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RE: Discussing Needs - 4/14/2008 9:13:36 AM

simplyfena

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/16/2008
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The realization is... as simple as have liked to believe this core need is, what have really been asking for is confidence, acceptance, and peace. Those are things that have to come from within. Those cannot be given, they must be discovered on O/ones own. She is so brilliant! am very blessed.

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~ to be near the Light is to know the essence of good. to be surrounded by the Light is to be at peace. ~

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RE: Discussing Needs - 4/14/2008 9:34:14 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Why would you be pursuing a Dominant who has a negative view of a core need? Going into a relationship hoping that your partner will change their mind is really a recipe for disaster. Sure, it can happen, but why gamble? Find someone who you KNOW can meet that need.

But, to answer your question, if they view it negatively, it's likely that any way you bring it up will not be a good way. So, I suggest, "(Insert preferred honorific), I feel that X is a need for me in a relationship. I know that I will need it. Can we discuss some way this need can be met by our relationship...or perhaps outside the relationship?" Go from there.

Master Fire

I think all the responses have been good ones but just quoted this as it was the closest to my thoughts.

Part of any relationship is having our needs and many strong desires met. It is one thing to confuse a need with a wish, want or simple preference but assuming it is an important need and the other is dismissive to it is an issue that can be big trouble.

It is one thing to not understand but to respect and communicate to reach hopefully a mutual solution it is another to be in fact dismissive and use the old you are this now accept it.

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RE: Discussing Needs - 4/14/2008 11:17:46 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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To put all of this advice simply. If this is a major issue with you then move on.

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Post #: 23

RE: Discussing Needs - 4/14/2008 11:34:14 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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If your needs conflict, then you just aren't compatible. Become playmates, friends, acquaintances. But you can't negotiate needs.

For example I need a lot of contact when he's away. We email and talk several times daily. He needs this high level of contact also. There are some very cool guys out there who only want a brief phone call once or twice a week to talk about plans to see each other or not. They're great guys but they aren't compatible with me.

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Post #: 24