D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (Full Version)

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al2getherooky -> D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 12:50:05 PM)

If you tend to thrum towards either end of the D/s spectrum, is it possible to experience "dating" in a way that is meaningful as well as relatively casual?

I'm not talking about friendly sensation-play (nor am I implying there is anything wrong with friendly sensation-play), but rather, I wonder if it is possible for slavish submissives to serve aquisitive dominants in a way that is compelling for both, without either or both parties developing proprietary expectations.

Thank you for your thoughts,
~a




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 12:52:34 PM)

It is, it just doesn't necessarily happen.

And the fact is that if you skip the normal steps before making a commitment, life will force you to go back and deal with them in time anyway.



Level -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 12:56:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: al2getherooky

If you tend to thrum towards either end of the D/s spectrum, is it possible to experience "dating" in a way that is meaningful as well as relatively casual?

I'm not talking about friendly sensation-play (nor am I implying there is anything wrong with friendly sensation-play), but rather, I wonder if it is possible for slavish submissives to serve aquisitive dominants in a way that is compelling for both, without either or both parties developing proprietary expectations.

Thank you for your thoughts,
~a




Not sure if I'm grasping what you mean.
 
Can a submissive serve a dominant, without kinky play, and without making a steady relationship, or rather, a "monogamous" relationship?



al2getherooky -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 1:36:21 PM)

What I mean is, say you're exploring the possibility of ownership, and you want to do this fully, by serving with few or no limits, in as devoted capacity as you're able, within specified temporal parameters.  Is it doable?  Or are people who try setting themselves up? 

The problem arises when you are mostly drawn to partners who are only really interested in a thing that already belongs to them.  Or, who feel like once they fuck something, it's theirs.

Add to that the fact that you go all swoony when it feels like someone is taking the choice out of your hands.

So I guess what I'm asking is whether, in your collective experience, it is possible to let go enough for a meaningful experience and a scout's try at exploration toward future possibilities while retaining some degree of detachment.  (Again, I am really talking about Owner/property-oriented types.)


~a



Level -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 1:46:44 PM)

You want to serve, as close to total submission as possible, without being attached, at least until you decide the dominant is "the one"?



Maya2001 -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 1:49:04 PM)

Playdates for slaves with no lasting commitments or emotional attachment and little or no limits  while in  the time frame together be it a week or day and then move on????



lateralist1 -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 1:49:47 PM)

If I understand what you are saying then I believe that it is possible.
It's along the lines of what I am looking for.
I must admit I haven't found it yet though.
I want a committed relationship but without the usual vanilla ties.
But as LuckyAlbatross points out it still takes time. You still need to go through the same process of building the relationship and both parties have got to want the same type of relationship.



lronitulstahp -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 1:52:26 PM)

i can't imagine having few or no limits with someone i was only dating...but if you are able to achieve such a thing...i'd be very interested in hearing the outcome.  i am always impressed by someone who's able to go outside of the norm...the constraints (even within BDSM) that we seem to put upon ourselves however unknowingly.  i am a firm believer in " there's a lid for every pot" so good luck finding the dynamic you desire.



AMaster -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 1:56:54 PM)

It is indeed possible.  It takes two people who both understand what they are getting into.  Honesty up front about what one wants goes a long way toward achieving such a relationship.



al2getherooky -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 2:01:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

You want to serve, as close to total submission as possible, without being attached, at least until you decide the dominant is "the one"?


Well, I'm wondering if it is possible.  (Speaking as one who has been co-opted, Shanghaied and otherwise bamboozled, seemingly without realizing it was happening at the time.)

To clarify, I am certainly not looking for an ongoing series of deep, temporary service with a revolving dom-door.  My objective is a commited relationship with a very deep D/s dynamic.  I'm just wondering how other people do this - with curiousity, vigor and openness - without necessarily being a goner out the gate.

Thanks,
~a



Faramir -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 2:02:27 PM)

I understand what you mean.  People like us, we collide like stars, and no matter what we tell ourselves with our sensible face, it's like a black hole.  We pass the event horizon and there's no getting out, because our mode of engagement is to be engaged in Power, and there's no space for the casual. 
"Hey, I had a really great time when you tattoed my ass tonight with 'Fuckslut.'  I hope we can get together again next week."
"Hey, just wondering if you were busy on Thursday night--maybe I can take over your bank account and decide what clothes you'll keep, and which ones I'll let you keep.  Unless you're busy..."



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 2:02:58 PM)

By forcing yourself to go slow, get to REALLY know them, get to REALLY understand what you are getting into and the expectations you will have upon you first.

There is no 100% failsafe here, but half the problems stem from people ignoring what they know they shouldn't ignore and convincing themselves of things that don't exist at all.



Level -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 2:04:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: al2getherooky

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

You want to serve, as close to total submission as possible, without being attached, at least until you decide the dominant is "the one"?


Well, I'm wondering if it is possible.  (Speaking as one who has been co-opted, Shanghaied and otherwise bamboozled, seemingly without realizing it was happening at the time.)

To clarify, I am certainly not looking for an ongoing series of deep, temporary service with a revolving dom-door.  My objective is a commited relationship with a very deep D/s dynamic.  I'm just wondering how other people do this - with curiousity, vigor and openness - without necessarily being a goner out the gate.

Thanks,
~a



Is it possible? Yes.
 
Is it possible for you? I don't know.
 
Not trying to be insulting here, but am I right in thinking you may have some difficulty with being "shanghaied", as you put it? [:D] Do you want what you want so badly that it impairs your perception?



PairOfDimes -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 2:58:13 PM)

I think you can have time-limited power exchange, and that those time-limited power exchanges can be meaningful, yes. You submit to me with few limits every Friday evening, for example. Then by Saturday morning, if not later Friday night, we go back to our normal roles, each controlling our own lives and only our own lives, with very limited claims on one another.

Is that what you were asking? If so, yes, I think that's possible, and I've done it. It did, however, involve a lot of sensation play, and some normal-ish dating stuff (like having conversations, dining together companionably) too, because that's what worked for the submissive in question and me. I imagine you could do it with a heavier service component--I didn't, but not because I thought it wasn't doable.



kiwisub12 -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 3:15:10 PM)

Sounds like the dynamic for a "fuck buddy".  affection and caring within specific perameters, not to include love or long-term relationships, or monogomy.  Something of a limited relationship.

I couldn't do it, but if that is the way you like it, go for it. Actually , there were several years that i could have done with someone like that. [:D]



angelwithhonor -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 3:34:23 PM)

i thought to be a D/s built relationship ...where we met here on cm..met and was sexual the first time we met..she was memorized in the moments we shared...but He didnt see her as His...yet we played as if she was..she served Him completely without ? in the beginning He was very upfront that He only seen her as a special bonded friend..to say the least i fell to hard so fast..we still continued the relationship..Him knowing He only had friendship feelings and i had more that stole her whole being afterwards..she knew that it was what it was and nothing more or less...she loved the experience and the best of friendship that we still have..but would i have done it different..knowing that they was only going to be friends screwing...yep i would have..bc being so imtimant was what tore her the most up...cant ever seem my self serving.. like i did with Him... unless i know that it will be fullfilled ...with knowing we will be a One some day...it wasnt that He thought was a fuck buddy..but there were so many days she felt that way..only bc she gave so much for Him emotionally..i hope you find al2...what your heart desires...



KnightofMists -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 3:36:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: al2getherooky

If you tend to thrum towards either end of the D/s spectrum, is it possible to experience "dating" in a way that is meaningful as well as relatively casual?

 
Yes
 
quote:


I wonder if it is possible for slavish submissives to serve aquisitive dominants in a way that is compelling for both, without either or both parties developing proprietary expectations.


yes

But just because things are possible.... doesn' answer if they are probable.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 3:40:50 PM)

yes its possible...but your straight and sub.... i need the opposite! gay and Domme!




BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 3:41:50 PM)

I don't think that it is emotionally or mentally possible to go from 0 - deep surrender that quickly...... nor would I want to go that quickly.  The greatest thing about building any relationship, (for me) but especially a Master/slave relationship, is the journey that we are taking together.  Getting to know each other as people and having fun...... and along the way, His dominant nature and my submissive nature just naturally start melding into the equation.

I learned a great deal about His life, his likes and dislikes when we were just doing "normal" dating sorta stuff. and hanging out together.  I asked questions, He asked questions and we learned about each other.  Simple things like, how He likes His coffee, what foods He likes, etc.... these are all things that I need to know in my service to Him.  The deeper we moved, the more intimate the knowledge became, and the more intense our relationship became. 

If at some point we had figured out that the other person wasn't someone we wanted a BDSM type relationship with, we had at the very least, the good foundation for a lasting friendship.




Prinsexx -> RE: D/s and dating? Question for the slavish set (and those who dig us) (4/19/2008 5:32:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

I understand what you mean.  People like us, we collide like stars, and no matter what we tell ourselves with our sensible face, it's like a black hole.  We pass the event horizon and there's no getting out, because our mode of engagement is to be engaged in Power, and there's no space for the casual. 
"Hey, I had a really great time when you tattoed my ass tonight with 'Fuckslut.'  I hope we can get together again next week."
"Hey, just wondering if you were busy on Thursday night--maybe I can take over your bank account and decide what clothes you'll keep, and which ones I'll let you keep.  Unless you're busy..."

I understand this. It's like: if I am going to even consider you and us then next time we are together I am going to loan you to a mate to do exactly as he pleases with you. You will never dis me or think badly of me ever again and then you can grovel.......



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