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LuvSponge -> RE: Why Don't Vanilla Wives Learn to Value the Submissive in their Man? (2/26/2006 2:50:01 PM)
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That's as much as to to suggest "why can't gay people who marry heterosexual people just learn to live with it?"
I was married to a woman who, while dating, made it clear to me "every dream you ever had sexually will be realized".
It turned into a nightmare.
She was so repressed it was incredible. She asked me once (this was only an example...it was repeated a thousand times in myriad forms) "what's your biggest sexual fantasy?" After having been freaked out by my desire on our honeymoon to go out on the beach under a tree and have sex at 3 in the morning ("what if someone see's us????!!!!") and only months later in our home listening to her chagrin with my wanting to do it with the lights on, I was at best hesitent in telling her my biggest fantasy, but, after literally a year having her tell me everything sexual was "dirty", I told her.
"Watching two women together".
Not at all uncommon. Last I heard, 95 out of 100 men like that, and the other 5 are lying their asses off.
At that instant, and for the next 2 months, almost every night, she cried saying "I can't do that for you...it's disgusting".
Her orientation was never more valid than mine, nor mine hers, but in very short order, having every opportunity for us to bond physically, we grew apart more on a daily basis.
Within a very short time, if asked, my answer became "I have no interest whatsoever in telling you either my fantasies, or even my day to day dreams".
Every chance I had I tried to do things that interested her (sex was not one of those things unfortunately), but after about 5 years of literally doing everything I could think of, including everything she could think of as well...the well was dry.
It isn't too much to ask, in my opinion, for each partner, whether sub or Domme, Vanilla or not, to pursue on a daily basis, that thing which floats your partners boat, and to do things which may not appeal to you solely because they appeal to your partner.
It just so happens that in a sub/Domme relationship, the subs pleasure comes from pleasing the Domme.
In the 70's women were all over the streets making it clear to men that they were equal in every way. A long time in coming, and most things worth fighting for have been achieved by that very mechanism, but there isn't a woman alive who doesn't know inherently that they're "more equal in some areas than" men will ever be.
That arena is the sexual arena.
I'm a firm believer that more marriages would be saved, many of you wonderful Dommes would be the victim of far fewer married sub wannabees, and more vanilla wives would be vastly happier, I submit even blissful, if they just occasionally considered that men are very different from women, that wanting to see them with another woman, seeing their wives in black leather, beating their husbands, calling them names, or even (as in cuckold scenes) watching their wives with another man is not only not "disgusting", it also is less likely to be an opportunity for the husband to create a loophole for him to venture outside the marriage, but rather, men are different, we are interested in different things, maybe it's the testosterone, maybe it's simply the way that we're wired...but it's a fact of life...we like very unusual (by some measures) things, and if given, even in the same fashion each and every time with no changes in the script whatsoever...we'll likely go to work thinking "man I've got the most awesome wife!!!" and conquer worlds, for them.
If more vanilla wives would consider the above and think to themselves (and act on) "ya know...that's some freaky shit, but it gets his endorphins running on overdrive, and if that's what it takes to make his brain explode....I'm all for it", you'd see more men running home to their wives, fewer divorce attorneys, and ultimately, far happier marriages.
I guess in short, women have control of the on/off button as to sex. Every woman knows this and every man is subject to it in some fashion. In that arena, a vanilla wife has much more control over how happy the sexual relationship is between the two of them, and having spoken to a number of friends in vanilla marriages, it's the oldest story in the book. He's experiencing normal male desires, many of which we, in this community think nothing of, she thinks it's "perverted", he learns quickly not to mention it or anything remotely equivalent, and over time they both grow further apart, each wondering why the other is more distant, and walls that grow taller by the day until one day they've each planted their flag, built their own worlds and neither is welcome in the other.
And yes, it's sad.
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