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RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/20/2008 5:05:11 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I don't believe in punishment except in the most extreme of circumstances and then the punishment must fit the problem in other words be related to the problem. So unless the problem was nailing stuff around the house unasked for I can't see how putting a nail in someone relates.

I'm an adult with an adult slave, we choose to be in the dynamic. If he's messing up so much (meaning he is disobeying me directly) that it requires punishment I think that means we need to talk.

Now he isn't prefect, I'm not prefect (shocking I know), so yes he will make mistakes and errors. That requires a chance to make corrections and practice not punishment in my strong opinion. He doesn't have his positions down yet? We practice them over and over and over -- that's not punishment that's training.

I know a lot of folks relish "punishment" or may have a different philosophy but for me at least this comes down to a consensual relationship between two or more adult and we each need to be pulling our weight. If the desire and ability to do that isn't there, I don't see how any amount or type of punishment will fix it.

As others have said though, angelwithhonor, it ultimately comes down to picking a dominant whose idea of punishment fits with your own BEFORE you get into that dynamic.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

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(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/20/2008 7:15:10 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You ask any Dom your speaking with getting to know or started seeing,   What kind of puisnhments do you give for mild infraction- serve infraction.? I mean I'm not going to hook up with any Dom until I know what kind of punishments he gives out  or how harsh - how does he react when angry - questions! so on and so forth.

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Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/20/2008 7:55:55 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelwithhonor
....giggles at RS....hmmmm shall take that in mind...lol...am not new to this site or the lifestyle..but have limited amount of experience on R/T...i am not sure if this slave asked "hey whats the worst punishment Your gonna give me"??...would He say...ummmmmm a nail driven in Your nipple..lol...i have been seeing a Dominant who is very Dominant in nature..and new to this lifestyle..would never say to Him so how bad is punishment going to be..so its okay to question punishment with a DomDomme?...this Dom knows that punishment isnt about pleasure, and i would so hope..that punishment would not be doing harm to me..trust the very key to any relationship..and the lifestyle even more so....would hope that They would take that trust to them and embrace her/him....and teach them not hurt them to the point of damage..to put this in a lighter note..like me i dont have big breast... all nipples..so cringes the very thought!!!!!

A good slave can always find a humble way to question anything. Being of Zen mind you might say “Master, what should I learn from this nail through my nipple?”
 
In my house, I have always been pretty specific about not doing perma-damage and the punishment reward system has be in place in advance so everyone knows what we are getting into. 



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(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/20/2008 7:57:31 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		You can always ask him if he's seeing pink elephants in his peripheral vision.

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(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/20/2008 8:19:25 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP,, I am a big believer in letting the punishment fit the crime. and am also a big believer in finding the right Dominant type for me.a nipple nailer would not be the right Dominant for me.some may feel that putting a nail through a breast is not creating harm..however I would view such as very harmful...to me!..and it would not be the pain aspect of it all that squicks me..the very thought of someone inserting a nail through my breast would absolutely horrify me, and being in the medical profession, I find such to be horrifying from that stand point as well.I will not pontificate on the inherent dangers of such a practise simply because I am also fully aware that much of what we do has its inherent dangers....two words...communication/compatability...Tempting

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(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/20/2008 10:05:32 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe her nipples were looking at him cross-eyed.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Exactly what behavior was the nipple piercing supposed to correct? 


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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/21/2008 8:41:44 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Stop meeting dominitwits in chatrooms would be one place to start

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/21/2008 8:52:39 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		There are a couple of issues in the OP...

Firstly... harm... what constitudes harm is subjective. Finding someone whos concept of harm is compatable with their own is something I expect a girl to do. They are literaly placing their lives in Our hands, they have to be able to trust impicitly in the fact that whilst We will hurt them, We always take pains to keep them 'safe' ie within the mutual definition of not HARMED

Secondly... if My girl was concerned or even simply disagreed with a certain punishment, then she would question it... that isn't the same as 'challenging' it. That is asking for clarification.... If she had a point to raise for My consideration I'd likely listen (Or would listen in discussion afterward) but if I decided to push forward then she would without further hesitation comply because she trusts that I wouldn't HARM her (Within OUR mutualy compatable definition of not HARMED)


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And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/21/2008 8:58:04 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Then anyone who does such extreme things isn't acceptable to you as a partner. Which is all that matters.

However it is worth noting that many 'doms' use punishment as an excuse to break hard limits.

And so is worth noting that some of us don't have a punishment dynamic at all. We talk out the occasional problem like adults.

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Slave to laundry

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(in reply to TysGalilah)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/21/2008 1:49:08 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My Sir will not punish me when he is angry - which in and of itself is a punishment, because i am of the "get it over and done with" school of punishment thought.

This was one of the things we discussed when we met for the first time. He was trying to reassure me as a newbie - which sort of shocked me because it hadn't occured to me that someone would punish or discipline me ( an adult!).

If punishment and discipline are something you haven't discussed with your s/o, then i do not see it as "out-of-line" to raise the issue.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/21/2008 4:30:25 PM   
charlotteS


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

... in fact am wondering .. if this is me and Him having been turned into urban legend! (woooop woooop if so! - thats something to tick off the list)




hehe I was wondering the same thing.

I am always allowed to ask for clarification or an explanation of what is happening and why.  He is not obligated to give it to me.  If I think something he's about to do is going to cause me harm I might mention my fear but usually he's already thought of it.  If he hadn't then I've done my duty in giving him all the information he needs to correctly take care of his slave.  If he decides to do the activity anyway then my duty is to suffer through.  This is how it works for us.  It is not right or wrong for anyone else.

charlotte


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(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/21/2008 8:53:06 PM   
respectyourowner


Posts: 122
Joined: 2/27/2008
Status: offline 		You should create a safe word so that if you feel uncomfortable then you do not have to do it.

My slave has a safe word but I warned her in using it. She is to only use it in extreme situations.


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelwithhonor

this is rather new for me as in asking a question to the forum. it has been wondering on this lil brain of mine for a while. have asked other Dom's opinion on this subject. okay here goes! i chatted with a Dom from another site. He said that He new many D/s and M/s relationships. the subject  of punishment came up. He said He knew a Master who took a nail and nailed it into His slaves nipple! and i know that  obeying and defying have diffrent meanings behind them.  i would like to know, is there such a punishment that truly didnt warrant such a severe severity as this. and also can a sub/slave question her  punishment ..if it may cause her harm?....for me that would be.. truly be a test of my taking the punishment without a peep ...seeing how could i look at Him for even doing so much harm in me. i think i would look so differently towards Him at the point...the trust would surlely be affected in my heartful soul!....am i wrong on the way i look at this..W/we put so much trust in the saftey of our Doms/Dommes...and when look at a punishment of harm, the saftey and trust as lessened..thank Y/you forY/ your time in this matter...ps..i know that my spelling is all off here..angels arent smart enough to get it to work..LOL

(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/22/2008 9:34:54 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		A few thoughts quickly.  

1-     I never deal out consequences when angry, for me that is a recipe for disaster.

2-     I have to look at the basic point of punishment. I don’t punish people because I want to hurt them. If that is the case I just do that because I want to and because I can. I don’t need to put any guilt trips or false consequences in order to do so.

3-     For me the point of punishment is behavior modification. That’s it. So going to the original posters question is the consequence unfair, my thoughts are, will it adequately modify her behavior. It may seem a bit harsh to some, but we don’t know the background. I seriously doubt I would lay such a thing out for a first offense, or something minor, but if it was the end result of an escalating series of disobedience, why not? Plus as has been mentioned its one of those things that comes off as really harsh, but if done right may not be so bad. Hell, the punishee may have a piercing fetish for all we know.

4-     One thing I do is talk the action through with her, explain what she did wrong and why she is getting the consequence I lay out. Failure to do so, to just give a consequence may lead to misunderstand and erroneous thinking. I want her to see exactly what she did wrong, how I feel about it and why I am doing what I am doing. I also give her a chance for explanations. I hate excuses so that doesn’t fly, but do understand mitigating circumstances. Plus she always has the chance to throw herself on the mercy of the court (yeah, right, snickers, mercy).

5-     If she isn’t sure of what happened and how I feel, how can she know to change what she did. Anyhow that’s just my thoughts.

< Message edited by Kana -- 4/22/2008 9:35:29 AM >

(in reply to TysGalilah)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/22/2008 9:43:58 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		There is also the great chance that the Dom she spoke to, who knew someone who knew someone who did this... was blowing hot air as well.  I have known Maso girls who have enjoyed having small gauge nails put through their nipples, like a ramped up percing play for them, but they had to earn it from their Doms. I cant imagine it being a real punishment becasue I cant see it correcting anything.
Thankfully, my boys have been extremely well behaved. Fox is afraid of getting punished, he fears even upsetting me. Angel was punished only once in the nearly 2 years I have had him, for mouthing off and swearing at me out of frusteration. I took into account the situation and made sure the punishment did something useful... taught humility. Thre is a huge difference between punishing to relieve yourself of anger toward someone, which I believe is always going t be a problem, and using a punishment to actually correct a behavior. Just like parents who spank for every little problem and whose kids never learn better behaviors, overly aggressive and physical punishments for even the smalest problems arent going to correct someones behavior. If they dont know why they are in trouble, they cant fix it, after all.
Both boys are allowed to question punishments, and ask what they are suposed to be correcting and learning. If they challenge it, then thy risk getting in even more trouble, but wanting to make sure they appreciate it for what it is is important to me.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to TysGalilah)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: questiong a punishment..... - 4/22/2008 3:40:14 PM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline 		angel, regardless of your experience level in this lifestyle I feel (IMHO) that you should be able to ask any question you feel a desire to know. That is called open communication and along with consent and trust , should be the foundation for any relationship, regardless of lifestyle or level of experience.

Constrictor1

(in reply to angelwithhonor)
Profile   Post #: 35
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