Submission related to orgasm

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Submission related to orgasm

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Submission related to orgasm

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Submission related to orgasm - 10/10/2005 12:02:09 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I have heard many people complain that some submissives aren't submissive after they cum ... that they are only submissive until they get what they want. Personally, we have never had this problem.

However, with our new boy, he gets less submissive as he gets aroused. I mentioned on LA's thread about teasing out masculinity how he opens doors for me, pulls my chair out, he's a total neat freak so he keeps the house pretty clean, he does the laundry, he dresses/undresses me as I request, etc. But if he's horny ... all that submission goes out the window and I have had to slap him away. Not always, but more than 3/4 of the time, I'd say. He grinds up against me, tries to play with me and get me off (mostly in the hopes that I'll let him get off), etc. And "no" doesn't seem to sink in until after I've said it a few times. Then he begs and whines, which is quite unattractive. I've talked to him about it before, but I'm thinking we need to have another talk about it, as it is still happening. *sigh*

So basically, am I alone is this one or have other people had issues like this too?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Submission related to orgasm - 10/10/2005 12:34:22 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Ewwww!! It sounds like you're with a half-man half-adolescent dog.

My first question is where did he learn that it was ok to act like that with ANYONE? Even vanilla adults should know better, let along with a dominant authority figure they have committed to obeying. The key to any behavior modification is understanding where the first behavior comes from, is he seeking approval through sex? Has he always had to beg in the past?

I'm amazed that you've had as much patience as you have!

I suggest a cock ring/trap, prolonged chastity, lots of discussions and an absolute no tolerance policy. If you say no (the FIRST time), he can either go in the bathroom and get himself off there, or just lay and be quiet. If he can't do either, then he goes on the floor for the night. Period.

Gotta break the habit and then reform new ones.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Submission related to orgasm - 10/10/2005 3:14:42 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Talk about disobedient and totally unaceptable behavior.
I had this issue, on a much lesser basis, mainly the whining and complaining, only once. I think you are very generous in describing it as "unattractive". *S*
I also had this issue with My vanilla ex! I don't know about everybody else, but I don't find this type of behavior, at anytime, to be cute and endearing. Maybe if I was in a playful mood, and the time was appropriate. But then I expect those signals to be read.
Otherwise, in at least 90% of the cases, it was inappropriate and made Me feel like some sort of sex machine. A convenient vessel for the seed, so to speak.
Well, SweetDommes, this is why I do use a contract and I only deal wth "slaves". If they read it, and then they sign it, it has a tendency to sink in a little better. I can't answer for how the submissive relationship works because I won't deal with it.
I am not sure if you have mentioned in the past that you don't like chastity devices, but I use them. And they are quite effective. I would have that boy in a device so fast it would make his head spin and his cock despair. I wish you could give you some good advice, but you aren't really asking for any. Just if others have had this problem. I can only tell you how I avoid it as much as possible.
Good luck with "the talk" and please keep us posted!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 10/10/2005 3:15:20 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Submission related to orgasm - 10/10/2005 11:28:53 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

Hmm... yeah. We talked about it again. About the only thing saving him at this point is that I really do care about him, and in general, he is coping quite well with being a monogamous person in a relationship with a poly ...

We discussed that it's not appropriate, and that it's only going to get him into trouble if he continues, which means he goes even longer without sex (we still haven't actually consumated the relationship ... just for the record). He's promised to be better, and says that he understands the consequences if he isn't. I hope it works.

Oh, and advice is welcome, as long as it's not delivered with a "god you are so fucking stupid" attitude ... which I don't think I've ever seen out of you Dusty (although I suppose anything is possible

)

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Submission related to orgasm - 10/11/2005 9:13:07 AM

Shadowsdream

Posts: 35
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline

Hello SweetDommes nice to see you again ~~smile~~
I agree with the wonderful words of GoddessDustyGold on this one.
I would suspect if I were in your position there would be one sub squealing trying to get to his knees with some very painful balls in My steel grip. I would find the behaviour very disrespectful no matter how long I had owned the man and 100% unacceptable with someone very new to My ways and household.
Generally this behaviour can be difficult to next to impossible to break with talk...and to have to do the "talk" more than twice (if it is only a no you cannot act this way) he may begin to think he can manipulate what appears to be a primary sexual behaviour of controlling through disrespect. Although his motives may be deeper than just getting off. Have you had long conversations with him about chastity, denial or edge training to see if in fact these are even bigger turn ons to him than sexual fulfillment on his whim?
My newest collared sub is a horn dog and on first glance one might assume his only interest other than serving was to get his rocks off 24/7. But upon a deeper interrogation it became crystal clear even though his body craves the orgasm like the slut he is his mind craves the chastity, denial and edge training even more. Once chastity became a normal part of his life his behaviour improved immensely and he was worth owning. Yes he is still a horn dog but one that knows the limits and respect.
Some subs can also get confused with the girlfriend/Mistress mentality which can be an issue of their own sometimes or encouraged by the Mistress at other times.

< Message edited by Shadowsdream -- 10/11/2005 9:14:45 AM >

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Submission related to orgasm - 10/11/2005 11:59:02 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

The various conversations have included the fact that he must ask (and recieve) permission before anything can happen, and because Holly is in ultimate control, she is the one that he has to ask - not me. That part is a bit difficult for him, because he is monogamous, and obviously, I'm not. We have also discussed the orgasm denial and control aspects and what we expect of him in those respects.

I'm about to start showing him the chastity devices that we've looked at in the past if he starts up again, but last night and today he's been better, we'll see if the trend continues (since we can't afford any of them yet the threat isn't very real at this point - another couple of months when he has his car paid off and we have that extra $270/month ... then I can tell him that he has to get one). We've also discussed that if he can't handle sleeping in the bed with us, then he gets to sleep at the opposite end of the house by himself, which seems to be a worse punnishment than a chastity belt would be for him. We'll just have to wait and see how things go for the rest of this week and on into the future.

(in reply to Shadowsdream)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Submission related to orgasm - 10/11/2005 12:57:57 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

I have no experience with submissives, but men in general tend to act like that. When you say "no" they hear it as "yes if you are persistant enough".
I found it helpful to apply sort of "cold shower" tehnique. Some nasty personal remark or talking about totally nonsexual stuff or even ignoring his atempts..... things like that.
It works nicely and I heard more than couple of times that I am "men castrating bitch". I take it as a compliment.

< Message edited by Kasia -- 10/11/2005 12:58:50 PM >

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Submission related to orgasm - 10/11/2005 1:13:14 PM

Shadowsdream

Posts: 35
Joined: 9/2/2004
Status: offline

I have found using more inexpensive toys can also ensure a male sub wants to avoid getting an erection at all costs. One of My subs makes some of My crueler toys...very effective and a good first step when finances are an issue. http://www.mistressmarlene.com/main/toybag/cbt2/
perhaps you know someone that has the capability of making items like these?
I also use a simpler looking version called the enslavement ring that is solid and has nasty little teeth that get instant attention. Stroking his cock once it is surrounded by this control will soon have him begging you to stop. A bit of reverse psychology for the sub that thinks of nothing but his hard cock and orgasms.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Profile

Post #: 8