RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World"

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 5:59:48 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

However, here's my honest warning, not everyone who knows you is going to accept you so try to be yourself without shoving your kink into everyone's face. You can live out of the closet and still protect yourself and others.

I defiently agree with that. Respect and tolerance defiently go both ways. Walking your slave in a crotchless latex suit down the street by a leash isn't what I advocate in the least.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 6:11:05 PM

DesFIP

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The problem is that it's very hard to keep the private and the public separated. Say you tell your best friend, and they tell another friend, and eventually the news spreads to somebody who has a job opening. He may just decide to toss your resume thinking you won't fit in with the rest of the work force. He won't bother saying you can have the job if you adhere to strict guidelines, he just won't want the hassle of uncomfortable and gossiping coworkers.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 6:23:06 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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that's good you have friends who can accept the freaky macho sexist that you are however i don't.

i have Bible thumping Christians on both sides of my family (i come from a long line of PA Baptist ministers and deacons) ...so i prefer to keep this side to me private and far, far, far away from them even though they don't pry into my life.

yet a few people at the radio station know about Daddy and why i wear a collar but that's all i tell them.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 4/14/2008 6:24:15 PM >

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 7:00:57 PM

domiguy

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I have got to chime in here....

Let's get this shit a going....I think many people out here have been rejected simply because they are truly fucked up people. There are many people that have a certain amount of sense that have learned to avoid such individuals. So, where you might see it as someone not accepting your "lifestyle" in reality they are not accepting you....For you see, you unfortunately suck ass.

I have read where people have said that the people "out here" are representative of humanity on the whole. I disagree. I don't care if this sounds condescending or not...There are many of you that ain't quite right in the noggin. There is a certain squicky feeling that I get when I see your posts.

You aren't seeking other people "in the lifestyle" you are seeking other fucked up and damaged individuals...Birds of a feather and all....It's why when you envision a "crack house" you don't picture the inhabitants to be a well adjusted suburban family who have decided to share their home with addicts of crack. So crack ho's seek out other crack ho's and so on.

It is rather naive to think that if you mention that you have pissed on a gal or two over dinner at Muffy's house that it is going to be as an accepted conversation as when Joe alluded to the new snowblower that he just bought on sale at Ace Hardware....If you do, you are seriously flawed in your judgment.

I no longer delude myself....It's a good kink and more. It's not my life. It doesn't and never has dictated who I am or how I handle myself when in the presence of others. It seems that so many lack discretion. That they think this shit is the end all beat all....Being a Moderationist...I never could dig that any one thing would have such a dramatic influence that I would be willing to jeopardize myself or my relationships with others because of it.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 4/14/2008 7:09:27 PM >

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 7:58:49 PM

subtee

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quote:

You aren't seeking other people "in the lifestyle" you are seeking other fucked up and damaged individuals

Domi, do you think the folks on Match.com or Yahoodle personals aren't fucked up? We is all fucked up, there is no Ward and June and looking for "the Beav" is just as screwed up there as anywhere else. I get squicked with the "I like NASCAR, my Harley and fishing..." Picked up in a bar lately?

You got your squick and I got mine.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 8:20:11 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

You aren't seeking other people "in the lifestyle" you are seeking other fucked up and damaged individuals

Domi, do you think the folks on Match.com or Yahoodle personals aren't fucked up? We is all fucked up, there is no Ward and June and looking for "the Beav" is just as screwed up there as anywhere else. I get squicked with the "I like NASCAR, my Harley and fishing..." Picked up in a bar lately?

You got your squick and I got mine.

I disagree...It's a feeling that there is more damage out here....From health conditions to mental health issues...Then you can tie in all of the other odd shit that for some reason seems to go hand in hand with this kind of shit.

Yeah....I'm sure there are SCA and Goreans and Trekkies on Match....I really believe there is a Dramaticallyhigher incident of abuse out here....There are some other undercurrents that you catch out here that are not as prevalent in other circles. I used to think that It was all the same shit different day....No longer. This does seem to cater more to the disenfranchised and other off kilter personalities....I am out here afterall. But there is a theme...It's not one that is overall positive.

Ya just got to be careful. Nice tits.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 8:54:31 PM

ExSteelAgain

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Nothing squicks me. I can compartmentalize most anything. I’ve talked to the weirdest people and made friends with some. In the worst cases I will study them from a distance like a bug under the microscope. In my Domly mindset, it helps me keep my sanity realizing I may be better off than some, I think.

One girl wanted me to tie her up, cut her hair off and shave her head. For some reason, she kept asking me to tell her what the name of her fantasy was. I had no idea.

I’ve made friends online with a girl who somehow was working in a brothel in Honk Kong as the highly valued Caucasian girl. I was her between customers conversational sanity break.

Girls have told me about fetishes and past relationships that have made my smile freeze on my face in my attempt to appear open minded. I like to think I can be friends with most of them.

Get me horny, give me a couple of beers and I will be so lovable in the weirdest situations that all of them will want me to fuck and whip them…not that I will…well not all the time. You know the more I think about it, maybe Domiguy is right. I’m probably fucked up for being friends with all these people and not letting some of these things squick me.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 9:11:09 PM

SlaveSimone

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i can't really agree or disagree here, because i've had experiences with sharing the sub side of me that have ended well, and others that didn't. As far as close friends go, i've never had an issue. On the other hand, i was raped by a dom i met here on CM a while ago, and while the Deputy was talking with me he asked in so many words what i was expecting from someone i met on a "bondage dominance and satanic masturbation" website (by the way, WTF?). i had the same sort of issue with the detective, and as you can probably guess, my case was completely dismissed. It was incredibly obvious that the Deputy did not approve, and i honestly believe that that played a huge role in me being disregarded.
you just can't generalize people. Some will react one way, and others in another way. Never expect on response over another.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 10:31:02 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveSimone

i can't really agree or disagree here, because i've had experiences with sharing the sub side of me that have ended well, and others that didn't. As far as close friends go, i've never had an issue. On the other hand, i was raped by a dom i met here on CM a while ago, and while the Deputy was talking with me he asked in so many words what i was expecting from someone i met on a "bondage dominance and satanic masturbation" website (by the way, WTF?). i had the same sort of issue with the detective, and as you can probably guess, my case was completely dismissed. It was incredibly obvious that the Deputy did not approve, and i honestly believe that that played a huge role in me being disregarded.
you just can't generalize people. Some will react one way, and others in another way. Never expect on response over another.

wow. i am stunned. i wish i could say this surprises me more, but instead i just shake my head and feel terrible for what you must have had to endure.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 10:33:23 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I disagree...It's a feeling that there is more damage out here....From health conditions to mental health issues...Then you can tie in all of the other odd shit that for some reason seems to go hand in hand with this kind of shit.

Yeah....I'm sure there are SCA and Goreans and Trekkies on Match....I really believe there is a Dramaticallyhigher incident of abuse out here....There are some other undercurrents that you catch out here that are not as prevalent in other circles. I used to think that It was all the same shit different day....No longer. This does seem to cater more to the disenfranchised and other off kilter personalities....I am out here afterall. But there is a theme...It's not one that is overall positive.

Ya just got to be careful. Nice tits.

Yeah, well, you go to bed too early. Freak.

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RE: BDSM and the "Vanilla World" - 4/14/2008 10:44:49 PM

NakedOnMyChain

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Pretty much all of my vanilla friends know about my lifestyle. They all accepted it without question. It is a normal part of me. Since I accept it, they accept it. It's part of the package.

Everyone's reality is different. We all create our own, to an extent. I agree that if you want people to be okay with you, you need to be okay with you. The only way a person can drag you down is if you give them the power to do so.

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