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Shopping - 10/9/2005 7:10:24 PM   
Veritasluxmea


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		So, bear with me here.

I was shopping today for some fabric for a bag I'm having made, and I just couldn't figure out what kind I wanted. The only thought that kept echoing in my head was that I really wanted someone else to make the decision for me. Then, I realized that I was like in most decision making aspects. I like to have an input, but I'm always afraid of making the wrong decision, and usually can never make up my mind until someone does it for me. I even ask boyfriends what dress I should wear to a certain event. Can anyone give me clues as to what this means, in your experience? Thanks in advance!
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RE: Shopping - 10/9/2005 7:21:08 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Hummm, are you overwhelmed with the multituide of the choices or could it be that if something goes wrong (no not in color choice for a bag, the larger issues) that the blame then can not lie on you? Next time your faced with a choice you cant seem to make try listening to yourself, the reasons this or that will or will not work, they might clue you in.

Q . . .

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
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RE: Shopping - 10/9/2005 7:21:39 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		If you are asking if that means you are submissive, the answer is "no". At least not because of that alone. But let me ask you a couple of questions....

Do you trust yourself?
You worry about making the "wrong" decision, but do you contemplate the consequences of what would happen with the "wrong" decision? For example, you can't decide which dress to wear to an event, assuming they all are right for the occasion (like no sundress for a black tie event), what's the worst that can happen?

It seems to me that you are just not trusting your instincts. But the good news is that you can learn how. Start with little things. Like the fabric for the bag. Just pick one. The worst that will happen is that you might not love it. On the other hand, you might think it is great when done.

Many people like to discuss the options of major decisions. Sometimes it is just getting someone else's input. But if you want to get better at making your own decisions, you just have to work at it. Learning to trust yourself is a good thing. After all, does anyone know you better than you?

(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
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RE: Shopping - 10/9/2005 7:41:20 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I had trouble deciding yesterday afternoon. Two pair of brown shoes. I liked them both and was not going to leave the store without a pair of brown shoes. I was walking around the shoe department with different shoes on my feet, decisions, decisions. Then I sat and looked at how they looked on my feet. A customer in the store was smiling at me, she understood my dilemma.

(in reply to FLButtSlut)
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RE: Shopping - 10/9/2005 8:30:18 PM   
Veritasluxmea


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		That's a very good point. Do I trust myself? Not usually. I'm always afraid of making a mistake that could hurt somebody, or even myself. I have seen the consequences that can happen when a bad decision has made and am determined never to suffer from that again...but I have discovered that it has frightened me to the point where I feel dead inside. If I can't trust myself, how can I trust others? I'm such a perfectionist;everything in my life is ordered. So, why am I not happy? Is it the trust? or, the decision making process? As for following my instincts, I have none. If I try to listen to my heart, my brain takes over. Yet, when I listen to my brain, my heart whines until I am completely confused. Does that make sense?

(in reply to KatyLied)
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RE: Shopping - 10/9/2005 9:09:44 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It's extremely common for subs to be control freaks and perfectionists.

No it's not only subs who have difficulty making choices, and many subs are excellent at making them (most doms want subs who are capable of being delegated things and are trained if they don't have the skills already).

But it is worth pointing out that until you can trust yourself and find a reasonable process, then it won't be good to choose a mate.

(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
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RE: Shopping - 10/9/2005 9:23:32 PM   
FLButtSlut


Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

But it is worth pointing out that until you can trust yourself and find a reasonable process, then it won't be good to choose a mate.


Extremely good advice.

Everyone has "instincts", it is just that some people need to develop their ability to listen to it a little bit better. I think this is your case. At the risk of being flamed for the statement (again), you are only 20 years old, so the idea that you should have honed these abilities already is silly. Some people know to trust their instincts very early, some people very late, some people never. You are a step ahead of the game because you recognize what is going on and want to make a change in how you do things.

Your fears are natural. It is possible to make huge mistakes. That is why I said, start trying it out with little things. Go to a restaurant, just pick something on the menu and order it. I don't mean pick anything, more like if you are trying to decide between two things you like, just pick one without asking anyone else's opinion. You know you like both, so no harm, you will enjoy the meal. Next event, pick the outfit all on your own. I'm sure you won't look like an idiot or choose something inappropriate for the occasion. Pick things where a "mistake" will not be a huge consequence so you get used to it. You gradually move on to bigger things and before you know it, you will realize that you are listening to yourself and trusting yourself a lot more.

Good luck.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Shopping - 10/9/2005 9:47:54 PM   
Veritasluxmea


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		Please don't think that I don't make those kinds of decisions. I have been dressing myself for quite some time, though I usually do it with extra care, and take my time doing so. My mother was a single mother trying to support four kids with little help. I was the only girl, so I was, and still am expected to plan and cook many meals, and oversee the house, with no quarter given for the simple mistake. It's why i went away to college, and why I think I am so indecisive...for fear of some form of punishment or consequence. I think I am just tired of all the decisions I have had to make. The experience today just struck me as odd. The first step is always recognition. I feel by being honest with myself, and with the help of others, I can learn to trust my instincts. I will try to trust my instincts on this, and thanks for all the advice.

Be well.

(in reply to FLButtSlut)
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RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 1:55:06 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I had trouble deciding yesterday afternoon. Two pair of brown shoes. I liked them both and was not going to leave the store without a pair of brown shoes. I was walking around the shoe department with different shoes on my feet, decisions, decisions. Then I sat and looked at how they looked on my feet. A customer in the store was smiling at me, she understood my dilemma.


Buy both pairs...and a third just because you can. Women and shoes...what a perfect combo isn't it. Aaahh

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 4:55:45 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Buy both pairs...


Budget. Anyway, shoes are not my problem. Purses and wallets, that's another story. lol

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 4:57:47 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Ummm...so does every other female I've ever had a relationship with--including vanillas.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Veritasluxmea

I even ask boyfriends what dress I should wear to a certain event.


(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 5:10:30 AM   
Veritasluxmea


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm...must be inherently genetic then, eh?

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 5:11:27 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		I think it's human nature. All I mean to say is that even vanillas have a lot of the same emotions you're describing.

(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
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RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 5:26:57 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I think it's human nature. All I mean to say is that even vanillas have a lot of the same emotions you're describing.

You say that as if "vanillas" are some alien life form who walk around as emotionless zombies. I find it amusing and mean this comment as that.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 5:51:59 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Ah, I think sometimes a sub just wants someone to "dom" her decision-making. It makes us feel at home, that's all.


(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 6:00:58 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		That does sem to be a bit of a problem. It just fabric if you have a color you reall like (for me its green) just take that one if you like the color then all should be ok.

littlrone

(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
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RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 6:35:37 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

That does sem to be a bit of a problem. It just fabric if you have a color you reall like (for me its green) just take that one if you like the color then all should be ok.

littlrone

If ONLY it were that easy...

Luckily for me I guess I get a bit of a masochistic thrill out of choosing amongst clothing options. Tis a sweet agony.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 7:00:09 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
It means you have tendencies to be co-dependant. If you are the one who's made the choice it was your decision. If someone else helps you with the decision they can also share the blame if it's not done right.
If you don't like it just force yourself to make decisions based on the information in front of you and go with your gut instincts. Right or wrong it will give you self-confidence in being able to enforce your own choices.
You are entitled to your own independent opinion. I hope you can strengthen that part of you and overcome your timid nature.

Best Wishes,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Veritasluxmea)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 9:13:07 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Yeah. To me, they really are an alien life form, but I don't think they're emotionless.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

You say that as if "vanillas" are some alien life form who walk around as emotionless zombies. I find it amusing and mean this comment as that.


(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Shopping - 10/10/2005 9:25:19 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yeah. To me, they really are an alien life form, but I don't think they're emotionless.

They do get very excited when they watch golf on tv.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 20
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