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DominantJenny -> RE: Your Experience & Disclosing It.. (4/15/2008 12:25:53 PM)
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Taking this a different route, how does one determine experience level? Sure, if you've used your floggers fifty times on fifty bottoms, we'll all probably agree you can say you're an expert...unless, of course, you did so badly every time...
A lot of partners isn't really a good standard, since a lot of people are monogamous and into kink primarily or at least partially as part of the sexuality they have in a relationship. Some would argue (I've met them) that you can only BE an expert if you've had several partners, though. So, by their standards..Similarly, not everyone kinked is comfortable in the kink community or learning from non-partners...your average vanilla couple experimenting with anal sex are probably not going to go to, say, an "anal sex club" and ask for a how-to demonstration, you know? For them, their sexuality is private and they'll learn by experimentation with each other, probably with the help of a book or two (or website or two.) I don't think there's anything wrong with that, or extending that to kink in general, but I've encountered plenty of people over the years who seem to disagree with that and insist that only experience "in the scene" counts.
Although I'm open to poly, I've been de facto monogamous for years and years. Now, my partner and I started doing kink over 10 years ago, starting with good ol' spanking and moving onward at a fairly steady rate. I don't know that I feel comfortable describing myself as an expert at anything (okay, I'll say I'm an expert in spanking), though I've used (several different) floggers in hundreds of individual encounters over the last ten years. Some would, I think, say that made me an expert at flogging (especially since I've also done research on how not to flog, etc), but...*shrug* Others would say not. Both can put forth convincing arguments for their positions. Personally, I don't think there's a lot more I can learn about flogging; oh, you can always learn SOMETHING, but I've long since got down everything I've needed to know to use the tool safely and successfully. What standards do we use? How do we determine a generalized standard that most, at least, agree on? Especially in a group of people as varied and often fractious as kinksters can be.
I don't list experience levels with my interests here for precisely that reason; I don't want to give people the idea I am either more OR less experienced than I actually am. At the same time, by not indicating my experience level, I'm not giving as accurate a description as I can, and that's a shame, and might even alienate people who think I'm less experienced than I am because I don't claim the experience I have in a direct way. (It's implied in my description, I suppose, but it's not the same, somehow.)
And, yes, you could probably safely say that I'm an expert in overthinking and over-analysis. :P
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