RE: being afraid =(

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: being afraid =(

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: being afraid =(

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 8:02:40 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

i have alot of masters/doms in my area that are interested in me but its my first time going out or even talking to any of them is it normal to be so frikkin scared, i dont plan on meeting any of the anytime soon until i know them but the fact that there minutes away form me kinda scares me b/c im afraid they'll see me at the store or something... is this normal or am i completly paranoid =/

Well it seems you have some really good advice, so I won't offer any more. I just wanted to share a quick story with you. While I was out one day with my pup, paying bills, a submissive from this site saw us. He didn't approach us at that time. He wrote me an email telling me that he saw us and felt uncomfortable just approaching us out of the blue. But he wanted us to know that he did see us. I think this is a good example of someone showing discretion. If a Dominant approaches you at the store, park, theater or any public place, I would actually find it rude. It would be better for him to send you an email explaining that he had seen you and would be interested in meeting you. IMO, this would be the best way for either side of the slash to act when they see someone they know from CM out in public.

quote:

dude i have a video intro which shows my face =/

I think your choice of words to this Dominant could have been better. Calling a dominant "Dude" to me, is completely rude, even if he isn't YOUR dominant, it does show a bit of disrespect. No, you do not know him, nor should you automatically give him respect, not earned. However, it is just good old fashion courtesy to address someone by their name. Just my advice. Take it or leave it <s>

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 21

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 8:03:45 AM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

All the choices in this lifestyle are about consent. It does not matter what the setting is. If you see someone at the grocery store and don't want to be "involved " with them then say hi and keep walking. No dom can make you do anything until you choose. I do feel compelled to ask that if you are so afraid of encounters in real time why did you post a video intro with your face. What are you really looking for?

Constrictor1

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 22

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 9:51:43 AM

roomtorent

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/17/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

Are you scared of "them" and what you think a Dom might do to you, or are you scared of what you want them TO do to you. As in you have a fantasy and have found that it could become real and the excitement of that causes you fear ?
If you are scared of a person then listen to your inner self and do not go there, Only go when you are comfortable and feel safe. (do not go toward the darkside even if they offer you cookies).Your comfort level tho may need a push from someone to help you must be listened to and trust will help.

_____________________________

Phil and lilpony

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 23

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 9:59:14 AM

TJsCheekypet

Posts: 109
Joined: 4/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

i have alot of masters/doms in my area that are interested in me but its my first time going out or even talking to any of them is it normal to be so frikkin scared, i dont plan on meeting any of the anytime soon until i know them but the fact that there minutes away form me kinda scares me b/c im afraid they'll see me at the store or something... is this normal or am i completly paranoid =/

im kinda puzzled here, why are you scared of them seeing you in public anyway? just cos a Dom is a Dom doesnt mean He is going to instantly become a stalker, or worse.... i really dont understand why you are afraid, i dont mean any disrespect but surely you must realize that if you are gonna have a pic on here when you 'know' there are Doms in your area that at some point you will be seen & recognized and holy cow, one may even say 'hello'
Leave you profile blank & take off any pics that you may have there, then you wont be so scared maybe. bless, i really am not trying to be mean but crap, i just dont get it....

< Message edited by TJsCheekypet -- 4/19/2008 10:03:06 AM >

_____________________________

my words are just my two cents, my opinions. Not words to live by & not set in stone.

previously known as 'blissy'/now Sir T.J's pet

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 24

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 10:21:19 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

you're paranoid.

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 25

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 11:13:54 AM

mssinnocent

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline

lol ok just to clarify
im scared/nervous of meeting them without being ready, i have myself up here b/c i want to slowly ease into the lifrstyle but if i see one im afraid ill just be thrust into it and in effect not want it. i want someone to see me and i want realtime i just dont want it till im completly ready with myself.
and to all the ppl totally barking at me JEEBUS calm down. im not 4 years old im just NERVOUS.
UGH!

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 26

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 11:16:52 AM

mssinnocent

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I think your choice of words to this Dominant could have been better. Calling a dominant "Dude" to me, is completely rude, even if he isn't YOUR dominant, it does show a bit of disrespect. No, you do not know him, nor should you automatically give him respect, not earned. However, it is just good old fashion courtesy to address someone by their name. Just my advice. Take it or leave it <s>

MoGa

i know what ur saying but i cannot give ppl anyform of respect i call everyone dude duddet buddeh until i know them its not disrespect its just my age =/

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 27

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 12:02:58 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

"Toodles"?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 28

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 12:35:53 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The answer is- don't agree to do anything until you're secure in yourself that it's right for you.

The question then becomes- do you trust yourself enough to know when that is on a reasonable and regular basis?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 29

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 2:01:45 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

quote:

I think your choice of words to this Dominant could have been better. Calling a dominant "Dude" to me, is completely rude, even if he isn't YOUR dominant, it does show a bit of disrespect. No, you do not know him, nor should you automatically give him respect, not earned. However, it is just good old fashion courtesy to address someone by their name. Just my advice. Take it or leave it <s>

MoGa

i know what ur saying but i cannot give ppl anyform of respect i call everyone dude duddet buddeh until i know them its not disrespect its just my age =/

lol I understand. I am as old as dirt and maybe is shows sometimes <s> My pup is 21 and I have never heard him call anyone "dude". Oh to be your age again! lol!

One question though..why can't you give anyone any form of respect?

MoGa

_____________________________

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 30

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 2:06:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
Calling a dominant "Dude" to me, is completely rude, even if he isn't YOUR dominant, it does show a bit of disrespect. No, you do not know him, nor should you automatically give him respect, not earned. However, it is just good old fashion courtesy to address someone by their name. Just my advice. Take it or leave it <s>

MoGa

Oops, I use dude and chica in my everyday lexicon all the time. I use it to refer to everyone, including myself. So far I've never seen any negative consequences.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 31

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 2:29:27 PM

mssinnocent

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline

well respect to me is something that is COMPLETLY earned, my respect that i give to others is fully once i feel u should have it. If i dont know u i have 0 obligations towards u, now of course that doesnt mean im going to be rude or bias to u it just means that me talking to u is on my terms until i know u and feel the need to respect u

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 32

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 2:53:09 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

well respect to me is something that is COMPLETLY earned, my respect that i give to others is fully once i feel u should have it. If i dont know u i have 0 obligations towards u, now of course that doesnt mean im going to be rude or bias to u it just means that me talking to u is on my terms until i know u and feel the need to respect u

Well rudeness is subjective isnt it? I think the idea that respect is totally earned is silly, does that mean that you disrespect everyone until they proove themselves worth your respect? What about courtasy (which I consider respect as a human being)

I personally would find certain terms a bit annoying, people who call me babe for example when they dont know me well fine if thats what they want to call me thats great, I shant talk to them though.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 33

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 3:31:12 PM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

well respect to me is something that is COMPLETLY earned, my respect that i give to others is fully once i feel u should have it. If i dont know u i have 0 obligations towards u, now of course that doesnt mean im going to be rude or bias to u it just means that me talking to u is on my terms until i know u and feel the need to respect u

YET, in your own bio you ask for respect from others(strangers) in the way they address you....not wanting to be called slut, cunt..etc.
>>>If you want to be treated with respect, act respectful.<<
was something I've drilled into my kids heads..I have a 21 yrold dtr and 28yr old son .

I'm with MoG on the "dude" thing.. it rankles me..

You are 18, a little fear and caution is a good thing, imo.

I will say your bio is confusing and differs from the way you present yourself in this thread you started.
You have a possible relationship? > in the bio
You have no experience and want to begin meeting others? >stated in this thread.
??

another mixed message I see that glares out at me is your picture. It is lovely. It also,imo, does not match up with the statement you make here > "i have myself up here b/c i want to slowly ease into the lifrstyle but if i see one im afraid ill just be thrust into it and in effect not want it. i want someone to see me and i want realtime i just dont want it till im completly ready with myself. "

imo your picture says you are confident in what you have and who you are and in what you want. Not that there is anything wrong with that, no : ) but your comments on this thread say you want to go slow and are unsure of yourself.

Which message do you want to convey?

Trust your instincts...if you feel like going slow or backing off..or caution about something, listen to your gut.

Be Safe
Cyndi

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 34

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 4:33:41 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Relax. Remember, this is sposed to be fun.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to TysGalilah)

Post #: 35

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 4:55:59 PM

mssinnocent

Posts: 17
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

quote:

ORIGINAL: mssinnocent

well respect to me is something that is COMPLETLY earned, my respect that i give to others is fully once i feel u should have it. If i dont know u i have 0 obligations towards u, now of course that doesnt mean im going to be rude or bias to u it just means that me talking to u is on my terms until i know u and feel the need to respect u

YET, in your own bio you ask for respect from others(strangers) in the way they address you....not wanting to be called slut, cunt..etc.
>>>If you want to be treated with respect, act respectful.<<
was something I've drilled into my kids heads..I have a 21 yrold dtr and 28yr old son .

I'm with MoG on the "dude" thing.. it rankles me..

You are 18, a little fear and caution is a good thing, imo.

I will say your bio is confusing and differs from the way you present yourself in this thread you started.
You have a possible relationship? > in the bio
You have no experience and want to begin meeting others? >stated in this thread.
??

another mixed message I see that glares out at me is your picture. It is lovely. It also,imo, does not match up with the statement you make here > "i have myself up here b/c i want to slowly ease into the lifrstyle but if i see one im afraid ill just be thrust into it and in effect not want it. i want someone to see me and i want realtime i just dont want it till im completly ready with myself. "

imo your picture says you are confident in what you have and who you are and in what you want. Not that there is anything wrong with that, no : ) but your comments on this thread say you want to go slow and are unsure of yourself.

Which message do you want to convey?

Trust your instincts...if you feel like going slow or backing off..or caution about something, listen to your gut.

Be Safe
Cyndi

that is exactly my point i AM confused and i AM trying to figure out myself the reason i have no respect for ppl is b/c they havent been showing me any. I did have it earlier on when i started this whole journey but being called a whore/ slut / etc. just ticked me off and i couldnt help but loose it completly for everyone b/c i assumed everyone thought the same since so many ppl were referring to me like that. I know im giving out mixed signals but im still trying to get the same point across which is that im nervous about meeting someone b4 im ready. I want to do this if i didnt i wouldnt be here talking in this thread im just nervous of all the counsiquences...

(in reply to TysGalilah)

Post #: 36

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 5:24:59 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

Being nervous is fine... being paranoid will just isolate you.
Being annoyed with someone who has been rude to you is fine. Being disrespectful towards everyone isn't, it'll just get you treated with more disrespect until eventually that will be pretty much all you ever get.
Being new is fine. It won't last and we were all there once.
Being confused is fine. Staying confused isn't. If you aren't sure about what you want then make a priority of sorting it out.
Spend some time thinking about what you really want... vs just what sounds like fun. Lots of things may be fun, but that doesn't mean they're important. Figure out what things are important to you. For some its the play itself, they just want to be tied up and flogged, or they want rough kinky sex. That's alright. Some want power exchange, they want to be dominated, they want to be controlled. That's alright. Some want to escape, find a place where they feel they fit, where they can succeed. That's alright. Be honest with yourself about what you want... cause that's alright.

Yeah, you're sending out mixed signals. So here's the good and bad news. Bad news is its confusing as hell for you and those you connect with, some people are going to get annoyed with that... some will have a right to be, some won't. Some of the people you meet are worth knowing, some of them won't be, and it'll take you a bit to figure out which is which. You'll probably alienate some good people, and probably make some wrong choices... it happens. The good news is it won't last and the fact you're already intent on going slow and learning more about what and who you want put you ahead of most "newbies" who cruise through here... give yourself a pat on the back for that.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 37

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 5:32:50 PM

DDraigeuraid

Posts: 321
Joined: 4/3/2008
Status: offline

Being nervous is normal. The old fight or flight thing. Others have said, trust your instincts, but sometimes the instincts do not kick in until it is too late. I noticed that you joined CM a few days ago. That is a great start. Stick around and read the forums, ask questions, laugh with us. Some of the stuff is really pretty funny. There is also a wealth of information. There are few new questions, but lots of new people who ask them. Yes, you may hear things you do not like. Some things that do not pertain to you. Some that will have you slapping your forehead saying YES, that's it.

And a simple aside, to me, using terms like ppl, u, etc indicates that you are too rushed to type out the whole word. Are you also too rushed to find what this lifestyle is about because you have an itch in your crotch? Slow down and learn. If you rush into something to releive that itch, it can get you into serious danger. Not everyone in this lifestyle is dangerous, just a tiny minority. But that minority is looking for victims, they are predators on the hunt.

Be well, and stay well.
Dragon

_____________________________

Meddle Not in the Affairs of Dragons
For you are Crunchy, and taste good Flame Broiled

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 38

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 8:20:35 PM

Constrictor1

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline

Sorry to be the butthead here but I feel a visit from the drama llama on this one.

Constrictor1

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 39

RE: being afraid =( - 4/19/2008 8:39:12 PM

Exquemelin

Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline

My sub accidently posted as me, sorry.

_____________________________

testing
The Hammer is my penis.

(in reply to mssinnocent)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: being afraid =(

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078