RE: "I'm Not a Doormat"

RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (Full Version)

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Politesub53 -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 4:53:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive When someone says that they are not a doormat, I hear warning bells chiming in the distance. This assertion often seems paired with pain or resistance around submitting that this is going to get worked out on me as a dominant. Uh oh. I interpret this statement to mean, variously: I feel conflicted or guilty about submitting. I don't feel good about myself as a person. I want to be forced. I am a "brat." I have been hurt (perhaps many times) by dominants in the past, and you are going to have to prove you are not like them. I've always been puzzled by the "doormat" statement because I don't see (good) submissives as doormats -- it's a non-issue for me. When someone says this about himself, it's an indication that we see D/s in very different, perhaps incompatible, ways. My sweet spot is a man who is a vibrant, interesting person who also wants to ... (fill in filthy-delicious acts here). When this man describes himself and who he is looking for in his narrative, there's no reason to say he isn't a doormat, because it's very clear to me. MSS Hi Ma`am, would a submissive stating " I am a doormat" be more appealing. Somehow i doubt it.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 7:14:02 PM)
No, it wouldn't be more appealing, but that's clear in my post. I feel like I inadvertently pushed your buttons. Could you unpack your question and let me know what you were really asking? MSS

khem -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 7:21:07 PM)
I think I want a doormat... [:D] Well, not to the whole world, but to me. It would be a fun exercise to order someone to disagree with me or challenge me now and then. Maybe doormat that can also trip me now and then?

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 8:21:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem I think I want a doormat... [:D] Well, not to the whole world, but to me. It would be a fun exercise to order someone to disagree with me or challenge me now and then. Maybe doormat that can also trip me now and then? ok..but NO stepping on my bewbies!!!

khem -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 9:12:12 PM)
Just a little...awww come on....

LadyLolly -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 9:28:43 PM)
Dang, have to say a light bulb just went on. Come to think of it, it does echo true that the "no doormat" key has actually in experience meant passive/agressive resistance to actually submitting. Is the flip side of "oh, Godess, I'm not worthy" to which you can't help but say - thank you for not wasting my time - do come back when you are....

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 9:31:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem Just a little...awww come on.... nope...my bewbies were made for squeezing..not stepping on. [8\|]

khem -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 10:02:54 PM)
what about biting? Can we bite em?

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 10:17:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem what about biting? Can we bite em? of course..

khem -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/21/2008 10:18:39 PM)
Excellent.. I think I've hijacked my own thread...

Politesub53 -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/22/2008 1:38:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive No, it wouldn't be more appealing, but that's clear in my post. I feel like I inadvertently pushed your buttons. Could you unpack your question and let me know what you were really asking? MSS Hi again Ma`am, You didnt push any buttons, i failed to fully read Your post. For that, i apologise. Below is my previous thought on being a Doormat. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1161978/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm#

littlesarbonn -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/22/2008 8:11:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem Here's something I've noticed, that I haven't seen discussed. I've noticed many submissive men feel the need to point out in their profiles that they are "not doormats." This is often in reference to those "other submissives" who are. This seems to be a recurring theme in profile descriptions. I don't think I've ever once met a man I'd describe as a doormat, yet someone has issued a memo to many guys that all their competition somehow is. Is this just a male ego thing? A way to compete? Do men really think that they are unique in the fact that that are not a doormat? From the men I've spoken with, many seem to have the notion that they are rare for having a spine. Lots and lots of...rare... Thoughts? I see this as a direct response to a number of women who post on the boards that complain about men being doormats so much that a male submissive feels he has to go out of his way to negate these charges before they happen. It's a lot like people who use the term "passive aggressive" whenever they encounter someone who has emotions. After awhile, it becomes a conditioning response to avoid having to encounter this type of accusation that comes from people who use it way too often without any actual real merit.

UBERMUNSCHIST -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/22/2008 9:55:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bobipanti I feel that no individual male or female wants to be treated as a "doormat ". HAHAHAHA! [sm=biggrin.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]

UBERMUNSCHIST -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/22/2008 10:00:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsStarlett I have doormat. I love my doormat. He's very special. He likes to be walked on (trampled), humiliated, treated like dirt, never ever wants sex, has a foot fetish, loves watersports, lives for CBT... He's just awesome! Gets me all hot and wiggly just thinking of him. Wonder if he's on line? I'm the same way, I just haven't found anyone I can trust yet. I think TexasMaam called it "Moral Masochism".

marieToo -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/22/2008 10:17:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: khem Ok, the next question is...how would you define a doormat? For me "doormat" means the type of sub who blatantly kisses her dom's ass and endures any kind of treatment within the relationship because deep down her "submission" is motivated by fear of being alone. Usually this type of low self-esteem submissive will cling to and dedicate themselves to a "Master" who is all too willing to exploit that type of weakness. This to me is dysfunctional and doormatish. I don't know how anyone else describes it, but that's what I see as a 'doormat'.

impossiblesub -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/22/2008 2:03:23 PM)
Possibly some are not aware of how they really want to be treated and thus use this phrase as a generalization.

sheep -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/23/2008 5:01:32 PM)
The "doormat" archetype (or pushover with low self esteem) is far more prevalent in the vanilla world then in the bdsm world I've found. And even male subs who start out as doormats "oh yes, whip me, beat me, take my credit card numbers" are usually flakes who either get weeded out of wise up quickly. I like doormats. They are very useful devices. I live in a rainy climate and they're indispensable for keeping the front hallway clean. I have a bit of a shoe and boot fetish too, so I could definitely get into some hot, kinky doormat roleplay! [:D]

khem -> RE: "I'm Not a Doormat" (4/23/2008 6:37:45 PM)
sheep, after you sent that email I was trying to remember who you were... After reading that post I remember! [:D]

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