RE: I like you as more then a friend...

RE: I like you as more then a friend... (Full Version)

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RavenMuse -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 6:34:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sub03 I'm almost mad at him for him even telling me. I have no idea what he hoped to gain from telling me or why he even told me at all. I have no idea what he wants me to do with this information. Stop, take a deep breath and calm down! He quite possibly doesn't want you to do ANYTHING with the inforation, simply being honest just in case you ever picked up on the extra (More than just friends) feelings He has and maybe thought He had a hidden agenda. I have friends I am drawn to, nothing will ever be acted on for several reasons but the feelings being there have been acknowledged, so that the friendship can continue without those feelings getting in the way.

MistressOfGa -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 6:40:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross You say I don't want to lose you as a friend, I would hate to lose you as a friend. And I don't want things to be weird between us but I don't know if I can talk to you in the same way that I have in the past. I'm glad you finally came forward and told me, I am very happily taken and as long as you can respect that and not be hurt and allow that to interfere with our friendship, I'm willing to see if I can work through this so we can continue as we have before. Sub03, You say the above, word for word. Then offer this at the end: "Of course you know I will have to let my Master know what you have told me. Ultimately it will be his decision as to what I am to do next." Good luck! MoGa

RCdc -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 7:13:25 AM)
I agree MoGa - my one addition though is that I believe she should have already told her Master/dominant already and not come to the forum first. And it's his thoughts and desires that she should be asking not us. the.dark.

Sub03 -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:15:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark I agree MoGa - my one addition though is that I believe she should have already told her Master/dominant already and not come to the forum first. And it's his thoughts and desires that she should be asking not us. the.dark. You are absoulutely right and if my Master was around I would be talking to him about it. Unfortunetly he has been away for the past year so my chances to talk to him about anything are very limited. I do plan on talking to him about this when I talk to him next though. And he was the first person I thought of and I wished I could talk to him about it.

RCdc -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:28:28 AM)
I personally believe it is vital you make him aware of this. I know you have indicated he is away - now I have no idea what keeps him so distant that you are unable to communicate with him on a subject such as this. I believe you should have emailed or even better, written a hand letter to him, directly it occured, unless you are under instruction not to discuss matters like this in mail and only face to face. If his position is difficult (for example, he is military and therefore not able to make regular contact ) then not communicating said difficulty is completely understandable and I do not envy your difficulty to not communicate. I have to say, I don't feel your friend acted well at all, simply for your own well being - particularly if he is aware you cannot contact your Master easily. the.dark.

RavenMuse -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:34:32 AM)
It very much depends HOW this was done... as I say, if it was simply information (Although if that is the case then there should have also been the clarity of "This is never going to be acted on, just wanted to ensure there was nothing hidden so it couldn't get in the way of the friendship") then... whilst the Master undoubtably needs to be kept fully informed, I see no reason for the 'panic' some are placing on this.... IF there was rather an indication or incitement to ACT on it.... drop contact with him like a hot brick because in that case he certainly isn't being a friend!

Sub03 -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:40:19 AM)
I plan on making him very aware of it. I tell him everything, always, so I will be discussing this with him. Unfortunetly I have to wait until I talk to him next which will probably be today or tommorow. I could write a letter as you said but I would rather wait for him to call. He will probably call before a letter would get to him anyway. As to why he is away and why I can't contact him easily it's kind of a long story, one I have no desire to share on here. But yes communiation is very difficult at times. It's pretty much left to letters and when he calls me. It kinda stinks but it's almost over and I plan on never ever being away from him for this long again. As to my friend, his timing sucked for one. But like RavenMuse said above I don't think he meant anything by it. I don't think he really expects anything. He just wanted the feelings known and acknowledged. I think I'm the one that overreacted over it. I've talked to my friend since and he says that he knows I'm happy with who I'm with and he has no problems with that.

RCdc -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:42:45 AM)
I absolutely agree. I guess I just don't (personally) feel the man either has a) not acted with integrity or b) he has not done the deed sensibly and that makes me question his common sense (if that makes sense) - IF he is aware that she cannot contact her Master easily. It places her in an awkward position. If there really was nothing going to be acted on, I would have thought it better he speak to them both, or at least contact her Master directly and laid his cards on the table. At the very least, had waited until he knew when her Master was contactable, or when she was speaking to him next - so she could inform him as soon as. But that is just the way it works for us. the.dark.

colouredin -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:46:44 AM)
Ive done it before, once when I was drunk, declared my undying love to my best friend (told her I fancied her) knowing she was straight ok the influence of alchol had soemthing to do with it but I would have told her eventually anyways because thats the kind of person I am (indiscrete?!?) I knew nothing would come of it and just wanted to say it really. I have also been on the recieving end of it, I have no problem saying im not interested but I do have a problem if it keeps being pushed or implied or whatever, then the friendship becomes worthless, you are constantly on edge and feel weird. Course you have to tell your Master, and yeah just say as LA said really, if you dont think he meant anything by it and it wasnt said to confuse you then there is no reason that you cant stay mates if thats what you both want.

Sub03 -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:47:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse It very much depends HOW this was done... as I say, if it was simply information (Although if that is the case then there should have also been the clarity of "This is never going to be acted on, just wanted to ensure there was nothing hidden so it couldn't get in the way of the friendship") then... whilst the Master undoubtably needs to be kept fully informed, I see no reason for the 'panic' some are placing on this.... IF there was rather an indication or incitement to ACT on it.... drop contact with him like a hot brick because in that case he certainly isn't being a friend! I really think he meant nothing by it. I think I was the one to overreact to it. I have talked with him since and he really expects nothing from me. He knows how happy I am with my Master and he would never do anything to jeopordize that. I really think as you said in your other post, that he just wanted to get the feelings out there and acknowledged. He really is a good friend, one who has even given me advice when I have done something stupid and made my Master upset with me. And he is the one to warn me when I'm heading towards doing something stupid. I really think we are just going to move on as friends like we always have been. Unless my Master says differently of course, but I really don't think he will.

RavenMuse -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 9:55:42 AM)
Yep, as I said in My first reply. I've had this situation a number of times and personaly feel it more honest to acknowledge it so it can be set to one side rather than keep quiet and it maybe being picked up on and seen as a hidden agenda. The latter can end up raising trust issues which can hamper the friendship. From the sound of it the only thing He seems guilty of is bad timing.

FRSguy -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 10:31:40 AM)
Must have been a fairly one sided friendship for all this to come down on ya. Its really fairly simple you can ignore it and stay into a friendship...dump the guy your with and do him or compleatly ditch the guy. If a guy comes out of the woodwork and says he really likes you and you really have no feelings about it other than the threat of loosing the friendship than you might want to lose the friendship. Why put another person through that much shit if your not interested. The fact that you didnt notice kind of says it all I think. The way you feel about your friend and the way he feels about you are totaly different worlds and you are compleatly in different books let alone on the same page. Why is it that you would not be able to talk to him the same way... because a guy wants to nail you it someone puts him in a different need to know slot? You can choose to bend over or not bend over but the maybe someday will bend over just dosnt work .... youll all end up getting hurt and with nothing.

indigo302 -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 12:45:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sub03 I've always known he wanted to play with me and he has had permission to play within limits from my Master. But I didn't know it went beyond that. quote: He has been my friend through everything the last few years, he has been there for the past year as a great friend and someone to talk to since my Master has been gone. I tell him everything, any problem I have usually gets to him eventually. He has been one of my closest friends and I care for him alot. quote: Most of the time it's just having someone to talk too, especially since my Master has been away. quote: He really is a good friend, one who has even given me advice when I have done something stupid and made my Master upset with me. And he is the one to warn me when I'm heading towards doing something stupid. It seems to me, you've been putting him in the position of a "stand-in" for your Master while your Master is away...it's bound to bring up feelings. If it were me, I'd probably curtail the playing, and try not to lean on him so much. This would not only lessen the connection (which should be lessened, imnsho), but also allow this friend time and energy to find his own submissive. But then again, it's just my opinion.

UncleNasty -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/21/2008 10:48:55 PM)
Feelings. They don't always tickle. But if we hide or stuff some of them we end up losing touch with all of them. We don't get to pick and choose the ones we have. Only how we respond and deal with them. I don't protect the people in my life from my feelings, and I don't want them to protect me from theirs either. Down that road there be dragons. But I do insist on handling them in ways that value all parties involved fully, and that are thick with integrity. Those criteria being met my attitiude is "Bring 'em on." Uncle Nasty

DesFIP -> RE: I like you as more then a friend... (4/22/2008 3:22:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub Or you chose to ignore all the signs and clues because it did not suit your purpose to acknowledge them.you possibly hoped it would disappear..quit going to him for your issues..go to your Dominant, he is the one to go to anyway . and yes I know you confided in him when you had no Dominant, but I am wondering if you still go to him when your mate frustrates, confuses, or confuffles you...seems to me you are keeping this friend on a wee string..Let him go, do not continue with the confidences you should be now sharing with your mate..let him go to find his own mate..you can still be friends...but your best friend should be your Sir...Let him go....Tempting What she said. And if your dom isn't the person you feel safe going to first, then you want to rethink that relationship.

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