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What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/19/2008 10:23:25 PM   
AlienMonopoly


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline 		I am a virgin. Would the best way for me to show my submission be have my mistress (when i find her) be my first and only.
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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/19/2008 10:51:44 PM   
khem


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think that would be a question only *she* could answer.  

(in reply to AlienMonopoly)
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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/19/2008 10:57:29 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		^  Ditto that.

But for me, personally, as an example:

No.  Because any amounting of waiting and choosing-when a partner of mine does sexually is completely based on their life desires, emotional needs, etc.  They're only still a virgin before me because it suited them to be before they met me.

I'd take them keeping my laundry done even though it bores them as much as it does me to be a bigger indication of submission.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 4/19/2008 10:59:03 PM >

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/20/2008 3:49:47 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I think that you need to be careful in your thinking that your first Mistress will be your only.  That may put too high of an expectation on both of you.

For the submission, good communication is always the key.  Learn what she likes and dislikes, find out about her hobbies, be able not to just do tasks well but to carry on intelligent conversations, learn who moods and when it is best to be consoling or whether there are times that she just needs to be left alone.  Be true to yourself or you will become false to her. 

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/20/2008 7:47:17 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Tell her?

I mean, is someone tells me that they trust me enough to play with them, to own them but can't tell me their sexual desires or interests, I either have to think they are lying to me or they really don't trust me that much.

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/20/2008 9:43:12 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		Well, being submissive does not necessarily mean it's a sexual thing, so being a virgin is somewhat irrelevant in showing submissive.  I will say, though, that whoever you end up giving that to needs to be someone who truly deserves it, not the first woman to walk in and crack a whip at you -- this is addressing that underlying part of you that is irrevocably HUMAN, not just a submissive.  Certainly it is something that you should mention to your potential Domme(s), to preserve how special of a thing it really is.

Now I'll echo what the rest of the lovely ladies have said in this thread.  The best way to show your submission (again, not necessarily sexual) depends on the Domme in question.  Some women I've heard of put their boys through "tests" of sorts to see if they'll really obey before officially taking them on.  Others are a bit more passive and will merely observe your natural behavior.  The best way to find out what you can do is to ask her how you can "prove yourself" to her.  Willingness to please is a very attractive quality in a submissive.




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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 5:20:35 AM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		If you feel your virginity is valuble to you, then release it at your leisure. Some may feel that you are showing submission to them by offering them your virginity, but sex and submission are not always related.

Finding a person, let alone a fetishist, that is interested in being your "only" seems like a difficult task founded on unreasonable expectations.

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 8:43:01 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		chamberqueen What you said could also apply to Dom's. Op I tried to use the virgin line also. It dose'nt work.

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 10:41:54 AM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		Words that are often basically meaningless in bdsm, Ds and life in general:

Best
Worst
Always
Never
Real and True (grouped together because they are often used together or are practically interchangable in our lifestyle)

Any time you seek to define anything as above another in the broad spectrum of thoughts, beliefs and practices in our community; you stand likely to show yourself to be either a) ignorant, b) an ass or c) an ignorant ass.  Take care not to make any exclusionary statements without making clear that they are your (or anothers', though be careful speaking for another) own belief, desire, expectation, opinion or way.

To more specifically answer your question, the only "best" way for you to show submission is that which you decide is best for you until such a time that you have a dominant or prospective dominant and you choose to adopt whatever she decides is the "best" way for you ro show your submission to her.  The issue of virginity here is moot as it has very little, if any, relevance to your question.

All of the above was solely based upon my opinion and experience, for whatever it's worth.

ps:  The "best" way i know of to show my submission to Ma'am is simply to submit to Her will, desires and needs.  i most commonly do this by:

- being honest about what's going on with me mentally and emotionally (listed first because it's the most difficult for myself)

- doing the above without holding back due to whatever She might be going through and worrying how it might negatively affect Her (basically, i am not to presume to think for my Dominant; this being part of what makes the above so difficult for me)

- being available when She needs or desires me to, in as much as my life and worldly responsibilities allows

- doing menial labor for Her (dishes, laundry and such) with as much joy and grace as i would massage Her shoulders or pleasure Her physically (not to say that i don't openly let Her know that i don't actually enjoy a particular task... it's common around the household for Her to ask me "Do you want to *insert particular task here*?"  and then i would respond with "No, of course i don't want to do *particular task*, but i'll be happy to do so for You, Ma'am".)

- Give Her space when She lets me know that She needs it, and to try to know when She needs it without Her needing to tell me

- living my life and taking care of myself to the best of my ability, while still making it clear that i need Her as well

- never letting a day (and sometimes a conversation) go by without letting Her know, by words or deeds, that i love Her; also, never saying goodbye without telling Her that i love Her

- to always show by my words, actions and demeanor that i have a wonderful, skilled and loving Dominant (Her sigline here on the forums reads "It's the submissives that show to others what type of Dom owns them." - Anonymous and i consider it my duty to take those words to heart and be the best possible reflection of Her that i can possibly be)

i could go on forever, but i think my point is that the "best" way to submit to a dominant is however she would be most pleased; and that seldomly will this be rolled up into one simple word or deed, but is an ongoing practice

Christians have their WWJD? (what would Jesus do?); us submissives should have our own WWDT? (What Would my Dominant Think?) and if you can keep this question in your mind throughout your day, whether in their company or not, you'll find that you will be hard-pressed to go wrong

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 4/21/2008 10:42:51 AM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 8:26:02 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		Just wanted to add:  While your virginity is a cherished and valuable commodity for you, most women will not view it in the same way that a man would see it in a woman.  Though there will be those who would delight in teaching a completely naive man exactly how to please her without having to untrain him of his past experiences.  On the other hand, being totally inexperienced; you may have to unlearn the many preconcieved notions and myths about making love to a woman.. 

But more importantly, submission is much like love; and for many of us, it is inextricably entwined with love itself.  Submission and love less about the singular grand gestures than about the little things we constantly do for those we are devoted to.  While those grand gestures are great and memorable, submission is truly more about being ever-mindful of your place and the relationship.  Read through the forums and you will find that the dominas her seem to more often reminisce about that particular smile or look in her submissive's eyes than the first time she flogged him or when she popped his anal cherry.

Edited to add: Sorry for the double-post, but i had been waiting for someone else to post here for nearly 10 hours; and if patience is a virtue, i've not often been accused of being incredibly virtuous.


< Message edited by darchChylde -- 4/21/2008 8:29:30 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 10:00:47 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Lovely posts darchChylde, especially your description of how you serve your Mistress. That one should be earmarked for the subby's manual!

To the OP ... as an older Domme, I would be rather disturbed by the prospect of a male sub who was still a virgin, given that I don't get serious about men who are not at least 30. I would be wondering why he was such a social failure. he would have to be able to convince Me that he had dated but had made a conscious moral decision to not have sex previously. I would feel distinctly uneasy at taking someone into kink who had not even experienced good old vanilla sex before. Conversely, I don't want one who is raving on about all his 'conquests' either ... but would prefer someone who has been through at least one significant relationship so he has had some chance to develop some relationship skills and understandings. However I want to stress that is just Me and My opinion and I don't expect others to share it. I do what works for Me.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 10:05:51 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Having a mistress that is your first and only isnt necessarily impossible (ask Fox)
However, as with most relationships, it is rare. Most of the time people do not stay with their first.  Angel has been mine for 2 years, and has still not given up his virginity to me or anyone else. It is not right for him, so he has not.
The most important part of finding someone like that is to make sure there is open communication about your desire. Some women might not be comfortable with the idea of being your first and only, since that is a very deep and long term commitment, and entering into it is a major step. For others, it might not be what they want out of a sub at all.
How you serve is very dependant on who you serve.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 10:14:13 PM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

On the other hand, being totally inexperienced; you may have to unlearn the many preconcieved notions and myths about making love to a woman.. 


For example, just because one finger brings her pleasure, doesn't mean an entire fist will bring more pleasure.

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 10:33:16 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

Lovely posts darchChylde, especially your description of how you serve your Mistress. That one should be earmarked for the subby's manual!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]


Awww, you sure know how to make this chylde smile.

*blushes and hides behind his hair*

pssst: ask Ma'am, i actually do that quit a bit. LoL


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/21/2008 10:59:00 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		With beautiful hair like that ... I don't wonder! But perhaps this mini-hijack should end *smile*. Your Ma'am is one lucky lady though!

And Andjew ... GREAT example LOL! Wise words from one so young!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/22/2008 3:48:31 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		You can serve any woman if that is really what you want to do.
Doesn't mean she will want to take your virginity but you never know.
Treat her well enough and she might.
Lots of men would do anything for sex.

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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/23/2008 7:51:00 AM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AlienMonopoly

I am a virgin. Would the best way for me to show my submission be have my mistress (when i find her) be my first and only.


Do not be frivolous and reckless in your submission. Rather than a series of abortive half-attempts, reflect carefully upon what you want, then commit wholly - if things don't pan out, at least you can say you really tried.



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m y s p a c e


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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/23/2008 10:53:33 AM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Lots of men would do anything for sex.


Good point.  At 19 months without, i'd do just about anything for sex with the right person.  If i were 23 and still a virgin, like the OP; i would be much less discriminating.


_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/23/2008 3:53:32 PM   
Andjew


Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

With beautiful hair like that ... I don't wonder! But perhaps this mini-hijack should end *smile*. Your Ma'am is one lucky lady though!

And Andjew ... GREAT example LOL! Wise words from one so young!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]
I found out the hard way Miss. D'=

(in reply to MaamJay)
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RE: What Is The Best Way To Show Submission? - 4/23/2008 4:47:50 PM   
sheep


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/12/2004
Status: offline 		Whenever I'm in a situation where I'm meeting new Dommes (e.g. a munch, a play party) I find being friendly, polite, respectful and showing good manners usually takes me far!

(in reply to Andjew)
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