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RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 5:21:33 AM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		~FR~
If it's such a problem... and it bothers you that much (and i'm not saying it should or shouldn't), maybe it'd be easier on you if you just took the height/weight info off your profile? i'm no small chick myself - and i post pics - that way, someone can choose to message me if looks are important to them. i can honestly say, in the time i've been here, i've not had anyone comment on my height/weight proportion. Not that i haven't gotten some inflammatory emails - just not about that. my response to a rude message is usually, something along the lines of "thanks for your opinion - for which i never asked. Enjoy your search." If the offender continues to message me, i just ignore them.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 5:40:22 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		~Fast reply~

Why allow strangers online to dictate your emotions? Spam is spam. Junk it and continue on with your life. If I get something along those lines, I tend to roll my eyes, delete and continue on with my day. My feelings and emotions and reactions are my choice and I choose not to let strangers' random, negative comments dictate them.

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

(in reply to apiercedkitty)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:10:38 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		holly women dye their hair to much. I think that women are more vain than men. They try to compete to look better than the other woman. If a man is good looking most men just shrug it off. I don't care if you are a big woman or a small skinny one. Just be who you are.  

(in reply to SassySarijane)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:14:06 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

holly women dye their hair to much. I think that women are more vain than men. They try to compete to look better than the other woman. If a man is good looking most men just shrug it off. I don't care if you are a big woman or a small skinny one. Just be who you are.  


i hear you, Ray. But in my case i have my moms grey streak. I dye my hair because i do not want to look like a skunk.


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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:18:30 AM   
zigzagzarf


Posts: 25
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Wouldn't this have been more useful if you put it into your journal, where it will reach the people you're saying email you?


I think this is a great place for this to be it reaches more people than just the ones that read her profile. i doubt people are going down far enough to read her journal. But yeah its really rude to send people insulting messages like that. but you know just block them and move on. If you think your beautiful and you feel beautiful then then thats whats important. Like Elenor Roosevelt (SP?) said Nobody can make you feel infereor unless you let them.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:19:09 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Do I want to reply to yet another insecurity thread..........

We all have our hot buttons and there are people who get off on seeing someone get torked from a stab in the dark.  I probably get the fat e-mails too, but since I don't internalize other people's opinions on my size, I don't internalize them.  I disregard them about the same as I disregard the penis enlargement e-mails.

My hot buttons are in other areas and it takes a bit of energy to recognize that someone is just trying to yank my chain, but it takes far less energy to remember that then it does to carry a chip on my shoulder.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:20:20 AM   
favesclava


Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		when i dye my hair the few times i've had it has been to please myself. if i cared what others think i would have cut my hair , i wouldnt have a tongue ring or tattoos. and i wouldnt dance to fall out boy . i would wear mascara that's close to my natural color instead of the electric blue i wear. and at my height i should lose more weight but i dont care what others think so i go along skipping down the road . very happy with myself.

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Resident jingly dancing girl
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Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:20:37 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

holly women dye their hair to much. I think that women are more vain than men. They try to compete to look better than the other woman. If a man is good looking most men just shrug it off. I don't care if you are a big woman or a small skinny one. Just be who you are.  


i hear you, Ray. But in my case i have my moms grey streak. I dye my hair because i do not want to look like a skunk.



I've been dying mine since I was 19, and I'm not stopping now.  Hair is the ultimate accessory.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:26:01 AM   
Real_Trouble


Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Queenalice
That said, Is it wrong for me to be angry about this?


I would argue yes, but only from a very practical perspective.

People being stupid is nothing you can change; getting seriously worked up about it only makes you feel poorly, so why waste the energy on it?  If people are just being childish and insulting, they aren't worth getting pissed off about, I assure you.

On the self-esteem side, if a few comments from strangers can shake your self-esteem, I suggest you should consider what you can do and how you can act to have a more positive and resilient self-image (this echoes a few other posts already).


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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:28:32 AM   
Real_Trouble


Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
Now that im looking at the term BBW I wounder how come there are no BBM listed here.


its the dreaded double standard, Ray. The same with grey hair. When you men turn grey you are distinguished. When we girls turn we....um...we blame it on you men (why lie?)



There is a spectacular study (I believe it is referenced in Mean Genes, so I can dig it up if anyone really wants the information on where to find it) demonstrating that women, on average, found shorter / uglier / older men more attractive than taller / more handsom / younger men.

The difference?  The latter was dressed in a uniform from a retail chain, while the former was wearing a suit and a rolex.  There legitimately are different inherent standards of beauty and what defines attractiveness among the sexes; it's not a double standard, it's a differing standard.


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Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:28:39 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Many of the women I have met at local munches are BBWs. My wife is a BBW and I am a large Grizzly (6'4" about 285lbs). Nowhere have I seen in face to face siruations, or heard on the grapevine, where some one was rejected due to being more luciously buxom with a full Junoesque figure so loved by the Classicat Masters in their paintings. I have seen however and experienced being an outsider due to other reasons such as my age and the 30 years difference between my wife and I. But that is another matter not covered here by the OP.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 6:52:12 AM   
BloodLuna


Posts: 403
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

a full Junoesque figure so loved by the Classicat Masters in their paintings.....
Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)


I have always liked you milord Iron Bear.  I think that like just jumped up to adore!  (I'm a historical romance writer and I specialize in victorian era romance, as well as living in a Victorian home) Hurray for the Victorian female! LOL


To the OP:  I have discovered in my long involvement with this and other BDSM sites that there are just some people who HAVE to judge.  If I am not getting letters demeaning me for having the audacity to be owned yet wanting a slave of my own, I'm getting them telling me that a switch can never be an effective dominant . . . before I delivered my child it was a pregnant woman can't possibly be a good dominant, now I get a mom can't effectively be a good dominant personality(hahahah!!! I get a kick out of that one!)  More than likely they were afraid of something within themselves and it caused them to see the switch in me as a threat.

See, the bottom line is that judgement has one root - fear.  Most negative emotions (rage, depression, envy, judgement) is based on this root.  The person who is casting judgement has an internal fear that causes an emotional reaction - rage, anger, more fear - and that emotional reaction causes them to lash out at the person they think "caused" the fear response rather than taking a good look at themselves.  If the person casting judgement about your weight has some internal fear about weight - it is their issue.  Let them keep it!  Don't adopt it as your own!  There are plenty of people who adore BBWs.  Let the ones that are afraid tremble in their own darkness, find someone who offers you light!

Lady Luna

< Message edited by BloodLuna -- 4/16/2008 6:53:58 AM >

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RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 8:30:24 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mmmm I don't know about the Junoesque women. Im more partial to the Rubenesque ones.

(in reply to BloodLuna)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 9:11:24 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Ahhhh, all is right with the world again.  We have our "fat chicks" thread.

Posting it here is not going to get to the idiots on the other side, because most of them haven't figured out that there is this whole other world once you click on the second button on the left.

Ray?  I'll be happy to tell you how big you are, if you show me... uhhhhh.... how big you are.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 9:16:16 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Cali give me your home address and I will send you a life sized poster or bretter yet show up at your door myself.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 9:47:46 AM   
charmdpetKeira


Posts: 916
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I once posted here about a message I had gotten on the other side. One respondent had asked me, why I was letting the thoughts of a complete stranger get to me.

I knew how ridicules the idea was, and tried to explain it away to the other poster; twice.
It wasn’t until a while later that I realized; it hadn’t been about what the person sending the message had thought, at all.

It was all me justifying what they said, with my own thoughts.

My best,

k

< Message edited by charmdpetKeira -- 4/16/2008 9:48:10 AM >

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Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

There is no wrong choice, only consequence.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 10:11:32 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		If you want to be accepted b/c you are fat, good for you. I am fat, I'm currently a size 24 (have just gone down a dress size) and would NOT wish anyone to accept me for being fat. Accept me for the lovely lady that I am, certainly. My partner, with whom I live, adores me for a number of reasons, he accepts me as a person and had he sought me out initially b/c he was into overweight women, I'd have personally felt insulted, as I would have had he sought me out specifically for any other bodily attribute. I would rather people stopped referring to themselves as a 'big beautiful woman' as if it was some kind of precious title. You are asking for people to accept you 'as is', yet have labelled yourself and by doing so, are asking people to do the very thing you are opposed to.

As for the 'twig' comment... You're just as prejudiced as those you are complaining about.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to Queenalice)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 10:14:07 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		MissMorrigan is right. BBW's sticks, twigs, well endowed.....

We are all women...and WE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 10:22:59 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Ok, your body's endochronology has gone haywire out of control and you're trying to turn that into a "lifestyle?"
To "defend" it?
Would you do the same thing with Diabetes or Alcoholism?
It's a medical/lifestyle problem.
Not something to be "celebrated."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to Queenalice)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Outsiders - 4/16/2008 10:23:13 AM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		I am "phat" as well!
P-retty
H-ot
A-mazing or Awesome
T-hick

< Message edited by purepleasure -- 4/16/2008 10:51:31 AM >

(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 40
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