So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot comprehend..

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So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot comprehend.. - 4/13/2008 12:08:51 AM

chya

Posts: 31
Joined: 1/30/2004
From: Near Albany NY
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I have been like 13 years in this lifestyle and cannot comprehend one thing... I have been told I am a wonderful slave.. i have past Dominants that still think about me and desire me.. Yet, they are all in relationships and are seeking a second or they are married or do not to be as serious or with the depth of need and passions and intensity as i feel i have....
I have been seeking for 6 years finally thought the one i was seeking finally found me...
I keep asking myself if i am such a treasure... why does not someone keep me and hold onto me with both hands tight.. or why can i not find one skilled Dominant with most of the qualities that i seek, that wants to be with me as i need to be with Him on a daily permanent basis...

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 12:16:50 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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The simple truth is that a monogamous Master is very rare.

TM

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 12:37:59 AM

LadyBug1967

Posts: 20
Joined: 2/9/2008
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I agree with Chya. I've only been in the lifestyle for 2 1/2 years and I've found that monogamy seems to be missing in the BDSM world. I have only served one Master since I've been in it and O/our relationship was poly. I didn't know what I was getting into when I let Master collar me. He told me that W/we could work it out and I believe that W/we both tried to the best of O/our abilities to do so. But, in the end, after two years, I asked to be released because I couldn't deal with the constant lying and petty jealousy of His others. That was on 31 December 2007.

In the ensuing months I have been attending a local dungeon trying to meet new dominants and there are plenty there, usually with their slaves/subs, yet they want to play with me! Their subs know it and don't object. So I don't know what to think. Am I ever going to find another Master? All I know for sure and certain is that He is going to have to be MINE. Only mine. I found out that I do not share well with others, especially not my man, and I have no intention of ever trying it again.

In the meantime, I am thoroughly enjoying playing with these guys at the dungeon. I am learning about new ways of being flogged and spanked. I'm learning new things that I never knew existed. I am learning that I have a heck of a lot more to learn while I'm waiting for that special dominant to stride into my life. I can wait. I know when W/we meet it will be perfect. Patience is a virtue. Life is good. Hang in there and it will happen.

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 12:38:35 AM

GabrielleSlave

Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
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It seems to me that this lifestyle attracts folk who are sexually adventurous by nature. Whether they first realise this at an early age, or later on is no matter. Master and i are monogamous as in Wwe are not poly, but have and will continue to play together with others, both with and without sex. This does not mean that Wwe are unfaithful to eachother, it actually means that the trust Wwe both have in Uus and Oour relationship goes perhaps deeper than say, others who do not partake….. Just my opinion.

Gabrielle x

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 12:50:59 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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chya...........

I'm monogamous, and you know who I am. I tried poly when you were still with us here in seattle-and it was the most soul destroying thing I ever did. It is just as hard to find a sub with all of the qualities one might wish for, hard not to want to have your cake and eat it too.....

As so many others do.

The greatest strength we often find is in what we do not choose to do.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 4/13/2008 12:51:50 AM >

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 12:57:50 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I recently got a beautiful email from my Master. He told me what a good job that I was doing as His slave, that I will be His only slave, and that he sees me as a shining star, His precious jewel. However, He told me that He will always be keeping His eye out for other subs. He wants only one slave, His special pet, but He said that He is "spoiled that way", in wanting more than one.

I could be absolutely perfect (which I am far from) and it is simply in His nature to want more than one woman to serve Him. This is not a reflection on me, my willingness, or my ability to please. It is simply part of their make up. I am happy to be the favorite, and favored, one. I know that my Master adores me and that is good enough for me. If you need more, by all means look for it and I really hope you find it. Just don't be surprised if it is difficult to find.

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 2:53:46 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Obviously monogamy is VERY important to you. Are you making this point VERY clear right up front? If they say that they aren't, are you still pursuing them hoping to change their minds? There's obviously something going awry in the process if you're not getting one of you main needs met. Be very sure that you have clear boundaries and aren't letting them slip because you think they might change or because you think you'll learn to deal with it.

Master Fire

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 5:44:50 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
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my Master is monogomous, period. He wasn't always so but said He discovered that while He could love more than one, He could not be IN love with more than one. He told me that His poly experiences were a lot of work and that He would prefer to put that energy into one fabulous relationship than try to maintain several decent relationships.

As trite as it may sound, this fabulous, perfect Man found me at the time when i stopped seeking. i stopped wondering why and just got happy with myself and being open to all adventures.

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 5:47:49 AM

sunkstar

Posts: 23
Joined: 1/15/2008
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poly or not, is a choice, they can choose to be anything they want, you can choose whatever you can accept. There are few poly relationships truly last, there are certainly very few quality subs will accept poly(they have the ability to find better quality and monogamous Doms, who doesnt want to be the most special one!), some subs are just trying things out or doing poly for fun, to be in a long term poly relationship is not their goal anyway, and some subs are just doormats and will accept anything thrown to them.

poly/open relationships are a lot more complex than monogamous relationships, and many ppl like complex situations, many like things they find hard to get, its joy of conquering and power. And doms crave for that.

but any relationship has its advantages, poly/open or not. The point is if you can enjoy them. Look at poly/open relationship, can you try to find the joy from poly/open like your dom does? you dont need to take it too seriously if it bothers you.

This lifestyle is about pursuing extreme sexual pleasure and extreme excitement, its about trying to turn fantacy into real life and make it last.You need to have a lot of illusion for it in the first place to truly embrace this world. thats another reason I suggest dont take it too seriously. Its not worth making a hot fantacy a miserable real life, thats not why you are here.

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 6:45:35 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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Finding the person who meets all of your qualfications plus understands how awesome you are takes a lot of work and a lot of luck. Sometimes it's better if you just give up the struggle to find the one and enjoy your life as it is. Live your life for you. Just a thought. As far as people proclaing you are a wonderful slave, you may be wonderful, or they may be telling you what you want to hear so they can get what they want.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 4/13/2008 6:47:20 AM >

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RE: So many years in this lifestyle....but cannot compr... - 4/13/2008 11:48:42 AM

PrettyPaddles

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/13/2008
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Without delving into the poly side of things, if you are truly that excellent of a slave, well... I've known a few masters who were utterly floored by their slaves, and found their own self doubt rising as they could not be as good a master as their slave was a slave. The point of bsdm is growing and learning, to me. Well, and fun! but you have helped those past masters grow and learn. They were perhaps not good enough for you yet. You say you have found one that is, and I hope this is true. Good luck.

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