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AAkasha -> RE: The "Domme Vibe" (10/11/2005 9:33:37 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Misstoyou
I was talking to a sub friend of mine about meeting a very submissive new teacher at my otherwise boring teacher training day. I couldn't pick up a bottle of water without him asking if I wanted him to open it for me. lol My friend's reply was "Clearly picked up the Domme vibe."
So I said, "Tell me about the "Domme Vibe," and he gave me some examples, including "How they say "please" but mean "do this" and "How they say "thank you" but mean "you met my expectations"," which made me laugh because that's my teaching style in a nutshell.
Does anyone have any other examples of what sets off the "Domme vibe," or stories of how you've responded to it when you've picked it up unexpectedly in a vanilla situation?
You have to be very careful with this. I can't tell you how many subs have come to me for advice because they married a woman who they thought was sexy, demanding, controlling, etc. -- and thought that meant there was a 'femdom' deep down waiting to get out . They found out later that she was just that -- demanding, controlling, perhaps a bit bitchy. But kinky? No way. In fact, she was more adamant about NOT playing his kinky games because she controlled what went on in the bedroom, and it sure as hell wasn't going to be HIS kinky fantasy world.
Some women are simply controlling. You may find yourself attracted to that in a submissive sort of way, but remember that domineering does not equal "femdom." She might be bossy and like to get her way. This does not mean she will someday channel that energy into controlling your orgasms or playing tease and denial games with you.
You might really find out she's just into getting her way -- and likes to boss men around. And the minute she finds out you get turned on by it, she won't be doing it just to please you.
The "femdom vibe" is something else entirely. I suggest looking for women that are playfully controlling, are open minded, adventurous, self confident, sensual. I think the most important distinction between a control freak and a sensual femdom are the way she may express it (if you are talking about hints in public). A femdom may be playfully manipulative or cooly assertive, but not insecure. A control freak may be rigid, unyielding, uncompromising and anal retentive.
Those are just my opinions of course. Just keep in mind -- what comes in a "femdom package" on the outside might not be the real deal inside; she may want *nothing* to do with kink, even though her personality may scream it. Or, she may be intensely kinky -- as a submissive in the bedroom.
Akasha
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