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Vancouver_cinful -> RE: From a different perspective (10/29/2005 12:26:48 PM)
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I would say I have a submissive personality, inherited from my father. This tends mostly to manifest itself in the need to serve and bring pleasure to the people I love. My instinct is generally to want to defer to others when decisions are needing to be made.
In my job I am a disciplinarian, as I work with special needs young'uns, but even there, the joy I get from my job is the feeling of having served the child and the family. Even when disciplining a child, or teaching a family member a new skill, I see it from a service viewpoint.
Most often I keep the submissiveness of my personality under check with friends and family since it can often interfere with the healthy dynamics of a friendship. These loved ones desire an egalitarian relationship, and so I strive to do my best with that, although even there my longing to serve them can show itself. I surround myself with friends who know this, and accept it, and love me as I am. (They even know that if I start complaining about putting something off they can put on a dom hat and motivate me...::laughing::)
At times I am a slave. I don't use that word as a title too often because it tends to get all the misinterpretation rife in the word...I usually experience this more as a headspace, and it generally only manifests when triggered by a strong dominant personality that I trust and cherish. I know when I am in this headspace there is a huge symbolic attachment to chains, cuffs, bondage and being used for my partner's pleasure. I am at a loss as to where this atavistic alter-ego comes from but I absolutely adore the moments I spend in slavespace, and at the moment I see evidence that my new partner will enjoy bringing her out more often.
I love to kid around that I was a pleasure-slave in a past life. A harem girl/concubine who's spirit is still very strong in me. All joking aside, it does often feel that way.
In my present relationship we are just beginning to explore the dynamics of power exchange that will be unique to us (as our relationship is new), but for the most part it is firmly founded on the principle that my need is to defer to him, and his need is to accept that deference and use it as wisely as possible to ensure the health of our relationship.
Hope this essay is what you were looking for. ::cheeky grin::
Cin
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