Little experience doesnt mean none, right?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Little experience doesnt mean none, right?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Little experience doesnt mean none, right?

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 12:26:49 AM

meeklonelygeek

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/30/2005
Status: offline

As a new submissive with little experience, I've found it difficult to find anyone willing to take on a newbie. I do not know what qualities i have that would make me a good sub, as I've never had the chance to find out. I know I'm eager to serve a dom, but I don't know what to say to make me sound appealing.

Do a lot of people have trouble breaking in, or am i just doing something wrong?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 12:34:54 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meeklonelygeek

As a new submissive with little experience, I've found it difficult to find anyone willing to take on a newbie. I do not know what qualities i have that would make me a good sub, as I've never had the chance to find out. I know I'm eager to serve a dom, but I don't know what to say to make me sound appealing.

Do a lot of people have trouble breaking in, or am i just doing something wrong?

Most of my female dominant friends don't care about a guy's "experience." What they are looking for is someone who cares about THEM. In fact, a number complain about the difficulty of getting a submissive to unlearn things that he was taught by another dominant.

There really isn't much of a skill set that's generalizable and outside of what any attentive male should already know.

The biggest complaint is that they want to be wanted for themselves and not what they can do for the submissive. A common comment is "I am NOT a life support system for a whip."

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to meeklonelygeek)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 8:20:08 AM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline

i am not a domme but i can and will.....but no am NOT a switch

expereince is NOT the issue....

i find a submissive who want to tell someone else waht to do and how to do it, the issue

i have spoken with some lovely girls who seem to have a heart of submission but before long...are telling me what i must do for them...what i must wear...as if what one wears makes a person

it is the attitude af a sub that appeals to a domianat...and there are many different styles of dominants...just as with subs

i have been with doms who have 20 some years expereince and have their own dungeon but havent a clue of what to do with a nonmasochistic cumslutcockwhore ...they want to make me orgasm...not realizing i dont orgasm they way others do even after we have chatted about scening..... i dont cum with their toys and they think i am a budding masochist and end up using my safeword.......

so expereince is not the issue...its finding the one who suits you and the willingness in your attitude...

just my thoughts on expereince

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to meeklonelygeek)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 8:44:40 AM

Mistress_Alison

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/11/2005
From: Central Scotland
Status: offline

I have to agree with the others. Experience is of no concern to me!

Someone who is willing to learn and that wants to please his Mistress/Master is much more important.

As has been commented on not every Mistress/Master trains their slave the same way and a lot of problems can stem from learned undesirable traits! I prefer a clean 'slate' to work with. For example I despise being called Goddess or Ma'am, the first feels so pretentious and fake to me with the later making me feel too old!

It will take time but the right Mistress is out their for you! Just be yourself and when in touch with a Mistress dont try and say and do things you think she wants, just be honest.

_____________________________

Mistress Alison

(in reply to slavedesires)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 9:33:06 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Experience may be helpful in that it could help you figure out what you like and need as well as understanding your limits. You can get an idea of this via reading and thinking.

But your attitude is more important.

Never forget though that these are relationships first and foremost between at least two people. If you don't find a good match that is the fate of most of us most of the time. The amount you are willing to share will be reflected back as you get to know a dominant woman. Through that sharing you and she will decide if you can try out a scene or two.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to meeklonelygeek)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 10:14:52 AM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline

Attitude, Attitude and Attitude.

One of my favorite quotes.....

Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

Lou Holtz

Peace,
cathy

(in reply to meeklonelygeek)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 4:55:44 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

The reason I tend to shy away from those who admit to being a "newbie" really has nothing to do with the experience of the BDSM kinks. Thoes can be worked on and figured out as we go.
I have a basic problem with those submissives (or self-described slaves) who have some sort of fantasy vision of what this is supposed to be about. Since I only seek slaves for a 24/7 TPE live-in situation, I would be running boys thorugh My house like wildfire if I took on everyone, or even a percentage of everyone, who applies to Me. Even those who claim to be experienced, I find are not. I am quite specific in what I expect. And I find that most of the boys who write to Me sincerely believe that because I am pretty and because I am strong, and because I have experience, it means they can move right in, and they will have all their fantasies fed. Honeslty, manhy of them don't even consider it important enough to try to get to know Me. That really bothers Me.
For Me, the mentality of 24/7 TPE is what trips most of them up. There is a fine line, and although I want a boy or boys who are self-starters, intelligent, and mentally and emotionally stable, that line is often crossed. If one has no realistic experience with day to day service, and has a concept of role play, and doing some chores, and giving Me a foot massage, but in all other aspects, we are more or less equal, it breaks the deal.
I am strongly in favor of a boot camp, wherein the boys are trained to enoy the service as its own reward. Then if they end up in a relationship where there is more latitude in certain areas, they are that much better off. At least they can figure out if they could be happy in the most strict environment.
I find that most, even those who claim to have experience, are always ready and willing to jump straight into My household (and My bed), but they are not able to give all of themselves. It is not that they wouldn't wish to. It is that they have no experience to understand what this encompasses. And it is usually more than they are willing to comfortably give.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to meeklonelygeek)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 6:07:27 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Be yourself and ask, as you have. You will be one of the chosen soon, if you are not already?

Make sure you clear out your e mail box too, as it is filling up rapidly...

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 6:52:01 PM

Sylph

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/26/2004
Status: offline

Online is one avenue to meet potential partners, but there are others. Have you went to any of the munches in your area? There are groups specifically aimed to your age group, as well as general ones that will probably have a majority of the pple who are over 30.

If you are serious in your search, do not limit yourself to one avenue, be yourself. Communicating clearly what you are looking for is a plus. It help prevent misunderstandings. Last of all remember Dommes are not objects with flogger. Talk to us like we are pple you are interested in getting to know and you will have a leg up on the competition.

Sylph

(in reply to fastlane)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/11/2005 8:42:40 PM

firefey

Posts: 144
Joined: 1/25/2005
Status: offline

to be honest with you, i think it might be your profile. i read through it, and it reads very "do me." and very victim-ish (if that's a word). remember, what you say and the way you say it are the things that determine how you are percived. if you run about saying all the things you will do for your future mistress but say very little about yourself, it just reads "fulfill me." now this could just be me. but maybe what you want to talk about instead is why you are interested in the lifestyle, and what you want to learn and get out of the experience. just my nickel.

(in reply to Sylph)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Little experience doesnt mean none, right? - 10/12/2005 5:49:02 AM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: firefey

to be honest with you, i think it might be your profile. i read through it, and it reads very "do me." and very victim-ish (if that's a word). remember, what you say and the way you say it are the things that determine how you are percived. if you run about saying all the things you will do for your future mistress but say very little about yourself, it just reads "fulfill me." now this could just be me. but maybe what you want to talk about instead is why you are interested in the lifestyle, and what you want to learn and get out of the experience. just my nickel.

Perceptions ARE quite different, from different people.

I enjoyed both profiles (the OP and firefey's), but firefey, you might want to take a look at your own profile, as "my perception" is that yours could also be perceived as a Do-me.

No offense, but it's not unlike what you described, just the other way around. It's all about you. Are there different rules for presentation, because of ones' orientation? Seriously though, the profiles here are mostly about what a person IS seeking and what THEY enjoy. I too enjoy when a man tells me who he is, and more about him, as a person, versus all the things he wants DONE to him. Works for me, but I usually appreciate that in his e-mail introduction. I've learned not to expect much out of profile descriptions (although it can be the "first impression" that sticks out most).

I personally found the OPs profile to be okay (especially for such a young man), with him starting by talking about his personality. He also indicates a desire for a relationship, and then describes his interests. I like profiles that at least hint to personality, and interests. The "I want, I want, I want" types are "not" what I want!

Maybe it's an age thing, and since you're more in his age range, firefey, you're reading/seeing it differently than I am.

I'd probably suggest, to the OP, if the profile is not working now, then to take firefey's advice and make changes. Be yourself though, cause that'll usually work to attract someone that enjoys what you'll have to say, and what you have to offer. Also, seek out those that share your interests, and don't just contact others blindly.

K

< Message edited by FTopinMichigan -- 10/12/2005 5:51:09 AM >

(in reply to firefey)

Profile

Post #: 11