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Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:34:45 AM

Subby2Train

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

Hello,
I am very new to this lifestyle so please forgive me if any of these questions/comments seem infantile. I was wondering what skills I should be working to acquire or hone that would form a solid foundation of becoming a good submissive.

I know that each Mistress is different as well as each sub, but there must be a few qualities/traits/skills that are needed by most. Especially ones that would make me more attractive for a Mistress to want to train.

I understand that it requires a lot of effort for a Mistress to train a submissive and that their time should be appreciated and not taken lightly, it is for that reason I would like to be as fully prepared as possible. I also think that some advance work done by me will also make my skills more attractive to a potential Mistress as I currently do not have one.

Thanks in advance for all of your suggestions.

A pet in need of training.

Post #: 1

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:36:55 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Don't believe everything you read on the forum boards, for a start

.

_____________________________

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 2

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:38:26 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Also don't believe everything you read on the forum boards for a finish.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 3

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:40:17 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

There realy arent any skills that could be universaly applied that make you more appealing to a Mistress in general. I have 2 boys, and they have nothing in common with one another, skills wise or service wise.
Things like chores are always nice to know, assuming you are going to be a domestic.
Gardening would be fantastic, if your would-be has a yard.
Auto repair is nice, if your intended has a car and you are alowed to work on it and have the space...

You get the point.

There are no skills that make you universally more appealing. Communication is about the only one we all agree on as necessary. AS long as you are a good communicator the others will have to wait until you have started talking to someone and find out what they want of you.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 4

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:41:35 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

And don't believe kittenSol or Dnomyar.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 5

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:47:05 AM

khem

Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I tend to look for personality traits over skills because if someone has the correct attitude, acquiring the skills is usually not an issue. Since you asked for skills though, here's what I can think of off the top of my head: pedicure/manicure, massage, wood working*, car repair, household cleaning**, sexual skills***, and maybe some high protocol serving skills.

*because I need someone to build me a St Andrews Cross

**I mean a more in depth knowledge than just doing the dishes - how to properly wash windows, handwashables, re-caulking a bathtub
***Not the every day "I'm great at sex!" bull, I mean read a bunch of books and have a long list of techniques and tricks.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 6

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:51:50 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WalterRego

And don't believe kittenSol or Dnomyar.

Oi!!!

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(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 7

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 9:01:48 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

See what we mean. Walter is trying to steer you wrong. Op each Mistress is different. Question them and find the one that fits you.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 8

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 9:05:40 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i am not a skilled housekeeper, but will cheerfully (and sometimes not so cheerfully) do chores which i am given, and in some cases see that need to be done.

Though Ma'am practices wood and leatherworking, i am not skilled in either (aside from the obvious pun about woodworking); but i will help with those things with instruction.

Ma'am likes to work on cars and such, i'm lucky to be able to pump the gas and check the oil level without a major malfunction.

i can lift heavy objects and reach high places.

i like to believe that my ability to sing and capture a crowd with my performance was one of the things that first attracted Her to me, but it could have simply been that i am tall and have long hair.

i doubt it has much to do with actual skills other than being able to handle one's own life without too many difficulties. Communication is key, and also a willingness and eagerness to learn.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 9

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 9:25:50 AM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

I know that after a hard day at work, there is nothing I want more than a nice massage. You could enroll in some massage courses to learn how to give a really great one to your Domme, or take a cooking course so you can whip up fabulous meals and desserts to please her. (Just remember the cardinal rule: no chocolate, no point.) There's even a subbie on these boards whose name I sadly forget who sews clothing for their dominant, if you want to take a few sewing classes at your local fabric store.

Of course this is just speaking from my personal taste. As has been said previously, every dominant is different -- what appeals to one may not really matter too much to another. The best thing you can do, however, is keep yourself willing to learn and please. That right there is a very attractive quality in a submissive.

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

Read my series, Taking Jessica, on http://www.akashaweb.com !

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 10

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 9:41:40 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Start out by defining who you are and what you will or won't do--to say, " i am a submissive and i want to submit"--is redundant and shallow---so define where your boundaries are, what drives you, what you hope to gain ( do not start your profile out with i, i, i, me, me, me)----then what will you or won't you do----and it isnt all about sex--hardly--will you clean toilets ( with a rag or your tongue)---will you walk the dog (or eat food like one)---are you a pain slut, or well ya dont want to be tortured---etc etc

THAT is where you need to start---after that when you find someone you mesh with, the training will occur.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 11

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 10:01:35 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Subby2Train,

I've enjoyed all the posts thus far and think they offer good advice. darchChylde's post seems particularly right on the money so I suggest you give it more than one read.

You talk about what your potential Mistress wants. Likewise, you speak of all the time it takes to train a submissive. I think your headspace and approach are coming from a well-intended, but understandably misguided place. In my experience, it takes a Mistress no more or less effort than it takes a submissive to contribute to a relationship. The pairing of Mistress and submissive is an equal, mutually rewarding dance where partners actively work reciprocally towards the same goals. Now it's true that in BDSM relationships you and your partner may well not be equal in role and responsibilities. In other words, you are both likely to have differing roles and responsibilities to one another. However, you *are* equal in intent, passion, commitment, honesty, trust, effort, etc. Keep in mind, please, that I'm speaking of personal relationships here, not professional engagements.

Instead of being solely focused on what your partner wants, consider what *you* want. Become a well balanced, self-aware, world-aware person who has his own interests, job, hobbies, and sense of humour. An ability to show empathy and compassion, and to compromise are always desirable skills. Equally desirable are effective, courteous communication skills (speaking and writing). Take care of your body, exercise, and dress in a style that you're comfortable with and that suits you. In short, it is my opinion and experience that *people* (not just Mistresses) are attracted to intelligent, well put together, well rounded people. As a male submissive on the flip side of the equation, I can vouch for the fact that this is what catches my attention and not any specific BDSM skills and/or kinks. For me, the BDSM stuff is secondary to, albeit intrinsically interwoven with, the other aspects of a woman's personality that I find attractive.

Edited to add...

I just read your profile. There is nothing inherently wrong with your honesty, however, because you don't say a lot about your vanilla interests, the sexual stuff stands out as a blemish. I'm talking about this:

"I love to please and have done so with my last mistress, I preformed oral sex and mistress controlled my cum. I was only allowed to cum when she approved. I am bi-curious and have only had a couple of encounters to date. I do enjoy ass play and I have beem told that i have a talented tounge."

Some of this may be of interest to a potential Domina, but as the first and only glimpse of you, were I the intended reader, I'd find it a turn-off. So, if I may suggest, respectfully, tone this down a bit and add some more about yourself - your hobbies, travel / places you've been... things like this that give the reader an idea of who you are as a person. Spelling and grammar also count. There are a few run-on sentences and spelling mistakes in your profile. Try to keep your sentences focused and succinct (with correct punctuation) and by all means, run your final draft through a spell checker before posting it.

Good luck, :-)

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 4/16/2008 11:03:54 AM >

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 12

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 10:05:34 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

quote:

Pyrrsefanie:
...or take a cooking course so you can whip up fabulous meals and desserts to please her. (Just remember the cardinal rule: no chocolate, no point.)

Silly me. I missed the obvious. :-)

Elan.

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 13

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 11:14:32 AM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

Subby2Train,

Argh! The bulletin board won't let me correct an omission. I meant to make the following correction / addendum:

"I just read your profile. There is nothing inherently wrong with your honesty (it is commendable), however, because you don't say a lot about your vanilla interests, the sexual stuff stands out as a blemish."

One again, welcome to the forums and good luck in finding the partner you're searching for,

Elan.

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 14

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 11:40:02 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

My advice is to refine something you do well now, get training in something you have an interest in, and then learn to do something you don't particularly like but know are useful skills to have.

Here's an example from Fox:

He was good with computers but he invested more time in learning web design so he could design my site.

He wanted to learn more about cooking so he asked his mom for recipes and asked me if he could help me more -- if you don't have those resources, take classes to do a similar thing.

He wasn't that interested in massage but knew that it could be very useful and desired so he took a college course and also went to my massage therapist a few times to watch what she did and ask questions.

That's one boy's 3 skills that he worked on early in our relationship. Before the relationship he invested time in learning everything he could about BDSM both by reading and by participation in groups and by taking classes about women and human sexuality.

I had another boy who took belly dance lessons so he could learn to be more graceful and could dance for my amusement -- he had to work to even get into that class because the teacher assumed he was looking for chicks but he became one of their best students/dancers.

I could go on and on making suggestions but I think if you consider what you can improve on, what you want to learn and some mundane skill you can acquire you'll not only be more attractive to dominant women but vanilla women and, heck, just plain more useful to yourself as well.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 15

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 12:31:02 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I am not a domme, but my first suggestion would be to know yourself and what you are seeking before you go trying to gain specific skills that might attract a domme. Now some skills are just good to have, no matter what, like cooking for instance.

Are you interested in submitting to the authority of a domme? If so, are you thinking bedroom only or beyond that? S&M activities included or no?

Are you interested in serving? Meaning being in service to your domme doing things that she wants and needs - stuff to make her life easier, etc...

S&M activities only? Meaning are you only interested in bottoming to her?

You need to be honest with yourself and her about who you are and what you seek. Once you know yourself, then I would think you could go from there in learning the general kinds of skills that might attract a domme, and look for one who is seeking someone like you.

And truthfully, a lot of 'skills' are just good things to know how to do, no matter what kind of relationship you're in. Many of them will likely enhance your own life, with or without a domme in it.

Good luck.

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 16

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 1:25:25 PM

MamaDomme1

Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subby2Train

Hello,
I am very new to this lifestyle so please forgive me if any of these questions/comments seem infantile. I was wondering what skills I should be working to acquire or hone that would form a solid foundation of becoming a good submissive.

I know that each Mistress is different as well as each sub, but there must be a few qualities/traits/skills that are needed by most. Especially ones that would make me more attractive for a Mistress to want to train.

I understand that it requires a lot of effort for a Mistress to train a submissive and that their time should be appreciated and not taken lightly, it is for that reason I would like to be as fully prepared as possible. I also think that some advance work done by me will also make my skills more attractive to a potential Mistress as I currently do not have one.

Thanks in advance for all of your suggestions.

A pet in need of training.

I didn't care too much for your profile-- it is concerned with your wants and desires rather than giving insight as to who you are as a person. Work on that and it will help you in your quest.

As to skills I look for in a submissive/slave: one that concerns himself with making my life easier and enjoyable. Pedi/manicures are important, as are massages. Hairstyling skills are a huge bonus; leg waxing/shaving/etc; heavy computer skills; chauffer skills; woodworking; leathercrafting; sewing in general; ironing; some construction skills (I like things built); mechanic duties; editing written works; shopping; general housekeeping skills; gardening skills...........

I could list many more things but those are just good starting points.

Good luck in your search~~

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 17

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 1:31:21 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

What skill set do you already have? Start by thinking along the lines of a household servant, personal assistant and personal chef/trainer. Check out local community college classes to learn new skills, some of what you seek will be credit classes and others non credit, so no grades.

My boys commonly assist with household cleaning and repairs, cooking, laundry, computer and electronic work, mechanical work, long distance driving and massage.

(format edit)

< Message edited by Vendaval -- 4/16/2008 1:34:34 PM >

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Subby2Train)

Post #: 18

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/16/2008 8:07:23 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

my pet is a great companion, not just a sub. he's fun to snowboard with, he takes me out to dinner, he cooks, keeps me entertained at work with text messages, gives me regular massages (this is the crowning jewel in any sub's repetoire, if you ask me), is good to shop with, and is a geniunely good conversationalist. it also helps (for me, as a switch) that i can turn him loose and he's comfortable topping sometimes, too.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 19

RE: Attractive Skills - 4/17/2008 6:53:24 AM

Subby2Train

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

Hello everyone,
First let me thank everyone for the very helpful comments. I especially appreciated the feed back from Elan and MamaDomme1 about my profile, I will be changing it this weekend to reflect more about me as a person. I must also thank Pyrrsefanie and the others that offered me some ideas on improving skill sets that I already have.
I am very excited of the feedback I have received, most everyone’s post was very insightful. I was scared to post my question because of my lack of experience and knowledge but I want to thank everyone for the positive experience of my first post on CollarMe and for the constructive advice. I am sure that as I learn more I will have many more questions, thanks again. A pet in need of training.

(in reply to midgetmafiosa)

Post #: 20

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