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Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 3:10:02 PM   
casud0777


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		I am completely new to the scence, my friend recommended the site, as she is a sub in San Diego. And guess hearing her stories of her dom just inviting her over, and unzipping her pants and having sex with excited me, to have someone want you that much, they were willing to do that for you. I know for some it seems like they are looking for a relationship. What would you suggest in terms of readings or language to learn? It seems like everyone is very nice and willing to be open and honest, and i love that about this community.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 3:22:28 PM   
dodedo


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/2/2005
Status: offline 		Reading forums is a great start, to get an idea of what people think and do.  However, keep in mind that online and real life are still seperate things.

There are a couple of great books for brand-spanking-new folks like yourself, called The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book, by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt - I'd suggest reading whichever of these you lean towards, and using some of the suggested reading in the back to go further.

Also, if you're interested in getting involved in your local scene, and meeting folks for real-life encounters, use google to find "Munch" groups in your area.  These are casual gatherings of kinky folks.  Go, get introduced to some local kinky people, and go from there.



(in reply to casud0777)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 3:28:06 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I don't know about any language you might learn, but there are loads of books that you can read.  It really all depends upon what interests you.

You don't say in your profile what you are looking for, but from your comment above, "to have someone want you that much, they were willing to do that for you", it sounds as if D/s may be of more interest to you that simply BDSM.  D/s is often identified as the relationship rather than the kink... in other words, it has to do with submitting to the will of a dominant rather than focusing on bondage or sadomasochistic activities.

Try first searching in these forums for threads where recommendations for books on D/s are requested.  I know there have been many good suggestions made in them. 

(in reply to casud0777)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 3:41:17 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I'd recommend you get one of the good basic books on the scene.  A good publisher to look at is www.greenerypress.com   They are run by scene people and the books have excellent information.

Disclosure: They publish several books by me

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to casud0777)
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RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 3:58:58 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		Molly Devon's "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" is about as close to a "BDSM for Dummies" as there is. It's a fine starter, and presents it's accurate information with a dollop of humor along with the dire warnings about saftey. Easily the best $20 you can spend right off the bat.

After that, find a good local group, make intial contact, show up to a few munches, and always be willing to learn from others.

(in reply to JohnWarren)
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RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 4:08:10 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		As mentioned, reading is a great start.  Try lokoing through this BDSM Book List:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 9:16:01 PM   
punkdom


Posts: 16
Joined: 5/4/2005
Status: offline 		Books are great. One not mentioned is SM101. Its very, very good on discussing safety issues inherent to play and basic techniques. Good read for beginners because I found it handled the basic issues best.

But after that...

Join your local BDSM educational group. I don't know one in SB, but there are quite a few in LA. Threshold and Lair De Sade are two of the prominent ones that put on really good workshops.

But really, as a novice, the absolute best resource to learn a lot fast...

Dom Con is May 7 - 11th in Southern Cal, near LAX. If you're new to S&M, attending an event like this - you can take in a grip load of educational sessions, buy all your equipment, and attend couple of play parties all in one weekend.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 9:37:58 PM   
Exquemelin


Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline 		Well lets see I'm about your age, I started actually in the Newbie room at alt. I then started reading mostly books like and I think all of the ones listed in this thread. I then started going to munches. I then had a play-date with a friend I'd met a couple of times and been talking with for really months, maybe a year but we knew there was no chance of a relationship(parties might work for that). Soon after that I began talking with my sub and after a couple of months we met for several vanilla dates and started our relationship. 

_____________________________

testing
The Hammer is my penis.

(in reply to casud0777)
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RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 10:03:15 PM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Read is a good thing it'll help you figure out what you want out of this. 



_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished.
~George Bernard Shaw

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 10:09:22 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:

her stories of her dom just inviting her over, and unzipping her pants and having sex with excited me


thats not bdsm.

thats not even kink.

thats just sex.

want to talk to real slaves??? go to a mcd's and speak with the workers.



_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to casud0777)
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RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 10:47:20 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

her stories of her dom just inviting her over, and unzipping her pants and having sex with excited me


thats not bdsm.

thats not even kink.

thats just sex.


Gotta agree with that ^.  The example you used is one of  a just normal, everyday, "vanilla" sexual relationship...

But, I do want to send you a "welcome" and if things in the BDSM world interest you, do a thorough Amazon search, read the boards here and search the net, get in touch with your local community and meet and learn from folks in reallife, etc. 


_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/20/2008 10:56:31 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		ditto  to the fairygirl, my first thought was exactly the same. if you want sex like that just jump on adult friend finder.

If you bdsm interest is genuine then the above info others have offered is very useful.

my words of wisdom are this though, there are many who mistake or deliberately use the "bdsm" term as a way to try to get laid, you gotta watch out for these people although they are usually pretty obvious after the first few emails. But it can be easy to get sucked in if you are craving attention.

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/21/2008 2:23:10 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Find events near you ( Munches, fetish fairs, demos, clubs etc.) and go and meet likeminded people.

(in reply to casud0777)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/21/2008 3:04:12 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Check my signature for books. Go to google and search for "BDSM "(name of your nearest city)" and find your community, then become active. Those are the best two ways of getting started. The third is to hang around the forums.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to casud0777)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/21/2008 4:05:08 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: casud0777

I am completely new to the scence, my friend recommended the site, as she is a sub in San Diego. And guess hearing her stories of her dom just inviting her over, and unzipping her pants and having sex with excited me, to have someone want you that much, they were willing to do that for you. I know for some it seems like they are looking for a relationship. What would you suggest in terms of readings or language to learn? It seems like everyone is very nice and willing to be open and honest, and i love that about this community.


Now let's be realistic here- This young man has just found out that there is a venue for what is apparently "easy sex" and you are telling him to go read books???   This boy has already figured out to label himself as a bi-sexual switch.  He's got all bases covered -  he's good to go.
 
What he needs to know is that this is not an "easy fix".  What he is seeing on the surface with his friend's experience is probably the culmination of some pretty decent negotiation.  Something more than "I'm a sub and you be the Dom so let's play"

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to casud0777)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/21/2008 4:14:26 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		hehehe

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Where do you get started? - 4/21/2008 4:33:46 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: casud0777

I am completely new to the scence, my friend recommended the site, as she is a sub in San Diego. And guess hearing her stories of her dom just inviting her over, and unzipping her pants and having sex with excited me, to have someone want you that much, they were willing to do that for you. I know for some it seems like they are looking for a relationship. What would you suggest in terms of readings or language to learn? It seems like everyone is very nice and willing to be open and honest, and i love that about this community.


You're 24...I just reviewed your profile...you have no body mass...you couldn't weigh more than 165lbs....I want to kill Bill Gates for not inventing the internet (sorry...wait...that was Al Gore...my error) when I was your age.

This is just not FAIR that this kid is effectively telling women "I don't know...it just doesn't seem right"....when....when I was his age I was sitting in my piece of shit apartment figuring out at LEAST 12 ways I could get a woman out of her clothes!!!!!!!!!!

Bud...you're living in the enlightened age....stop questioning it....soon enough you'll be 35 (OMG)...and THEN...you'll be 40 (HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!)....

Allow me to say....

Enjoy...revel in it...quit asking questions....

:)

(in reply to casud0777)
Profile   Post #: 17
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