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Owning a switch - 4/14/2008 4:08:41 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

Good Morning all of my fellow CMers....I have a question for Dominants. My past experiences in the lifestyle range from being a slave, to being a Domme in past years and fought hard to stay out of both those parts of the lifestyle. Now just Top and bottoming at Munches and play parties. I am a switch by nature, not sub, not slave, not fully dominant either (its kind of like being bipolar LOL). Its not something that I can just turn off until I am at a party. I am a Vet Tech/Dog trainer and I own large hybrid dogs and need to be in a Dominant state of mind daily while dealing with these types of dogs. I have recently accepted a promise collar from a Master whom I have known, played and become friends with for over a year. Though W/we are still exploring how to deal with my switch side. Are Are there any Dominants/Mastesr who own a switch? How do you deal with the more Dominant side?Thank you for your input.
Master Dragons considered slave pettingdragons

Post #: 1

RE: Owning a switch - 4/14/2008 4:30:06 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

A lot of people have to be in charge at work and have trouble with transitions, not just switches. Try a ritual.
Come home and change clothes into things that he prefers and that you don't wear for work.
Kneel with collar only on until you're recentered (make sure you won't freeze for this).
Repeat a mantra.

Basically take some time to get your head turned around.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 2

RE: Owning a switch - 4/14/2008 4:37:21 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I don't currently Own a switch but I have done in the past.

Most of the time it wasn't an issue as I simply drew her submissive side. After she begged for and got permission to have a pet of her own, there where a few instances of overlap, where she didn't quire adjust fast enough between interacting with him and talking to Me. Mostly, again there wasn't a problem as such as the instant she saw the look in My eyes change she realised and appologised... and given it was a genuine mistake, that was sufficient. A few times I did point out that "you are not talking to your boy now young lady, watch your attitude"... but never once did she push things on that score to the point where I had an actual problem to deal with.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 3

RE: Owning a switch - 4/14/2008 5:16:00 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

I work from my home. Though Master does not live with me currently it is a goal with have given a time table. Kneel...LOL even that is a hard one sometimes....and the collar is choking....but only sometimes....its the Dominant side that wants to go toe to toe with him...its what I have always done....I am sure its a sight to see...My Master "talkin" me down to more submissive side...Like talkin a jumper from a bridge..."You know you DONT want to do that" and i blink and im ok again...
We have been friends for a little over a year and have scened together with edge play so the trust is there and the compainionship...He just has more control now...
He seems to be doing very well with helping me focus more on submissiveness since we have been friends he "knows" me and that helps.
Thank you for your kind words I shall look for a "switch to sub" type Mantra :)
hugs
pamela
Master Dragons considered slave

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: Owning a switch - 4/14/2008 8:37:22 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

My ex simply didn't "deal with" her dominant side. She was his slave. The fact that she also played and was a dominant to others was merely a function of their being in a polyamorous situation. She was his slave- to have tried to be the dominant in the relationship would be the demise of it all.

My partner and I regularly switch with eachother, it's a natural part of how we work together. But if EITHER of us were to just rise up and try to subvert the authority of the other when the energy was going the other way, it would be very damaging. Inherent in our relationship is trust that when we are in that authority dynamic, we stay true to it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 5

RE: Owning a switch - 4/15/2008 4:50:39 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I am not owned (I don't identify as a slave), but I am in a 24/7 D/s relationship with a dominant partner who I am entirely submissive to, and I am a switch. I don't feel that it is an issue to deal with, it really never causes a conflict for us, or for me internally. I am very strong in my daily activities: I've just taken a job as a personal trainer and got a comment from my boss that I have a good dominating presence that will be good for the job. D and I both get a good laugh at how I'll be pounding my clients like a drill sergeant, and coming home and curling up at his feet. I can be on the phone handling some arrangements where I'm being very assertive, he walks by and puts his hand in my hair, and I turn around and am his little girl for that moment as I melt into it, and then continue my assertive conversation.

I think you just need to separate the concept of a dominating presence in your daily activities from the concept of being a slave to your future master. They really don't have to conflict at all; they are just different facets of you. I agree with just taking some time between work and play and just centering your submissive side, feeling that connection with him, and with practice it will probably be totally natural and not take so much effort.

If you need an outlet for your dominant side, I think that really focusing on enjoying and appreciating your work and other activities where you are dominant and getting the most out of them seems like a good way to do that. Or the recommendation of getting your own pet/play partner who is submissive to you could work, but relationships are tough as it is and the more people you involve the more complicated it is of course so that isn't necessarily an easy fix.

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 4/15/2008 4:56:38 PM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 6

RE: Owning a switch - 4/15/2008 6:35:10 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

You need to be clear about expressing and enforcing your boundaries.

And you need to do it upfront, not...............................

"Oh, by the way."

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 7

RE: Owning a switch - 4/15/2008 9:35:27 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

deleted

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 4/15/2008 9:53:49 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 8

RE: Owning a switch - 4/15/2008 9:52:49 PM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
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Being a switch to some means they have to both dominate and submit to be fulfilled. To others, it means they can be fully satisfied being one or the other. Kind of like some bisexuals have to have both male and female partners to have their needs met while others can be happy with either a same sex partner or a partner of the opposite sex. Only you can decide which type of switch you are.

< Message edited by defiantbadgirl -- 4/15/2008 9:54:30 PM >

_____________________________

Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.

Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Owning a switch - 4/16/2008 6:00:34 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

Maybe my wording was a bit off….or my emotions got into the way..LOL

Master and i have wonderful communication skills and W/we are willing to take our time an slowly work through figuring out where He is comfortable with for He is not from a Poly or Switch back ground. i am a willing slave to him and have no desire to Dominant him. Though I enjoy being dominant with others.

We have been friends for some time so He new coming into this relationship I was a wild switch, and I knew that he was a strict Master. They do say that opposites attract! There is none of the "by the ways".

Thank you all for your wonderful insight. Sometimes one is just too close to the problem or emotion to see it for what is truly is, not even a problem at all. i agree that i just need give my Dominant side to other events in my life and be happy.

It’s a wonderful thing to have people to just share information, insight and use as a sounding board. Thank you all

pamela
(Master Dragons considered slave)
My mind is like a bad neighborhood;
don't ever go in unarmed or alone.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Owning a switch - 4/16/2008 1:34:41 PM

PrettyPaddles

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

I will add to that that a large number of the subs I know, especially collared, have to be dominant in some aspect of their lives, particularly career. They find it soothing to have something where they no longer have to be in charge.

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 11

RE: Owning a switch - 4/16/2008 4:05:08 PM

Slavetrainer2007

Posts: 231
Joined: 12/2/2006
Status: offline

I have a female switch that is collared as well as a female slave in a collar. With other doms the switch will act submissive to a degree and sometimes not at all. She easily dominates my other slave who i give her complete power over. When it comes to me she is completely slave. She does quite well at not trying a power struggle with me. I do not let her venture far out of line. I sometimes do have to remind her of her place with me and she quickly gets back in it. She has never made it to the point of really trying to gain control from me. I never let it get to that point. She is quite good at the actual switching.

I have became friends with a few switches in the past... and from what i can tell its all in how the dom handles them. I "ignore" the dom side and make it clear i am the dom and to me they are submissive. I think it has alot to do with who is domming the switch. If you are domming a switch you need to keep them in their place and not let their dominate side come out. I often say " my collar is heavy, you will not forget its around your neck" meaning i will make sure you remember you are my slave.

It probably has alot to do with chemistry too. my switch easily turns off the dom side with me.

_____________________________

Life is given, Everything else is earned.

(in reply to PrettyPaddles)

Post #: 12

RE: Owning a switch - 4/16/2008 4:36:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrettyPaddles
I will add to that that a large number of the subs I know, especially collared, have to be dominant in some aspect of their lives, particularly career. They find it soothing to have something where they no longer have to be in charge.

Though it should be noted that this only works with certain types of doms and preferences. Many doms consider their subs to be active assistants and their job is to do all the work so the dom has less to do and think about. This is not a good fit for someone who doesn't want to be in charge or have to prioritize a lot of responsibilities in their personal life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to PrettyPaddles)

Post #: 13

RE: Owning a switch - 4/16/2008 4:38:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Slavetrainer2007
I have became friends with a few switches in the past... and from what i can tell its all in how the dom handles them. I "ignore" the dom side and make it clear i am the dom and to me they are submissive. I think it has alot to do with who is domming the switch. If you are domming a switch you need to keep them in their place and not let their dominate side come out. I often say " my collar is heavy, you will not forget its around your neck" meaning i will make sure you remember you are my slave.

It probably has alot to do with chemistry too. my switch easily turns off the dom side with me.

Are you talking about people interested in a relationship with you, or people you are just social with? Because I quickly ignore anyone who tries to assume their personal relationship orientation towards me when there is no personal relationship to speak of. The fact that I am a switch and you are a dom is meaningless then and for someone to try and make it mean something is just games I don't have time for.

And it's "their dominant side"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Slavetrainer2007)

Post #: 14

RE: Owning a switch - 4/17/2008 2:33:29 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

Although I don't own her, My Pet and I play with a switch. She probably doesn't consider herself as such, but from the way she degrades My Pet, it's clear =P.

Have you considered a third? The power ladder would have you in the middle, or shared at the bottom. (3,2,1 or 3,3,1)

This would let you be a bottom and a top. Depending on how everyone feels, the changes could be fluid and instantanious or more predetermined.

I realize he is not from a poly background, but niether was I. Some people can handle sharing, others cannot. One thing you should not do is find yourself in a poly home regretting it. Unless he is also a switch, the only other way for you to get your top fix is by going elsewhere.

"Elsewhere" does not mean cheating or hiding it. It can be topping a third, playing with someone outside of the relationship (with his permission and blessing), paying a pro-bottom, playing online, going to meninpain.com =P.

Whatever it is, there are only three logical outcomes.

1) Ignore your dominant nature and only be submissive.
2) Facilitate your dominate nature by going "elsewhere" as described above. (including the poly route)
3) Do not accept his collar, as your switch needs have not been dealt with, YET.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Owning a switch - 4/17/2008 5:33:42 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline

Pretty Paddles- I do not find letting go of my Dominant side to be soothing…
LuckyAlbatrose- I enjoy being in charge of my life J
SalveTrainer2007 –I have found such a man. I wouldn’t dream of Dominating him, I think it would ruin the effect he has. Any man that I can Dominant isn’t man enough to Dominant me. We have been friends for years and we have scened and seen either other scene, social events, family BBQs so its not a new relationship…we are just acting upon the chemistry between us.

I have had some good advice, some of which I have taken into consideration. I have found over the past few days that I can indeed stay in a Dominant state while around Master….just switching the tone of voice and body language just slightly when he requires something of me…..

Heavenskeeper- It was never a choice of NOT going ahead with the relationship…its all a matter of sorting out the Dynamics.
We have stayed up late talking many nights about our relationship and compromises. There are always choices as long as both parties are willing to communicate.
I am willing to give sexual topping for scene topping (which interests me more anyway) and he is willing to try it….:) Just like with everything else we do…if someone is not “ok” with it , it stops.

pamela
(Master Dragons considered slave)
My mind is like a bad neighborhood;
don't ever go in unarmed or alone.

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 16

RE: Owning a switch - 4/17/2008 7:07:28 AM

epiphany

Posts: 41
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline

I am an owned switch. I Top and bottom and enjoy both equally, I have collared and been collared.

For me the dynamic depends on the person. I don't have the same energy with everyone. I have a very independant and strog personality, and being owned doesn't change that, it's actually a part of what makes him prefer me. It means that I can get things done on his behalf, and without him having to micro-manage me.It only adds to my ability to serve well. I believe a slave should be a strong individual, fortunately so does my owner.

To me submission isn't weakening of my will, it's more to do with my feelings with and about this particular person. It's a natural and organic part of who I am with him, so I don't struggle with it at all. I automatically look to him to decide the course of things, and have for years.

Understand, he doesn't expect me to stop topping others, he enjoys watching me do that and we have co-topped. So there is not this feeling of having to restrict any part of who I am. He kind of gets a kick out of watching me tap into that side of me, knowing that I will get on my knees to him at the snap of a finger.

epiphany

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 17

RE: Owning a switch - 4/19/2008 11:19:04 AM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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Owing a switch?

By Switch, do you mean the dominant/submissive or the Sadist/Masochist?

I happen to like subs who have a sadistic side to them seeing how I like to have pain inflicted upon me from time to time. As for a dominant side, that's just going to lead to a small sqauble where duct tape and a belt will put my sub back in her place.

From what I read about from most D/s switches, they serve one and are seeking someone of there own to control.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to pettingdragons)

Post #: 18

RE: Owning a switch - 4/19/2008 12:37:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet
From what I read about from most D/s switches, they serve one and are seeking someone of there own to control.

In general, that's true. But there are exceptions in which switching occurs within one relationship.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 19

RE: Owning a switch - 4/21/2008 6:04:13 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
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Owing a switch?

" By Switch, do you mean the dominant/submissive or the Sadist/Masochist? "
for me as a switch i am both.

"I happen to like subs who have a sadistic side to them seeing how I like to have pain inflicted upon me from time to time."
i could never allow someone to dominant me who i can dominant in any way. its a mental thing for me personally.

"As for a dominant side, that's just going to lead to a small sqauble where duct tape and a belt will put my sub back in her place. "
i am slave...not just sub or sam...so Master shouldnt have to "put girl in her place" she should already be in her place at all times.....but then everyones protocal or life if is different :) this is how it works in our relationship...

"From what I read about from most D/s switches, they serve one and are seeking someone of there own to control. "
i dont want to control someone else...its the whole responsibility and comitment thing...

.....just Top ......

pamela
**Master Dragon's considered slave and honey pot**

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 20

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