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Bounderys - 4/13/2008 1:48:14 PM   
slaveintraning


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline 		Finding that I have to put up boundery, even before I meet someone. I have been doing good, but would like to ask  others how  have they done with bonderys when fist got stated? OK, so I am new,got to start sometime.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 1:55:39 PM   
midgetmafiosa


Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline 		I have to first say...it's "boundaries." Sorry, OP, I'm a spelling nazi. And then say, it's all a matter of deciding, up front what you are/are not comfortable with. If you are flexible, that is an individual choice also, and is reliant on the relationship of trust you have with the other person(s) you will be dealing with. I am lucky in that the experiences I have had thus far have not pushed me to a zone I have felt uncomfortable with. I am, by nature, a very trusting person, and have exercise caution about this, but I think I balance that with good judgement and safe distance if I am going to get involved with people I don't really know for the first time.

(in reply to slaveintraning)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 1:58:59 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		note down all bounderies which come in your mind....
reread them a few times....add and delete when needed...and discuss them with the one who will own you.

btw are we talking bounderies as in limits?

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 4/13/2008 1:59:50 PM >

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to midgetmafiosa)
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RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 2:11:43 PM   
slaveintraning


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/30/2008
Status: offline 		most of the bunderies that I have been dealing with, are like, someone want me to movie after 4 days after I talk to them on the phone, or just actingn like I am there slave without saying any thing. So it is a limit, and trust when fist meeting someone.

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 2:53:54 PM   
midgetmafiosa


Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline 		the talk of moving after just barely meeting someone? i usually just laugh it off as make-believe "what if" stuff. it's a nice fantasy. i let them know that whatever happens in the future is just that - in the future. i also let people know that i am in no way committed to them. they haven't earned that kind of trust or bond from me. perhaps they will, perhaps they won't. just because you designate as a slave, doesn't make you THEIR slave. be assertive (this may be difficult for you), and be up front.

(in reply to slaveintraning)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 3:01:18 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveintraning

how  have they done with bonderys when fist got stated?

Sorry sweetie  I couldn't get much further.....knowing what I do about fists......

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to slaveintraning)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 3:10:17 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

note down all bounderies which come in your mind....
reread them a few times....add and delete when needed...and discuss them with the one who will own you.

btw are we talking bounderies as in limits?

I don't think he meant limits.
In my understanding limits are edegs to behaviours beyond which one will not go.
Boundaries are edges to one's sense of self.
My boundaries do (not always) and have felt as if theey have disappeared, been lost in a scene. This is because I am a twin, a multiple and can trace it back to that. For example the 'other' becomes my edges.
It's difficult to 'get back' my edges, My sense of self, my boundary after a scene.
Boundary is a term used in therapy to describe how one feels about oneself. IMPO boundaries become confused in vanilla as well a bdsm relationship.
People often speak of themselves as extensions of their husband, or wife or even as extensions of their children. many moms lose their identity for example and are reffrred to by others as 'tommy's mom' or 'sally's mom' and so on.
Empty nest syndrome is a real feeling of loss....when the kids go part of the parent goes too....and then they don't know who they are and have to crreate a new identity.
Grief is also a process of getting oneself back. I've felt part of ME has gone even when I myself have freed myself from an obligation as a slave/sunmissive.
Oh I'm not good with my own boundaries.....I often define myself in terms of what I am doing for another.
I'm redefining who I am at the moment.....where my edges are, what I am, who I am. Wondering if this last master broke my sense of self.
Wondering if I want out of the lifestyle.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 4/13/2008 3:12:53 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 3:21:04 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		i rather think he is talking about limits - what he will or will not do , or go past.

when i first started (not very long ago) i had no idea about my limits. I didn't know what my limits could be since i had no practical experience. I think you need to explain this to prospective dom/mes, so they can make allowances for your lack of specificity. Ignorance is excusable when it is due to a lack of knowledge.

i have also a pretty fair idea that most dom/mes like a new sub because they get to introduce them to new experiences in the way that they want.

this is a truly fun lifestyle, and you are at the very beginning of your experiences . Enjoy!!!

(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bounderys - 4/13/2008 5:00:19 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Make a list. Srsly.

Your list might include no talk about relocation until you've been together a full year.
Or that you don't respond to anyone who doesn't address you by name or who demands you call them Mistress instead of by their sn.
It might include no watersports, or no control of diet. No sleep deprivation if you suffer from insomnia.

Write down on the list all the things you aren't interested in, all the things that make you lose all respect for people.

And then write another list of all the stuff you like. And then when you talk to people put checkmarks next to things on both lists. You want someone who isn't interested in the things you also aren't interested in or just can't do and who does have a lot of interest in the things you like and need.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 9
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