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From Seph aka Reb. - 4/17/2008 6:32:57 PM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

I guess this is the best place to do this then.

First off, let me try to introduce myself so this question will make sense. I'm 25, female, and up until a year ago would have called myself sub with no desire to Domme whatsoever.

Now I find myself with a girl who I adore with all my heart, and who just plain simply is sub enough that I find myself taking on the Domme role because it feels right. However, I find myself with very little experience on this side of things, and she is new to the scene in general (with the exception of online play with people before). So I'm trying to find my feet, learn more about this side of the scene so I can play safe and happy, and maybe pick up some neat ideas at the same time.

Anyone have any suggestions, advice, or anything at all that can help me start out on this journey? Or how to make sure I get the best from the both of us. We both want to learn naturally.

All posts recieved with utmost gratitude. Thanks in advance.

Seph aka Reb.

Post #: 1

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/17/2008 6:41:39 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Any advice would depends greatly on what sorts of things you are interested in. We dont have nearly enough information about your interests, or hers, to advise you on anything. Are you a sadist? Is she a masochist? Is she domestic? Do you enjoy bondage? Humiliation? Objectification?
What we can suggest and what might be useful depends on what you want from the relationship and what you have an interest in trying and doing. Think about what you want to explore, and then ask for ideas on that. ASking something this open ended and you wil get truckloads of information, maybe a handful of it semi-relavent.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SephandElena)

Post #: 2

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/17/2008 6:48:44 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Take a look at the books in my signature, keeping in mind they're the short list. Get out into your local community and go to demos, munches and parties. Travel to larger, national events as well. And, in general, work to make yourself a better person...because that will make you a better sub or Domme, whichever role you decide.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SephandElena)

Post #: 3

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/17/2008 6:49:29 PM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

Right now at this precise moment, I would say we are keeping an open mind to most things. I know that I personally do not enjoy much pain. She enjoys more than I do, although I'm still working up the nerve to try and see just how much she enjoys. (I'm somewhat of a softy).

Thankfully we both seem to have the same sort of limits thus far, although are still working somethings out rather slowly.

Basically, right now, reading and research is a lot of what we are doing, so a truckload of information is useful. (Also a good way of keeping her occupied when I'm doing something else *grinz*)

We both enjoy bondage, and she knows more knots than I do, although I am learning more and more each day. (Practice makes perfect right?).

I must admit, I can't see her being too much into humiliation, I should probably have thought of vetoing that in my original post, so thank you. She has some interest in objectification, and much curiosity about so many things, which to be honest, I have no experience in just yet. So again, all information about just about anything is useful and receieved gratefully.

Sincerely.

Reb.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 4

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/17/2008 6:57:33 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

You've got mail
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SephandElena)

Post #: 5

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/17/2008 7:02:49 PM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Take a look at the books in my signature, keeping in mind they're the short list. Get out into your local community and go to demos, munches and parties. Travel to larger, national events as well. And, in general, work to make yourself a better person...because that will make you a better sub or Domme, whichever role you decide.

Master Fire

Will check the books out when I have more money to buy books. As to munches and events, we plan to attend those when we both go to the UK. Currently, research online is our only option until the end of the month.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 4:05:26 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

Until you do have the money for books (and I do recommend the lists that Master Fire Ma'am referred, they are both excellent), The Frugal Domme has some good "101" and "how to" articles and lists on her website. Google her name and check them out.

Best of luck to you!

(in reply to SephandElena)

Post #: 7

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 5:26:56 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Hi ladies. hugs. There is a ton of information on line. There are a lot of Dommes in your area that will help you.

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 8

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 5:32:52 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Look for the older book "The Sexually Dominant Woman" by Lady Green though a newer version may be under the name Janet Hardy.

While it is a het book I think it asks a lot of questions you might find to be a good starting point.

I also recommend John Warren's "The Loving Dominant" written from a slightly male dom/femsub bent but still very good questions to ask yourself and think about.

Just remember that you have your entire life for this journey. Take time to learn skills when you desire them, practice them and slowly expand when you feel ready. Few things are more a dom killer than moving faster and in directions that you don't really want to go. In my opinion, solid dominants start from themselves and their interests/desires first because the motivation remains strong regardless of the other person or even if a relationship should end.

Of course everyone should know that you may find a munch or SM organization and if you can join it. It's a great way to expand your support system and while it may seem "untoppish" doms do need support from their peers and a place to talk about things and resources to learn from. I would never have become what I am today without those early years of supports and mentors -- in fact, I'd go so far as to say that one reason we/I can be without a meatlife community now is because I had that solid support system that helped me find and claim my true nature in a consensual, safety aware, and positively driven way.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SephandElena)

Post #: 9

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 8:14:27 AM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

Thanks! Will look those up later on today!

Reb

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 10

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 8:15:43 AM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

Hi! *hugs*

Yup! I'm sure there are! We'll most likely find quite a few once we are able to attend munches and the like within North Yorkshire area. We're just doing our research now as well *grins*

Figured best place to ask was in a forum designed for asking, and with people around who seem to know what they are talking about:)

Reb

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 11

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 8:19:24 AM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Look for the older book "The Sexually Dominant Woman" by Lady Green though a newer version may be under the name Janet Hardy.

While it is a het book I think it asks a lot of questions you might find to be a good starting point.

I also recommend John Warren's "The Loving Dominant" written from a slightly male dom/femsub bent but still very good questions to ask yourself and think about.

Just remember that you have your entire life for this journey. Take time to learn skills when you desire them, practice them and slowly expand when you feel ready. Few things are more a dom killer than moving faster and in directions that you don't really want to go. In my opinion, solid dominants start from themselves and their interests/desires first because the motivation remains strong regardless of the other person or even if a relationship should end.

Of course everyone should know that you may find a munch or SM organization and if you can join it. It's a great way to expand your support system and while it may seem "untoppish" doms do need support from their peers and a place to talk about things and resources to learn from. I would never have become what I am today without those early years of supports and mentors -- in fact, I'd go so far as to say that one reason we/I can be without a meatlife community now is because I had that solid support system that helped me find and claim my true nature in a consensual, safety aware, and positively driven way.

Cool! Will look them up as soon as we can get some spending money together as well then:) We will certainly be going to munches and events and the like once we are in the UK. The part of America that we happen to be in currently doesn't really cater for the Scene that we can find. (I'm sure there is one, we just can't find it, and are not really here long enough now to worry about it too much), I wouldn't know about it seeming untoppish, I prefer to get all the help I can get. Not just so I can learn new things, but so that I can continue to ask about old things to ensure that I'm actually going about it safely, and of course to help top up old techniques to make them better;)

Reb.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 12

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 8:43:17 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Hi ladies. hugs. There is a ton of information on line. There are a lot of Dommes in your area that will help you.

ohhh sounds like someone needs a "trainer"----

<ok ok I had to>---

Welcome to the boards and the site Ladies!

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 13

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/18/2008 8:59:53 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

You've got mail.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to SephandElena)

Post #: 14

RE: From Seph aka Reb. - 4/19/2008 6:13:01 AM

SephandElena

Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MladyHathor

ohhh sounds like someone needs a "trainer"----

<ok ok I had to>---

Welcome to the boards and the site Ladies!

Wouldn't a pair of trainers be more convenient?

(sorry... so did I...)

thanks:)

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 15

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