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Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 12:24:00 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Whether it's grocery shopping, taking the pet to the vet, doing the 9 to 5 job etc., these activities are often termed as 'vanilla life'. One of the definitions in one of my dictionary's states that 'vanilla' can mean plain or ordinary. Okay. I can buy that and accept the veracity of that definition. 

Taking the 65 pound mutt to the vet is rather an adventure in itself, neither plain nor ordinary and certainly not something I do every day. I don't think of it in terms of being something 'vanilla'. Everytime I go to the grocery store I make it a point to purchase an item which Himself and I have never tried before so we can get some new or different taste sensation going on and I always keep a watchful eye out for interestingly shaped potatoes, large hands of ginger and the like.   I guess I think of that as a mini-adventure as well but I never thought of grocery shopping as vanilla. 

In fact, most of what may appear to be plain or ordinary in life can be turned into exactly what we want it to be if we make that a priority and choose for it to be that way. I like washing dishes by hand. I love the smell of the scented dishwashing soap (especially the grapefruit scent) that I buy and the way the bubbles feel as they creep up my arms and I like to make little animals or other tchatzkahs out of the suds or squirt Himself with the sprayer when he sneaks up behind me and twists my nipple.

Maybe it boils down to how it all makes me feel. Since it doesn't 'feel' plain or ordinary to me, perhaps that's why I just can't wrap my brains around identifying such things as vanilla. Or maybe it's because Himself and I do play so often, which is much the 'norm' around these parts, that 'life' and the grind stuff is, in and of itself, not ordinary because it's something a bit more rare than what, for us, is usual. Grocery shopping is a once a month trip to Costco which is always a blast for us and then fill in perishables as needed which means a walking trip up to the store, doggie in tow .. fun for the beastie and for us. Paying bills isn't much of a thrill, but again, that's only once a month and mostly online with frequent visits to the forums between payments to keep my blood pressure down from how much money seems to go out every month!

Maybe I'm just weird.

Anyone else wanna cop to being a weirdo, too? Better yet, anyone care to explain to me how they view grocery shopping as 'vanilla life'?

Celeste


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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 1:18:49 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		I see the term "Vanilla" being used in two different ways on this board.

1)  Vanilla: (Adj) used to describe people without an interest in BDSM "Put the flogger away, or the vanilla neighbors will be freaked when they visit"

2)  Vanilla: A term used to distinguish between a BDSM, and a normal relationship. Often, kinksters use vanilla in a slightly derogatory way, almost as if to say that because they are kinky/Gorean/involved in bdsm, they are obviously more open minded and intelligent. 

These of course according to the Lynx Dictionary, which is often inaccurate and full of bad spelling. Vanilla is just a label, you can make it whatever you want.



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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 1:40:21 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Weirdo and proud of it!

I agree with you both. Life's what you make it. Either you label it something or just get on and live it.

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 3:15:03 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		When i think about it, yes vanilla is just a label that means different things to different people.  If someone flies around the world in a hot-air balloon, the folks do don't embark on such adventures might seem plain and boring and 'vanilla'. 

How we choose to flavor our lives is highly individual.  Don't forget that vanilla is also a flavor and a very good and tasty flavor.  What vanilla means to me is just that is it the most common, just like vanilla is the most popular flavor of ice cream.

Is going grocery shopping more common than wearing a full latex hood and being hog-tied?  i hope so, because if being tied and hooded became more common than picking up a gallon of milk, it might lose some of its appeal.

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 3:21:27 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		Living life can and should be an adventure every day.   I think tiring of the "plain vanilla" life is maybe what causes issues in some relationships.   Things such as going to the grocery store, doing dishes, laundry, etc can be fun and exciting if you use your imagination just a little.  "Vanilla life" is just another label to have to decipher.    Live life the way it suits you and makes you happy. 

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 4:15:54 AM   
DavidsGem


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		Brightest Blessings
 
 I have never understood the statement " how do you balance vanilla life with WIIWD". I have always thought I was an oddity because I do not live a "vanilla" life. Grocery shopping, paying bills, going to Dr. appointments basically living this adventure we call life is far from plain ole vanilla.

Blessed Be
Gem

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 4:36:04 AM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		[Off Topic]
 


Gem, it is wonderful to see you here! Brightest Blessing to you and your Master. I am looking forward to reading your contributions on these boards.
 
[back on]

I think vanilla is what you make of it. In everything I do, including grocery shopping, job and kids, I keep Master and my place in mind. We often discuss how what we do looks like vanilla, but we know the meanings behind it, so nothing really is.
 
I think it's more internal. Just knowing I belong to Master subtlely changes everything in my daily life. For the better, I might add.

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 4:59:30 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I've never got why people split their lives into ... "This is the D/s part and this over here is the vanilla part".... it doesn't work that way for Me and no doubt they are confused when I say "I don't DO vanilla!"

The Dynamic is just part of who I am, part of how My girl and I interact. it doesn't turn off just so We can go shopping. I am as much in control of her there as I am anywhere else.

I can't help but thing that those who seperate it, D/s is just something they do rather than something they ARE. It is part of Me, not a hat I put on at 'play time'


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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 5:11:19 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Good morning Celeste. Most of my life is spent, in the chcolate!

But seriously I often wonder about the seperation of, life and well, life, that I see talked about. I've never got the concept for the most part.

There have always been facets of my life that has been more private than others. It is my nature to be this way. I wasn't one of those teens that we saw draped over their S.O. in the mall, tongues down one another's throats. I've never doodled my name and another's, in hearts, to proclaim undying love. I have just always been intensely private.

Yet, like you, regardless of what I am doing I have a certain mindset that causes me to see things in the world through the filter of ME knowing my private life. Like the ginger root in the grocery store. Or ogling chains and bits of harness on a trip to the farm supply store, stroking the rolls of rope and letting my mind wander for a minute.

Something I learned a long time ago, from some friends that originally came from Minnesota actually, even work can be made fun. Whatever the task, something about it can be tweaked into laughter or teasing. Making the day more enjoyable. Sure, they work hard, very hard. But they play even harder. Some of the best times I had with them were doing things like working in the woods gathering winter firewood. Or one hilarious day spreading manure with a broken spreader.

While I know that the above example may seem as though it is unrelated to the actual topic. I don't think it is. To me, life is more about allowing all of it to flow naturally, instead of compartmentalizing. Like a delicious ribbon of dark chocolate flowing through the vanilla ice cream of your days.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/19/2008 5:14:00 AM >

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 5:26:47 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		OK.  I'll say it.  "Vanilla" makes me think of ice cream.  I can't help it.

However, I find it hard to seperate my life into that many categories.  I think I once thought it was possible, but I have to admit that I am wrong often enough to concede it's probable.  We just live, every day, and enjoy being who we are with one another.  My Lord is dom, I am sub, and the rest is just life.  But, what do I know?  Not all that much, really.

Anyway, an ice cream cone sounds good right now.  I wonder what time DQ opens?

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 6:06:59 AM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, I'll be the first one to claim compartmentalizing at times...I am not looking for the biggest carrot stick every time I'm at the grocery store..sometimes I just need milk or cat food. I'm not always longingly examining the chain at Home Depot, sometimes I just need an air filter, I'm not constantly imagining myself writhing in bliss under Master's flogger, sometimes I am writing out a check to the Power Company and thinking about how I have to be more diligent about turning off lights or unplugging cell phone chargers. Sometimes my Mind is simply preoccupied with other things. That in no way diminishes who or what I am at my core. From the ring on my finger as an outward sign, to the deepest loving feelings I have in my heart,  I know I am Exsteel's slave, but neither he or I exist in a world where this aspect of our lives is all we ever think about. Yes, it affects decisions we make, but he really doesn't care which brand of cat food I buy.  I'm pretty much on my own on the pet food aisle. Somehow, I don't think he minds......

< Message edited by ChainedExistence -- 4/19/2008 6:21:10 AM >

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 6:15:05 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Whether it's grocery shopping, taking the pet to the vet, doing the 9 to 5 job etc., these activities are often termed as 'vanilla life'. One of the definitions in one of my dictionary's states that 'vanilla' can mean plain or ordinary. Okay. I can buy that and accept the veracity of that definition. 

Taking the 65 pound mutt to the vet is rather an adventure in itself, neither plain nor ordinary and certainly not something I do every day. I don't think of it in terms of being something 'vanilla'. Everytime I go to the grocery store I make it a point to purchase an item which Himself and I have never tried before so we can get some new or different taste sensation going on and I always keep a watchful eye out for interestingly shaped potatoes, large hands of ginger and the like.   I guess I think of that as a mini-adventure as well but I never thought of grocery shopping as vanilla. 

In fact, most of what may appear to be plain or ordinary in life can be turned into exactly what we want it to be if we make that a priority and choose for it to be that way. I like washing dishes by hand. I love the smell of the scented dishwashing soap (especially the grapefruit scent) that I buy and the way the bubbles feel as they creep up my arms and I like to make little animals or other tchatzkahs out of the suds or squirt Himself with the sprayer when he sneaks up behind me and twists my nipple.

Maybe it boils down to how it all makes me feel. Since it doesn't 'feel' plain or ordinary to me, perhaps that's why I just can't wrap my brains around identifying such things as vanilla. Or maybe it's because Himself and I do play so often, which is much the 'norm' around these parts, that 'life' and the grind stuff is, in and of itself, not ordinary because it's something a bit more rare than what, for us, is usual. Grocery shopping is a once a month trip to Costco which is always a blast for us and then fill in perishables as needed which means a walking trip up to the store, doggie in tow .. fun for the beastie and for us. Paying bills isn't much of a thrill, but again, that's only once a month and mostly online with frequent visits to the forums between payments to keep my blood pressure down from how much money seems to go out every month!

Maybe I'm just weird.

Anyone else wanna cop to being a weirdo, too? Better yet, anyone care to explain to me how they view grocery shopping as 'vanilla life'?

Celeste



Hiya Celeste, I love this topic and the other similar ones floating around!
I started a similar one last week.
I DO compartmentalize my life and I make no apologies, for it.
I am not trying to be the biggest, baddest Dominant that walked the earth.
 
I am on my way out to see people I love today and do things that I love on a day that
will be 83 degrees in our Nations Capital.
I am going to have some fucking fun, and I will probably not even THINK about this lifestyle
until I come home and peek on this site.
 
There is a HELL of a lot MORE to my life than BDSM activities and the "lifestyle", and yes I can create a big fat pie chart, and being single right now, D/s activities take up about  5% of my simply marvelous existence, when I find the right mate, it will shoot up to about 40%!!!!!
 
I am waiting for the posters that say "This is what and who I am and I can't seperate it!".
I sure the hell CAN seperate it and I would not want to be able NOT to seperate it.
weeeeeeeeeeeeee
I hope everyone enjoys the weekend, PEACE OUT!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/19/2008 6:23:00 AM >

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 6:35:11 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Anyone else wanna cop to being a weirdo, too? Better yet, anyone care to explain to me how they view grocery shopping as 'vanilla life'?

Celeste



I use vanilla more in the context of interpersonal or sexual relationships so I wouldn't call shopping or paying bills or doing laundry etc "vanilla" -- I'd call and do call that "mundane" or simply "life".

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 6:40:18 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		i have to seperate it.    any time i have to put clothes on i consider it vanilla.   and there are times when i would rather cook for Sir and i than put clothes on and go out to eat.  Sir thinks i am a very strange person.

when my kids come and visit, when i am at work, when i am shopping i have to be a little less than i am at home. And thats ok - before i discovered my submissive nature i didn't shove my sexuality in peoples faces, so now that things have changed for me, i still don't.  When Sir and i are out together, he has given me permission to go to the bathroom without permission, and has told me that he would never embarass me in public.  That isnt to say that he has never slapped me on the butt - much to the enjoyment of the man behind us! - but infront of people i love and care about, we are so vanilla that there should be apple pie about!

its just the reality of the life and times we live in.

i do have major kinky thoughts though - and bumping up against the table or doorway when i have bruises on my butt is very satisfying!


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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 6:44:14 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Any day I wake up is a good day. I'm too busy enjoying it to really worry about much else.

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 6:57:10 AM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		The Encyclopedia Galactica defines "vanilla behavior" as such: mainstream activities that allow you to blend in with others socially.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy defines "vanilla behavior" as: (1)what everyone else is doing, but you're not. (2) being a conformist, taking no chances, giving into no personal passions. (see: lemmings)


There are times when you want to be a part of the herd. For instance, it would be rather rude to show up to your local church in full leather or latex play outfits. However, there are venues where this sort of attire is wholly appropriate. Rock concerts, play parties and Wal Mart at 3:00 in the morning, for example. It is vitally important, however, to use caution so as not to "spook the herd." Human beings are often easily frightened by "difference" in their ranks, and when frightened, are known to become violent. Or worse, conservative Republican Christians.

It is up to the individual how much they want to "spice up" their everyday life. Although I am currently not in a BDSM relationship, there was a time when I would get home from work, strip down, give my Domme a foot massage, and do various hosehold chores dressed in little more than a CR with a leash. (I still do, on occasion, when I'm feeling nostolgic for those times.) I look forward to a time when I can return to such "non-vanilla" activities on a regular basis. But for me, I need to be doing such things for someone, for them to really have any power to make me happy.


< Message edited by bipolarber -- 4/19/2008 7:01:09 AM >

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 6:57:18 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Any day I wake up is a good day. I'm too busy enjoying it to really worry about much else.


That's a great outlook

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 7:01:47 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:



. For instance, it would be rather rude to show up to you local church in full leather or latex play outfits.




depends on the situation - my brother turned up at church dressed in full leathers and proceeded to read the lessons - i am told that all the little girls were agog! Of course his leathers were for the motorcycle, and had all the bits covered, but it just goes to show you........

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 7:02:17 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i find the term useful and fluid for situations i want to describe.

when i am talking about folks who do not engage in bdsm
when i am talking about the parts of my life that are not bdsm related
when i am talking to vanilla folks about my life and working with terms and treading lightly to help them understand what it is that we do.

when i use the term, i find it a little derogatory, there is a part of me that does not like the implied separation, so i dont use it unless i can set a context or am speaking with leather folks that are on the same page as me.

i dont like anything that separates us from them esp, terms that create a sense of hierarchy, but the term can be very useful in the right situation and so i use it when it is called for.

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RE: Life, the universe and everything is vanilla? - 4/19/2008 7:31:26 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

There are times when you want to be a part of the herd. For instance, it would be rather rude to show up to your local church in full leather or latex play outfits. However, there are venues where this sort of attire is wholly appropriate. Rock concerts, play parties and Wal Mart at 3:00 in the morning, for example. It is vitally important, however, to use caution so as not to "spook the herd."

It is up to the individual how much they want to "spice up" their everyday life.



Ok.  I admit it.  This has happened to Me.  It wasn't quite 3:00 am, but it was Wal Mart after an event.  I forget what in the world it was that had to be picked up on the route home after a play party.  Rather late at night, so I had been convinced that it would be fine.

So, there I am, weaing that purple and black outfit that I have the picture of in My profile, husband and sub in collar in tow, when who do I run into but My grown daughter and two of her friends.  (Thankfully, I had a jacket on over the corset.)  Yep, it happens.

Anyway, like I said in the thread that Mia started about putting activities in life in a pie chart related to everything we do, I don't really separate Myself.  Sure, there are certain things that I do that are more commonly done by others, such as going grocery shopping, but a lot fewer of them have ever done it in a corset and leather skirt.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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