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WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your lif... - 4/12/2008 11:54:16 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		How much of your total life is spent in WIITWD, and BDSM related activities? 
**This is the longest post, I ever wrote, but it is easy to understand, I promise!** 
 
Make your life a pie graph.  How much of your total TIME, energy and life is spent involved in WIITWD?
How much time and energy can you give right now, and in the near future 2008/2009?

I will be honest, I have to admit that I have spent more time than I feel I should have in the past several years, in pursuing a Dominant/submissive long term relationship.
 
I am not involved in my local BDSM community, but on the same token I rarely go to vanilla clubs, etc.  I cherish my free time, and spend a lot with family or just doing my thing.
I have been to a few "public" activities, and I will pop in for a few select more, when I have the time, energy, and inclination, but that is not what this post is about.
 
This post is about the amount of time and energy you are willing to put in, sacrifice and give to WIITWD, out of all the total time that all of us have to live.
I have a college degree, and professionally at this stage of my life and career, I will be able to do everything I need and want to do, by taking continuting education course, college courses, etc.  
But for those of you that are not professionally happy or where you want or should be, does being in this lifestyle interfere with your professional dreams or ambitions?

I am using a PIE graph.  The PIE graph is all the time and energy that YOU have in your life for everything you want and need to do. Including for most of us {work, friends, family, spare time, leisure time, school or professional pursuits and obligations, sleep, exercise, health, work, and spiritual pursuits or involvement, romantic relationships and BDSM  or WIITWD activities}. The total of all these activities must add up to 100.
 
There really are 24 hours in a day, 7 days a week, etc.

For me WIITWD and BDSM activity is going to start taking up a MUCH smaller place in the pie graph of my life...for a while.
 
I would say given my life Pie graph, the time and energy I am willing to give WIITWD is going to be reduced to about 5-9%, because I am single and I must pursue other pursuits.  Of course, that does not mean that I can’t log onto CollarMe and peek and post, while I am researching, working, pursuing etc! 
 
But seriously, as a single person, for the last 4-6 months, I have been a lot more selfish with my free time, and I don’t engage or have time for time wasters, etc.

As a single person, it IS easier to reduce that BDSM pie graph, and I am MORE than willing to INCREASE MY life’s Pie graph to as much as 25% with the RIGHT person, and when I become involved in a serious, long term lifestyle relationship.
 
I have come to the realization that pursuing a BDSM relationship/or ANY romantic relationship is not a priority for me at this stage of my life.
 
I “discovered” this lifestyle about 5 years ago, and realistically if I were 15 years younger, I would have the time and energy to be more involved in WIITWD AND pursue other desires, avocations, etc.
 
BUT, time is not finite and I realize that if I am going to make what essentially has been one of my biggest life’s dreams {since I was about 19}, that I must spend A LOT of my “free” and “spare” time, on my business ventures.
I also have the luxury of being in a profession, that does give me the summer off {about 8 weeks}, BUT I have a lot of responsibilities, and professional obligations during the school year.
 
I am sharing this, not to start a My Kink is better than your kink thread, or to piss on or upset the “Most Dominant people around, and the MOST submissive people around”.  I have decided that many here wear that crown, and they have a right to it!

I will never wear that crown and I don’t seek it!!
There is so much more to me and my life, and when I review my life in 20 years, being the Queen of Kink is not going to be the title or goal that I regret not accomplishing!
 
It is easier for MY Life Pie Chart to be very small at this time, because I am single and I will lovingly INCREASE my BDSM/WIITWD graph when I find a partner that INSPIRES me to make that time for him.
When that time comes, I will give more time and energy to WIITWD and my pie chart will increase to about 30% if I am lucky!  I will not be able to spend 50% of my life involved in kind until I retire, unfortunately!

Now, I am enjoying being selfish with my time and energy and pursing my hearts desires.
 
I realize that I used to spend a lot of time here, to escape some internal issues that I really did not want to deal with {until recently}, also to learn and discover, and enjoy.  I joined CollarMe in the summer of 2004, and I will freely admit I created several different screen names for a variety of reasons.  
 
I will always be thankful for the founders of CollarME, because I “discovered” this site during one of darkest periods in my personal life.  I also want to state that I have learned a lot from many of you, even a few of you that I might have clashed with.
 
All of us are doing different things in our lives, and I had to admit to myself that I was spending a lot of time reading and posting here to escape and avoid other areas of my real life.
 
I am not one of those people that create long and dramatic posts to proclaim the fact that they are leaving CollarMe.
I don’t plan to ever leave this place, if I don’t post for a long time, I am probably dead.
If it is possible to log on and post in heaven, I am sure that I will.
CollarMe and the majority of you people, rock!
 
I am really curious, for those that care to share, young and older, how much does WIITWD/and BDSM related activity, take out of the Pie Chart of your life?  Are YOU able to be and do all you were born to do and spend great amounts of time engaged in BDSM activity?

Please share, love, peace, joy and happiness to everyone!
May ALL Your BDSM and non BDSM dreams come true!!!!! 

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/12/2008 12:32:38 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 12:29:40 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		please define WIITWD

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 12:30:56 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		lol--What is it that we do.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 12:40:21 PM   
abcbsex


Posts: 478
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I'd say I dedicate about 20% of my time at the moment to bdsm activities... unless you count posting on this board!

the rest of the time is taken up with schoolwork, friends, family.
if you were asking about what percentage of my thoughts are focused around bdsm activities, the number would be in the 70-80% range!

edit to say: I was considering the percent of the time spent awake, lol. didn't factor in sleeping there.


< Message edited by abcbsex -- 4/12/2008 12:53:21 PM >

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 12:43:17 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		How much time do we spend having sex and playing with various and sundry toys? Not nearly as much as I'd like!
How much time do I spend obeying direct orders? Again, not nearly as much as I'd like!
But for the d/s part, I spend as much time as I spend being a wife: which is all of it.
I'm not trying to be a smartass; I just don't have a way to separate belonging to him from any other part of my life.
Do you mean specifically the b&d, s&m things, or are you including all the other things we do in your question?

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 12:49:48 PM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		Wow, where to start to make sense---I discovered the life 16 years ago and kept it very very limited, in private as I had a little one--then I buried ot to focus on My UM, My career and My Mom---5 years ago, I came back as they say, investigating the local groups and dabbling--still in private as I had a minor--A year ago this past March, I sent a sub home after 6 horrific months---and this past year has been a roller coaster for Me, do I , don't I---My UM is older and I thought I could begin to add a bit more---but I tell you its been a lots of work to find someone--more than I wanted and more than I thought possible.
 
Like you MzM, I don't do local groups ( way too much testosterone)--but I don't do local vanilla groups--I prefer the time with My 18 yr old, My home and our horses--I relish My privacy and My freedom more than I ever did and I am less tolerant of fools, ( If I ever was..).  I get offers from My friends all the time to go to parties or bbq's--and I will tell you, if I have a choice between listening to someone's drunken ramblings, blabber about things I could care less about or going to the art museum for the 100th time with My UM, she and the art museum win out everytime--so My friends, both life and vanilla have dwindled and drifted away. 
 
I have spent some time to define what it is I want--when I want it--but I dont want it right now, I'm in no hurry, I have the rest of My life, IMHO but others seem to want to move at warp speed and so many are sooooooo whiney, so dependent, so wishywashy--ye gads. I'd eather work up a sweat with the horses or garden, at least there I get some satisfaction.
 
I have an outstanding career and job that affords Me to do as I please--( well after college for the UM is cleared, lol) and what I please is so simple--family, home, garden, horses, pets, laughter. And with that career, I am on the rise again for recognition and monetary rewards---I respond to money honey--LOL. I have no interest in fancy things or fancy travel ( well I did have a sub once tell Me that the theater and symphony were fancy sooo.)
 
So lets see, in a pie chart--ok with 100% available time:  (168 hours in a 7 day week)-- 20% sleep, 35% work/career, 35% UM, horses, fun stuff,  7% ME time, 3% BDSM stuff and that is IF someone interests Me (and most of that at the moment is spent here at CM)--as you stated, some of that can be adjusted IF someone wonderful comes along.  I am really quite rude to time wasters these days--even My once friends from whom I gain no value now fall into that category. 

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:05:38 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes

How much time do we spend having sex and playing with various and sundry toys? Not nearly as much as I'd like!
How much time do I spend obeying direct orders? Again, not nearly as much as I'd like!
But for the d/s part, I spend as much time as I spend being a wife: which is all of it.
I'm not trying to be a smartass; I just don't have a way to separate belonging to him from any other part of my life.
Do you mean specifically the b&d, s&m things, or are you including all the other things we do in your question?


Ah, now you see why my damn post is so long!
Its hard to explain.
For me, I mean EVERYTHING, BDSM related, including reading and posting on these message boards!
You can spend more time reading and posting on here, than you actually do in the activities!
I mean every moment of your day!
Since I am single with no partner in sight, most of my pie chart of BDSM related activity lately is the time I spend on CollarMe.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/12/2008 1:06:24 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:16:45 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for the wonderful post Lady Hathor, isn't it interesting when you graph your entire life!

Sleep means more to me these days, then ever before!
I am just wondering how many that do WIITWD, are able to be successful in other area's of life, fullfill their dreams, family obligations, AND how much time they are willing to give up in some area's to pursue BDSM activities.
 
I rarely hear anyone on here speak of GREAT accomplishments, outside of this lifestyle.
 
I would love to hear more from those that are proud of being successful in their careers, pursuing their hearts desires and dreams, AND combining that with a BDSM lifestyle.
  
Lately, I always say, my most important and valuable commodity is my TIME.
 
Thanks for posting!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/12/2008 1:17:30 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MladyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:20:03 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the clarification.
I'm horrible at charts, so I hope you'll understand if I just answer with general numbers. It's Saturday afternoon and I don't wanna do math!
We go to local club events 2 or 3 times a month, and that's where we usually play. (I make too much noise at home.) Maybe a couple of hours a month at home are spent playing bdsm-wise. (16 hours a month, roughly 4 a week?)
Reading on the internet, maybe an average of a couple of hours a day. That's a rough guess, it varies a lot. (14 a week? I need to get off the internet more.)
For the d/s side of things, not a lot of overt activities. We have jobs and um's and a home to keep running and... well, life, ya know. I'm owned always, but just can't spend as much time as I'd like kneeling at his feet. We do try to make sure that comes into play enough to satisfy our needs, but not always enough to satisfy our wishes. (7 a week, tops.)
I'm not even trying to guess when it comes to d/s sex, because that varies wildly by day, week, month, season.
Anyone want to do my math for me?

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:28:03 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I am just wondering how many that do WIITWD, are able to be successful in other area's of life, fullfill their dreams, family obligations, AND how much time they are willing to give up in some area's to pursue BDSM activities.

I rarely hear anyone on here speak of GREAT accomplishments, outside of this lifestyle.

I would love to hear more from those that are proud of being successful in their careers, pursuing their hearts desires and dreams, AND combining that with a BDSM lifestyle.

Would you consider rearing a family a "great accomplishment"? I've never had career dreams, but I have pursued my hearts desires and dreams in that area, and I'm pretty damn proud of the um's, overall.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:28:44 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I will do the math, life is about pie charts for me right now, damn it!
It must add up to 100!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:31:17 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I was unable to graph my life because WIITWD is not just an activity it is Part of who I am and what I do.

I am looking for a partner but at the same time I am sharing my experience with others and making new friends. I am not willing to shorten either of those time spans because I feel I am spending too much time doing it, or not enough for that matter I spend exactly as much time as is needed some days more some days less.

I spend time with my son and wife and I teach my son respect and self discipline while honeing on my own ability to be patient and maintain control of my own emotions and abilities. I am not willing to shorten or alter any of these situations because I find them all equally important and As much as they are a necessity they are also the reason that I am able to maintain the balance in my home.

I Spend much of my time discovering new things that make my girl go gooey and limp because I seek to give her equal amounts of joy that she gives to me and in this I am also Practicing the lessons I have learned about the Body and about pleasure, I am not willing to allow my slave to suffer because I think I am spending too much time addressing this.

I Am always seeking new friends and people we can relate to. I am not willing to stop doing this as I find having people you can be yourself around without having to hide anything about yourtself is important and helps you to grow and be comfortable in your own skin.

I work, but even there I am writing my Articles, Talking with Friends online (I manage an office so I am always online these days) and I am always working on bettering myself as a Dominant, as a Father, as a Husband, and as a Lover. All of these things in my opinion are EQUALLY Important and NOT something I feel ashamed or worried about working on so with the exception of sleep I just Drew a Circle and was kinda done.

Does that mean I failed??

As Always

Steel


_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:33:41 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mbes


quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia
I am just wondering how many that do WIITWD, are able to be successful in other area's of life, fullfill their dreams, family obligations, AND how much time they are willing to give up in some area's to pursue BDSM activities.

I rarely hear anyone on here speak of GREAT accomplishments, outside of this lifestyle.

I would love to hear more from those that are proud of being successful in their careers, pursuing their hearts desires and dreams, AND combining that with a BDSM lifestyle.

Would you consider rearing a family a "great accomplishment"? I've never had career dreams, but I have pursued my hearts desires and dreams in that area, and I'm pretty damn proud of the um's, overall.


SUCCESSFULLY, raising a family is probably the hardest and must successful job there is!
Congratulations!
Consider those that are stuck in piss ass dead end jobs that they hate, NOT PROUD or happy with what they have made of their lives, and spend every spare moment in BDSM land. 

IF I drop dead any minute, I want to be proud of my life, and I want to have made as many as possible of my DREAMS a reality.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/12/2008 1:36:55 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:35:17 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I was unable to graph my life because WIITWD is not just an activity it is Part of who I am and what I do.

 This is the only answer I can give. No matter what I'm doing, it is all just me doing it.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 1:40:19 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

I was unable to graph my life because WIITWD is not just an activity it is Part of who I am and what I do.

I am looking for a partner but at the same time I am sharing my experience with others and making new friends. I am not willing to shorten either of those time spans because I feel I am spending too much time doing it, or not enough for that matter I spend exactly as much time as is needed some days more some days less.

I spend time with my son and wife and I teach my son respect and self discipline while honeing on my own ability to be patient and maintain control of my own emotions and abilities. I am not willing to shorten or alter any of these situations because I find them all equally important and As much as they are a necessity they are also the reason that I am able to maintain the balance in my home.

I Spend much of my time discovering new things that make my girl go gooey and limp because I seek to give her equal amounts of joy that she gives to me and in this I am also Practicing the lessons I have learned about the Body and about pleasure, I am not willing to allow my slave to suffer because I think I am spending too much time addressing this.

I Am always seeking new friends and people we can relate to. I am not willing to stop doing this as I find having people you can be yourself around without having to hide anything about yourtself is important and helps you to grow and be comfortable in your own skin.

I work, but even there I am writing my Articles, Talking with Friends online (I manage an office so I am always online these days) and I am always working on bettering myself as a Dominant, as a Father, as a Husband, and as a Lover. All of these things in my opinion are EQUALLY Important and NOT something I feel ashamed or worried about working on so with the exception of sleep I just Drew a Circle and was kinda done.

Does that mean I failed??

As Always

Steel



Of course not Steel, the graph just helps ME see where my time goes.
I have a very demanding job, and during the school year it even impedes on my weekends, so for me the graph helps put things in perspective.
The Pie Graph of Life is helping me, inside and outside of pursuing a BDSM relationship, there is never
a one size fits all, in life.
 
But the Pie Graph might help someone else, see or try to figure out why they are not getting ahead in life, or in pursuing their dreams!
Of course the pie chart is not static it is always fluctuating, as I stated several times, I PLAN on the time spent on BDSM activities to greatly increase, when I have a partner.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/12/2008 1:53:29 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 2:10:17 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Maybe 30% of my activities are things he feels compelled to take charge of. Certainly play time is a much smaller slice of the pie than either of us want. However the ums are getting older which means more of them will be able to drive themselves/each other. And that translates to us having more free time while they're at the movies.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 3:20:47 PM   
WillHeel


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		hello MzMia i find that the time i spend in BDSM depends so much on who i'm spending it with.will

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 3:25:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I'd say I devote about 30% of my total time towards activities one would describe as "directly kink related."  But I spend 100% of my time being me and enjoying my relationship...and that's a kinky relationship.

One can spend 0% of their entire lives doing anything "kinky" and yet be 100% of the time in a Ds or Ms relationship dynamic.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WillHeel)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 3:34:37 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well I'd say I devote about 30% of my total time towards activities one would describe as "directly kink related."  But I spend 100% of my time being me and enjoying my relationship...and that's a kinky relationship.

One can spend 0% of their entire lives doing anything "kinky" and yet be 100% of the time in a Ds or Ms relationship dynamic.


I totally agree LA, that is why I said MY life would change IF/WHEN I am IN a Ds or Ms relationship dynamic.
The pie is different for some of us that are single with no "kinky relationship" in sight.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/12/2008 3:35:59 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: WIITWD/BDSM activities/The Pie Chart Mia calls your... - 4/12/2008 5:11:01 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		With me I have the problem figuring out the numbers.  I have dinner cooking while I am here so does the time it takes for the dinner to cook and me to eat it, sometimes also spent here, count as wiitwd or as other time.  As I own my co-own business with my relatives so I do not see them outside of work, work only takes up between 18 to 20 percent of my time.  Sleep takes about 33 percent of my time as I wake up whenever I want.  I would say the remaining 49 percent is divided between online here or other similar sites  and what I have to do around the house or watching tv.  I would say 20 percent is spent here while 29 percent is spent with everything else.  Somedays it is higher and somedays it is lower, depending whom is online at the same time or if there is a munch I want to attend.  That does not take into account the time spent while dreaming concerning responses for emails I have received here or elsewhere. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 20
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