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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 9:10:53 AM

Daddyslilpookie

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My recommendation is this check this sight out it good for starting out and introducing him to it little by little www.takeninhand.com. Best of luck to you.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 9:25:34 AM

boytoy4female

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Why would you enter into a contract, like marriage, thinking and not knowing? Secondly, after reviewing your profile and blogs, you cycle from "dont touch me" to do
minate me sexually. On behalf of all men "We cant' read your mind!".

Last, but not least; here is a man who loves you, treats you well and respects you. Have you had any domination conversations with him? Start mild, if you do. He likely is scared of what can go wrong and probably has not had any in depth exposure. Have some naughty talk with him and find out what he would like to try. You need to find any lingering desires he may have that you can leverage. Most vanilla people have some tendencies, but won't admit it to themselves, let alone a spouse. So, in other words, make it a game to find out his secret thoughts and desires. Then, bring a mild one into the bedroom. When he becomes at ease with the closer to vanilla aspects, take the next step.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 9:32:43 AM

akisha

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Repost of my response from a similar thread a couple weeks ago. Saves time from trying to retype exactly the same thing again

#1. You can not make him into a Dominant if he is not interested in it.
#2. Tell him what drives you and see if he has an interest himself in the same thing.
#3. Realize that even he is willing to try it out he may decide after a time that it is not what he wants or likes. Note: this could very likely cause you to resent the fact that he tried it at all. (again, learned that the hard way)
#4. You may at some point have to choose him or your submissive side, sometimes you can not have both together.( I am divorces and now in a compatible D/s relationship)

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 10:16:02 AM

BabyGurlVT

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quote:

[snip]You sound bored and lonely as well as homesick. Talk to him. Take college courses, get a part time job, volunteer at the local animal shelter. It's your job to improve your life, it isn't something he can do for you.

Thanks for your advice DesFIP. I'm sure how I come off as bored, but I think I fill my life with activites, we just do them togethers... I take sewing classes, I attend church on Sunday, I have a sort of kind buisness..well not really but one day it will get off the ground...anyways not important. I dont feel that I am bored. Its spring and its tennis season, I go to the gym etc. I just everything with him. And we both enjoy that part of our relationship.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 10:36:42 AM

Floggings4You

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Make it playful. It doesn't have to be so serious. I wouldn't even tell him you are unhappy--at least, not yet.

Find a book, or a porn movie, that shows what you'd like to try, and tell him you think it would be fun to try it together. After watching or viewing it, if he still seems unsure about doing it to/with you, you'll have to reassure him that--yes--this really is what you want.

The thing that turns Me on the most, is when I know that My partner enjoys what I'm doing to her. If he can really tell that this is what you want and enjoy, that'll go a long way toward removing any reservations or hesitations he may have...

Another possibility would be to find a D/s couple in your area that would enjoy having you and your husband watch T/them.

Whatever you do, don't rush. It may take quite a while for him to become what you really want him to be. Be patient, reassuring, and enjoy the exploration together.

Best wishes!

quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyGurlVT

Should I come right and tell him that I am not completely happy with our situtation. I mean what is the best way of going about doing this? I dont want to hurt any feelings or at worse mess up our marriage....ANd he dose want to experiment... well how would we go about doing that? Do I train him on what to do... Some how that doesnt seem right besides I dont have enough experiance to know what to do

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 4:18:30 PM

Slavetrainer2007

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I have to agree with what others have said about not being natural dom. You cannot train someone that is not dominate to be dominate. I have tried to help other males that arent so dominate with learning. It just doesnt work. They ask me how to dominate women and i can tell them the basic instructions. But to me its like breathing. I dont even realize im doing it. I explain it about the same way as i would telling you how i breath. It just happens i dont do it intentionally. Its just me.

So training someone to be that way, and i have tried, if it works, does not work very well. You can teach a Dom who is dominate how to control their dominance but to be dominate you either have it or you dont same as submissive. i can talk to someone 5 minutes and tell you if they are submissive or dom or neither.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 4:38:50 PM

antipode

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You cannot get someone to change their personality because you want them to. This really is nothing to do with your respective ages, or with D/s. It is something many people in relationships run into, they think they know what their partner is like, and only after a while do they discover this isn't the person they thought they were. Put it down to your inexperience, put it down to his eagerness to "have you", if you know now that this is not what you want, walk. The longer you wait, the worse it will get - changing another person, something a lot of people try, isn't possible. He is what he is, and considering his age, you have even less change of succeeding.

Put it down to experience, and move on. If you think you are unhappy now, think of what it will be like in six months' time, or in a year from now. And if you have a hard time believing that people can't change, go talk to a counselor, just on your own, because it is a good idea to try and work out why you are so disappointed, and why you picked the wrong partner.

And next time, you will know to interview more, better, to perhaps do a trial period, do the things you did not do this time around. I see this a lot with my own young subs - they say what they think I want to hear, never realizing that get out when I discover this isn't what I signed up for. What other choice do you have? You want to be happy, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 5:17:38 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyGurlVT

Thanks for your advice DesFIP. I'm sure how I come off as bored, but I think I fill my life with activites, we just do them togethers... I take sewing classes, I attend church on Sunday, I have a sort of kind buisness..well not really but one day it will get off the ground...anyways not important. I dont feel that I am bored. Its spring and its tennis season, I go to the gym etc. I just everything with him. And we both enjoy that part of our relationship.

The op reads as though you're home all day waiting for him to get back from work. You say you have no friends except online. You're far away from your family and your support system.

If instead you work from home, that's different. If he's retired, that's different. But don't be snippy because you complain about things and we didn't read your mind to find the truth. If you're alone 10 hours a day, you will be lonely. People are not meant to be solitary.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 5:22:28 PM

BlackKnight

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you do everything with him?!?! He takes sewing classes?!!?!? and you want him to be sa dom?!?!?! THAT'S ONE HELAVA MAN!!!! or should I ask Who's domming who?

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 5:33:16 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyGurlVT

Thanks, there are a lot of things I need to think about and do before my husband gets home. If you have anymore advice I welcome it with open arms. I normally make rash decisions only to end up regreting them later, but I know I cant rely on youth and naivety
for very much longer. Im just not sure how to start communicating, but I will fing a way cause i realize how necessary
it is.

How are his other assets. Maybe the dude has a house or stack of cash....Probably might be able to rub up against his low hangin' balls.

Maybe he is a diabetic?...asthmatic? If his health is good and he be po....I'd split. If his health is compromised and his finances are not....You should probably stick around....I hear that the '18 Lexus is gonna be one Hell of a whip....And at 31 you would still be a fairly fly sistah.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 5:40:28 PM

MrRodgers

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyGurlVT

I married my husband think he was a dom, totally wrong. I mean I call him daddy. He is older than me im 21 he is 58. I didnt meet him on a Bdsm site. Our sex life is good, and he treats me great. I just want him to be a lot more controlinhg, I really want to be disciplined when I am bad. And whole bunch of other stuff. how do I ask him to do this...I am so at my witts end.

I doubt there is anything you can do. Domination is a personality and is in one's nature. A person either inspires submission or their domination will never occur excepy by thuggery.

You want more discipline and to pay for your failures and 'all that other stuff.' Ask him for it specifically and maybe he can learn and in time do more...even some on his own.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 6:23:39 PM

SirJames1020

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyGurlVT

I married my husband think he was a dom, totally wrong. I mean I call him daddy. He is older than me im 21 he is 58. I didnt meet him on a Bdsm site. Our sex life is good, and he treats me great. I just want him to be a lot more controlinhg, I really want to be disciplined when I am bad. And whole bunch of other stuff. how do I ask him to do this...I am so at my witts end.

You sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel. There are no shortcuts, no training or tricks. Not all men are naturally Dominant and it could be that your husband is not. Not saying he can't be but it will take work.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 6:45:02 PM

domiguy

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doh.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 6:55:55 PM

midgetmafiosa

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am i the only one that thinks the OP is not simply asking for domination, she's asking to never have to grow up? it seems to me like it's a never-never land fantasy - not really even about kink. she said it herself -she wants to be 12. this worries me, as no amount of domination is going to make her into an adult with a fully formed psyche. i don't know. maybe i'm way off base here.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 7:19:23 PM

kyraofMists

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So he is not doing things your way, he is doing them his way and you think that is not being dominant?

You might want to re-think your idea of what a dominant and submissive are.

Knight's Kyra

< Message edited by kyraofMists -- 4/16/2008 7:37:22 PM >

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 9:41:42 PM

sunshinemiss

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Claps real loudly for Kyra. go on sistah.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/16/2008 9:58:51 PM

DarkVictory

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyGurlVT

so if he isnt a natural dom i should consider leaving?

Umm, you *might* want to consider TALKING. It sounds like, from your posts above, that you tend to act without a lot of discussion. Thus you're in the fucked up situation you're in. Stop. Write out your concerns, feelings, desires, and questions. Give the letter to him. Be explicit. Better to be a little embarassed and scared than to fuck up a marriage without giving it a shot.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/17/2008 12:54:14 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyGurlVT

so if he isnt a natural dom i should consider leaving?

Leave him???? Hell why did you marry him in the first fucking place.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/17/2008 12:59:14 AM

Leatherist

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Good lord, this is why you should never base a relationship on kink.

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RE: Making my husband a dom - 4/17/2008 4:09:45 AM

lronitulstahp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: midgetmafiosa

am i the only one that thinks the OP is not simply asking for domination, she's asking to never have to grow up? it seems to me like it's a never-never land fantasy - not really even about kink. she said it herself -she wants to be 12. this worries me, as no amount of domination is going to make her into an adult with a fully formed psyche. i don't know. maybe i'm way off base here.

nah...i think you got it about right....
i would hate to be 12 again...i had the WORST frickin' bangs...horrible. And those 3 pairs of slouch socks and stirrup pants....yikes.

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