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RE: Disownment? - 4/19/2008 5:13:32 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
But it wasn't a courtship process - strictly friendship and she disowned him as a friend. He has clarified that many times already in this thread.

That wasn't how he stated the OP and quite honestly, the "just friends" he was talking about in later posts didn't sound all that much like"strictly friends" to me. It sounded like a courtship with occasional service in which one or both parties was not able to be honest with themselves or the other about what was really happening until the "deal-breaker" came up.

Regardless...I think this woman would not be the first woman in history who failed to realize she had deeper feelings for a man until she was about to lose him. The upshot is, the OP asked if any dominant present would bail out on a submissive she was considering if he did "something drastic". My answer is "yes". Looking at the thread, I'm not the only one...

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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
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(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 21

RE: Disownment? - 4/19/2008 5:30:07 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear blackpearl81, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I must say personally, that I could never 'disown' someone who wishes to serve in the military. The sacrifices made as a military soldier be it , Army, Marine, Air Force, Coast Guard and or Naval; far exceeds the sacrifices made to one such as I. I think I would be terrified for you as a dear one however, I would faithfully support any who wishes to serve in the military. To me, that is 'love' that no price can be affixed to it.

I would be personally honored if a lad or lass of mine requested to serve in the military--as, they are heros for even wanting to do so from their heart--not by draft or force.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 22

RE: Disownment? - 4/19/2008 5:36:48 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
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From what you have stated here, blackpearl, my thoughts are that she is very afraid of you being killed or injured but expressed that fear poorly.

I would not cut off contact with someone who volunteered for military duty, but pursuing a deeper type of relationship would be on hold until they returned home.

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(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 23

RE: Disownment? - 4/19/2008 5:42:50 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes
But it wasn't a courtship process - strictly friendship and she disowned him as a friend. He has clarified that many times already in this thread.

That wasn't how he stated the OP and quite honestly, the "just friends" he was talking about in later posts didn't sound all that much like"strictly friends" to me. It sounded like a courtship with occasional service in which one or both parties was not able to be honest with themselves or the other about what was really happening until the "deal-breaker" came up.

Regardless...I think this woman would not be the first woman in history who failed to realize she had deeper feelings for a man until she was about to lose him. The upshot is, the OP asked if any dominant present would bail out on a submissive she was considering if he did "something drastic". My answer is "yes". Looking at the thread, I'm not the only one...

@ ShaktiSama

Well..if she needed help around the house, and it wasn't something she could handle herself (ie electronics), and I was visiting her, I'd try and take care of it while I visiting.

She already has a bf/sub, and I'm not really into the whole "polyamory" (no clue if I spelled that correctly) lifestyle, so a romantic/BDSM relationship was pretty much out of the question.

To be honest, I didn't know offering to help someone of the opposite sex get somethin fixed, was considered a service. (I'm being honest, forgive me if my previous statement comes of as "smart alecky")

I thought it was just me being friendly. TBH, I thought it would only be considered a "service" if it was a collared sub doing it. I thought there would be a difference.

I guess i'm trying to figure out why everyone is thinkin I was under "consideration", and her choice to dissolve our friendship was made from a strictly Domme/sub viewpoint.

I don't believe that was ever the case, (Her and I being in a state of "consideration) especially because she already has a bf/sub..

I just wanted to clear a few things up, thats all.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 24

RE: Disownment? - 4/19/2008 7:44:31 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81
I guess i'm trying to figure out why everyone is thinkin I was under "consideration", and her choice to dissolve our friendship was made from a strictly Domme/sub viewpoint.

I don't believe that was ever the case, (Her and I being in a state of "consideration) especially because she already has a bf/sub..

The fact that she "already had someone" may have meant that YOU weren't considering the relationship seriously or developing real feelings, but it doesn't mean that she wasn't.

Also, you've already admitted that you occasionally spoke or behaved as if she was your domme. And if you're wondering why we answered the question from a Domme perspective, and treated the situation as if you were under consideration, it's probably because in your OP you phrased it this way:

quote:

Would any Dominants here (of either sex) disown someone they were "considering" (no idea in what aspect, tbh... fucktoy, FWB, or just general companionship or whatever) if they decided to do something drastic - lets say join the military ?

That and the fact that the thread title is called "Disownment"--which implies ownership or at least consideration of such--and the fact that you're asking the question on a BDSM forum, not on Myspace, is pretty much all the explanation you need.

I'm sorry that not all of us are giving the answer you wanted to hear. I can understand why you would be angry and hurt in this situation. I'm not going to say she did a wonderful thing or even the right thing. But I thought you would want an honest answer to your question, not just a politically correct response.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 25

RE: Disownment? - 4/19/2008 7:53:46 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

They may also come back emotionally and mentally scarred and of a entirely diffrent personality than when they left. I know mySister in law says my brother being sent over seas and seeing all the shit he seen has changed him, made him rougher gruffer more cynical than he was before.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

Sorry, but joining the military really is the ultimate D/S relationship. A soldier is already property, to be used, commanded and destroyed as Uncle Sam sees fit. And you're damn straight I'm not willing to give up that power over my submissive's body and life to someone else--I don't even like long separations, much less long separations when he or she is serving someone else night and day in dangerous, violent ways that will get my property damaged or destroyed.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 26

RE: Disownment? - 4/19/2008 7:59:44 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
From: Home of the Yankees
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81
I guess i'm trying to figure out why everyone is thinkin I was under "consideration", and her choice to dissolve our friendship was made from a strictly Domme/sub viewpoint.

I don't believe that was ever the case, (Her and I being in a state of "consideration) especially because she already has a bf/sub..

The fact that she "already had someone" may have meant that YOU weren't considering the relationship seriously or developing real feelings, but it doesn't mean that she wasn't.

Also, you've already admitted that you occasionally spoke or behaved as if she was your domme. And if you're wondering why we answered the question from a Domme perspective, and treated the situation as if you were under consideration, it's probably because in your OP you phrased it this way:

quote:

Would any Dominants here (of either sex) disown someone they were "considering" (no idea in what aspect, tbh... fucktoy, FWB, or just general companionship or whatever) if they decided to do something drastic - lets say join the military ?

That and the fact that the thread title is called "Disownment"--which implies ownership or at least consideration of such--and the fact that you're asking the question on a BDSM forum, not on Myspace, is pretty much all the explanation you need.

I'm sorry that not all of us are giving the answer you wanted to hear. I can understand why you would be angry and hurt in this situation. I'm not going to say she did a wonderful thing or even the right thing. But I thought you would want an honest answer to your question, not just a politically correct response.

Well... with regards to the title, disownment can mean a variety of things.

A parent can disown a child because they did something stupid.
Or alternatively, a child can disown his parent(s), and not speak to them

I value your thoughts & opinions on the subject, forgive me if I seemed like I was arguing with You, that certainly wasn't my intent.

I also said though, that I did NOT know in what respect - I'm sure that people here - both Dominants & submissives alike, don't befriend "just anybody" & usually it takes some kind of earned trust & respect...

For all I know she could have been considering me as her F/B. She could have been considering me as Her confidant (*sp), She could have been considering me as her non-masochist subbie (if such a term exists - maybe I like to do something that her sub/bf doesn't do)

We're close enough though, where She wanted to introduce me to him...Which, I was ok with, from the way She described him, he seems like a cool guy.

_____________________________

~ Karma. Being a motherfucker since 1981 ~

Ms. Pacman was the greatest prostitute that ever lived. For 25 cents, that bitch swallowed balls 'till she died.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 27

RE: Disownment? - 4/21/2008 4:00:14 AM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81
Well..if she needed help around the house, and it wasn't something she could handle herself (ie electronics), and I was visiting her, I'd try and take care of it while I visiting.

She already has a bf/sub, and I'm not really into the whole "polyamory" (no clue if I spelled that correctly) lifestyle, so a romantic/BDSM relationship was pretty much out of the question.

To be honest, I didn't know offering to help someone of the opposite sex get somethin fixed, was considered a service. (I'm being honest, forgive me if my previous statement comes of as "smart alecky")

I thought it was just me being friendly. TBH, I thought it would only be considered a "service" if it was a collared sub doing it. I thought there would be a difference.

I guess i'm trying to figure out why everyone is thinkin I was under "consideration", and her choice to dissolve our friendship was made from a strictly Domme/sub viewpoint.

I don't believe that was ever the case, (Her and I being in a state of "consideration) especially because she already has a bf/sub..

I just wanted to clear a few things up, thats all.

Because with the things you've said,
you gave us that idea, that you we're under consideration.

And to get things really cleared up.

Ask her, she is the onlyone who REALLY can answer this question for you.

Wwe can just speculate here.

I wish you enough,
and b safe.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 28

RE: Disownment? - 4/21/2008 4:20:02 AM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Well... with regards to the title, disownment can mean a variety of things.

A parent can disown a child because they did something stupid.
Or alternatively, a child can disown his parent(s), and not speak to them

The only reason we can say that is because at one point, the very recent past, parents OWNED their children. Children, like wives, were property. At no point was a friend ever deemed legal property.

quote:

I value your thoughts & opinions on the subject, forgive me if I seemed like I was arguing with You, that certainly wasn't my intent.

I also said though, that I did NOT know in what respect - I'm sure that people here - both Dominants & submissives alike, don't befriend "just anybody" & usually it takes some kind of earned trust & respect...

Then you'd be wrong. Friendship costs nothing. General types of friendship do not require committment and I've definitely I friends I didn't trust or respect...those friendships were based on compassion.

quote:

For all I know she could have been considering me as her F/B. She could have been considering me as Her confidant (*sp), She could have been considering me as her non-masochist subbie (if such a term exists - maybe I like to do something that her sub/bf doesn't do)

We're close enough though, where She wanted to introduce me to him...Which, I was ok with, from the way She described him, he seems like a cool guy.

It sounds to me like this may be a bigger issue of the false intimacy of internet communication.

(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 29

RE: Disownment? - 4/21/2008 8:25:36 AM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

My boy went to West Point and comes from a very strong military family -- his father is/was a lieutenant colonel and his grandfather was a decorated member of the Ukrainian Resistance Army during World War II.

I knew all of this when our relationship started. He swore to me up and down that he'd never sign back up, but... I always thought that since there's so much of it in his blood, there was going to be a chance that he'd go back to the Army. Of course I'd prefer that he stay home, but his reasons for joining were always noble. He wants to serve and protect his country, and thus serve and protect *me* back here on the homefront.

Sure enough, about a month ago he confessed to me that he wanted to sign up for the Reserves so that he could continue to work and go to school. I will admit that I cried a little bit out of fear that he'd get deployed, but when he explained it to me a little more, especially the benefits he'd get (although not as many as if he were full-time, but it's better than none at all), I relaxed. I could see it in his eyes that this was not just something he wanted vainly, but felt strongly about, something that meant a lot to him. So I told him to go and bring me back some sexy camo for him to model for me.

Disownment never crossed my mind. If you care about someone, you'll obviously be concerned if they enlisted because it's potentially dangerous... but to threaten with a severance of ties? That's selfish and immature, in my opinion.

It goes back to what I said about my boy -- it meant a lot to him. My question here is, how much does it mean to you? And is it worth keeping someone in your life who will not support you in something this important, where honestly the support of family and friends seems most vital? Will you let them have that power over you as to shake your confidence in your decision?

If they're a true friend, they will take some time to cool off and then come back. If they don't, then as much as it hurts to think, they're more fair-weather than true.

If you decide to enlist (assuming you haven't already), then I wish you lots of luck! I've got so many friends over there right now that I could probably start my own platoon!

_____________________________

Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
Ти синтетична до болю

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(in reply to blackpearl81)

Post #: 30

RE: Disownment? - 4/21/2008 11:17:28 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I'm going to align Myself closer to Shakti than to some of the others on this one, but stress that it's entirely personal and I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who does enlist, or to anyone who chooses to remain their partner. I happen to think that's a very hard row to hoe and while I might admire their tenacity and ability to cope with long absences and danger, it's not one I seek to engage in.

For Me, it's not just about the military and My pacifist beliefs though. It would be the same with ANY occupation that was to take them way beyond My control and access. So it would include things like deep sea fisherman, oil rig worker, minesite worker, even a teacher if in the state system which means they could be posted anywhere at short notice irregardless of significant others (as happens here) or a member of a restrictive religious order. I wouldn't be pursuing a D/s relationship with anyone in those categories because I would find it simply too frustrating ... and at 51, I am seeking satisfaction not stress. I am also seeking a 24/7 permanent submissive, obviously this colours My thinking about My choices. The boy I am speaking with is a charter pilot and W/we are getting very frustrated because his rostering is making it difficult to get 2-3 days off in a row to come up here for an initial visit. While I am hanging in there because he really interests Me greatly, much further progress would have to be conditional on him working for a different company who runs more regular rosters and preferably from somewhere where he could come home here in between flying. he has already indicated that is his preference also, so it's not a demand I am making that isn't also something he wants. he's getting heartily sick of being on someone else's string!

In the case of the OP, I think he needs to realise that, just as he doesn't "do" poly, he must accept that She doesn't "do" military. And given the service he was providing (even if he didn't think of it in that way), She may well have been developing more feelings and would have been rocked by his declaration concerning the military. Who knows, She may even have been considering flicking the other bf in favour of him! Point is, none of Us can possibly know ... only She knows and the only way to find out is to ask Her!

While I probably wouldn't go as far as to cut off a friendship, this does sound like it was rather more than "just friends" ... and perhaps She doesn't want it to continue on in case She gets even more attached to one She can't have.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 31

RE: Disownment? - 4/21/2008 11:24:24 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Didn't read any of the other posts, just feeling lazy.

I wouldn't end a friendship over it but I would not want to be in a relationship with someone in the military. Long distance is hard, been there and done that. I try to avoid it as much as possible and being with someone in the military is just asking for it. Usually if I were to get together with someone, that would be a question to come up early. Military, firefighter, doctor...jobs that keep people away for too long aren't my thing. I don't want a half time lover.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 32

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