Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (Full Version)

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MsChief -> Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:31:37 PM)

I can't be the only one this has happened to. Yes, we were stupid, but it was by mutual consent that 'risks' were taken. The relationship is less that 6 months old but everything was wonderful.

I know I have to live with the consequences and a tremination is not an option for me . My sub has made it clear that this is what he would expect.

I guess what I am saying is.....this situation hurts even more in a D/s relationship because there is more of a bond, trust etc. I feel even more let down than I ever would in vanilla (yes this did happen to me some 20 years ago!) Has anyone else been in this situation and am I deluding myself that D/s should be any different as we are all just people at the end of the day.
It is personal choice I know and I am sure a female submissive would have issues with a male Dom demanding a termination if it was against her moral values. I guess I am just in turmoil right now.



KatyLied -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:36:57 PM)

Regardless of lifestyle issues, at the end of the day it is your situation and your body and your moral issues. He can't walk away as if he bears no responsibility, unless you allow him that comfort. You need to give yourself some quiet time and think about it.

Good luck.



JustaTop -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:38:17 PM)

Ultimately, the decision is that of the woman. No one else has the right to make that choice for you. Unfortunately, your sub places you in the postion of having to decide between the life of an unborn child,or him.

I wish you well,I have no suggestions beyond that-it's a tough one.[>:]



brightspot -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:39:43 PM)

Hello MsChief,

I would follow the path of my heart.

Good Luck, and welcome to the Boards!

*Brightspot



BlueDevil -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:39:56 PM)

I'm sorry, but, is the sub demanding that you terminate?



daddysprop247 -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:40:05 PM)

MsChief, first i want to say that i certainly feel for you and your current situation. does D/s make a difference? well yes i think it can...as a Dominant, it is your choice alone what you will do from this point. a couple of years ago, the same thing happened to me...i became pregnant, unplanned. however as a slave i had no say as far as whether there would be a termination, adoption, or if i would become a mother. my Master decided on a termination so i just had to accept his decision, with no question or complaint.

if i were in a vanilla relationship, although i would still be a submissive woman, i would expect to have a voice, and for the final decision to be mine.



whisperss57 -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:44:31 PM)

regardless of whether vanilla or lifestylers.... there are certain rules of engagement....
to let him walk away....is doing a disservice to yourself....and him....

how will he learn....except by acceptin his part in this new life.



Littlepita -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:45:15 PM)

I feel for you in your situation and wish you the best.

Also, I can't wrap my brain around being so much a slave you would let someone else make that choice for you. Not judging, just not understanding.



darkinshadows -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:49:26 PM)

quote:

I know I have to live with the consequences and a tremination is not an option for me . My sub has made it clear that this is what he would expect.


Your submissive expects? That would be a warning flag to me right there.

I had an 'unexpected pregnancy' - But it was something I grew with, as he grew within me. Be true to yourself and happiness and contentment will follow.

Peace and Love



MsChief -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:51:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueDevil

I'm sorry, but, is the sub demanding that you terminate?


Dear BlueDevil

He has stated quite clearly this is his prefered. I have said I will not terminate a life, as it is not a form of contraception. He has said that I am denying him a 'voice' in this matter. I did say he made a choice some weeks ago whether to ejaculate or not but he says I controlled that as a Domme!!! Would make me laugh if it wasnt so sad.



starshineowned -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 12:58:12 PM)

Greetings..~smiles~

That is a very hard choice you all are having to face. I do however, feel that your subs voice in this has merit as well, and Dominant or not..it took both of you to bring about this situation. While he may not go through the physical bodily changes that you will..he will go through the mental, emotional changes as well as the responsibility of the child during, and after birth if he is held responsible ofcourse.

It bares asking as well if this situation had been discussed before he became your sub, and what was agreed on at that time?

Also to..If you do not feel you could terminate the pregnancy, nor raise another..adoption really should be examined to help both of you.

If you go against your wants and defer only to your subs wants in this?..Do you really feel in your heart that you could continue keeping a relationship with your sub, and you two move past this?

I wish you all the best

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin



Evanesce -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 1:01:27 PM)

quote:

He has stated quite clearly this is his prefered. I have said I will not terminate a life, as it is not a form of contraception. He has said that I am denying him a 'voice' in this matter. I did say he made a choice some weeks ago whether to ejaculate or not but he says I controlled that as a Domme!!! Would make me laugh if it wasnt so sad.


So... you're saying you were not on birth control, and you gave a MAN a choice on whether or not to ejaculate inside you?

It's a shame this is happening to you, but... what were you thinking?

At the end of the day, D/s relationships are RARELY different from vanilla ones in terms of issues such as this.



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 1:05:22 PM)

Regardless of sexual orientation or lifestyle identity, no one's expectations would override what I choose to do with an embryo in my own body.



IronBear -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 2:20:59 PM)

This is a female thing which no male can ever hope to understand. having said this, If any female of mine became pregnant due to me, I will have a voice and she will know that I stand behind her all they way. It is the one area in which I will give a slave a choice. As a man I can not and will not walk away or take the easy options of adoption or termination unless it is what the expectant mother desires also. The welfare of my property is important to me and never more so in such situations.



ownedjulia -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 3:17:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

MsChief, first i want to say that i certainly feel for you and your current situation. does D/s make a difference? well yes i think it can...as a Dominant, it is your choice alone what you will do from this point. a couple of years ago, the same thing happened to me...i became pregnant, unplanned. however as a slave i had no say as far as whether there would be a termination, adoption, or if i would become a mother. my Master decided on a termination so i just had to accept his decision, with no question or complaint.

if i were in a vanilla relationship, although i would still be a submissive woman, i would expect to have a voice, and for the final decision to be mine.


it is the same with me.

i would expect to talk it over with my Master before hand but i have pledged my body to him and this includes such decisions as these.

he had BETTER be there for me after the termination though.




BlueDevil -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 3:30:08 PM)

quote:

Dear BlueDevil

He has stated quite clearly this is his prefered. I have said I will not terminate a life, as it is not a form of contraception. He has said that I am denying him a 'voice' in this matter. I did say he made a choice some weeks ago whether to ejaculate or not but he says I controlled that as a Domme!!! Would make me laugh if it wasnt so sad.


Thank you for clarifying that for me. He had a voice in the matter up until the time he decided not to use a condom. If he had objected to not wearing a condom he should have said so. Now, if you had tied him to the bed and mounted him, his lawyer might have some grounds for resisting child support, but, that still wouldn't give him a voice with regard to termination. Your body, your choice, as far as I'm concerned. I know if it were my body no one else would have any voice in what I decided to do, pro or con.

Good luck.



CaptCraig -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 4:04:02 PM)

You are not going to like this and the truth hurts. You fucked up, big time! The alternative lifestyle that we are engaged in comes with no postsecondary courses or post grad courses to guide us on our chosen proclivities; therefore it is a school of hard knocks. Now before all the helpful "Educators" out there jump, we have no empirical guidelines or curriculum even though we try to coach and help but it is based on our own individual experiences and not on scientifically based programs. Its catch as catch can. I believe that if you are a dominant then by definition, "You are in control." If you fail in your control.... You lose. Sorry, life is what happens while you are making plans for other events. Brutal, you bet, lessons for one and all here. Cemeteries are filled with those who made only one mistake in their lifetime, the rest of us are still here and must move forward. Good luck, you will succeed and it looks like you will have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and by the time you are 61 like me will look back and realize you are now a stronger person. Life is short....Excelsior!



SirSix72 -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 4:16:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsChief

He has stated quite clearly this is his prefered. I have said I will not terminate a life, as it is not a form of contraception. He has said that I am denying him a 'voice' in this matter. I did say he made a choice some weeks ago whether to ejaculate or not but he says I controlled that as a Domme!!! Would make me laugh if it wasnt so sad.


Ok let me offer you my opinon on the matter ,,,I have two children of my own that came from a ten year D's relationship...she decided that she could walk away from us and not look back for a short time.... a few months into her decision to walk away she decided that she would try and have them taken from me..............I stood by my children and my convictions through the thick and the thin...I have them not her she signed away her parental rights when she found out they wouldnt and couldnt be taken away from me no matter what she tried to do to me including blackmail me.......now I have found bella some after all of this was settled and bella has assumed her role as mother of my children.......they love her and she loves them........I guess what im trying to say is if someone wants to be irresponsible no matter what lifestyle you are.......the focus is the emotional and physical well being of yourself and your child/children first.......if he wants to be irresponsible then move on and do what is in your heart.....I can see by what you have written that life comes first and foremmost..........there are alot of us out here that feel the same way.......no matter how much it hurts and you dont feel like continuing on think of the life you are preparing to bring into this world and what is the best decision for that life

Master Six



FLButtSlut -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 4:28:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MsChief
He has stated quite clearly this is his prefered. I have said I will not terminate a life, as it is not a form of contraception. He has said that I am denying him a 'voice' in this matter. I did say he made a choice some weeks ago whether to ejaculate or not but he says I controlled that as a Domme!!! Would make me laugh if it wasnt so sad.



This is not a lifestyle issue. It is a LIFE issue. TWO people decide to engage in intercourse. TWO people decide to not use birth control. Only one of you gets pregnant.

He had a voice, you listened to his viewpoint, but ultimately whether you are dominant, submissive, or slave this is YOUR choice to make, and it sounds as if you have made it.

How he participates from this point is something that you both will need to discuss.

As for the comment about if you tied him to the bed he might be able to make a bid against child support...sorry, doesn't work that way. His sperm, his obligation. Whether to pursue it is up to the OP.

MsChief,

As a single parent myself, I wish you all the best. There will be times that you think you are going to lose your mind....such as midnight feedings where you are so sleep deprived you think you can't function another second, then the terrible twos where the first power struggle between parent and child ensues, puberty when your child tells you that they know more than you....the list, sadly is endless. On the other hand, there is that first smile and laugh, the first steps, their first "A" on a report card. In the end, it all turns out ok. When your child grows up and becomes successful in their own right, you will look at them with tears in your eyes and think, "wow, I guess I did ok".

And don't forget, everyone here may not be able to babysit or hold your hand, but lots of us here are parents and will always offer you all the emotional support we can muster.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Unplanned pregnancy....D/s view (10/9/2005 4:35:32 PM)

The one thing that bothers me a little bit about all the answers is that everyone seems so confident in their opinion. This is not a simple issue. It wasn't HIS decision not to use contraception; it was YOUR decision. If you're the domme, you're supposed to be the one in charge, and you have to take responsibility for whatever happens.

Of course, I also understand that he doesn't have the right to tell you how to handle this. That's why this is such a difficult problem.

I hope you choose the option that suits your principles and preferences. Best of luck.



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