere - but all relationships are at different levels.
quote:

 
What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?


There are no 'others'.  There are people and some label themselves and some don't. I do not see 'others' but people.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Class is in Session - 4/15/2008 12:02:23 AM   
Corvidae


Posts: 82
Joined: 3/18/2008
Status: offline 		I just recently started doing some bdsm play, after having thought about it for a few years. However, although I have only thought about bdsm for a few years, I have had submissive fantasies pretty much my whole life, waaay before I'd ever heard of bdsm. As a kid I used to daydream about fantasy worlds where I was a slave or captive. I even tried wearing my dog's leash once, and I tried tying myself up several times, although I was very secretive about it (somehow I had already picked up on the cultural stigma against this sort of thing).  When I was older, even when I heard about bdsm related stuff (in the news, or jokes, or from friends) it took a while for it to click that this was what I had been fantasizing about all these years... probably because bdsm is not usually presented in a postive light.
I guess that for me it was less a decision than a natural progression for me to get involved in bdsm.
As for how this side of me comes out in bdsm and vanilla interactions, it's hard to say. In "real life" I tend to be kind of shy and quiet, and you would think that this would be a reflection my submissive side. However, my "submissive" self is not really that submissive, and in the scenes I've done so far I like to take on a strong rebellious role, by either physically resisting the top (I just did my first takedown scene, and loooooved it) or by being a bit of a wise-ass bratty sort of sub. Consequently having gotten involved in the bdsm scene has made me feel more self confidant, to some extent, even in vanilla land.

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Class is in Session - 4/15/2008 5:46:21 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline 		How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)
i came to the realization that i am slave because of what i craved. Although i enjoy a degree of pain and can certainly find role playing amusing, i craved feeling possessed, feeling owned and relinquishing my will to another. For me the basic difference between be a submissive and a slave is relinquishing the right to choose or negotiate. i made 2 choices, my first was who to serve, and contained in that choice was my second, to obey who i serve. It didn't happen overnight. my desire outweighed my ability for some time. i could see my objective, feel it, almost taste it, but still i would fall short. For me being a slave is a choice, but the choice is whether to be who i am or try to be someone i'm not.

What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?
Dominants in general are people - just like anyone else. i feel no need or desire to attribute any special significance to them. However, if it's a Dominant i know personally, or Master knows, i accept and respect the fact that we are not equals and i do not attempt to conduct myself as such. On the other hand i don't obey them or serve them unless directed to do so by my Master. i don't tend to classify people i don't know into Dominant and submissive and make a determination about how i should interact with them anymore than i would do that with any other type of person.
 
How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's? 
my relationship with Chairman is the physical manifestation of what i believe my relationship is to the Power of the universe that i believe in. In our M/s relationship i have the opportunity to practice - up close and personal - what i believe is my Spiritual relationship to whatever it is that created me. It helps to keep me humble, mindful and many things. In the vanilla world i am just me - my nature is to be loving and caring, so i don't see that as M/s or vanilla. One thing i do have to be mindful of with anyone other than Master is that it's not my responsibility to please everyone and make sure everyone is happy. Knowing that and having Master helps me maintain some boudaries with others, whether those others are D's, s's or ?

What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?
 
Not sure i understand what You mean by "others" here. If You mean someone who is not a slave or views slavery differently than i, or something like that, i say whatever yanks yer chain. Same with vanilla people and relationships. i wrote a song a while back and contained in the lyrics is a line i particularly like "life will go on long after what you will and will not allow". ha ha


_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Class is in Session - 4/15/2008 8:37:12 PM   
BreakingGlass


Posts: 565
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Spider-Skull Island
Status: offline
quote:

# How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)


I wouldn't say it was really a decision at all, but more of just going with what feels right. 

Sub, to me, means willingly granting another power to an extent over me and over my actions.   I'm submissive to a certain extent only in certain ways, and this is how he likes it.

Slave, to me, means willingly granting a far greater degree of power (beyond what I as a sub would feel comfortable relinquishing) to the extent that another pretty much dicates what my actions would be (as for thoughts...I'm not sure about that). 

Bottom, to me, isn't necessarily tied to dominant or submissive status, although it seems like it may be.  I tend to be a bottom more often than not, but if the mood strikes, or if his mood strikes, topping is the order of the day, as it were.  Again, it's just a matter of what feels natural.

quote:

# What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?


This seems a little vague to me, but as near as I understand the question it has no bearing on my interaction with dominants.  Just because another is a dominant doesn't mean I'm going to cower in subservience before them.  I chose to whom I wish to be submissive.  Thus, I interact with people as people, not based on their dominant or submissive or slave identification.

quote:

# How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's?


...I think I partially answered this above.  It doesn't change how I interact with others, vanilla or otherwise.  In terms of my relationship, I'm as submissive as I'm comfortable being, and he recognizes this.

quote:

# What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?


No difference in how I act in public.  At home, though, well, that's different. 

quote:

# What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?


Usually I point and hiss, like Donald Sutherland did at the end of the 1970s Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

I can't  help myself sometimes.

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Class is in Session - 4/16/2008 9:25:48 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor


  • How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)



I didn't decide to become a submissive, I finally decided to accept that part of myself as fighting against it was making me stressed and unhappy.

What it means to me is I'm finally admitting to myself and to others who i am in the inside, rather then trying to be someone I'm not.

quote:


  • What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?


 
What it means in my interaction with Domiants? ... not a damn thing. The only thing that matters is my interaction with "my" Dominant and other dominants that I know and respect. Everyone else whether they call themselves dominant, or whatever get treated the same. As people, unless they prove themselves unworthy of my politness. In that case such people are not worth my time either so are therefor ignored or acknowledged with only the decorum that is neccessary with in societies niceties.

quote:


  • How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's? 


 
1. Everyone gets treated with politeness when i first meet them. How my interactions vary with each person is very individualistic depending on the persons personality and demeanor towards myself and others around us.

2. In my personal relationship with my partner, I am "his submissive" and I do my outmost to please him and make his life better.

In my relationships with my friends, I am outgoing and i tend to try to do things that i know will make them happy because that is the type of person I am. I'm known for giving suprise presents or cards just cause i know my friend is bummed or in need of something they can not afford at the time.

In my relationship with lilbit. I am loving, caring and I AM BOSS!

In relationships with family, pretty much the same as with my friends. Open, honest and just myself.

3. In my life there is no "BDSM world" and " Vanilla world". Everything is the world in which I live. I behave appropriately for what ever situation I am in. I do not deny that I am a submissive and a masochist (to a point hehe) but I don't go advertise it to the 120 men I work with either.

quote:


  • What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?



There is no diffence between the two. There is no "LINE" stating this is one and this is the other. I am who I am, take it or leave it.

I may be more open about what I'm into with other people that practice bdsm, then with my non kinky friends ( most my friends are kinky in some form even if not into bdsm lol) But if asked a direct question by anyone I will answer honestly.

quote:


  • What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?


 
One of the "others"?? like what.. an alien? the unpassed on dead??

I'm sorry I do not understand the question here

What is an "other"?
 

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Class is in Session - 4/16/2008 10:01:06 AM   
KCherry


Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor
How did you decide to be a sub, slave, bottom--what does that mean to you? ( and be specific, even if it means slaves wash clothes and subs don't...)

I always identified as a submissive type of personality, trying to please everyone at once and dispairing when I realized it was impossable. I got taken advantage of far too much. Then I met a couple who were already in this type of relationship and I began to watch them and over a period of weeks we became very close friends. I guess they figured it out for me to some degree as they invited me to be their third and I agreed, reluctantly. Ever since then I knew that I didn't really fit in anywhere else. This lifestyle allows me to give my best to those who deserve it, even if they don't understand, and not stress over not pleasing every single person. My couple moved away recently, I miss them and owe them much. I don't identify as a slave currently because I see it as a level of commitment and servitude that I haven't found someone to devote to yet.


What does that mean in your interactions with Dominants?

That depends. With those I identify as dominant I have more respect but not an underlying sense of responsability unless they are a person I have specifically bonded with. That bond depending on its strength can mean anything from, I will buy you lunch to I will give you a place to stay to I will give you large amounts of my money, It just depends.

How does that drive your interactions? In your relationship? With the vanilla world? With other D's or s's? 

My interactions in relationships are only mildly effected by my being submissive from what I can tell. I am still me, this is just a strong part of me. I can still function in normal relationships I just find another outlet. I tend to only commit to relationships with people who can understand this need I have. As for my relationships with the vanilla side, the only long reaching effect I can see is I am thought of as a pervert or sex guru sometimes. I get a lot of questions from my friends or even strangers who have heard my reputation(still havent figured out how that happens). I think my presence and the casual demeanor in which I discuss kink and sex in an open way suprises vanillas and I have rarely had a bad experience with it. Although a few of my best friends have said they might have been reluctant to be my friend if they knew from the beginning what they know now. With other s/M couples all it means is a better understanding of one another, I suppose.


What in your mind, in the combination of this world and vanilla, marks the difference?

I don't see a huge difference, just a matter of preference. I tend to find that those in the lifestyle are open-minded and intelligent individuals but that being said that doesn't mean I think all vanillas are closet minded imbeciles either.

What is your reaction to someone who is one of the "others"?

I try to be of the same temperment and acceptance of everyone until they give me a reason not to. They are just like me, we don't all have to share the same thoughts and ideas. That wouldn't be any fun.

Hope I answered these questions in the way you meant them, and Disclaimer: These are just my lowly opinions.
 




_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 38
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