friends outside of the lifestyle (Full Version)

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Othie -> friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 2:47:44 PM)

To start with, I should tell you that this isn't a important question,just something I was thinking about, if you are short on time, by all means, skip it.

I have always had a bit of a interest in how people interact. I was wondering if you, as a Dom/Master, or a sub/slave, or as a couple, have, after telling someone outside of the lifestyle about your interests, noticed that they have treated you any different? I'm sure alot of people see it as "taboo" but then, alot of things that were seen as taboo and are something that people on a whole don't mind. Is the lifestyle there yet? Do you believe it will get there soon? or ever?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 2:54:13 PM)

Oh sometimes, but I don't become close to someone without knowing they are pretty open minded and accepting of alternative things to start with.  They either know and love ALL of me, or we can just be casual friend or acquaintances forever. 

Except in small bubbles, we aren't there yet.  I'm hoping in 50 years or so it will be mostly "no big deal,"



SirMIkeSD -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 2:56:56 PM)

Really I just don't waste my time with people outside of the lifestyle or with closed minds.

Mike




sblady -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:06:09 PM)

 
Most of my friends have always known that I was a bit "different".  I've shared certain aspects of my D/s relationship with a couple of close friends and they seem to accept it, although admittedly, they may not fully grasp the concept.  But, hey as long as I'm happy, they're in my corner.

My family is a different situation entirely.  A couple of my sisters are aware that I'm in a somewhat "different" relationship but as I mostly mind my own business regarding their relationships, they don't tend to really delve into mine. 



midgetmafiosa -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:09:48 PM)

one of my friends told me the other day that he thinks i'm in a "weird place right now." and that he wants to help me. he was drunk at the time in vegas. he's also a man whose favorite game to play is "what is the girl i'm going to bone tonight doing right now?" did i mention he's into choking and threesomes? and doesn't like to be with the same woman twice? seriously, though. he's one of my best friends, and i'm not worried about his judgement at all. i just think it's funny.



Lynnxz -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:12:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

Really I just don't waste my time with people outside of the lifestyle or with closed minds.

Mike





Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded?  Just saying. 

Back to the orignal question, I have a retarded amount of friends that know what I'm into.  Most either accept it, or see it as being highly entertaining, and demand stories and pictures and want to see "what's in that bag??"

I do have the added benefit of being friends with the mostly 20 something crowd. They appear to be more accepting of things than the older groups.



Othie -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:17:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

Really I just don't waste my time with people outside of the lifestyle or with closed minds.

Mike





Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded? Just saying.

Back to the orignal question, I have a retarded amount of friends that know what I'm into. Most either accept it, or see it as being highly entertaining, and demand stories and pictures and want to see "what's in that bag??"

I do have the added benefit of being friends with the mostly 20 something crowd. They appear to be more accepting of things than the older groups.



Well thats a interesting aspect. Could it be that the younger people are more open to it? If so, it would be a good sign as rather or not everyone will be open to it in a few years. Have you tried talking about it with someone over 30? do they respond the same way?



Bound2One -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:26:25 PM)

A couple of my close friends know I'm kinky.  I've mentioned it in passing, usually 'wink/wink' fashion about how satisfied I am, but they don't get D/s and I don't need them to.  I kinda like keeping my sexuality to myself ... my happy secret. 



Lynnxz -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:35:24 PM)

quote:


Well thats a interesting aspect. Could it be that the younger people are more open to it? If so, it would be a good sign as rather or not everyone will be open to it in a few years. Have you tried talking about it with someone over 30? do they respond the same way?


From what I've seen, they are. Or, it may be that I just have fucked up friends, but I haven't really met a 20ish person that has the "wtf, no way, there's something wrong with you" reaction. I'm thinking that in a few years the whole taboo thing will die down. The secrecy that used to surround bdsm and the people involved seems to have done more harm than good in my opinion. Do you need to tell people the intimate secrets of your life? Not so much. But should you put that little retarded shroud of secrecy over everything, and do the whole  "kinkier than thou" bit? It's up to you, but I wouldn't.

Older people? Hells yes, I actually got fired from a job when someone told the restaurant owner that I was a "Dominatrix"



hydranmenace -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:36:11 PM)

My friends are accepting of it. Then again, my friends are pretty interesting in their own right. Most are female and bisexual, which can be rather entertaining. They like my openness and, I suspect, they *really* like that I don't ask such fun questions as "so can i watch?", which seems to be nearly the most commonly asked question men give them. If they feel like sharing, they will. If they are curious about what I enjoy and ask questions, I happily respond.
Oddly enough for those friends of mine whom would be considered 'normal' and vanilla, when they discover what I am into and that I have a healthy selection of attractive female friends, they tend to be somewhat envious more than anything else.
"You mean you know girls who *like* having their hair pulled and being thrown over furniture like a ragdoll?! Where do I find some?" or something similar, is a statement I have heard more than a few times.



SirMIkeSD -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 3:50:56 PM)

quote:

Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded? Just saying.



I don't see how that avioding closed minded people makes me one.  If you think it makes me one that's your issue.

Mike




Lynnxz -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 4:04:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

quote:

Soo.. wait wouldn't that make you closeminded? Just saying.



I don't see how that avioding closed minded people makes me one.  If you think it makes me one that's your issue.

Mike




No, but avoiding anyone outside of the lifestyle would do it for me.



SirMIkeSD -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 4:18:20 PM)

It's your choice but for me life is too short to waste with people that don't accept me or are closed minded.  Why would you wan't to spend time with a raciest or a some other type of closed minded person?  Are you going to be able to change thier mind?  No

Mike




kinkypuppy2 -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 4:32:31 PM)

No but then we have no "vanilla" friends

Perhaps thats why.



Lynnxz -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 4:36:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

It's your choice but for me life is too short to waste with people that don't accept me or are closed minded.  Why would you wan't to spend time with a raciest or a some other type of closed minded person?  Are you going to be able to change thier mind?  No

Mike




O, haha.  Well if they don't accept you, then screw em. I  have lots of friends that aren't into bdsm, but we still get along great.



DesFIP -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 5:05:41 PM)

I don't go around saying "I am submissive, hear me roar". I can't see any value in it. My friends see that I'm happier and stronger in this relationship than I was before, and they see that we interact with love and respect. They draw their own conclusions.

But if one of them came bubbling up to me saying "Wow, I gave my husband a blowjob last night" the only thing I would think is too much information.



daddysblondie -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 5:14:49 PM)

I've only told the friends that I know wont see me any different.

With that said, I've got a couple male friends that worry and I do have to regularly assure them that Daddy is not abusive and he's not damaging me. But it always comes back to as long as I'm happy, they're cool.

I just don't feel the need to go running around sharing that part of me with everyone.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 5:22:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD
It's your choice but for me life is too short to waste with people that don't accept me or are closed minded.  Why would you wan't to spend time with a raciest or a some other type of closed minded person?  Are you going to be able to change thier mind?  No

Mike

But not all vanillas are racist, just as not all vanillas are closed and against kink or other peoples choices.  Avoiding all of a particular group based on a false prejudice makes YOU a type of racist in this situation.



GreedyTop -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 5:43:23 PM)

MOST of my 'nilla friends know what I'm into.  Several of them are of the "wow cool... " mindset, some are of the "I don't wanna know any more" crowd.  A couple constantly tease me about it ("so..are YOU the one being tied up, or the other way around?" followed by friendly laughter).  ALL of them are only concerned with my safety and happiness.  The friends that don't know are kept in the dark because I know that it would be too uncomfortable to them, and I see no reason to put that wrench into the works. 



Poetryinpain -> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle (4/13/2008 5:45:31 PM)

I have a friend I've known for over 35 years.She is, to put it the only way I know, asexual. She is also very vanilla. I don't talk to her about BDSM, although she can see my magnified screen display across the room and probably has seen me looking at profiles and reading the boards. We seem to be in a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. We live in the same apartment, and she provides me with transportation among other things. This makes it difficult to meet a potential Dom, but I am prepared to be creative.

My other friends are not close enough to talk with about that area of my life. And I'm just fine with having it that way.

pip, content with the status quo



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